Fall From Grace (14 page)

I could barely take my eyes from Shane’s.  He looked like he was in so much pain and I didn’t want to be the cause of that.  He seemed so broken.  I shrugged in answer to Ethan’s question, “I took a few lessons.”

Tucker stumbled up to Ethan and looked around to the rest of the guys.  “Wait a second; does this mean I don’t get to play?  That pretty much sucks, Grace.”

An hour had passed and we all hung out in the studio, playing music and laughing at Tucker’s drunken tantrums.  I wanted desperately to talk to Shane, but I was too nervous that he’d already thrown away what simple friendship we had started to have.  As everyone started to clean up their stuff, Shane walked to the door of the studio, grabbing his jacket on the way.

“Hey, dude.  You’re splitting?” Ethan asked.  “Where you off to? Shouldn’t we celebrate or something?”

“I have plans,” he said and glanced at me.  He wrenched the door open so hard that it hit the wall.  Then he walked out and slammed the door behind him.

I had no idea how in the last 24 hours, I had gone from being someone you would jump in front of a knife for, to not being able to stay in the same room with.

Ethan hooked his huge arm in mine.  “I say we take this gorgeous little thing out and celebrate!”

We ended up in Boozer’s, which was quiet until Tucker got there.  We ordered food and sodas (yes, we actually ordered pitchers of soda) and Tucker entertained us with his drunken outbursts.

In his total state of foolish inebriation, he invited everyone for a mid-week mini ski vacation in his parent’s “resort house” calling them to make the plans, waking them up.  Continuing his wild behavior, he called ahead the “resort house” to make sure they would order the same champagne that I liked at Masa.  His reasoning was so he could try to “sweep me off my feet.”  Everyone howled with laughter when I told him the only way I’d go was if he didn’t, or he could just send the champagne right to my apartment so I could drink it alone.

I was enjoying myself until Shane walked into the bar at midnight with a beautiful dark-haired girl.  He sat her at the bar and ordered some drinks, never acknowledging us at our table.

I watched him trail his fingers along her arm.  Giggling, she leaned closer to him and kissed him.  My mouth went dry and the only thing on our table was a pitcher of soda.  Watching Shane kissing that girl made me want something stronger and I hated myself for it.

His strong hands ran up her thighs and she squirmed in delight.  I had to turn away from them. Dragging my eyes from the scene, I found myself face to face with Ethan, who was watching me curiously.

Ethan looked over to Shane and back to me.  “Hey, you okay?”

“Yes, I’m awesome,” I said.  I knew Shane was what he was, so why did I feel like I was drowning?  Why would I care if Shane were kissing someone else?  I definitely didn’t want him kissing me.

Ethan smiled at me politely.  “Does that bother you?”  He motioned toward Shane who was now pawing at the poor girl’s breasts through her shirt.  “Shane and that girl?”

I smiled weakly.  “I just think that Shane is better than that, but he doesn’t want people to see that, does he?”

Ethan laughed.  “Grace, you are adorable.  That is Shane.  Don’t be like every other girl he’s bagged, and fall for him, thinking you’ll be the one that’ll change him.  It’s not going to happen.”

I gave him a disgusted look.

“Don’t do what that girl’s doing either,” he pointed to Shane’s date, who was rubbing him in a very private area through his jeans.  “Because a night with Shane for those girls always ends the same, a little while in the Bone Room and then maybe cab fare home.  Don’t turn yourself into one of them, you’re better than that.”

I burst out laughing.  I was so loud that Shane glanced up and caught my eye, which made me laugh even more.  His expression looked sad for the briefest of moments and then he quickly turned back to his friend.

“Oh God, Ethan, seriously?  I can’t believe you think you have to sit here and preach to me about him.  There is no way I’d ever let myself be abused like that.  Although,” I teased.  “I have to hear all about this Bone Room.”

As Ethan and I laughed about all the debauchery that occurred in the Bone Room, our small group seemed to peter out and go home; all complaining about getting up for work in a few hours.  By two in the morning, Ethan and I were the only two left at our table.  Shane and his date were still at the bar molesting each other.

