Falcon Song: A love story (29 page)

“That’s not very alone.”

“I think we could figure it out, Kate. How would he understand if you just left him? He isn’t used to anyone else is he, since John died?”

“I used to have a nanny who he’d be fine with for a day or two. Or Elise, maybe.”

Jason grinned. “So does that mean you’ll marry me?”

“You haven’t asked, but… If I say I need some time to get used to all of this, is that going to make you sad?”

“Of course. What if I asked and you could say yes, and then we’d give you the time you need before the actual wedding?”

Kate’s heart began to pound clear up into her head. “Jason Falcon, don’t you dare ask me to marry you over turkey enchiladas and one percent milk.”

“What’s wrong with turkey enchiladas and one percent milk?”

She took a deep breath. “Nothing. I just… I mean… Jason stop it. This isn’t funny. You’re going to give me heartburn or something.”

“Baby, you’ve been giving me heartburn or something since you were fourteen years old. I owe you. But actually, I want to surprise you anyway so you can settle down. At least for a few minutes.”

“I didn’t say I’d say yes.”

He looked at her calmly across the table for a long second and then softly said, “Your eyes did.”

Their gaze finally broke when Kennen dropped his baby spoon over the side of his highchair and Kate changed the subject. “So when are you and Cody moving in?”

“This Monday.”

“When will Reids be out?”

“Tomorrow, I think. Why?”

“Does anything need to be done to it before you can move in?”

“You mean do I want all of that horrendous carpet gone before we arrive? Absolutely. Have you seen it? Maybe you could recommend a decorator from here.”

She shook her head. “I’ve never been inside, or hired a decorator. The back yard seems nice.”

“I’m going to see if Elise and her husband will let me put a gate across the corner so Kennen can come back and forth.”

“I’ll bet they’d agree to that. And she’d probably know a decorator. She’s from here and her home is beautiful.” She got up and began to clear the dishes. “Would you like dessert?”

He lifted Kennen out of his chair and brought him to the sink next to her to wipe his face off. “Only you, Kate.”

She took off Kennen’s bib. “Hmm, have I ever been dessert before?”

He put his free arm around her and kissed her hard for a second. “I don’t know, but it sounds really delicious.” He kissed her again, more gently and then when Kennen began to squirm between them, he asked, “Is it okay if I put his jammies on him right now?”

Kate looked at her little son almost asleep already in Jason’s arms. “You’d better. Do you remember where they are?”

“I think so.”

The dishes were finished and everything put away and Jason hadn’t reappeared and she went to find him. He was rocking Kennen in the rocker in her room with him snuggled up on his chest and he was singing softly to him. As sleepy as Kennen looked, he still had his eyes open as he laid there listening, obviously happy and comfortable.

Seeing them pierced Kate to the heart. What had she been thinking to try to keep them apart? Just now it appeared to be a complete no brainer that that had been a wrong decision. Why had she felt so surely then that it had to be done? Had she put all three of them through hell needlessly? Tears slid down her cheeks and she turned away from the doorway completely sick at heart over what she had done to her own son and best friend, thinking she’d had to.

Jason found her on the back porch swing, still awash in tears. “Hey, what’s going on? Was it something I did?” He sat down beside her and gathered her into his arms. “What’s wrong?”

She shook her head and turned away. “Oh, Jason, I’m so sorry. So, so sorry. I thought I had to. I truly did. I felt so strongly that the direction that hotel room was headed that night in Lubbock would be such a mistake for a child. I prayed all the way home.” She began to cry so hard she couldn’t even speak and had to take a moment before she continued, “I thought I had to go and not tell you. I made a terrible mistake and I’m so sorry. For all of us. I put us all through hell for two whole years.”

Hugging her, he put a hand gently on her head and said, “Shh, shh, Kate, take it easy. It’s all right, honey. Don’t cry. Listen. I need to tell you something. Listen. You didn’t make a mistake, Kate.”

Tears were still sliding down her cheeks as she looked up at him in confusion. “What?”

He looked her in the eye and said, “I’ve had a couple of years to try to figure out why you took off like you did, Kate. And I’ve had a few days to think about being a parent. Sadly it took finding out about Kennen to understand. And even then, at first, I couldn’t believe you’d do something so mean as hiding the fact that we had a child. And I certainly wouldn’t have chosen to go through this, but after thinking about it, Kate. Really thinking about it, I wonder if you leaving wasn’t necessary after all.”

