Extra Time (22 page)

‘All right, Dad. Enough. I’ve heard it all before. I know how you feel, and I understand, I really do. It’s hard for others to see him the same way I do, I get that. But he never meant to hurt me, and I truly believe that. He just… he just doesn’t think, that’s all.’

‘That’s all?’ Freddie asked, arching a sceptical eyebrow. ‘You know, the man is truly brilliant at managing football teams, but when it comes to managing his own personal life he’s got no bloody idea.’

Amber rolled her eyes, letting out a heavy sigh. Her father’s opinion of her husband wasn’t going to change anytime soon, and the appearance of Brandon had only served to strengthen his resolve that Jim Allen wasn’t right for her. ‘Anyway, I’ve got more important things to worry about now.’

Freddie looked at his daughter, his arms still folded. ‘Like what?’

She proceeded to tell him about her visit to Dr. Lowry that morning, a visit borne out of some sudden and desperate need to have a child of her own, to be the kind of mum her own mother had been to her. And Freddie listened, his eyes never leaving hers as she spoke.

‘Oh, Amber, sweetheart. Why didn’t you talk to me? I had no idea…’

‘Well, to be fair, Dad, nobody had any idea, did they? I mean, how could they? I’ve never exactly shown myself to be the maternal type. Nobody ever really expected me to be mummy material. And even
I
was surprised at the strength of these ridiculously unexpected feelings that just swept over me all of a sudden. So I had to know, that’s all. And I think I always knew the truth, deep down. You and mum never sugar-coated anything, you never hid the facts from me, so it wasn’t like I had all that much hope of it turning out to be the miracle I would have liked it to be. I was realistic enough to know that the truth wasn’t going to be perfect. But hearing those words – hearing someone actually tell you that you’re probably never going to have a child of your own…’ She stopped talking, looking away for a second as a stray tear rolled slowly down her cheek. She quickly wiped it away before turning back to look at her father. ‘Anyway, now I know the facts I guess it’s time to move on. Draw a line under things I can’t achieve and concentrate on those things I can.’

‘There’s no shame in talking about how you’re really feeling, Amber. This isn’t something you can just get over in an hour and forget about.’

‘Yes, it is,’ she said, hauling herself up off the sofa. ‘It is. I’ve got a brand new career to concentrate on, and a marriage that needs a lot of work…’

‘Your marriage is in trouble?’

She looked up. ‘That isn’t what I said, Dad. So you can wipe that hopeful look off your face. I said it needs work. The revelation that my husband has a secret son coming out the day before I find out I can’t have his baby has thrown us a bit of a curveball, that’s all. We’ll get over it. I just need some time to think about things.’

‘And running away from Jim is the best way to go about that, is it?’

‘I haven’t run away. I’m not five. Am I not allowed to come and see my dad now?’

Freddie threw her a look that told her he wasn’t convinced, but he said nothing, just watched as she walked out of the living room and into the kitchen.

Amber was beginning to wonder whether it would have been a better idea to drive into the countryside, take a walk, stop for a pot of tea somewhere and just people-watch for a while rather than spend time with a man she loved more than anything, but he was her dad, so he was bound to crowd her, want to know what was wrong. But she was fast beginning to realise that she didn’t really want to talk about it. Any of it. She just wanted to escape from it all, just for a little while. She wanted to think about something else other than secret kids and babies she couldn’t have. Maybe going down to London early would be a good idea. There was nothing like throwing yourself into work to take your mind off things.

‘Hey, you.’

She swung round at the sound of Ronnie’s voice. ‘What are
you
doing here?’

‘Yeah, I’m pleased to see you, too.’

‘Shut up and get over here. I really need a hug.’

He walked over to her, pulling her into his arms and holding her close, kissing the top of her head. ‘Your dad’s just told me, about what happened at the clinic this morning.’

She pulled away slightly, pushing both hands through her hair. ‘Well, it wasn’t a complete surprise really, was it?’

‘There’s the sound of those barriers coming right back up again.’

‘Come on, Ronnie, what else am I supposed to do? I’m trying to pretend it’s all okay, that I’m dealing with the fact Jim’s son is Brandon Palmer, that I can live with never having a baby of my own. I’m trying really hard to pretend it’s all okay but I’m struggling here. I’m really, really struggling.’ She couldn’t fight the tears any longer and all Ronnie could do was pull her back into his arms as she cried them all out.