“You should definitely come to Tucker’s winter place, though.  It’s crazy. You’ll love it.”  Ethan said blushing.

“Oh, will I?” I laughed.

“Would you like me to walk you home?  It’s two.”

“Thanks, Ethan, that’s sweet, but you don’t have to.  You live in the opposite direction.”

He blushed again.  “Yeah, but I really want to.”

I studied Ethan’s face.  Was he the one I’d been looking for?  I searched his features for something, anything.  His eyes were soft brown with little flecks of yellow mixed in, long platinum blond hair pulled back into a low pony tail; handsome sweet smile.  I wondered if he would try to kiss me and how I’d feel after.

I snatched up my coat and smiled at him.  “Sure, Ethan, I’d love that.”  We walked out of the bar without ever looking in Shane’s direction.

We walked home through the snow.  He asked me questions about my family and about Lea and me growing up.  The closer we got to my front door, the closer I came to realizing that he couldn’t be the one I’d been looking for.

Ethan walked me up the stairs and leaned in for a quick peck on my cheek.  He lingered for just a moment and stepped back smiling.

I let out the long breath that I hadn’t even realized I was holding and smiled at him gratefully.  “Ethan, I...”

He tucked a stray strand of my hair behind my ear and left his hand on my shoulder.  “As much as I would love to kiss you right now, I won’t.  I can tell you’re uncomfortable. Anyway, I don’t think I can start a relationship with my new guitarist without screwing it up somehow in the next few days,” he smirked.

I sighed.  “Ethan, I can’t do relationships either, I can’t even muster up a one night stand.  I’m sorta in love with someone, I just haven’t seen him for a long time.  Thank you for walking me home and making me feel special though.”

“Yeah, well you are.  Besides we all owe you big time for taking Alex’s place.  You blew us away today.  Even Shane and he never gets flustered over anything, especially a chick.”

“Yeah, well he seemed really ticked off at me for coming by and playing.  I didn’t mean to show off or anything. I just really missed playing like that.  It was...something,” I laughed.  I unlocked the door and said goodnight to Ethan again, knowing that he would be a nice friend to have around.

I tiptoed into my room.  I cursed out loud for forgetting to do laundry again, so I kept on my clothes.  Looks like the spin cycle and I have a hot date tomorrow morning.

Slipping under the covers, my cell phone started blaring it’s harsh sirens.  I jumped for the phone, stumbling through my blankets and falling with a hard thud on the floor.  I didn’t bother to look at the number, because I was in so much pain from how I had landed.

“Hello?”  I said through gritted teeth.

“Where are you?” That raspy low sexy voice demanded.  It was angry.

“I’m in bed, Shane.  Honestly, right now I’m on the damn floor.  Why are you calling me?”

“Is Ethan with you?”  It was a whisper; a harsh painful and heartbreaking whisper.  And I didn’t want to hear it.  I didn’t want him to pretend to care about who was with me.  It confused me and scared the hell out of me.  I didn’t want these intense hormonal feelings to overtake my sane mind every time he was in reach of me and his eyes looked at me the way they did.  I didn’t want to be another one of his many.  I was in love with something else.

“No.”

A long sigh floated to my ears overwhelming me.  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have...”

“Don’t feed me any of your crap, Shane.  I have no idea why you think you can call me at any hour and pretend you give a crap about who I leave a bar with.”

“Stop, Grace.  Please!” Shane yelled into the phone.  “I have a whole speech I need to say and...”

“Yeah, yeah, Shane.  Four whores and seven beers ago...save it, Shane.  I don’t care what you have to say to me.  It’s none of your business if I take home an entire football team.  Are you just pissed because you didn’t get a crack at it first?  You can’t even comprehend how someone isn’t fazed by your rock god status. Well get it through your skull, you’re not a thought in my mind.  So get on with your life.  And don’t be pissed off at me because I tried to do you and your friends a favor by showing you I can play a few instruments.  You don’t want me to play with you guys; fine. I DON’T CARE!”  I poked my finger hard at the end button on my phone, hanging up on him.  There’s no way I’m going to let him get the last word!