The tears stopped and her eyes got big with surprise as he went on, “For the longest time after that night at the hotel in Lubbock, I kept telling myself you just hadn’t understood. It really wasn’t my beer and the girl meant nothing. Finally, thanks to my mom and Cody, I realized I was the one who didn’t understand. To me, then, letting the girls hug me wasn’t that big a deal. I wasn’t sleeping with them; I wasn’t off somewhere making out. They meant nothing to me. They were just part of being a singer. At least that was my rationalization. In looking back, that was a bunch of fertilizer. I had no business being that friendly with women who meant nothing. It wasn’t fair to them and it certainly wasn’t being a hundred percent faithful to you. Whether I was a singer or not, that wasn’t right. Physical touch is supposed to mean something. Like it does between you and me. But do you understand, Kate, I was entirely off track and didn’t even realize it?”

He gave her a sad smile. “It took losing you, and then Cody asking me what I’d have felt like if you did the same thing around a bunch of men.” He shook his head. “Just the thought made me livid, but I couldn’t just get it for some reason. I guess I had to be forced to see.”

He sat back and gently pulled her head against his chest. “I don’t know, Kate. Losing you was hell. Finding out you were married was quadruple hell. I’d like to think I didn’t really need that much of a wake up call, but then I know you, Kate. You’re the most level headed woman on the planet. And the most spiritually in tune person I know. If you felt like you were supposed to, then you probably were. I must just be unbelievably hard headed to need two years of you being gone. All I do know, is I’m eternally grateful Cody went shopping with Jennika that day.”

After another minute or two, he went on, “Some good things have come of this, Kate. The question of whether I only love the flavor of Kate is unequivocally answered. And we’re stronger now than we were then, tempered by all of it. And who knows, maybe we’ve learned just how vital we are to each other. Maybe we’ll have a greater appreciation for us and our children for having been apart. But God isn’t a God of whimsy. Don’t second guess promptings when you’re sure. Only He knows everything.”

He paused and leaned back so he could see her eyes and said softly, “One thing I do know is having you back in my arms is the sweetest thing I’ve ever known. I’ve missed you, Kate. Life without you isn’t worth living.”

She suddenly felt weepy again. “I missed you too, Jason. Kennen missed you too, and he hadn’t even met you yet. He looked so happy in there just now.”

“He was. We both were. He’s a dream come true for me.”

Even through her tears, she smiled as she said, “Isn’t it wild, how much he looks like you? I tried so hard to forget you and move on, but there was this miniature Jason, on top of all the other memories. It was impossible.”

“Good.” He kissed her for a long moment. “Because I need you. Falcons mate for life. Some of them for forever.”

Chapter 25

The next day, before coming to her house, Jason visited next door and Elise was willing not only to let Jason put in a gate, but to watch Kennen as well and Kate agreed to go carpet shopping with him.

They found the carpet and then went furniture shopping. Jason would bring the things from his and Cody’s apartments, but the house was bigger than them both and they needed a few more things.

Shopping for furniture with him was another activity that was so comfortable to her it almost made her a trifle paranoid, which made absolutely no sense, so it fit right in to the rest of this sudden about face in her life. Changing from struggling to avoid Jason at all costs, to spending most of their spare time together had her head spinning and it still scared her to death. If she didn’t felt such peace when she was with him, she’d think she’d completely gone out of her mind.

Shopping with him was easier than she expected because he wore a ball cap pulled low and sunglasses and they weren’t so bothered by people who knew who he was.

After they’d found a new larger dining table and office furniture and a set of end tables, Jason said he needed a guest bedroom set. Kate shook her head. “I think I’ll go the powder room and then meet you in electronics.” She wasn’t going to say it out loud, but looking at dozens of beds with Jason would be a huge mistake and they both knew it.

They had agreed to meet Cody and Jennika for lunch and Kate had wondered how that would go, being out with both of them, but Cody showed up in another disguising ball cap and although she thought the hostess knew who they were, she was respectful of their privacy and seemed to understand when they asked for an out of the way table.

Seeing Jennika again was a bit awkward at first. Kate wasn’t sure how to behave in front of either her or Cody, but Jason had a firm hold of her hand and Cody wrapped an arm around her and gave her a huge hug when he saw her and then pulled back and looked at her hard and asked quietly, “Are you mad that I told him?”

She shook her head. “No, Cody. I’m not mad.”

Still being discrete, he asked, “Are you okay?”

“I’m not even sure what I am. This has all happened so fast.”

He hugged her again and whispered when he was close, “I hope you’re okay, Kate. I can’t even describe how much happier he is. It’s like having the old Jason back. He’s been missing for a couple of years now. He’s a good man, Kate. A great one. A really, truly great man.”

She nodded and tried to hide the tears he induced as she whispered back, “I know, Cody, and I’m sorry for everything.”

