Everything She Needs (The Everything Trilogy) (22 page)

“What’s wrong with you, Alfie?” I turned and made eye contact with him, holding his gaze, stroking his strong, smooth abs. He shivered.

He stared back in silence and swallowed noisily, pulling me into his arms and holding me close to his chest. I could feel his heart beat inside it. Steady, strong and slow.

“I’m sick, honey.” My heart stuttered in my chest, I pushed back to rise on my elbow to look at him
.
No! He can’t be.

“You’re sick?” He nodded. 

“I don’t think if I’ll ever recover,” he muttered shaking his head.

I was numb, waiting for the adrenaline to kick in and for me to freak out. Then he smiled
. “I’m fucking lovesick, Lily. I told you, you were killing me.” He winked and chuckled at me.

“
Turn the light off, honey.”

I stared
at Alfie’s face in disbelief. “Mr. Voyeur wants the light out now?” I teased.

“I’m not fucking you, Lily. I do have some restraint,
turn the light out,” he said dryly.

That was a frustrated reply if ever I heard one. I switched the nightstand light off and curled back into his arms, kissing his smooth defined pectorals and inhaling deeply against him.

His skin felt so good under my hands. “Why?” I asked, rubbing my palm up and down his arm. Alfie shuddered and broke out in goose bumps.

“
Hey, you’re giving me goose bumps again.” He chuckled sexily, his rich voice sounding husky in the dark.

“Good to know, but you didn’t answer my question
,” I said deadpan.

“I can wait for you. I’m waiting until we have more time.” He took my hand, wrapped his around it and pulled it into his chest, releasing a loud sigh of contentment.

“You don’t have a sexually transmitted disease do you?” I asked him teasingly.

“I’m clean, I’ve been checked, and besides, if I have, you gave it to me.” A subject that had started out as a tease was now a very real issue that I needed to deal with.

I rose and rested my head on to my hand, facing him in the dark. “How do you figure that, and I’m not diseased,” I scowled and snipped at him.

“Then it’s all good
,” he answered deadpan again.  “I haven’t been with anyone else since I’ve been with you, Lily.”

I considered his answer. “Since the New Year you mean? I believe you when you told me what
Kara is to you.”

Alfie sighed
. “No, honey, I haven’t been with anyone since our first time.” I lay in stunned silence at what he was telling me.

I swallowed hard, not knowing what to say. He knew I was with someone else after him. Max had made that abundantly clear at the store, when Alfie had invited us to his place with some of our friends.

“You’ve gone quiet, Lily? I know what you’re thinking.” Alfie shifted and came up to meet my face with his in the dark. He found it and cupped it with his hand.

“I’m okay, Lily. I hate that you may have been with someone else, but it’s not your fault. It’s mine.” His voice was almost inaudible as he said it.  I wouldn’t have been as gracious about this, that’s for sure.

“It was complicated, Alfie.”

Alfie silenced me. “Shush.” His mouth kissed mine softly, but I was persistent with him.

“No, if we’re starting fresh, then we need to do this, all of it. There needs to be no secrets between us. I don’t want to start something with you and for there to be a cloud that may or may not burst over us at some point, taking me back to how I felt on New Year’s morning.”

Alfie reached up and tried to pull me down to hold me. “No Alfie, don’t. I need to be honest with you.” He lay there for a few minutes. Exhaled and rolled on his back.

“Shoot.”

I sat up in the dark, trying to find the words, my heart beat thumping erratically knowing that what I was about to do could sabotage any chance at a relationship with him.

“Max. I had sex with Max.” He gripped my hand, and it felt tight.

“I know.  I saw the way he looked at you, the bastard couldn’t keep his hands off of you.” I d
idn’t know why, but I needed him to understand the circumstances around what happened with Max. “Max and I…”

“Don’t. I get it, Lily.  You don’t need to tell me
any more. It happened, but you won’t see him again, right?” I was relieved that he was able to forgive me for being with Max.

I struggled about mentioning the one thing that could be the game changer. Will. It wouldn’t be fair for Alfie to think that I hadn’t been with anyone else.

I had a dilemma though.  He hated the thought of me and Will being together.  What if I didn’t tell him, and Will decided to tell him. Maybe Will would let it slip if he was drunk, or jealous, or if Alfie goaded him.

Will
might decide to tell him in order to hurt him, for hurting me. I didn’t feel I had a choice in this, Alfie needed to know, and I would just have to try to deal with whatever came as a result.

“There’s more, Alfie.” I was petrified when I said it
. “If we’re doing this, you need to know all of it.”

He shifted again
. “Will?” I sat silently, tears streaming down my face. I had judged Alfie wrongly, here I was the one playing the field.

When I spoke, I sounded pathetic. “Yeah
,” I whispered, sniffing and swallowing hard. Alfie didn’t speak, but inhaled sharply and blew out of his nose heavily, rolling away from me to lie facing the window.

“Shit. Why, Lily? When? Why lie to me, I asked you outright about that, you stared me down and told me I was crazy.” I reached out to touch him
, and he tensed. My heart cracked right down the middle at his rejection of me.

“Something happened with Will after you asked me Alfie
,” I muttered softly.  “It was a mistake, one that I deeply regret now. It should never have happened.”

I sighed and continued, “It happened at Mandy’s birthday bonfire party, we weren’t seeing each other
,” I whispered.

Alfie didn’t move, but his voice echoed his disappointment and hurt.
“But he was seeing Saffy, wasn’t he? That didn’t stop both of you, though, did it?”

I closed my eyes and swallowed hard, tears roll
ing freely down my face.  He was right, I made Will cheat, I should have said no to him.  At least that was what he would be deducing, and no matter how it was dressed up, he was right.