My entire body spiked with the heat of the surging adrenaline bolting through my veins.  Beads of sweat burst through my pours.  I pulled my clothes off.  Sleeping in my bra and panties would have to do.  I sank myself into my sheets and curled into a ball.  Closing my eyes, I tried desperately to remember the reasons that I kept moving on.  But just like it’s done so often lately, my mind got muddled and I couldn’t even focus myself on those ancient blue eyes.  Nothing seemed to calm me down.

A soft tapping at the window jarred me to my senses.  Honestly, it made me want to scream and call 911, but like the cheesy horror movie my life was, I went to the window wrapped in my bed sheet and pulled the curtain to the side.  Standing there covered in snow was Shane.  I let the curtain fall back.  I should let him freeze out there.

“Grace, please!  It’s freaking cold out here.”  His voice was muffled from the glass.  I ignored him.  “Grace, I swear I will ring your doorbell until I wake everybody up.  Open the damn window!”

I pushed the curtain aside, unlocked the latch and opened the window.  About a foot of snow seemed to blow in with Shane, although I couldn’t tell which substance was colder.  He surveyed my room, no doubt looking for Ethan.  The relief was visible in his expression.

Then his eyes really focused on me.  “You’re not dressed, are you?  Is that your sheet?”

I held the sheet tighter and looked away.  “What. Do. You. Want?”

Without warning, he stalked toward me.  My breath caught in my throat.  In the bright moonlight, streaming through the open window his eyes looked so intense, like icy glaciers.  God help me, why was the first thought in this body to find some way to melt those glaciers?

I backed up until he cornered me against the wall, slamming his open palms against it.  He smelled like whiskey and cheap perfume.

He slowly leaned his body into mine, backing me tight against the wall.  Instinctively, I pushed my hands up against his chest. His shirt was wet from the snow and his body trembled beneath it.  My traitorous sheet fell to the floor.

“Shane, stop,” I breathed.

He rested his forehead against mine, his hands slide over my shoulders down to my waist; slow and gentle.  Oh, my God, did his touch feel good.

Brushing his lips across my cheek, he buried his face in my hair, “Grace, all I want to do it kiss you right now,” he whispered.  Softly, he pushed my hair back and grazed his lips along my neck.  His lips were warm and soft; I wanted them all over me.  This was too much.

“Shane, please,” I whispered.  Why was I saying please? Please kiss me?  Please let me forget who I am?  Please stop?

He pulled back slowly, his eyes meeting mine. My heart was dancing wildly in my chest.  His expression was full of sadness and hunger.  “Just tell me why I got crazy thinking you were going home with Ethan?  Tell me why I want to kill any man that looks at you?  Grace, I don’t want to feel this way.”

His hands subtly slid to my waist, one finger hooked itself under the lace trim of my panties.  I let out an audible sigh.  This was too close, too tempting.

“Shane.  Stop, you’re drunk, you’re soaking wet, you are so cold you’re trembling.”

He stumbled away from me, “I’m not trembling from the cold, Grace.”  He sank down onto my bed and hung his head in his hands.  In the dim light, he looked like a defeated little boy.

Wrapping my sheet around my body again I opened my door, walked to Lea’s bedroom, and knocked for her.  She sleepily stepped out into the hallway and I pulled her into my doorway to look at Shane.  She gave me a confused look and pushed me back into the hallway.

“What the hell is he doing?  It smells like a liquor store in your room!” she whispered.

“He must have climbed the fire escape.  He knocked on my window after I hung up on him.”  I shrugged.  “He’s been quite hands-on in there.  I feel mauled.”

“He didn’t do anything to you, did he?”

I shook my head.  “No, but God, Lea, the way he touched me I freaking wanted him to.  That was so damn erotic and I can’t believe I just said that out loud to you.”

She gave me another confused look.  “So, why are you in the hallway with me?”

“Lea, that’s Shane in there.  He’s probably been with more women than I could count. The only difference I’d be to him is that he would actually know my name.  Look, he’s soaking wet from being in the snow. Can I have one of Conner’s shirts and pants and stuff.  Oh, and can I borrow a shirt and pants from you. I haven’t done laundry.”