“No.” He pulled back just far enough to see her eyes. “I’m the one who’s sorry, Kate. I’m sorry for so many things. Mostly, for the champagne that night. I was such an idiot for so long, please forgive me. I’ve tried to start making up for things.” He grinned. “I’m a new man. Y’all won’t even recognize me. I don’t drink a drop anymore and I haven’t so much as even glanced at another girl except Jennika in months. I’m following Jason’s lead now.” He pulled away from Kate and put his arm around Jennika again as they followed the hostess.

Kate looked up at Jason and asked, “Really? No girls and no alcohol?”

Jason laughed at her disbelief. “He’s not kidding. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was possessed or something. But that’s backwards.”

Kate glanced at Jennika walking to their table ahead of them and whispered, “She must be something else to get him to do that.”

“I know you’re not going to believe this, but he’d gotten that way months before he even met her.” Jason sobered as he said, “He quit drinking when I found out you were married and went off the deep end. He said that cold sober, playing around like he had been wasn’t nearly so appealing. I don’t know if that was really it, but I know I owe him my life. For a while there, I didn’t care if I lived or died.”

She tugged on his arm to stop him. She had to admit to him about her marriage to John. He’d never so much as asked about it since that very first moment on that first night and she needed to come clean and explain. She should have told him days ago. “Jason, I need to tell you something.”

He turned to her and she glanced around at the other people in the dining room looking at them as they stood in the aisle and she pulled him to walk with her again as she whispered, “I, uh need to talk to you some time about John. I need to explain some things.”

The hurt in his eyes made her feel horrible and when they finally got past the other diners she pulled him to a stop again and whispered, “Jason, you need to know that I didn’t marry John because I was in love with him. I mean, I know you already know that, but it’s not what you think. John was just my boss and it was basically a business deal. We weren’t… He just needed me to help him get through dying.” She dropped her eyes. “We weren’t lovers. I never even kissed him.”

He didn’t answer her and she looked up at him to see confusion mixed in with the hurt in his eyes. “What?”

She shook her head and whispered again, “John, Jason. It’s a long story, but we weren’t really married. I mean married married. I need to explain it to you. It’s not what you think. We weren’t lovers.”

Jason’s eyes narrowed as he looked at her and he pulled her into the nearby hallway to a banquet room and backed her up to a wall and put a hand on both sides of her head. “What? What are you saying, Kate?”

“I’m trying to tell you why I got married. John was dying and believed his ex-wife and kids would squander the fortune he’d amassed on trivial things. He wanted it put into a scholarship foundation, but the tumor was affecting his brain. He was afraid that once he was gone mentally, they’d come in and take it anyway when he was deemed incompetent. His accountant and his attorney and I worked with him at the end to make sure they didn’t get it and he didn’t die alone.”

The most amazing light started in the back of Jason’s eyes and she could see he was finally starting to understand what she was saying as she went on, “I had a great deal of respect for John, he was a good person. And I did grow to love him as things progressed, but it was never a romantic thing. John and I were just partners and friends. I never slept with him.”

Jason’s face slowly mellowed with an emotion she could only describe as joy and he leaned right into her. “You’re kidding. Are you kidding me, Kate?”

She shook her head slowly all the time meeting his eyes. “I would never kid about something like this, Jase. I couldn’t. I couldn’t kid and I couldn’t go back on my promise to you.” She finally looked down. “At least not again after the night we conceived Kennen.”

He laughed softly and then pulled her almost roughly into his arms. “You’re really not just telling me this?”

At that, Kate’s eyes narrowed. “I would never lie, Jason. Especially not to you.”

“Oh, honey, I know, I just…” He shook his head. “You have no idea… Geez, you can’t even imagine the nightmares I had about… I tried to drown them because they were killing me. I wasn’t even sure I would survive knowing you were married. Aw, Kate, I wish I’d known. I couldn’t even believe it when I went back to your restaurant to find out who you were working for and they told me you and your husband owned it. I couldn’t conceive that you would just leave me behind like that and move on.”

She looked up at him and said, “If I was honest, Jason. I should tell you that I tried desperately to move on. At that time, I thought I would never be able to come home. I did everything I could—short of drinking like you did, to forget you. I’m sorry. Your memory was killing me and I tried so hard. But getting married was simply to help John die as he wished and gain some respectability. John thought it would be easier if I was a widow instead of an unwed mother.” She smiled hesitantly at him. “Which would have worked relatively well, if you and Kennen weren’t nearly clones. You two ruined my whole plan.”

