Faith (Rescue Me, A Contemporary Romance) (20 page)

He seemed so kind, Faith thought, as he kept flipping the chicken and didn’t say a word about Emily going up to see Liam.

He’s a vice principal at a high school, she reminded herself. He knows and likes kids and he’s got to know that Liam’s just a little off right now, but he’s not dangerous.

Thank god he doesn’t believe what the papers had been reporting, she thought with a wave of thankfulness.

Why was she feeling so grateful that he seemed so kind and thoughtful she wondered. And why couldn’t she stop wondering what he saw in her every time she met his deep brown eyes across the kitchen?

Liam listlessly glanced at the door from where he lay on the bed staring up at the ceiling. It sounded like someone had knocked on the door, but his mom and grandmother had taken to just coming in when they needed to tell him something, or when they wanted to check up on him, so he must have been mistaken.

Now he was hearing things on top of everything else apparently.

“Liam?” Emily said from outside the door.

He sat up, confused. That had sounded like Emily. Was she real? Ever since Rory had tied them up, he’d been confused about what was real and what was in his head. Sometimes Emily sat and talked with him and rubbed his arm, but other times he thought they were having a conversation and his doctor told him that she wasn’t there. That maybe she’d never even existed.

One doctor had tried to explain that he’d made her up as a result of the accident in Alaska. That he was trying to be friends with Emily to try and stop her and her father from killing his dad.

That didn’t sound right to him, but then again he wasn’t sure what was right or wrong or real or fake anymore. The medicine they gave him made his head hurt and his mouth was always dry like he was sucking on cotton balls all the time.

Half the time he didn’t feel the energy to even sit up, much less have a conversation. He couldn’t understand why his mom and grandmother couldn’t seem to understand that? He was just so tired all the time, and trying to decipher what was in his head from what was reality made him even more tired.

But now Emily was at his door. That had to be real, right? He didn’t remember ever answering the door for her. When they talked it was usually because she was all of a sudden just there. Sitting next to him and asking him questions. This sounded real.

“Emily?” He asked. Scared of what he might hear. If it was actually his mom or grandmother at the door they might up his dosage if they thought he was hearing voices now.

“Yes, it’s me Liam. I just wanted to see how you were feeling. I have some video games for you! Can I come in?” Emily asked.

“Sure,” he called and sat up.

He had enough presence of mind to know that his room was a mess. He’d rarely left it in weeks and he got upset when his grandma tried to clean around him, so they’d stopped bothering him and now he was ashamed of the mess in front of Emily.

Unless she was just a figment of his imagination like the doctor had told him, and then it wouldn’t matter if he cleaned up or just left it the way it was.

“Are you real?” He called out to double check.

Emily was confused. Was Liam joking with her or was he really asking if she was real? Were the papers right after all
? Was he some kind of nutcase that had killed two people?

“Um, yeah,” she called back weakly.

Liam went into motion like a man on fire. He pushed aside piles of dirty clothes and old food that had been brought into him on trays. He tried to hide things under his bed and in the closet. He didn’t want Emily to see him like this.

His head felt like it was stuffed full of Kleenex or something. All his thoughts were fuzzy and soft, but he knew that he didn’t want her to know what was going on with him.

“Hi,” he said shyly opening the door.

She stood in front of him looking exactly as she did in their conversations, he thought. Except now looking at the real Emily he could say with confidence that the conversations they’d had together when he had been in the hospital—the loony bin as some of the other patients called it—and here at home were all fake. Those weren’t real, but this is, he reminded himself.

She was sharper and more real. And she smelled like flower shampoo and the outdoors.

How could he ever have thought those fake Emily’s were the real thing, he wondered. He must be crazier than he thought to get the real Emily and the fake Emily mixed up.

“Hi,” she grinned back at him. “Can I come in?”

“Oh yeah, sorry,” he said stepping back so she could walk past him into his room.

With an embarrassed eye he watched her taking in his room. Saw her eyes sweep over the suite and widen at the sight and smell of all the mess he’d accumulated.

“It’s really big,” was all she said.

“Yeah, my mom got this place with the dead movie star’s money.”

Why had he said that? He could have choked himself for saying that. She was shocked by his comment and he could tell that she didn’t know how to respond.

“Well at least you got something out of that,” she said with a shrug after a moment.

He laughed out loud. He couldn’t help it. She was so genuine and straightforward. And right. At least they’d gotten something out of it.

She smiled in relief at the sound of his laughter.

“Me and my dad brought you some video games,” she said holding them up for him to see. “Want to play before dinner?”

“Yeah, okay” he said and switched on his Xbox for the first time since the whole thing with Rory had happened.

He felt strange in a good way. He felt more real, less fuzzy. He felt like maybe there was hope for the first time.

Faith beamed across the table at Josh. She felt happy, genuinely happy. Her son was at the table for the first time since they’d brought him back from TJMH. He was actually responding to people with a focused look in his eyes that she hadn’t seen since before Rory’s suicide. She didn’t have too high of expectations, she knew one dinner with a friend wouldn’t cure him, but she thought he was looking more like her son and less like a stranger than he had in a long time.

Then there was Josh.

He was a surprise. He was funny, kind, and gentle in the ways he treated Emily and Liam. And he was handsome. Not handsome in a movie star obvious way like Rory had been, Faith shuddered with revulsion – she didn’t think she’d ever be able to watch another Rory Reynolds movie in her whole life, and pretty men who reminded her of the way he looked earned themselves a look of horror from her.  No, Josh was handsome in a subtle, pleasant way that made her feel comfortable and safe. She thought he was probably a great vice principal. He just screamed, ‘security.’