‘Hey, come on. Come on, kiddo. Nobody expects you to be strong all the time you know. Especially with what you’ve had to deal with over the past couple of days.’

She pulled away from him again, wiping her eyes and blowing her nose. ‘But I want to be strong, Ronnie. Don’t you see? I hate feeling like this, I hate feeling weak and vulnerable and tired. I hate it. I don’t want to be upset or angry or… it’s such a fucking waste of time!’

‘Okay then. Just push it all to one side and let it build up to the point where it starts to eat you up inside. That’ll work.’

She looked at him. ‘I hate
you
when you start spouting sense.’

He leaned back against the counter, folding his arms as he watched her. ‘So, you and Jim. What’s going on there, then?’

‘Nothing’s going on.’

‘So why are you here and not with him? I mean, surely he’s feeling a little shell-shocked by today’s events, too.’

Amber said nothing, she just let a small and brief pang of guilt wash over her before she met Ronnie’s gaze again. ‘He says he is.’

‘And you don’t believe him?’

Amber stood next to Ronnie, her hands gripping the countertop behind her. ‘I don’t know what to think if I’m honest. He said I was selfish for saying that this was something
I
had to deal with, rather than something we had to go through together…’

‘And he’s probably right.’

She looked at him. ‘Whose side are
you
on?’

‘I’m not on anyone’s side, Amber. I’m just trying to play devil’s advocate, that’s all.’

She stared straight ahead of her, watching as a large blackbird landed in the centre of her dad’s patio and began pecking at a pot full of lavender. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have run out on him like I did. But I just needed some space, some time away.’

‘From Jim?’

She looked back at Ronnie. ‘From everything. I’m thinking of going down to London early. It might be for the best. It’ll give both me and Jim a bit of time to get our heads straight.’

‘You really don’t think you should be together at a time like this?’

‘I’ve only been told I can’t have kids, Ronnie. I haven’t been told I’m ill.’

‘And those barriers come crashing up once more.’

She said nothing to that as she turned away from him, her attention back on the blackbird who was now hopping between the potted plants and shrubs like they were some kind of avian obstacle course. ‘Nobody’s marriage is perfect, Ronnie. You should know that better than anyone.’

‘Whoa, that was a low blow there, missy.’

She threw her head back and sighed heavily. ‘Ronnie, I’m sorry.’ She looked at him. ‘I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean that, I shouldn’t have said that.’

‘I know… Look, of course no marriage is perfect, Amber. But you and Jim, you’ve only been married five minutes.’

‘Yeah. And maybe we shouldn’t have got married at all.’ The words were out before she’d had time to realise she was saying them. She’d been thinking out loud, she hadn’t meant for anyone to hear that.

‘Amber, look at me.’

Her eyes met Ronnie’s, and for a few seconds neither of them said anything.

‘Did you mean that?’ he asked, breaking the silence. ‘Are you saying you regret marrying Jim?’

‘I don’t know what I’m saying, Ronnie. Right now, my head is a mess. Which is why I’m leaving for London tomorrow.’ She looked up at him, right into his eyes. ‘You coming with me?’

Chapter Eleven

‘Am I talking to myself this morning?’ Jim Allen’s voice boomed out across the training pitch as he, unusually for him, let everyone know that his mood wasn’t a good one. Even Colin was looking at him as though he was slightly wary of what he might say or do next.

‘Looks like the honeymoon period’s over,’ Gary muttered as he kicked the ball over to Ryan.

‘Any reason why he’s exhibiting the mood from hell this morning?’ Ryan asked, flicking the ball up onto first one knee then the other.

‘Fisher! We’re not here to play fucking games, you got that? Get the ball back down on the fucking ground and get on with what you’re supposed to be doing!’

Ryan kicked the ball at Gary, pulling a face. ‘Jesus. What’s eating him?’

‘Well, I’m going to hazard a guess here, but I’d say it wasn’t the beautiful Amber.’

Ryan stood still. ‘Huh? You reckon him and Amber have had a row?’ He couldn’t stop another one of those fleeting waves of hope from washing over him. And it would appear it was written all over his face, too.

‘Hey, mate, reel it in, will you? I don’t think they’re heading for the divorce courts or anything. But ever since Brandon Palmer came on the scene, I’ve heard rumours that Amber hasn’t exactly been jumping for joy.’

