Falcon Song: A love story (32 page)

The knowing that they were indeed mates for this life and beyond kindled the strong friendship that had been through the refiner’s fire, turning it into a firestorm of desire that became forged into the commitment of forever. Raw emotion filled the void left by the last of her doubts until by the time he pulled away, their breathing heavy and ragged; her very innermost emotional needs had been finally quenched by the surety of his devotion. He had been right all along- they were Falcons who had mated for forever. Knowing to the very depth of her heart that he was hers and hers alone for eternity was the most empowering feeling she had ever experienced.

                                          ***

Jason knew without a shadow of a doubt that she’d finally been able to sweep away the reservations she’d been having since long before she’d even left. But the desire that that surety and those kisses aroused was just at this moment threatening to torch the whole hotel and he pulled away with a groan and struggled to get a handle on the passion that had him wanting far more from her than she could give right here and now.

He needed her desperately. And he knew she needed him just the same, but he also knew that this searing hunger for each other could char their whole future if they let it get out of control like they had that one desperate time before. They would be dealing with the ripples from that disastrous night forever as it was and there was no way he was going to take risks like that again. Not when he could taste eternity in her kiss tonight.

Even without her mouth on his, her exquisite sensuality was making him crazy and after fighting his own body for several moments, he finally forced himself to let go of her completely and get up off the small couch and walk across to the window. He stood there and looked out at the lights of the city and then leaned and turned the air conditioner up to full blast. He needed all the cooling off he could get right now.

He heard her get up and glanced around to see her filling a glass with ice at the little bar. She added water and brought it over to him, her face still flushed from the heat of the moment. With a tentative smile, she handed it to him and asked, “Are you okay?”

Returning her small smile, he took the ice water and quietly admitted, “I was just worrying about spontaneously combusting again. You have no idea what you can do to me, girl.” She was silently watching him and what he saw in her eyes made him ask softly, “Or do you?”

He set the water glass on the air conditioner and reached for her again to fold her into a gentle, but very tight hug with a deep satisfied sigh. “This is where we’re supposed to be, isn’t it, Kate? Close enough that I can feel you breathe and feel your heart beat with mine.”

She didn’t answer and after a few seconds, he looked down into her blue eyes and knew it was time to get on to forever. “Katelyn Marie, would you marry me?”

There was no doubt in her eyes, none of that worry, no fear, just the faint glisten of tears as she answered without hesitation. “I would love to marry you, Jason. I would be honored.” With another happy sigh, he bent to kiss her again. This time so gently that the smallest sensation felt huge as they touched. This was definitely where they were supposed to be.

When they finally pulled away, he said, “I’m sorry. I was going to surprise you and take you to the lake, but I couldn’t help myself. Tonight, you just feel like forever here in my arms.”

She teared up again and he could tell the tender emotions were back as she shook her head and then had to pause before she could whisper, “No, this was perfect. It does feel like forever. Take me to the lake to give me a ring. But maybe we should do it sooner than later.” She gave him a shy smile. “Spontaneous combustion is a very real threat.”

He chuckled as he bent to kiss her again. It was probably a good thing the pizza was delivered soon after that.

Chapter 27

              Cody actually talked Jennika into flying on to California with them for the next concert, but Kate had to get back home to Kennen. Saying goodbye to Jason at the airport was more poignant than she ever remembered. They both almost missed their planes because they were so hesitant to tell each other goodbye.

              It was a good thing Kate hadn’t opted to stay, because the next day, Kennen came down with a low grade fever and obviously wasn’t feeling well. She was glad she was the one to be able to care for him as well as not exposing Gretchen to a bug.

              The fact that Jason would be home the next day filled her thoughts as she worked around the house and cared for Kennen. It was incredible the difference that one concert and night had made in knowing everything was going to be okay with them. Having the last of the doubt gone was like having the sun come out after a year of rain. The only problem was that the day dragged by because she couldn’t wait to see him. Every time she thought about those kisses on the hotel couch, she’d feel these amazing butterflies dance in her stomach.

              Toward evening, Kennen’s fever spiked and he started to cough and the thoughts of Jason were pushed into the background as she struggled to bring the fever down and keep Kennen as comfortable as possible. She still felt those sweet warm feelings when she thought about Jason, but there wasn’t a whole lot of time to let her thoughts wander. Kennen had had the usual bouts with a cold all babies had, but he’d never gotten this sick, this fast.

              By three-thirty in the morning, she was exhausted and beginning to wonder if maybe this wasn’t just a cold as Kennen’s fever climbed and he struggled to breathe between coughing. She got on-line and then called her mom and was becoming more worried by the moment. Several times she’d thought about taking him into an after hours clinic, but knew they would be packed with other sick children and she was hesitant to expose him to something worse than just a cold. There were some truly nasty things going around and she didn’t want to take a chance on him catching something even worse.