He put his fingers up into her hair. “He has your beautiful curls, babe.” He leaned and kissed her for a long moment and then pulled back with a mellow sigh. “Kate, I can’t even believe what you just told me. I thought things were perfect to have you back, even though I knew you’d married another man. I mean, it killed me, but I knew you would have done what you felt was best, but…” He searched her eyes for a long several seconds. “Kate, are you telling me that the only time… There’s never been anyone but me that night? The night we made him?”

She was too shy to meet his eyes and simply nodded and he pulled her to him again almost reverently. He held her that way and then finally pulled her face up and leaned down to kiss her, slowly and gently, still sighing against her lips.

Somewhere in the back of her brain, she could hear footsteps and she had begun to push him away when there was a gasp and then shattering glass. They looked up to see a very surprised waitress standing in a tangle of broken stemware.

At first her face registered shock and almost anger, but when she saw Jason, she began to beam as she breathed, “Holy Moses, Jason Falcon. What are y’all doin’ back here?”

Jason grinned down at Kate and said, “Having my world unwrinkled in one sweet revelation.”

Kate blushed and in that moment, three other servers appeared around the corner, followed by Cody. She was grateful for her food service background as she shook off her sudden color and said to the moonstruck girl, “We’re so sorry we startled you. We’ll pay for the goblets. Could you find me a broom and I’ll help you clean up this mess?”

The girl didn’t even register that Kate had spoken and was still staring at Jason in a fog and Kate turned to the next young man and made her request again as Jason grabbed a nearby tote and leaned to begin gathering up the largest pieces.

By the time they made it to their table, Kate was beginning to seriously worry about the girl who still hadn’t come out of her stupor. Kate had to laugh as she and Jason sat down and Jennika innocently said, “I’ve heard a good hard slap in a situation like this brings them out of it. Maybe you could help her out, Kate. You could say it was doctor’s orders.”

Kate decided she was really going to like Cody’s heart throb. If anyone could side Cody Rawlings, it was this quick witted vixen. She apparently knew just how Kate felt. Regardless, Kate still wasn’t going to try to eat with this mindless waitress standing there staring and she got up and went in search of the manager and requested a more experienced server. A middle aged male would be nice.

Actually, Jason appeared to be in a bit of a zone himself. Every few minutes he would get quiet and introspective and then he’d look at Kate and give her a small smile and lean to kiss her. Eventually, Cody and Jennika started making fun of them and mimicking him and he finally came out of it some.

Back at his Porsche, he waved the others off and then backed Kate against the car once more just as he had inside in the hallway. She looked up at him, wondering why he was doing this instead of simply opening the door as he usually did. He had that mellow joy on his face again and she wasn’t quite sure how to take him as he leaned to kiss her, the deep green of his eyes looking liquid this close. His kiss was more insistent than she expected and she pushed at him and then looked around. Jason wasn’t usually prone to public displays of affection like this. “Jase, we are like standing in a parking lot in broad daylight. What are you doing?”

“I can’t help it, Kate. I’m so happy about you not being uh really married I almost feel guilty. He sounds like a nice guy who tragically died young but . . . I almost wish I could somehow thank him except I’m still a little jealous of him.”

“You needn’t be jealous. And he really was a nice guy. He made me promise to think about coming back to you someday.”

“He’s sounding better all the time.”

Jason leaned in to kiss her again and she put her hands on his chest and looked up at him one more time. “Jason, let me go and let’s get into the car. We’re starting to get spectators.”

Without backing off a bit, he whispered, “Kate, can I just tell you how grateful I am that you are the kind of girl who honors promises and doesn’t take intimacy lightly? Knowing that you didn’t… That I’m the only one you’ll ever…”

She put a gentle hand up and covered his mouth. “Jason, don’t. Don’t finish what you’re saying. We can’t talk about this. Not right now. Not with how volatile the attraction is between you and me. It would be foolish and it would be wrong. We need to be so careful not to play with fire. You know that.”

He sighed. “You’re right. But…” He looked down at her and she looked up at him and he finally groaned and pushed his fingers up into her hair and pulled her to him to kiss her once, almost desperately. He pulled away and said, “Falcons mate for life, Kate. You
are
my mate. Not talking about it isn’t going to change that.”

“Jason, I don’t want to change it. Just, tell me on our wedding night, not right now. We need to be careful.”

“I know.” He took her hand and pulled her away from the car so he could open the door and help her in. Once she was in and he’d come around and gotten in as well, he turned to her and gave her a long, long look that was almost searing before starting up the car.

Kate sat down on the edge of her bed and rolled her neck. This had been the longest Tuesday of her life. Okay, probably not really, but it had been a long, long day. It had to have lasted more than twenty four hours.