Faery Worlds - Six Complete Novels (22 page)

I looked over at the girl sitting next to me, noticing her scowl out of the corner of my eye. I stuck my tongue out at her because I'm not all that mature and I still enjoy doing the things that cracked me up when I was ten.

She doesn't get me at all. I'd heard girls like her call me a waste before. I couldn't say that I disagree with that comment - I am definitely wasted on this school.

"Cute ... I wonder if the assistant principal would agree." Mr. Parks went back to his desk, bending down to write out a referral slip. "Take this up to the office and see what he thinks about your mental note-taking program."

I slid out of my chair, standing to walk to the front of the classroom with a loose grip on my nearly empty backpack. Bringing books to class was something I didn't normally bother with. My locker is better equipped than my shoulder to manage twenty pounds of blah, blah, and blah.

"Thanks ever so much," I said sweetly, taking the slip from him and turning my head to look at my classmates. There would be no leaving with eyes cast down and a heart full of shame for this girl.

I caught the eye of my best friend, the biggest dork on the entire planet, Tony Green. I blew him a kiss with the referral slip held between my middle finger and thumb so he and the rest of the class could enjoy my one-finger salute. His face turned bright pink and he sunk low in his chair, shaking his head and refusing to meet my eyes. He was probably worried I was going to get him a one-way ticket to the principal's office too. They don't know him there like they know me.

Tony has been my friend, not necessarily willingly, since he ended up having the extraordinarily good luck to sit in front of me in Analytic Geometry, two years ago. He was so pitiful - still is really. Skinny as a sack of bones with crazy, unkempt and un-styled brown hair, wearing clothes I know for a fact his mother bought for him in the little boys' section at Wal-Mart, and shoes with weird, thick rubber soles. The bright pink pimples he always had on his pale white skin did nothing to help this package. It's not like I'm miss beauty queen or anything, but I know bad fashion choices when I see them. The first day I saw him, I couldn't help latching myself right on. He was like a scraggly little puppy who'd had its ass kicked.

I preferred the casual look for myself - usually jeans, purple Converse sneaks, and cute t-shirts ... hoodies in the winter. It never gets too cold in south Florida where we live, so my fashion choices are somewhat limited. I keep my brown hair long because it's so thick; the few times I got it cut short, I ended up having a big, puffy hair triangle on my head. Not cool. But sporting a thick, long, wavy mane in Florida is crazy hot, so my hair is usually up in a rubber band, out of the way. I've been told that I'm pretty or, more often, cute. I don't wear a lot of makeup, mostly eyeliner and mascara, occasionally lip gloss. Adults always comment on my big green eyes and heart-shaped lips, whatever that means. I'm shorter than about half the girls I know, so I guess that makes me average height.

Every day I went into Geometry that semester, I'd ask Tony when we were going to start hanging out together. I don't know why I did it; he just seemed so shy and cute, scared to death of everything around him. I wanted to toughen him up or something, maybe break him out of his lonely shell.

As the school's winter dance got closer, I took to leaning forward and whispering all kinds of stuff in his ear. First it was things like, 'When are you going to ask me to the dance?' And then it kind of devolved into, 'Hey, Tony, whaddya say you and I go hang out after school and smoke some dope or something?' I don't do drugs, but I liked shocking the crap out of Tony - who I was calling Tony Baloney by this time. Or Tones. Or Tone-Tone.

Tony had other friends, but they were all computer geeks, and none of them were girls. I know a bit about computers, but I mostly use them to research places I'd rather be than school. I have no idea how to program anything other than the alarm on my cell phone. I had other friends - girls - but they were always busy doing homework and making their parents proud. We didn't have a lot in common, and their parents tended to discourage friendships with me. I'm apparently what some might consider a 'bad influence'. As far as I was concerned, they were the fun police.

Tony's ability to blush on command was unrivaled. All I had to do was say 'boobs' or 'dick' and instantly his face would be scarlet. I made the mistake of telling my mom about my antics with him one day, and she went off, telling me I was bullying the poor boy. She made it a point to remind me that I sometimes don't realize how persistent I can be. I think when she said 'persistent' she really meant 'annoying' or 'pain-in-the-ass-ish'. My mom's asshat boyfriend was more than happy to chime in on that conversation. He practically lives with us now, which is why I avoid going home as much as possible.

After my mom said that about Tony, I felt a little bit bad. I looked back on everything I'd said to him and thought that maybe people could see it as bullying if they didn't realize that I was actually quite fond of the guy.

Over the weeks and months of my 'persistence', Tony kinda warmed up a bit. We talked about things. He learned to brush off my inappropriate comments, even laughing at them on occasion when they were particularly crass. We walked between classes together sometimes. We hadn't started hanging out after school, but I had a feeling it was going to happen some day soon.

After the talk with my mom, I decided I needed to clear the air with old Tony Baloney. I didn't want to think about him going home and crying because some mean girl at school was making his life a living hell. Lord knows my father, long gone from the household but still haunting me via court-ordered visitation, had given me that credit enough times over the years.

Before History class the next day, as we were waiting for our teacher Mr. Banks to arrive, I asked Tony if I was bothering him. The conversation went something like this:

"Hey, Tony. Am I bothering you?"

"Yes."

"No, I mean really, Tone-Tone. Am I
really
bothering you?"

"Yes, you really are."

"Okay, thanks, I feel better now. I thought I was really bothering you."

Sigh.
"You ARE bothering me, are you deaf?"

"No, but I know what you really mean when you say 'yes'."

"Ah, so this is one of those 'no means yes' things we learned about in health class?"

"Uh ... kind of. Yeah, I'm pretty sure."

"Okay, whatever. Just stop bothering me."

