Falcon Song: A love story (23 page)

“Cut her some slack, Jase. She was pregnant and scared and came to tell you and found you with the beer and another girl. If you were her and had a kid to think about, you’d have walked away too.”

Cody went to the counter and picked up Jason’s keys and went to hand them to him and then thought better of it. “No. You shouldn’t drive right now. I’ll take you. Y’all want a change or anything?”

Jason looked down at his button down hanging open over his jeans and bare feet and then shook his head. “I’ll be okay, Cody. Just give me minute to absorb this. Now where is she?”

“In Tulsa. Damn! I forgot to find out where she lives or anything. We’ll have to ask her mom. Surely she’ll tell you, now that she’s got your kid.”

Jason shook his head and rolled his eyes. This had rattled Cody almost as much as it had him. “If what you’re saying is true, Cody, then she’s had my kid since that awful night with the champagne. Her mother probably still won’t tell me if Kate hasn’t okayed it.”

Cody’s face fell and then lit right back up. “Then Kiersten! Kiersten will tell you. She’s a softy. She’s known this was wrong the whole time. Go ask Kiersten!”

“No. Kiersten would have told me a long time ago if she could have. She’s been sympathetic to me, but she’d promised. But you think Kate acted like she lived there in Tulsa?”

“Well, yeah, she was grocery shopping with her kid. Your kid. She wouldn’t have him with if she was just there on a business trip.”

Jason went over to his laptop and Googled Katelyn Birch-Garland. “Maybe after this much time she didn’t bother going unlisted. She knew I would quit trying to find her after I knew she was married.” After a long, pensive moment, a Tulsa address popped onto the screen.

Jason looked up at Cody and could feel his heart pounding in his throat
. Geez, a kid!
His mind was racing with a million different thoughts. It had been nearly two years since they’d messed up that night. Cody was watching him and finally asked, “You sure y’all don’t want me to drive you? Finding out you have a kid must be kind of a shock.”

Jason shook his head and finally smiled. “Ya think? I’ll drive myself. Just give me a year to calm my heart rate and I’ll be fine. I’m more excited than shocked. Do you realize that I know where Kate is and she’s no longer married? You just gave me my life back!”

Cody looked horrified. “Whoa, Tex. She’s been upset enough with you to hide something this big and not speak to you in I don’t even know how long. Don’t go barging in there and scare her out of the country again!”

“Give me
some
credit, Rawlings. I know how much is at stake here. Now get out of my house and let me think.” Cody turned for the door and Jason added, “And Cody?” He turned and looked back. “Thanks. I owe you. But forget about getting my first born.”

“Fine. Some kind of friend you are.”

Chapter 21

Jason pulled up to the modest frame house with the big tree in the front yard and instantly zeroed in on the two toddlers digging in the sand box near the front step. He got out of the car, came up the drive and stopped near the gate at the porch to watch the two. A little blonde girl and a small boy with his mother’s curls and his father’s everything else. Cody hadn’t been hallucinating. Jason could almost be looking at a double of himself when he was little.

His heart had been pounding for more than two hours now, but he still hadn’t really believed Cody had been right until this moment, and he almost felt light headed. He had a son! He was incredible!

He stood there, transfixed with wonder. His own child. He couldn’t take his eyes off of him until he heard steps on the porch and looked up to see Kate standing there in slim fitting jeans and a stretch t-shirt that showed off her perfect figure.

She gasped as she realized he was there, and put a hand to her heart then her eyes got huge. For just a second, he thought she was going to panic and run. Several different emotions flitted across her face and then she appeared to have the same heart issues he had and put her other hand there as well. She watched him in such surprise that it almost seemed like fear and then finally, she almost whispered, “You… You scared me. I thought there was a stranger watching them.”

As glad as he was to have found her, what she had done to him sliced his heart and he asked sadly, “Why, Kate? Why didn’t you tell me?”

She closed her eyes and then turned around and went back into the house without answering and he opened her gate and followed her in and said quietly but firmly, “No, Kate. This is too much. I had a right to know I had a son.” She continued on into the kitchen where she started to cry and he went on more gently, “How could you? Sweet, kind, gentle Kate. You’re not vindictive. You’re not vengeful. Why? We could have been married and happy all this time.”

She put her hands over her face and started to cry harder and he softly urged, “Kate, answer me. What would make you hate me so much you’d make your own son go without a father?”

At that, she shook her head and turned even more away still sobbing and after a moment leaned against her counter without looking at him. He followed her and put out a gentle hand to try to get her to look up at him, but she pulled away. In the softest tone of voice possible he asked again, “Why?”

She finally swallowed and struggled for composure as she said, “I came to Lubbock to tell you, Jason.”

There was a long, long moment of painful silence and finally, Jason sighed and asked, “Now what?”

