Experiencing God at Home (35 page)

In Training

When their children were young, Richard and Lisa were determined to teach them how to properly conduct themselves when visiting in people’s homes. An extensive list of Do’s and Don’ts was established and rehearsed on every outing. The list included:

• Do not run, roughhouse, or throw objects in the house.
  
• Do not tell the hostess that you do not like the food she is serving.
  
• Do not tell the host/hostess that you want something. Tell your parents, and they will (tactfully) work it out.
  
• If you make a mess while playing, clean everything up before we leave.
  
• Do not complain that you are bored and want to go home.
  
• Do not touch anything that is breakable.
  
• Do not be loud.
  
• Do not interrupt when adults are talking.
  
• Be sure to say thank you if the host/hostess gives you anything.
  
• Do not set anything on fire.
  

There were additional rules, but you get the idea. Infractions of these commandments were punishable by dire and unmentionable torments. As Richard’s family was driving to someone’s house for dinner, Richard would rehearse the rules with his children. It became a game. “OK kids, give me one of the rules,” Richard would bellow. “Be sure NOT to pick up any toys at the end of the night!” one cherub would shout from the backseat of the car. “Shout a lot and run through the house!” another would chime in. “And what will happen if you do NOT follow all the rules?” Richard would always ask. “We’ll be slowly lowered into molten lava!” a child would shout. “Exactly!” Richard would conclude. The kids would laugh and have fun, but the rules stuck, and they
were
followed. (Richard never did get to use that molten lava.) Over the years, Richard and his children were invited to numerous social settings. The children were generally a delight to have around. At one point, a prominent couple in Richard’s church (who owned a very nice house) made a confession to him. They admitted that they generally did not invite families with small children to their home because it was too stressful. But they had learned they could trust Richard’s tribe, and so they made an exception in their case. In teaching your children social skills, you will be opening doors for them for years to come. And by teaching them to be thoughtful of others, you are enabling them to be a blessing to the people who enter into the orbit of their lives.

>5. Allow Your Children to Take the Lead

Your goal as parents is to teach your children to be thoughtful of others. The key is not to simply force them to do nice things for others but to help them become thoughtful people. If guests you invited to your house for dinner have allowed their children to trash out your play room, break your children’s toys, terrorize your pet, and draw pictures on your living room wall with permanent markers, then it is small consolation when their Tasmanian devils are forced to say “Thank you” as they vacate the premises. You want to teach your children to truly be considerate of others.

Teaching your children to be thoughtful people entails allowing them to take the lead in ministering to others. Ask your children how they think your family could encourage children in your church who do not have a father in their life. Or perhaps brainstorm around the dinner table one day about how your family might bless the staff at your church. Mention a widow or immigrant family and ask for your children’s suggestions on how your family could encourage them. Then let your children take the lead in making it happen. If your children are still young, some of their ideas may not be feasible or necessarily helpful. But if you teach them to think about others when they are young, they will accomplish an enormous amount of good over the course of their lifetime.

Tom’s family regularly invited other families to join them for the holidays. Often these were single-parent families. Tom and Kim would invite their kids to suggest ways their family could bless their guests. As a result, Tom’s children developed great people skills, and each of them became thoughtful of others.

As Richard’s children grew older, they loved to hold parties at their home. They particularly loved to hold costume parties, even as teenagers. They’d not only invite their friends but also adults in their church with whom they felt close. The kids would spend days decorating and rearranging the house until it was prepared for the grand event. The kids took the lead in preparing the house and constructing costumes. It was a family project that brought much laughter and great memories to their church family. And having learned how to throw a party and bring joy to others, Richard’s young adult children are still throwing parties and spreading joy today. Encourage your kids to think of ways to bless others. The people around them will be glad you did!

Conclusion

God intends for families to pass on a blessing to others. Never has the need for this been greater than it is today. Society is saturated with brokenness and dysfunction. Families are desperate for hope and laughter. We must help our children to experience blessing and to overcome their natural self-centeredness. If we do, then we will launch young adults into the world who make people and situations better wherever they go. That is God’s intention for the family. God is prepared to help your family be a dispenser of blessing today.

Questions for Reflection/Discussion

1. What are some ways you have blessed your children? Do they
feel
blessed? What are some actions you could take in the future to truly bless each of your children? List the names of each child, and then ask God to give you specific actions and words to use for each one.

2. Are you presently modeling thoughtfulness and concern for others to your children? Do you want them to grow up to act just like you? What adjustments might you need to make in your own behavior toward others so your children receive a more godly, encouraging model?

3. Make a list of people in your church, neighborhood, or family to whom your family could minister in a practical way. Make plans to involve your family in reaching out to others in the immediate future.

4. Take time to evaluate your children’s current social skills. Are there some areas you need to address? Pray and ask God to show you how to gently help your children learn how to relate to others in a godly, caring manner. It will be worth the effort!

5. Hold a family meeting and brainstorm about people your family could bless. Let your children express their thoughts and, as is appropriate for their age, let them take the lead in organizing your efforts. Let them make calls, check websites, wrap gifts, or be as hands-on as they can. Be sure to affirm them for investing their time in helping someone else.