Even though this verbal sparring was fun, it was getting me nowhere. I decided to get down to business. I had to let him know I wasn't a bully - just a socially inept girl trying to make friends with a nerdy dude in rubber-soled shoes.

"Hey, Tony, when you saying 'bothering' do you mean 'bothering' or 'bullying'?" I could see he was going to turn around so I put on the most innocent face I knew how to make. I tied it up with as sheepish a grin as I could manage too, just in case my innocent look wasn't as awesomely powerful as I thought it was.

He didn't say anything at first; he just looked at me. For the first time in our relationship, I felt uncomfortable, which for me is saying a lot. I squirmed in my seat a little bit and felt my smile faltering. I realized as he stared at me that I really, really didn't want to be bullying him. Tony was a cool dude, and it was possible I was the only one in the whole world who knew it. And it was also possible that he was the only person in the world who knew I
did
give a shit about some things. He was a perceptive guy.

"You're not bullying me, and you're not really bothering me, either ... Jayne."

It was the first time I'd heard him say my name. I guess I was a little surprised that he even knew it, though I shouldn't have been. We'd been in this class for almost the whole semester. It was the look on his face, though, that blew me away. He looked so friggin serious, staring me right in the eyes. I felt like he was seeing into my head. My smile came back, but it was totally real this time.

I grabbed my pen and twirled it in my hand. "Well that sucks, 'cause I was kind of enjoying bothering you." Being a total smartass when in tight situations is one of my best skills.

"I could tell. So now that you know you're not bothering me, you can stop."

"Stop what?"

"Stop bothering me," he said as he turned back around in his seat.

"Okay, that makes perfect sense. So when are we going to hang out?" I expected him to do his usual - turn bright red and refuse to answer me. But he surprised me this time.

"How about today?" He still had the red face and neck, flaming with embarrassment, but only a little bit of the shoulder hunching that always gave him the appearance of a turtle going into its shell.

"Don't you have chess club or computer club or calculus club or build-a-robot club or some other rule-the-world-someday club to go to?"

While I waited for his answer, the teacher arrived in class to start the show.

Tony turned sideways, pretending he was getting a book out of his backpack. "Chess club, but I'll skip it." He pushed his oversized glasses back up on his nose as he sat up, turning to face the front of the class again.

Did I mention Tony has the butt-ugliest, brown tortoise-shell glasses you've ever seen? They are not cool or fashionable, even in a statement-making sort of way. I swear he must have gotten them from the dumpster outside of Goodwill.

"Wow, living on the edge ... sure you can handle it, Tones?"

He sat up straighter than I was used to seeing him sit. "I can if you can," he whispered.

"Fine. I'll meet you at the front of the school after seventh period. Oh, and by the way, I saw that."

"Saw what?"

"You smiled ... I think you like me." I was staring at his back, but I swear I saw his scalp move.

"No I didn't, and no I don't."

"You don't?"

Sigh.
"Jayne, shut up before you get me in trouble."

I smiled and stage-whispered, "Boooooring." But I left him alone for the rest of the period, sure he was anxious to bust out his notebook and take some awesome notes. I had tattoos to draw anyway.

And so,
The Year I Adopted Tony Baloney As My New Best Friend
commenced. Every day since, we have hung out after school and I've harassed him in every class I could. The following semesters we even tried to arrange our schedules so we'd have a lot of classes together. Apparently he'd grown quite fond of my harassment and persistent nature, not that I'd given him much choice. I'd found him, and he was mine - cute little bugger that he was, messed up glasses, funky shoes and all.

***

As I arrived at the assistant principal's office and took my seat in the waiting area, I thought about all the time Tony and I had spent together these past two years. We hung out after school and got to know each other's screwed up families pretty well - my mother who couldn't think for herself and her asshat boyfriend, and Tony's parents who were almost never around.

Most of our time was spent walking around town and hanging out at the library where Tony tried to study while I found new ways to make him crazy by not studying and making noise. Every once in a while we went to the movies, but usually we couldn't afford it. Tony wouldn't even consider sneaking in or trying to see more than a single movie on one ticket. He was a spoilsport that way, but he kept me out of trouble so I didn't complain.

Some people say it's impossible for a guy and a girl to be best friends, but I completely disagree. Tony and I are friends and that's it. I didn't like him in a romantic way - I preferred the bad boy type, and Tony was as far from being a bad boy as I was from being a good girl. I mean, what girl doesn't go for the bad boy really? Actually, most of the guys I knew around school were idiots with their heads so far up their butts I couldn't stand to be around them for very long. They had a lot to learn about how to treat a girl, and I didn't have the patience to train any of them. Case in point, Brad Powers, who was also sitting in the principal's waiting area; only he was probably there to kiss the principal's ass, not to be chastised by him. I barely spared him a glance. He had a rep for being a total douche to girls - using them and then throwing them to the curb. He was a kiss-and-tell kind of guy, if you know what I mean.

That's another good thing I can say about Tony - the guy is an absolute prince. He always holds doors for girls, pulls out chairs, offers them drinks and stuff. I don't think I've ever heard him burp. All this time hanging out with me has somehow not trained the manners out of him. I'm not sure how that's managed to happen, really. You'd think my powers of persuasion would be stronger than that.

Tony has his crushes, but he would rather walk over hot coals than actually ask a girl out. He prefers to crush from afar. I offered to help hook him up a few times, but the thought of me being involved in his love life nearly sent him into apoplectic spasms that were frightening to watch.

I did try once to get a girl I knew he liked to warm up to him. It was a disaster from the word go. As soon as I mentioned his name she got a disgusted expression on her face. "Tony?
Tony Green?!
Are you
kidding
me?" She just stood there looking like she'd smelled something bad.