Kate sniffed, wiped her eyes, unconsciously squared her shoulders and said quietly, “You’re going to get back in your fancy little sports car and go back to being a superstar and leave us alone. You’ve seen him now.”

“Not a chance and you know it.”

She faced up to him in spite of her tears. “Look Jason, you have absolutely no say in his life. He’s a year old, and John Garland is his father.”

Jason folded his arms and laughed bitterly. “What? Are you going to try to tell me he’s not mine? He’s a clone. And where is this business man husband of yours? I’d like to meet him.”

She picked up a dish that was sitting on the counter above her dish washer and turned away to put it in the cupboard. “He’s not home right now.”

Jason shook his head and wanted to swear, but said almost resignedly instead, “You’re not even going to tell me that he passed away, are you? Give it up, Kate. It’s been nearly two years of hell without you. Knowing you hated me and were married to someone else… I can’t even begin to voice how much that hurt, but I thought it was what you wanted. Seeing you now… You didn’t want that. I can see it in your eyes. Only God knows why y’all made the decisions you’ve made. But that little boy out there changes everything.”

She turned to him defiantly. “No, Jason. Two years ago he changed everything. I tried to tell you. Several times I started to tell you. You wouldn’t listen and the time’s past. It’s too late now. You have your life and we have ours. I don’t want him raised in a world of booze and fast cars and faster women. Go away.” The last two words sounded unbelievably sad.

Jason came to stand directly in front of her and said softly, “Look me in the eye, Kate, and tell me you hate me and never want to see me again and we’ll talk.”

She looked up momentarily and then dropped her eyes and turned away. “Jason, I worked late last night and I’m too tired to argue.” She put another dish away and then looked back and this time when she looked up, her eyes were challenging. “You have no right to even be here, let alone demand anything from me. Listen to yourself. I’m not some groupie you can manipulate.”

Letting out a breath, he said, “Thank heavens for that.”

Taking a step even closer, he waited until she looked into his eyes and then he said gently, “You’re wrong, Kate. I do have the right. Even more than that, I have the responsibility. You were wrong not to tell me at all. And frankly, I’ve never been more glad to be shocked in my life. He’s a dream come true for me. I’ve wanted to have children with you since I was seventeen years old. You and I both know I can’t walk away from this no matter how ticked off you are at me.”

He saw the fireworks go off in her blue eyes. “You think this is about being ticked off? Jason Falcon, we’re talking about a child’s life! A sweet, entirely dependent child who hasn’t been schooled by the ugly realities of this world yet! This isn’t about being ticked off!”

Right then, both of the children peeked their heads around the corner. The little girl had her finger in her mouth and Kennen looked frightened. Kate went and put her arms around them both and tried to comfort them and then encouraged them to go back outside and play. When they were gone, she turned back on Jason, but he interrupted her when he said huskily, “You’re a beautiful mommy. I always knew you would be. And he’s awesome. You’ve done a marvelous job.”

Kate turned away with a sigh. “He’s just a marvelous kid. He was awesome the second he was born. And John was a huge help with him until he got too sick.”

Gently Jason asked, “When did he pass away?”

“A couple of months ago. He had an inoperable brain tumor.”

She said it quietly, but with no emotion and Jason couldn’t help but ask, “Were you in love with him?”

Kate looked up at him and then turned and began stacking clean dishes on the counter. “Jason, you need to go now. Kennen and I have things to do.”

“Answer the question, Kate.”

“You lost the right to ask me questions like that a couple of years ago, Jason. It’s none of your business.”

He paused and then said softly, “I think y’all just can’t answer the question because you don’t lie, but you don’t want me to know the truth.”

Looking out the window to check on the kids, she said, “The truth is, it’s none of your business, Jason. Now, please go. And don’t come back.”

“Why?” She didn’t answer him right away and he pressed her. “The truth, Kate. You’re not still mad. I know you. You’re not a grudge holder. So, why can’t I come back and get to know my little boy? And don’t argue about that, Kate. You know you can’t keep him from me anymore. So tell me the truth.”

She spun to look at him. “Okay, I’ll tell you the truth, Jason. Walking away from you was every kind of hell. I loved you. I missed you desperately. I was scared and worried and sick and alone. I needed you, Jason. Leaving you was like cutting off my right arm, but it had to be done. I had a child to consider. I had to go. That was one of the ugly realities I was talking about. I won’t go through that again, Jason. And I certainly won’t allow Kennen to be dragged through it.

“And don’t you argue with me. I know you too, Jason. You are too kind of a man to do that to a sweet, happy, little boy, whether he has your DNA or not. So, don’t try to dabble in our lives. Just go back on tour and try to forget that you ever knew me. Just like I’m trying to do with you.”