              When her cell phone rang a few minutes later and she saw it was Jason calling, she breathed a sigh of relief. He’d help her calm down and be able to get through this. He always helped her settle down and focus. His deep, sexy voice made her feel better as soon as he said her name and what he said next made her feel unbelievably better. “Hey, Kate. I’m on your front porch, but I didn’t want to scare you by knocking. I got in a minute ago, but I saw your lights are on. Is everything okay?”

              “No. Everything is not okay.” She felt a sudden urge to break down and cry as she carried her son to the door to let his dad in. “Kennen’s really sick.” She opened the door and Jason walked inside looking positively exhausted and completely beautiful. The concern in his face was the most reassuring thing she’d ever seen.

              He leaned down to kiss her and then put a gentle hand to Kennen’s head and gave a low whistle. “How long has he been like this?”

              “He got a fever this afternoon, but it was pretty mild until about seven o’clock. Since then he’s been getting worse and worse. I’ve given him everything I dared. I would have taken him in, but I’m worried about him being exposed to something even nastier.”

              “Can I hold him? You look all in.” He squeezed her shoulder and kissed her temple as he took Kennen from her and went to sit in a recliner to rock him. Even Kennen seemed to be calmed as Jason rubbed him and spoke to him gently as the sick little boy was wracked with a coughing spell. When he was quieted again, Jason asked, “Kate, how do you know he doesn’t already have something pretty nasty? This is a bad cough. He’s having trouble breathing.”

              Kate felt the hair on the back of her neck prickle to hear him say the thought out loud she’d been trying to ignore for more than an hour now and she nodded her head as the tears she’d been struggling to fight broke free.

              Jason got back up and brought Kennen over to her and wrapped one arm around her. “Don’t cry, sweetheart. He’s going to be okay. And I’m here now and can shoulder some of this.” He kissed her temple again and whispered, “Crying will only make him more stressed, Kate baby. Try to be strong until he goes to sleep and then you can rain all over me. Deal?”

              Kate nodded but then said sadly, “We need to take him in, Jason. I hate to even admit it, but he’s not getting better even with the cold medicine and Tylenol. I feel like he should be looked at.”

              Jason pulled back and looked at her quietly and then nodded. “It couldn’t hurt as sick as he is. Go get the diaper bag and I’ll start buckling him into his car seat.”

              An hour and a half later, Kate had never been more grateful for Jason in her life as he rocked their son who did indeed have a bad case of RSV. Jason sang to him as Kennen struggled to breathe even with the tiny oxygen mask he wore to supplement him. Kennen hated the mask and kept trying to pull it off, but every time, Jason would gently but firmly tell him no and try to distract him. Finally, Kennen got the message that Jason wasn’t going to let him remove it and he cuddled into Jason’s chest to listen to him sing to him and finally fell into an exhausted sleep.

              Jason was in a rocking chair beside the crib in the room and with his free hand he pulled the other chair over close to him and beckoned Kate to come sit close enough that she could lean on him too. It felt like heaven to lean on his strong shoulder and finally let herself give into the exhaustion she was feeling. He was probably even more tired because he’d done a concert and then caught a red eye back home, but he felt like a rock sitting here beside her.

As she drifted off, she noticed that hospitals all smelled the same. This was exactly how it had smelled the night Jason’s brother Kennen had died.

              She thought about the other Kennen a lot over the next forty-eight hours. Somehow, sitting here beside the crib and literally willing her son to be able to breathe was eerily reminiscent of that other night so long ago, when she and Jason had kept a vigil like this. It was a different Kennen and a different hospital and even a different life threatening situation, but the sound and the smells and the oppressive fear were exactly the same.

              She knew Jason was feeling the same things. She could see it in his eyes, even though he never said anything even remotely less than hopeful. The exhaustion clouded her brain and she could see the exhaustion take its toll on Jason as well as he stayed strong enough for both her and Kennen to lean on.

              In some ways, this time together was precious. Praying beside Jason was a sweet experience they’d never shared like they were now. Prayer helped to strengthen them both when the fear became overwhelming and she knew it was strengthening their friendship as well.

              Even though they had both believed their relationship had already been tempered and was absolutely strong the other night in that hotel room when he’d asked her to be his wife, this time of waiting and praying together refined it and solidified it even further. Looking back, Kate had to wonder how in the world she had ever questioned this strong man’s character. He was more of a rock than she’d ever, ever understood.

              Their parents came and it was somehow so wrong to have Jason’s parents just meet Kennen and yet be aware he might not live to get to know him. Once again, Kate had to wonder why she’d felt so sure she was supposed to leave after that night in Lubbock.