‘Rumours?’ Ryan frowned.

Gary looked at him. ‘Debbie.’

‘Okay…’

‘You do know she’s gone down to London days earlier than she needed to.’

‘Who? Debbie?’

‘No, Christ, keep up. Amber. According to Debbie she didn’t need to be down there until Friday but she wanted to go early. Doesn’t that tell you something? I mean, why would she head down there now if something wasn’t going on? Ever since they got together, her and the boss have been like a couple of lovesick teenagers and yet now she’s travelling down to the other end of the country for absolutely no reason rather than staying here with him.’

‘How do you know she’s gone down there for no reason? We don’t know that, do we?’

‘Come on, Ryan. Something’s up, I can tell.’

Gary wasn’t exactly the world’s oracle when it came to relationship advice, but that didn’t stop Ryan from hoping that, this time, he was right. He wanted Amber to be happy, he really did, but if she and Jim
were
having problems then that would be nothing short of music to his ears.

‘Anyway,’ Gary went on, quickly passing the ball back to Ryan, ‘… Debbie reckons it’s not just the appearance of Brandon Palmer that’s causing problems. There’s something else going on, and she knows what it is, I know she does, but she won’t tell me anything.’

‘Probably because it’s got nothing to do with you.’ But Gary’s words were filling Ryan with a feeling of hope he hadn’t felt in a long while. Had his boss pushed Amber too far this time? Had the revelation of one final secret been too much for Amber to take? He quickly looked over at Jim Allen, who was throwing himself right into that morning’s training session, dribbling the ball through a line of cones like he was the new kid on the block rather than a forty-nine-year-old ex-player. He still had it. But did he still have Amber?

‘Hey, Ryan, snap out of it,’ Gary said, gently nudging his shoulder. ‘Whatever it is, they’ll work it out, so stop imagining she’s gonna come running straight back to you. It ain’t gonna happen.’

‘Who says?’ Ryan could have bitten his own tongue off. He really hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

‘I wouldn’t, Ryan.’ Gary’s voice carried more than a hint of warning. ‘Don’t piss the boss off, not when he’s put all that trust in you, I mean, he made you captain and… You owe him, big time, mate. After everything that happened.’

‘Yeah,’ Ryan sighed. ‘Yeah, I know.’

‘Come on. Sort yourself out before the boss catches you slacking.’ Gary threw the ball at Ryan, who caught it square in the chest. ‘Look, how about we go out tonight? We’ll go down the Quayside, maybe pop into the casino for a couple of hours. What do you say? It’ll be like old times.’

‘Is that a good idea?’ Ryan asked, finding it hard to tear his eyes away from Jim Allen as he continued his kick-about on the pitch, a couple of the younger and newer members of the squad looking on in awe. ‘I mean, it was those old times that got me into all that shit before, wasn’t it?’

‘You know what I mean. Come on. You can handle nights out like a grown-up now, can’t you?’ Gary smirked at him, but Ryan just threw him a look that told him he wasn’t funny. ‘You up for it or not?’

Ryan sighed, throwing the ball into the air and heading it in Gary’s direction. ‘Yeah. Why not?’ He had nothing to lose. Except everything.

‘Max, I’m not doing it, all right?’

‘Come on, Amber. You’re down there in London anyway, you could meet the guys from Ice Magazine, have a chat with them – what’s the problem?’

Amber looked up as Ronnie walked onto the studio floor and she smiled at him, mouthing
‘Give me a minute’
. ‘The problem, Max, is that I don’t want to get naked for all and sundry to see. That’ll do my reputation no end of good.’

Ronnie frowned as he sat on the arm of the sofa Amber was sitting on.

‘It’ll do your reputation the world of good, in my opinion,’ Max said.

Amber rolled her eyes and mouthed
‘Max’
at Ronnie, crossing her legs and drumming her fingers on her knee.

‘And I know what I’m talking about, kiddo. You’ve seen what similar publicity has done for some of the players on my books, including your ex. Ryan’s had his shirt off in many a magazine.’

‘This is completely different, Max.’

‘How? Oh, hang on, you’re not going all feminist on me, are you? You’re not gonna start spouting off about how sexist and demeaning it all is?’

‘I might, if you carry on the way you are.’

‘You’re presenting
Scoreline
tonight, aren’t you?’ Max decided it was probably best to change the subject. The last thing he wanted was to piss her off more than she already was.