Everything You Want (17 page)

“Because…I couldn’t,” she said, looking
down at the parking lot below.  “Can we go in?”  She gestured to the
door with a hard jerk of her head.

“Yeah, okay,” I said, feeling uneasy.  I
fished my keys out of my pocket and sat the grocery bags down in front of the
door.  “Alisha, is something wrong?  You’re acting—I don’t
know—you seem a little keyed up.  Is everything okay?  Is
Shannon okay?”

“Yeah, he’s fine.  Kieran,” she
said, reaching out and grabbing my arm, pulling me against her, “I love you.”

The keys slipped from my hand as my mouth
dropped open.  “What?” I asked, sure I had misheard her.

“I love you.  I’m in love with
you.  I know I’m with Shannon and you’re with her, but I can’t stand
it!  I can’t stand to see you with her.”

I blinked once.  “Alisha, I—”
I grappled for words, “You’re engaged to my best friend.  You and I are
just friends.”

“I know, but don’t you ever think of me
as more?  I know you wonder what it would be like to be with me. 
Don’t you?”

I didn’t.  I honestly didn’t.

She moved closer to me and wrapped her
arms around my neck.  I tried to step back, but she tightened her grip.

“I know this is a lot, but please,
Kieran.  Please.  Be with me.”

“What about Shannon?”

“I know.  I’m not sure yet. 
We’ll figure something out.  Just, please, I’ve wanted you for so long
now.”

“Alisha, this is crazy,” I said, still
not believing what was happening even though she was right in my face.

And then it happened.  Before I
could stop it, her lips were on mine, covering them, moving against them. 
I put my hands on her shoulders and pushed her away, but she only moved back a
little.  Her lips were still inches from mine.  I stared at her in
shock, barely registering the choked sob I heard to my right.  “Alisha,” I
said, barely able to get her name out.  She was my best friend’s
fiancée.  What did she think she was doing?

Wait—choked sob?

I turned, slowly, because I already knew
what I would see.  Alisha was already looking at her, a slight smirk on
her lips.

“Marissa,” I said softly.

She stood in the middle of the staircase,
staring up at me with glassy eyes.  A tear dropped from each one, sliding
slowly down her cheeks, slicing me right in two.  Her mouth opened, but
she didn’t say anything.

“Marissa,” I said again, louder this
time.  I took a step toward the stairs and she turned, bolting down the
staircase and into the parking lot.

“Marissa!” I called, practically jumping down
the stairs.  I felt Alisha grab my left arm, but I quickly yanked it free.

“Marissa!” I yelled, racing after her into
the parking lot.

I saw her slam her car door shut and the
car roared to life.

“Marissa, wait!”  I ran up to the
car, slapping the driver’s side window with my palms as she backed out of the
parking space.  Tears were streaming down her face when she turned and
looked me, hurting me in ways I didn’t know were possible.

“Marissa, please,” I said, panic washing
over me.

She pressed her lips together and for a
second I thought she was going to talk to me.  But then she pushed the
gearshift into drive and sped away.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and I
shrugged it off.  “I think you should leave,” I said, trying to control
the trembling in my voice.

“Why?” Alisha asked.  “Now she
knows.”

“Knows what?” I snapped, turning on her.

“About us,” she replied, her eyes full of
bewilderment, like she thought I should understand everything that had just
happened.

“What are you talking about? YOU ARE MY
BEST FRIEND’S FIANCEE!  And I have a girlfriend.  I don’t want to be
with you!  And even if I did, I could never do that to Shannon.  Who
do you think I am?”

She moved back as if I’d slapped her, but
didn’t reply.  I sighed and started to walk back to my apartment.

“Kieran, where are you going?” she called
after me.

I didn’t respond, just kept walking.

“You’re not going to tell Shannon about
this, are you?”

I turned around.  “Are you KIDDING
me?”

“Kieran, please!  Please, don’t!”

She ran up the stairs after me.

I slammed the door in her face.

Marissa

I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand,
but the tears just wouldn’t stop coming.  I sucked in a shaky
breath.  I couldn’t believe it.  Kieran and Alisha?  It didn’t
make any sense.  Or maybe it did.  Suddenly everything Alisha had
been saying to me didn’t seem so strange anymore.  She was trying to scare
me off.  She wanted Kieran for herself, and he didn’t seem to object.

What a lying, cheating…

“Arrgh!!” I yelled out in
frustration.  How could I have been so stupid?  I’d completely fallen
for his game.  What if he’d been seeing her the whole time?  He
probably had.  She’d hated me from first sight.  Now I knew
why.  And Shannon!  Poor Shannon.  How could Kieran do that to
his best friend?  The Kieran I knew couldn’t, but maybe that Kieran was
all a lie, the perfect front to lure girls in and crush them when he was over
it.  That’s what Alisha had said, right?  She’d know.

I’d never even told a guy I loved him
before.

I took a deep breath and tried to stop
shaking.  I drove down the street, not knowing where I was going, and
feeling like I never knew Kieran at all.  I approached the bank where I
worked and noticed the parking lot was mostly empty except for a few cars, and Camden’s
car was one of them. 
Camden.
  He was still there.  I
seemed to remember being interested in him before I got so wrapped up in
Kieran.  It was looking like I should’ve settled on him in the first place
and saved myself all this trouble.  Kieran was complicated, but Camden was
simple.  I could handle him.  I swung into the parking lot.

I pulled into the space next to his car
and was just about to get out and head into the bank when I noticed Camden was
in his car, and not alone.  He was making out with some dark-haired
girl.  They were all over each other.  If my heart hadn’t just been
stomped on, I would’ve laughed.  Oh, well.  Guess that ship had
sailed.  I should’ve been surprised by my lack of disappointment, but I
wasn’t.  Yeah, I wasn’t into Camden anymore.  Kieran had ruined that.