              Cody had been there several times, but on the fourth day, he brought Jennika in to visit and while Kate appreciated their friendship, the look that passed between them as Jennika took in Kennen’s condition, made her more afraid than she’d ever been in her life. She’d known Kennen was slowly getting worse, but seeing that sober look from a medical professional scared her to death.

              Deep in the fifth night, as she and Jason stood together beside the crib looking down at the grievously ill small boy, Jason finally spoke about what neither one of them had been able to voice when he tiredly asked her, “Kate baby, what would you think of getting married like tonight so if we lose him, at least he’ll be remembered as Kennen Falcon?” Kate was only able to nod her head as she sobbed into his chest. She desperately wanted to raise this little boy, not just remember him.

              Cody made the arrangements and honestly, Kate was so tired and worried that it was all she could do to say “I do.”, when the judge who came right to the hospital married them early the next morning. They were far too worried about whether Kennen was going to make it through the day to care that this wasn’t the way they’d always planned to marry. And filling out the paperwork to have Jason officially adopt Kennen was little more than a heart wrenching blur.

              Again, that night, a honeymoon was the furthest thing from their minds as they continued their constant vigil beside his crib, still praying together for their son to be healed. At this point, it felt like a miracle was what it was going to take to bring him back from death’s door.

              The attending physicians moved Kennen into the intensive care unit in the middle of the night and tensions stretched still further. Now they weren’t even allowed to stay with him all the time and after their time to visit him was up every half hour, they crumbled together onto a couch in the nearby lounge to catch a moment of sleep and wait for the next time they could check on him for a few minutes.

The hours came and went in a tangled mix of prayer, fear and nightmares, and the fact that they were now married didn’t really register. Even the physical attraction was missing as the night the first Kennen had died haunted them.

              Jason had been scheduled to leave with the band on Friday morning for a concert in Georgia on Saturday, but there wasn’t much question of him leaving and the tour bus left with him still existing in a tired, fearful haze in the ICU lounge. Though Kate appreciated him not leaving, and she regretted him being unable to keep a commitment the way he invariably did, she had come to know that walking away while his son had such a tenuous hold on life would be as thoroughly impossible for him as it would be for her. This man worshipped the small boy he’d only recently found out he’d fathered.

              Instead of traveling across the south to go and perform, Jason spent that day bearing up under the pressure of worrying about his small son dying and being the rock that Kate leaned on to have faith that their Father in Heaven would intervene here and let them have the chance to raise that son.

              That night was the longest night in history. It had to be. There were times Kate literally spoke the word “breathe” out loud to Kennen as they stood there beside his bed for those short minutes the staff allowed them to be in there. When they couldn’t be and had gone back out to the lounge, the fear his small body would indeed stop breathing without them there was the most fearful thing she could ever imagine feeling. It would be bad enough to lose him, but to have him die in there without them felt unendurable and the fear became suffocating.

The only way Kate felt they could even survive that night of hell was to deal with the overwhelming struggle together, hand in hand and with a prayer in their hearts every single second. There was no way they’d have made it at all if it hadn’t been for that sweet relief of prayer. The privilege of being able to take this burden to God and know He was there and listening and comforting had never been more apparent to her.

As it was, when day finally did break outside the big windows at the end of the hallway, the exhaustion was nearly as oppressing as the fear. They’d made it through the night. Whether their little boy would make it through this day was yet to be seen.

              They were both standing next to Kennen’s bed in the ICU, wondering if it was their imagination that he seemed to be breathing somewhat easier, when for the first time in what felt like a year, he opened his sweet eyes and looked up at them like he actually knew them. Those raging green eyes that were so like his father’s were clear and bright and Kate began to cry as Jason reached into the bed to put a gentle hand on Kennen’s head and softly said, “Hey, buddy. Good morning! You look like you’re feeling a bit better.”

              Kennen nodded his little head tiredly and rolled toward them as he reached a tiny little hand out to Jason who tenderly picked him up, being careful of the tubes and wires that appeared to truss every part of him. In her tired haze, Kate hadn’t even realized his fever had come down in the last while. Neither of them had. The hope that was born in that moment was indescribable.

Jason cuddled him to his chest and then pulled Kate into their embrace as well and she couldn’t help the tears that fell as Kennen struggled to speak through the oxygen mask and his sore throat and then finally asked, “Daee, sing to Tennen?” Her heart had never been as full as Jason snuggled the tiny boy close to them and began to softly sing to him about the Falcon with the broken wing. She felt like she’d been handed back forever with her family again.             

In the late afternoon, they moved Kennen back out to his regular room and once he was settled and had gone to sleep, Jason sat down in the recliner and pulled Kate down onto his lap and kissed away the unbelievable fear and worry of the last hellacious week that felt like it had lasted a decade. The physical attraction that had been overwhelmed with the thought of their son dying, was now back with a vengeance and even as tired as they both were, they struggled not to embarrass the nurse who came in a few minutes later and interrupted them.