Fallen (45 page)

“I’m f-fine.
” I had to say
it
three times before I could get her attention. “Just cold…”

She mumbled something, a curse
word
I thought, and yanked open a drawer at the bottom of the bed. Withdrawing a blanket and wrapping it around my shoulders, she
admitted, “I t
hought you were going
into
shock…”

“
It’s definitely not that
,” I told her
,
knowing too well that it was the
overpowering
intensity
of
my emotions
. “I’m fine, really.”

As I spoke those words, I felt
it. A
feeling of something being drawn away from the room, one that I could only assume was the effect of Eran’s departure.

Afterwards, I quietly watched
Nurse
McKintrich
stitch
and dress my wound feeling very much alone despite her presence. I
felt isolated even with her right beside me, because
she wasn’t the one who I wished
was
here with me now.

No, h
e
had gone
somewhere else.

Weeks passed
,
Eran
didn’t
reappear
afte
r the incident in fencing class. I still
wasn’t sure
whether
he’d been in the nurse’s office
or not
when I declared my love for him, and this helped a bit.
The awkwardness I would
feel
if I knew he
was
there to hear it and then vanished again would have been unrecoverable.

Business picked up at school
, which I was thankful for because it helped keep my mind off Eran.
Students approached me more and more in class, in the restroom,
and
at lunch. It was as if
a floodgate had been released
,
and I had to struggle to keep afloat.

After
delivering
messages, I’d always end up on the porch at Eran’s c
abin, petting Annie and Charlie
and waiting for any
glimpse
of Eran.

He never came.

What hurt the most was that I missed him, being around him.
I
felt as if my best friend simply vanished and
I
had no way of seeing him again.
The pain of loneliness persisted in
side
me, resonating through every
pore
in my body, its presence permeating my thoughts relentlessly. My concentration in classes, never having been very good to begin with
,
was awful. I was certain my teachers were giving The Warden a full
write-up
on
apparent disregard of
their
class work
. Gershom noticed too but mercifully avoided acknowledging it. He did his best to keep our lunchtime conversations lapse-free. At home, my roommates did everything they could think of to get me to discuss my sudden depression
,
but I flatly refused, not wanting to
relive the
pain.

One
day in the middle of the week,
my depression changed to alarm.
Gershom didn’t show up for class. At lunch, I found the plot beneath our tree vacant.
I waited all lunch hour, keeping an eye out for him, but he never came.

By the third day, I ski
pped
lunch, heading instead for the
main
office to ask about his absence.

The Warden’s door was closed but Ms. Saggy
-
Arm, his secretary whose name happened to be
Ms.
Olsonite, was propped behind her desk, clicking away on her keyboard.

When the door opened, she glanced up
,
immediately
frowning.

I knew instantly this was going to be
harder tha
n I imagined.

“Ms. Olsonite,” I said to the top of her head, as she was
purposely
ignoring me. “I wanted to ask about a student.”

“We don’t give out personal information,” she replied curtly, not bothering to look up.

“I understand
,
but he hasn’t been to class recently…”

“We don’t give out personal information.” This time
,
her voice
wielded
a sharper edge
.

“He’s a friend of mine
,
and I’m worried about him.”
As I explained this, I noticed a report on her desk with the title clear and
easy to
read upside down, Absence List. I had to hold back a smile when I saw it.

Her head snapped up
,
drawing my attention back to her. The
loathing
in her expression was
clear. S
he made no attempt to hide her dislike for me in
her
tone
,
either
. “We. Don’t. Give. Out. Personal. Information.”

I stared at her a moment, trying to control the anger
welling up in me.
Unfortunately, it won
.
“
Can you say it one more time? I didn’t hear you the first three.”

Her face instantly contorted in blind fury. She stood up, knocking down her thick, wooden chair
,
causing a resounding clatter, and stomped
toward
The Warden’s door.

By
her first knock on his door
, I was already
out in the
hallway
, tucking the Absence
List
under my arm.

I nearly skipped
my way down the
hall to the girl’s bathroom. Inside, the stalls were empty
,
but I still moved to the last one
, closing
the door behind me. If anyone came
in
and saw
me reading the Absence List
,
I’m fairly certain The Warden would find it reason enough to send me to detention for the rest of the semester.

I open
ed
the report and scanned it for Gershom’s name. There weren’t many students out of cl
ass so he wasn’t hard to find.
I saw the message next to it
and
my shoulder’s dropped. Gershom wouldn’t be coming back any time soon. He had moved again, this time to
Georgia
.

I
stared
blindly
at the graffiti on the stall door
without
reading
any of it.

He hadn’t even left me a note.

Gershom had no email and no cell phone, preferring to stay on the fringe of society rather than in it. That quality had been fascinating to me before but suddenly turned
into
a great point of annoyance.

Slowly, I comprehended what was
happening
.
First
,
Eran and
,
now,
Gershom had disappeared from my life
. I
had never felt more alone.

I deposited the Absence List in the trash and left the girl’s restroom
wondering if
my day could get any worse. The halls were busy with the rest of the student body trying to get to their next class. I stopped by my locker,
turned
my combination to open it
, and
pulled
out
my books with
no
hint of
enthusiasm.

It was the
middle
of December and finals were a week away
, yet I still considered simply walking off campus and heading for The Square
.
Despite the overcast sky, I would
welcome
the opportunity to ignore my troubles and concentrate on my work
.
I
n fact, i
f there had been an exit door on my way to Biochemistry, I believe I would never have made it to class.

Still distraught w
hen I walked in
,
I found that
,
Mr. Sparks, the school’s most notable chemistry teacher
hailing
from M.I.T.,
was not at his desk.

The class
had
tables
lining both sides of the classroom with an aisle in the middle. I happen to sit at the desk to
the far left and
was lucky enough to
have the
normally two-seater
table to myself
.
I
preferred
it this way
because despite the enormous amount of money
being
poured
into
the other students’ education, they truly struggled with their class exercises. I always finished at least fifteen minutes before anyone else.

As I took my seat, I heard Ashley whispering across the aisle to
a friend of hers
.
Though I tried to ignore her, the topic of conversation drew me in.

“
H
e has several doctorates…
and he’s taught at Harvard and Yale. Must have cost the school their savings to bring him
on
board
…
” Ashley
remarked,
leaning halfway across the aisle
.
“And,
Liz
, he’s not even close to looking like a nerd.”

Liz
was leaning across the aisle too,
fixated
on what Ashley was saying
.
“
What’s he look like?” she asked in a
w
hisper
,
glancing
back to check the door
.
“Shouldn’t he be here already?”

“
I saw him in
the
main
office, probably getting the assignment list or something. Anyways…he’s absolutely stunning.
Like…like a
model.
Tall, long legs, trim, dark hair, tanned skin, but his face…
” She paused to draw in an exaggerated breath. “
He clearly missed his calling
for
the
runway.”

“Oh, I can’t wait to see him,”
Liz
said,
eagerly looking again
toward
the door
.