Neither one seemed to have noticed me, so
I put the car into gear and started to creep away when I glanced back and saw
that the girl had pulled away and I caught a glimpse of her face.

What.

WHAT?

I slammed the car into park and jumped
out.

“What?!” I screamed, clearly startling
both of them.  I didn’t care that Camden was kissing somebody else. 
Goodness knows his kisses hadn’t done anything for me.  It was
who
he was kissing that had caused something inside me to snap.  It reminded
me too much of what I’d just seen.

Greta stepped out of the car as I rounded
the front, quickly followed by Camden.

“Greta, what are you doing?” I shouted at
her.

“Marissa, listen.  I’m sorry. 
But you said you didn’t like him.”

“So did you!”

“Yes, I did…and I’m sorry.  I wasn’t
being honest with you.”

“You think?” I snapped.   

“Marissa, this…this…it’s not what you
think!”  Greta looked like she was about to hyperventilate, but I didn’t
care.

“I think it’s exactly what I think.”

“No, it’s just—I wanted to fight
this.  I wanted to hate him, be disgusted by him…”

“Thanks, Gret,” Camden chimed in.

She shot him a glare and he held his
hands up and started to get back into the car.  He looked at me before he
shut the door.  “Hey, Marissa, I know we went out, but I just didn’t think
it was really going anywhere with us…” he trailed off.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”  I waved him
into the car.  “That still doesn’t excuse this.”

Greta and I stared at each other for a
long moment.

“I’m sorry,” she said,  “but the way
I feel for him is so…powerful.  I’m so attracted to him.”

“And so engaged,” I added.

“I know that!” she shouted.

“Do you?  I mean, really, do
you?  Do engagements not mean anything anymore?!!” I shouted, no longer
even talking to Greta.

Greta was touching the car door, as if
she was wondering whether or not to hop in and lock all the doors.

“What about all those things you
said?  Did you just say them to turn me off of him?” I asked.

“No, not at first.  I said them
because I wanted them to be true.  I said them to turn me off of
him.  I don’t want to be doing this.”  Her voice broke, and she
looked at me pleadingly, but I couldn’t feel sorry for her.

“Then don’t.”  It was all I could
say.

“Marissa,” she said, tears beginning to
fall down her cheeks.

I shook my head.  I was done. 
I’d seen too many unavailable girls with the wrong guys today.

I glanced down at her left hand, at the
large diamond sparkling in the afternoon sun.  An image of Alisha’s smaller
diamond flashed through my head as I narrowed my eyes at it.  “You should
probably take that thing off,” I said as I got back into my car.

I put the car in gear and drove straight
to the store, purchasing only a tube of cookie dough and a small carton of
milk.  I ripped the tube open in the car and started in on it.  I was
in no mood for baking tonight.

I drove around for what seemed like hours
eating raw cookie dough.  I couldn’t go home.  Kieran was at
home.  Or at least, I hoped he was.  I scolded myself for thinking
that way.  And an hour later, I scolded myself again, when I was pleased
to discover that he was home, and Alisha’s car was nowhere in sight.

Still.  It didn’t mean
anything.  I knew what I saw.  I couldn’t forget it.

I took Tulip out and then went straight
to bed.

Not two seconds after I was underneath
the covers did I hear it.

Knock, knock.

Kieran was knocking on the wall, just
like he’d done before.  To let me know he was thinking about me.

No, don’t do that
, I thought. 
It’s not fair
.

I wanted to knock back, despite everything,
but I couldn’t.  It was too much.  I pulled the comforter over my
head and tried to get some sleep.

Kieran

I laid in the dark, sprawled out,
facedown on the bed.  Marissa hadn’t come home yet.  I’d
called.  I’d texted.  She hadn’t replied.

I know what she thought she’d seen, and
I’d be upset, too.  But she had to let me explain eventually.

Maybe.

If I lost her, it was going to hurt a
thousand times worse than Becca, because Marissa was it.  She was the
one.  Which was exactly why I shouldn’t have gotten involved with
her.  I hated the empty feeling in my chest, the churning in my
stomach.  I hated how hard it was to breathe.  I hated wondering if
this pain would ever go away.  I knew the first time I saw her that she
was the only one that could ever make me feel that way again. 

Didn’t matter.  It was worth it this
time.

I rolled onto my back and glanced at the
clock.  It read 2:10 A.M.  I sighed and peeled myself off the
mattress, snatching my cell phone off the nightstand as I walked into the
kitchen and filled a glass with tap water.  I chugged it and then scrolled
through my recent calls until I found Shannon’s name.  I pressed it and
the phone began to dial.

“Hello?” he answered on the fourth ring.

“Sorry for calling so late,” I began.

“It’s fine.  What’s up?”

“Are you alone?”

“Yeah.  Just watching some
Firefly
on Netflix.”

“Okay, well.” I didn’t want to do it, but
it’s not like I had a choice.

“Yeah?” he prompted.

“Alisha came to see me today after work.”

“Oh, yeah?  What did she want?” he
asked, and I didn’t miss the unease that had slipped into his tone.

“Okay, well, she…” I trailed off, not
knowing the best way to put it.  I really should have thought about it
before I called, but all I’d been thinking about was Marissa.

“She came on to you, didn’t she?” he
asked, his voice flat.

“Yeah, how did—”

“I knew it!” he said.  “Oh, I knew
it.  Listen, I’m sorry, man.”

“You’re sorry?”

“Yeah, I mean, I’ve—I should have
done something about it before now.”

“I’m sorry.  You lost me.  You
knew she had feelings for me?”