Conclusion

Helping Your Family Experience God Today

Thank you for taking this journey together with us! We hope that by reading this book, you have discovered fresh, new ways your family can experience God. We suspect many of you already have amazing families from which we could learn much. Our prayer, however, is that as you worked through this material, God gave you a clear vision of how you could help your family enjoy a deeper walk with Him. We trust that you love your family far too much to leave them where they are when you know there is still more of God for them to experience!

For others, this book may have brought to the surface certain issues you know you must address in your parenting style or in the family dynamics of your home. The good news is that God’s solution for your problems is not a guilt trip! He always focuses on how to make your life and family better, if only you will trust Him and do what He says. So if you are finishing this book and feeling like a schmuck because you are a “bad” parent, then you have missed the point! God may make you
dissatisfied
, but that is only so He can then make you
better
.

One practice we make use of when we read books or attend conferences is to look for “takeaways.” Ask yourself, “What is it I will take away from having read this book?” If your attitudes and actions remain the same after reading this book, then it did you no good (Regardless of how much you might
believe
or
agree
with
what was in it!). Before you close this book and put it on a shelf, grab a pen and paper. Hopefully you marked up the book (whether it was a paper book or electronic), as you read it. It is always good to underline key truths and quotes. (Don’t worry, your copy will still be a “collector’s item” one day even if you mark it up!) Now go back through the book and jot down on a piece of paper the key insights and quotes you marked as you read. When you have written them on a separate piece of paper, scan the notes to see if there are specific actions God told you to take. List those and put dates beside them when you intend to follow through. Identify questions raised that you do not feel you have adequate answers for yet. List those items on another page and keep those handy to ponder and pray over until God gives you the answers you need. When you are done, take the paper with the summary of the book highlights and put it in the inside cover of the book.
Now
you can put it on the shelf (or give it to a friend). The next time you are working through these issues, you can pull the sheet of paper out of the book for handy reference. If you will “mine” each book you read for its truths, your life can be greatly enriched over time.

If you have not been studying this book with your spouse, consider giving it to your spouse to read. Plan a time to meet with your spouse (even if you have been working through this book in a small-group setting) to discuss what God impressed upon you as you read, and ask God to help you implement the changes He wants you to make. Parenting is a team effort, and it is always most successful when parents work together.

Consider conducting a family discussion time to talk about what God has shown you. Perhaps your home has not been God centered, but you want that to change. Be open with your children and let them hold you to your word.

In order to help you glean helpful insights from this book, let’s review one last time the seven realities of how God works in your family:

Reality 1: God is always at work around your family.

Reality 2: God pursues a continuing love relationship with each family member that is real and personal.

Reality 3: God invites you and your family to become involved in His work.

Reality 4: God speaks by the Holy Spirit through the Bible, prayer, circumstances, and the church to reveal Himself, His purposes, and His ways.

Reality 5: God’s invitation for you to join Him always leads you to a crisis of belief that requires faith and action.

Reality 6: You and your family must make major adjustments in your lives to join God in what He is doing.

Reality 7: You and your family come to know God by experience as you obey Him and He accomplishes His work through you.

Take a moment to reflect on each reality. God
is
at work in your family
right now.
What are you seeing? How are you improving your ability to recognize God’s activity around you? Second, God is pursuing a love relationship with you and your children that is fresh, personal, and dynamic. Is that what your children witness when they watch you relate to God? How are you helping your children enjoy that quality of a relationship with Christ? Third, God will speak to you. The question is: do you recognize His voice? If you are uncomfortable with hearing from God, you might want to read
Hearing God’s Voice
by Henry and Richard Blackaby. This is one area of your life you can’t afford to miss! Fifth, God will invite you, as well as your family, to join Him in His work. Have you sensed lately that God is leading you to join Him in something He is doing in the life of one of your family members? If you have, how are you responding? Could it be that what looks like a problem or difficulty in your family might, in fact, be a divine invitation? Fourth, when almighty God invites you to join Him in His work, it will inevitably lead to a crisis of belief. Are you there right now? Are you presently facing a situation in your family that is calling for every ounce of faith you have? Trust God with your circumstances and
don’t give up!
Sixth, joining God’s work will inevitably require you to make adjustments in your life. Your present walk with God or your prayer life may need some adjusting. You may need to do things that make you uncomfortable. This is often the watershed moment for families. Are we prepared to do whatever it takes to join God in His work? God will not adjust to
us!
We must adjust to
Him!
Finally, we, and our family, will experience God, just as He intended, when we have obeyed Him. That is the goal: to experience God at home.

If you are going to truly have the family God intends for you, you will need to do two more things. First, you’ll need to invite others to walk with you in your journey. The first person who must be on side with you is your spouse. Take time to pray together and to commit together to help your family experience God. Resolve to model in your own lives everything you want to see in your children. Strive together, to live a Christian life before your children that is so dynamic and attractive that they feel drawn to relate to Christ in the same way.