Alfie turned to look at me again in the dark. He could see my expression with the moonlight shining. I could barely make out the outline of his features as he faced me with the glow behind him.

“What happens the next time you’re drunk alone with him, Lily? You’ve both crossed the line.”

“No, I’ll never sleep with him, Alfie, hell I have no idea what happened
. I’m not attracted to him like that, at least not normally.”

He sighed. “
Well, that’s a relief, as long as you only sleep around when you’re drunk.”

His low, terse voice stung back at me. Alfie pushed himself up
onto his elbow again, and I could feel his breath on my face. “Well, you can’t say the same for him. Once he’s tasted you, he’ll try again. Hell, it’s probably killing him that he hasn’t already.”

I shook my head, “I think
your bias Alfie, just because you feel that way, doesn’t mean all men want me.” He sat up, his face next to mine.

“I’ve seen the way he looks at you, Lily. The way every guy looks at
you. Believe me they want you.”

My voice sounded small and weak. “You can talk, every girl around campus notices you, Alfie. I’ve seen them checking you out, overheard the things they would like to do to you. I’ve largely ignored it otherwise we wouldn’t have gotten to this point between us, as fucked up as it is.”

I sat up on my knees, he lay back down and rolled onto his back again, and I looked down at him.  “Alfie, tonight started off with you trying to win me over, yet suddenly we’re here, talking about how I’ve fucked up?”

His breathing was ragged
. “So we still do this and I have to watch you every day with Will and pray the fuck you don’t both get drunk when I’m not around?”

I could hear his breathing speed up a little as he waited for me to answer him. “Either you can trust me or you can’t. I’ve laid myself bare to you here.
”

I swallowed hard. “I didn’t have sex with him, not intercourse anyway.” I tried to
explain to him what happened, but it still sounded like I couldn’t control myself around men. I stared silently at him in the darkness.

“So, it’s okay because you were dreaming about me?”

I huffed. “No Alfie. It’s not okay, it was never okay, and I can’t change that. I’m being completely open with you because I won’t risk something coming between us if we are going to be together. Now you have to decide if we go forward together, and I decide whether I’m going to let everything slide that’s gone on before too. Don’t forget how much you hurt me.”

“I love you, Lily. I’ll have to get over it, and you’ll have to earn my trust with him. It doesn’t mean I have to like it though. I don’t want you
to be all touchy feely with him from now on.” I didn’t know how the hell I was going to work with Will now, knowing that I’d be hurting Alfie.

“You won’t have to worry about Will. That was definitely a one-time experience that won’t be repeated.”  I was shocked when Alfie sat up and held my face in his hands. I straddled his hips and we folded
in each other’s arms, inhaling deeply. He buried his face in my hair.

“We have to work, honey
,” he whispered. 

“I can’t help the feelings of rage and jealously at the thought of you with those other guys.” I could see his eyes in the moonlight and how devastated he was by my admission, but everything was out there, at least on my part.

“Maybe they would never have happened if you had been honest with me Alfie. We’ve both made mistakes, some more extravagant than others. You’re it for me. I don’t want to have sex with anyone else.”

“I don’t want you to worry about it, either, I’m yours.” Alfie smiled and his grip tightened in my hair at the nape of my neck
, and he pulled my head closer.  He kissed my temple. “I’m sorry, Lily… for everything,” he whispered.

Our kiss deepened, his tongue playing in my mouth, encouraging the crazy feelings that he always evoked in me. He groaned loudly, and licked down my neck to my collarbone. I moaned, “
Mmm.” Alfie chuckled as ran his hand down my naked back and cupped the bells of my ass.

I murmured into his mouth.
“Hmm?”

H
e whispered in my ear, “Goose bumps, or in your case, lust lumps. We always get them whenever we touch each other.  Hell, I get them sometimes when you talk, or bite your lip, mostly any shit like that really.”

He suddenly pushed me back and positioned himself on top of me. Alfie settled himself between my legs and rubbed his jean clad erection into my mound growling. “I
didn’t come here to fuck you tonight.” He leaned his forehead on mine, and I felt his breath hot across my mouth.

“You didn’t?”

He snorted. “You think I’m going to lay all that heavy shit on you about Kara and Gary, and go ahead and have sex with you afterwards? That would be me just taking what I wanted without considering your feelings,” he stated seriously.

I smiled at him. “Wow Alfie
, genuine consideration for my feelings, I’m touched.” I ran my hands over his back. He held my gaze intensely.  We didn’t speak, until I broke the silence.

“What if I wanted to?” No sooner were my words out,
then Alfie’s mouth crushed mine, his hands running all over me.

We were groping and grabbing at each other, as he kept repositioning me
, kissing me all over my front and back. His lips hit all my erogenous zones, igniting a fire of passion in me.

Alfie rolled me onto my stomach and pulled me up
onto my knees effortlessly by putting his arm underneath and across my waist, my breasts and shoulders still resting on the bed.

The moment he had me where he wanted, his mouth devoured my entrance, sucking and licking m
e from my anus to my wet heat.

He groaned into my core sending vibrations deep inside me. “Fuck, you’re so ready for me, I’ve missed this.” He sat back on his heels and raked his fingernails down my back, drawing them to
the side. I shuddered, and moaned loudly, it was almost too much. “So responsive, did you feel this with the others?”

I shook my head
. “Say it!” he commanded. I turned my head to make eye contact with him behind me.

“Alfie, no one has ever made me feel like you do.” His face was expressionless.

“Describe what you feel to me,” he ordered. 

I didn’t have to think about it. “When you touch me, it
’s like a thousand volts of electricity coursing through my body. The pleasure is almost unbearable.”  He wrapped his fist around his cock and began playing with himself, stoking and pulling. I turned to face him and took him in my hand, pushing him back down to the mattress.