“So, how do you like this area Faith?” Josh asked her, passing her the potatoes.

“It’s nice. Quiet.” She said.

It was a little awkward trying to structure a dinner conversation around the many elephants in the room. Namely that they were all sitting there because a movie star had attacked them and then killed himself, which had pushed her son over the mental edge, which had caused her to move to this neighborhood in the first place. Even to be able to afford the house was a direct result of the latest tragedy to befall her family. The whole situation made small talk very awkward.

“I’ll bet you find that’s pretty important, right.” Josh said, obviously trying to steer the conversation around the giant elephant standing between them without acting like he didn’t know it existed.

She was grateful to him. It would be even more awkward to try and pretend like no one had any idea about the circumstances that had brought them together.

“Yep,” she agreed with a wink. “But it’s gotten less important over the last few weeks. Things have been pretty quiet around here, which has been such a relief, right mom?”

“Glad to hear it,” Josh said with a wink right back at her.

What was happening here, she wondered. She couldn’t let herself be attracted to this man. A life alone was the only safe thing for her to do. She’d promised Liam that when she’d been watching over him after Rory’s suicide. Of course, she hadn’t said that in so many words, but the only thing that had seemed to bring him out of his catatonic state into a place where at least he would walk and talk, was a promise from her to protect him and never let anyone hurt him.

“The bad men are all gone,” she’d sworn to him. And even though she hadn’t said it in so many words, she’d promised herself and him that no one men would be welcome in their lives again.

Mac had been her one true love. Her only love, she knew that now. The tragic consequences of pursuing a dalliance with Rory Reynolds was proof enough of that. No, she wouldn’t risk it again. If Liam returned to her with full mental capacity, she would never risk that for a man again.

This attraction she was feeling for Josh was nothing more than gratitude toward a man that was being kind to her for the first time in a long time. He was a far cry from Rory’s crazy obsessive behavior and that was what was making her feel safe. She was attracted to the feeling of safety and security he was unintentionally giving off. Not the man himself, she assured herself silently.

“Where’s your wife Josh?” Myra asked with her usual frank, straightforward manner.

“She died two years ago,” he told her, just as frankly and honestly as the question was asked.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” Faith said with genuine sympathy.

She knew better than anyone what a hardship it was to lose your partner, the person you loved.

“May I ask how it happened?” She asked curiously.

“Actually, she was attacked,” Josh explained. “Two men attacked her in a parking lot. She was coming home from volunteering in a rough part of town and they ended up killing her. The police thought they were trying to rob her and she might have resisted. They caught the men. They’re in jail now.”

“That’s awful!” she said, but felt an instant bond with him that she’d never experienced before.

He gazed into her eyes, and she could sense he knew what she was feeling. She sensed he felt the same way about her too.

She didn’t want to look away from him, but she couldn’t let herself feel this way about another man. Especially not in front of Liam.

“My mom likes you,” Liam sa
id to Josh with a glare at Faith.

“I can tell,” he went on in the stunned, awkward silence, “that’s the same look she had on her face when Rory was around.”

“Hey Liam, it’s okay,” Emily tried to say in an attempt to calm Liam down.

“I like her too Liam,” Josh said with a glance at his daughter.

“Aren’t you afraid of me?” Liam asked him. “Don’t you read the news? I’m the Oedipal Killer and my mom’s the Black Widow. She’ll suck you in with one look and I’ll take you out just for thinking you can be with her.”

“That’s enough Liam!” Myra warned.

Faith just sat there, letting Liam work himself up. This was her fault she knew. Liam was incredibly frail mentally, right now and seeing her attraction to another man was a definite trigger for him. It didn’t mean he was jealous the way the news had tried to portray in a sick, twisted way; but rather it brought back so many memories of tragedy for him. She should never have let Josh and Emily stay after she’d felt the smallest stirring of affection and interest from him.

“No, it’s okay,” Faith said. “This is probably a good time to say goodbye.”

Josh and Emily stood up awkwardly and went to the front hall to collect their coats.

“Hey Emily, I’m sorry,” Liam said as he followed them into the foyer. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately. I’m not thinking straight.”

“Don’t apologize to me, apologize to my dad,” she said stiffly.

But when Liam looked at Josh to apologize he was filled with an irrational fear and anger. He couldn’t look at this man without thinking about the inevitable tragedy that waited for him, for his mom, for his grandma, maybe even for Emily. It would happen one way or another, his mind was telling him. This man is the start of another nightmare, and you’re going to stand here and apologize to him?

“Fuck you!” Liam shouted at Josh.

“Okay, we’re leaving Emily,” Josh said gently but firmly with a look of sympathy at Faith, where she stood horrified watching this latest demonstration of how far her son had gone from being the sweet boy he’d been before everything started in Alaska.

“I’m sorry Faith, please don’t hesitate to call me if I can do anything to help, but I can’t let Emily come back here, given the circumstances.” Josh said.

Faith could feel tears welling up in her eyes. She had had such high hopes for Emily. Had even let herself believe that Emily might be the one to bring Liam back from the dark place he was in.

“I understand Josh, and I’m so sorry about all this. Emily, thank you for trying.” Faith told them.

They shut the door quietly behind them as they left. Liam was already in his room. Myra was sobbing quietly in the kitchen behind here. But Faith didn’t have any tears left. She felt robbed of every emotion possible. She couldn’t cry or laugh or smile or frown. She just felt numb.