EXONERATION (INTERFERENCE) (11 page)

“YOU KISSED HIM! Don't try to deny it. He may have initiated it, but you didn't stop him!”

“You're right! You're absolutely right. I didn't stop him. I um, I guess I needed some closure. I never got to say goodbye when he left.”

“He didn't leave, he was
arrested
!”

“I know that
, now. But, I'm still trying to figure out exactly what that had to do with you?” I asked accusingly.

“Nothing!
I’m not the thief! He is! They caught him red-handed!”

“Parker, I’m not going to argue with you about this anymore. He’s her father, he’s here, and it looks like he’s staying!”

“Yeah, and why is that, do you think? He came back for you! Not her!”

“No, he came back to open a business. He's a veterinarian now, he earned that title and he's very good at it.”

“But, since he went off to school in New York, what’s he doing back here? Why here, when New York’s his home? It’s not a coincidence. Don't fall for his lies this time, Beccs! He’s only going to hurt you again! Leave you! How many times am I going to have to pick up the pieces? I love you! I’m here!” he was breathing hard, looking truly upset. I wanted to feel sympathy, but something in the back of my mind told me there was more to the story than he let on.

“Parker, I’m not seeing him. But, I am going to have to talk to him on occasion about Shannon. You knew this might happen. We both did! Honestly, I didn't expect it, but it was always a possibility. And, if you want to continue our marriage, then you're going to just have to learn to trust me.”

“Do you love him? Or, more importantly, do you love me?”

I took a deep breath and decided not to lie. “I’ve always loved him
; even after he left. I know you don't want to hear that, but it's true. But, I don't trust him now. I'm not stupid, Parker. I know he left me and that I'm putting my daughter at risk that he might leave her. But, he seems to love her, and he has a practice here. I have to trust that he's going to stay and be a good father to her. I guess we both have to learn how to trust.”

“You only answered half the question.”
             

“I...care for you Parker. I love some things about you. You're right, you’ve stood by my side and you've always been there for me. But, I won't lie to you. I've never been in love with you. You know that. But, I’m...comfortable with our life.”

“Comfortable? I want you to love me. You know you can trust me! Shouldn’t that count for something?”

“Can I trust you, Parker?”

He rolled his eyes and said, “Well, I guess if you have to ask, I must be doing something wrong. I'll be in my office until ‘he’ leaves! Oh, and he’s not allowed in my house!”

“This is our house! You’re not the only one who pays the bills!”

“He stays outside! I'm conceding to letting him see her...and talk to you...just talk, but he won't be welcome inside my house...our house!” he corrected.

“Hi Sweetheart! Did you have fun?” I asked Shannon when Shane brought her home at exactly six-thirty.

“Mommy she’s the
beautifulest puppy ever!”

“Most beautiful.
And, I’m glad. Why don’t you run upstairs and get ready for your bath?”

“It’s too early! I want to play!”

“Okay, tell Shane thank you and then run up to your room.”

She hugged him tight, thanking him with more than words. “I can’t wait until tomorrow!”

I glanced up at Shane.

“Um, we kind of have to clear that with your mom,” he grinned, causing the appropriate shade of pink to once again cloud my cheeks…and my thoughts.

“Can I feed the puppy again tomorrow, Mommy? Please?”

“But, I thought we were going to…” but as I looked into those pleading slate blue eyes, so full of hope, I couldn’t say no, “Okay, we can bake our pie the next day.”

“Yay!” she shouted and then tore off up the stairs at light speed.

I turned back toward Shane, “Is this going to be an everyday thing?”

“It could be, but that’s up to you.”

I rolled my eyes. “Please don’t.”

“Don’t what? Do you want me to hide the fact that I love you? That I’ve always loved you! Well, I won’t. I was deprived of the life we planned, the life I’ve dreamt about for years. I will win you back, Rebecca! If it’s the last thing I do!”

“Get the HELL OUT of my HOUSE!” Parker shouted.

“Parker! Stop it!”

“Get him out! Now Rebecca, or I’m going to have him arrested for trespassing!”

“Parker, let me handle this! Go upstairs and spend some time with your…Shannon!”

“He’s not welcome in my house! I told you that! He’s a thief!”

“The only thing I want from this house is my daughter…and your wife. Trust me, before long, I’ll have both!”

Parker lunged, but once again, Shane had him in a choke hold. “You just don’t learn, do you
Hayes?” Shane said, pushing him away. He winked at me and headed back to his car.

The rest of the night was silent. Shannon was exhausted and crashed early and Parker refused to even talk to me…which suited me just fine. I was lost in my own thoughts, praying there was an easy solution to the dilemma I was faced with. But, there wasn’t. I couldn’t leave Parker, no matter how much I wanted Shane. I knew I loved him, I’d always loved him, but the fear of loss kept me from him.
I couldn’t let him in…not again! He said he wasn’t going to stop, so I knew
I
had to stop him once and for all. 

I made up a schedule and told Shannon to give it to Shane after school.

Shane,

I’ve worked out this schedule so that you may spend some time with Shannon. If there are any problems, or something doesn’t work for you, cross it out and have Shannon bring it back. I think it’s pretty fair. When you drop her off from now on, please wait in your car until you see her inside. I’m asking you to please follow the schedule and to not interfere in my marriage. I am married, and I plan on staying that way. I will allow you time with our daughter. I won’t keep her from you, but I am asking that you respect my wishes and my marriage.