Standing right in front of each other, he looked her in the eyes for several seconds and then shook his head. “I can’t, Kate. Even if we didn’t have him I couldn’t. Not now I know your husband is dead and that you aren’t in love with him anyway. I lost you, and you were right to walk. I was an idiot and I was wrong and I deserved you walking out on me. In fact, I probably needed it to get me to wake up about where I was heading. And I was right to respect your decision and your marriage. But not anymore. I can’t. I love you too much. I’ve thought about you every hour of every day since that stupid night in Lubbock with that stupid beer that really wasn’t mine.”

She gave him a look and he put up both hands. “I know, I know. I was foolish and I was wrong and I deserved you leaving, and for a while there, after I found out you were married, I did drink. In fact, I tried to drown myself drinking to try to deaden the pain and forget you. And that was wrong too. And with some help from Cody, I admitted it and straightened up. But I can promise you, on my honor, Kate, that I
never
slept with anyone. Even when I tried to surround myself with girls to try and wipe you out of my mind, every single stinking time I’d see your face and think of our pinky promise out on the dock that night, and I’d go on home by myself.”

She looked at him openly for several seconds and he saw pain in her eyes as she shook her head. “I’m sorry, Jason. But I don’t believe you. And it doesn’t matter anyway. The past is gone. What you do morally is between you and God and doesn’t concern me anymore.”

Still standing in front of her, he shook his own head and gently took her shoulders and looked into her eyes. “No, Kate, you’re wrong. It matters. I don’t blame you for not believing me. The tabloids have been unreal. But the promise we made to each other that night does matter. It matters more than anything. And other than that one disastrous night that we drank the champagne, I have honored it. Even when I was at my worst I honored it. Because, as much as I tried to get over you, I couldn’t. You’re too deep in my heart. In my very soul. Even if you were to refuse to ever see me again, I’d still love only you forever.” He paused and then added softly, “Falcons really do mate for life, Kate. They really do.”

As he looked into her eyes, they filled up with tears again and when they welled over, he pulled her into a gentle hug and rested his cheek against her short pixy curls. He eased her against him even tighter and let out a sigh at how good it felt to hold her after all these many, many months. It truly felt like coming home.

His sweet sense of rightness was cut short as she shrugged out of his arms and went to the window to look out at the two toddlers playing in the yard beyond. He could tell she was wiping at her eyes and though he was unsure of what to do, he followed her to look out the window as well.

Again the sight of that little dark head made his heart do somersaults and he breathed against her hair, “He’s such a miracle.” Sadly, he admitted, “I wish I’d known, Kate. I wish I’d have been able to be excited about you having our baby. I wish I could have been there when he was born and have seen him from the very start. I wish I could have helped you through all of it.”

Without turning, she whispered, “I wished that too, Jase.” He heard her quietly sob. “But you’d changed. I had to go.”

He wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “I know. And I’m so sorry. So, so sorry.”

They stood like that for several minutes while her tears dripped onto his forearms and finally, he turned her and pulled her back into the close hug they’d shared for all those years before any of this, and nothing had ever felt so right in his life. Why had he ever, ever let this get away? He wanted to stay here like this forever.

At length, the children outside left the sand box and he knew they were probably headed their way and after a couple of minutes, he reluctantly let her go to step away from her as they toddled into the room. As they came to her, Jason knelt down. Kennen looked at him hesitantly and then took a step behind Kate’s leg and wrapped his little arm around her knee.

Kate leaned down beside Jason and whispered, “It’s okay, buddy.” She put her arm around Jason and said, “This is a friend of Mommy’s. His name is Jason. He’s okay, Kennen. He won’t hurt you. Would you like to meet him?”

Kennen ducked his head and looked away, but the little girl stepped out and took her finger out of her mouth and reached out for Jason. He took her in his arms and Kennen watched as Jason smiled at her and gently touched a tiny piggy tail. Jason was just wondering how to get Kennen to come to him, when Kennen slipped out from behind Kate’s leg and pulled the little girl’s other piggy tail and let it spring back against her head. Then he laughed like that was the funniest thing ever and Jason smiled at the sound of it.

When Kennen finally came forward, Jason picked him up as well and stood up and Kennen began to jabber to the little girl, but Jason couldn’t understand a word of it.

Kate came and put her hands out and said, “Gretchen, can I hold you a minute while Jason holds his… While he holds Kennen?” The little girl leaned into Kate’s arms as Kate said, “He’s a nice man, Kennen. You can hug him if you want to. He’d probably love one of your huggers.”

At that, Kennen almost threw his arms around Jason’s neck and gave a huge squeeze for a child that size and Jason wrapped his own arms around the tiny body and closed his eyes. This was his son. The child he had dreamed of having for about as long as he could remember. He cuddled him to him and felt feelings well up inside he’d never felt before in his life. This was his and Kate’s son. Their Kennen. He was real and in the flesh and this tiny little body felt like a small piece of heaven here in his arms.