You may have her Monday and Wednesday after school until 6 pm. And, you may have her Sunday after church from e
leven until 6 pm. She can help you with the animals after school and then you have free time on Sunday when your office is closed. I hope this works for you. If not, please respond in kind by written request. I have agreed not to see you, so that Parker will allow you to continue to see Shannon. Please, if you care about Shannon, then you’ll follow this schedule, and respect my wishes.

Rebecc
a
             

The next day when Shane dropped her off, he did as I asked and waited in the car until she was safely inside. He returned the letter with a simple message on the bottom.

The schedule’s fine. But, I lost you once, I won’t lose you again! Eventually, I’ll have you both…always and forever!

I Love you,

Shane

Old Movies

The schedule was working well. I had managed to avoid Shane for almost three weeks. Life was settling down and even Parker was much more pleasant. I noticed he’d been spending a lot more time with Shannon over the last few
weeks. I wasn’t sure if it was because Shane was back and he felt he had something to prove, or he was just trying to convince me that he was a good father and deserving of another child. Either way, things were going smoothly. I had to force myself not to run to the window every time he dropped her off, but I had managed only a few peeks through the curtain.

He stopped by to talk one afternoon, but I refused to let him in. The next time he dropped off Shannon, she was carrying the puppy she had been tending in her arms.

This earned him some one-on-one time with me…an angry me.

“What are you doing? She can’t keep that puppy!”

“Why not?” he asked, stepping back out of his car.

“Parker hates dogs! We can’t have a dog!”

“Hmm, all the more reason,” he grinned. “I tried to talk to you about the dog the other day, but you refused to see me. I think she has her heart set on keeping Gretchen, but if you don’t want her, then I’ll keep her at my house for her. I love dogs!”

“What is it with you and animals?”

“They don’t turn their backs on you. They’re loyal and trustworthy without fault!”

“I never turned my back on you! You left me!”

“I was in jail! I called you…my one and only phone call, and your father hung up on me! I sent you letter after letter…and you never responded. The dog stays! If Hayes doesn’t like it…have him come see me!”

He got back in his car and I said, “What letters? I only got one letter that said you were sorry it had to end. I only got one!”

“Hmm, why is that, do you think?” he said, and drove off.

I stared down the street long after his car turned and disappeared. I was still standing there when Parker pulled into the driveway a while later.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“What? Oh, nothing.”

I followed him inside, still wondering what he meant by him sending me letter after letter. I was still pondering that when I heard Parker shouting in the next room.

“What the hell, Rebecca! You know I don’t want a dog in my house!”

“Oh, yeah, the dog.
I forgot. Um, he already gave the dog to Shannon, we can’t take it back now. It’ll break her heart.”

“The hell I can’t! I won’t have a dog in my house!”

“Your house? Not,
our house
…but your house? Well, I have news for you Parker! I live here too. I cook, I clean, I pay the bills! I take care of this house and I say the dog can stay! It’ll be good for her. She nursed that puppy for weeks!”

“The dog’s not staying! I’m putting my foot down.”

“You can put your foot anywhere you want, but that dog is staying!”

“Don’t make me give you an ultimatum,
Beccs!”

I laughed, “What are you going to say; it’s you or the dog? Hmm, how do you think you’d fare, Parker? The dog stays!” I stormed off to help Shannon set up the dog bowl and water in the laundry room and set some ground rules.

After dinner, Parker came into my room. “I thought you were planning on moving back into ‘our room?’”

“This is my room. I like it in here. I’m sorry.”

“So, you’ve reconsidered another child?”

“I don’t know, Parker. I um, I just need some time to think about it.”

“You’ve had time! Or, have your thoughts been all-consumed by
him
?”

“Can we please not go through this again? I haven’t seen or spoken to him in weeks…not until today when I told him we didn’t need a puppy.”

“Yet, the damn dog is still here!”

“Do you want to tell Shannon she can’t have the dog? Go ahead, it’ll only make Shane look better…and you
’ll look like an ass!”

He stormed off, slamming the door behind him. I took a long bath after I put Shannon and Gretchen to bed. I think I actually dozed off, because suddenly the water was freezing cold. I slipped into my nightgown and headed downstairs for a glass of milk. On my way back to my room I heard a strange noise coming from Parker’s room. I swore I heard Shane…but that couldn’t be. I walked over to the door and listened. I did hear Shane…and myself.

I threw open the door, “Oh, my God! What are you…where did you get…?” I was stunned as I saw a video of Shane and myself making love all those years before.

Parker hit pause on a picture of my face. “See that look? I want you to look at me like that!”

“You’ve been drinking! What are you…doing? How did you get this? Turn it OFF!” I screamed, reaching for the remote.

He hid it down his pajama bottoms. “Go on, search for it,” he grinned.

“You’re sick! How could you watch…?” I was disgusted. I walked over to the DVD player and pushed eject. Once I had the DVD, I stormed passed my drunken husband and slammed the door.

I paced my room for a while, angry. I stared down at the disc in my hand and finally walked over to my DVD player and opened the disc tray. I sat down on the bed and started the disc from the beginning. A lot of it was shots of empty rooms in the tire store. I fast forwarded until the night we skipped class, and I found I couldn’t look away as visions of us making love filled the screen. I thought back and realized that was the night I must have conceived Shannon. It was beautiful…and surreal. I cried as I watched how much he loved me. I could see it, hear it…feel it. When it was over, I watched him stare at me, touching my cheek and whispering how much he loved me. I was asleep…
sound asleep.
Why would he say it if it weren’t true?
Our daughter had been conceived in love, of that I was certain. But, I still didn’t understand why he didn’t come back for me.