Fallen Angel (25 page)

Angelica sighed and sank down gently onto a rock. She felt ridiculous for having walked out on her mother. She just felt so rattled, she had never lamented her childhood, it was what it was but looking at it now through the eyes of an adult she had to admit she would never choose her life for a child of her own.  In her memories her mother had been her champion, the person who told her to believe herself, the person who told her to follow her heart. In her memories her mother was her hero the person she aspired to be. This person who had suddenly reappeared after a dozen years was not that person.

“You’re awfully quiet tonight, you’re not hurting from our little excursion are you?”  Angelica looked up only to find Luke piercing her with that intense stare that always made her feel as if he could see all the way to her soul, like those pale eyes possessed special power to go with their special color.

“No, actually it doesn’t hurt much at all. I think the stitches might be ready to come out.”

“Do you want me to take a look?” She nodded and he gently removed the sling. She straightened her arm and winced, it was sore more from lack of use than the cut and she told him so. He carefully unwound the bandage.

“I think you’re right it does look like the stitches should come out.” He went and retrieved Ella’s sewing scissors and used them to remove the stitches.

“Do you want me to have Ella do the other ones?”
He asked, she smiled.

“It doesn’t bother me if it doesn’t bother you.” He laughed and arched a brow at her,

“It doesn’t bother me.”  She unhooked her skirt and pushed it down far enough that the bandage was exposed. He quickly removed the stitches and put a clean bandage on. He rested his hand lightly on her bare stomach and smiled at her.

“What’s on your mind, babe?” He whispered.

“I was just thinking,” she sighed.

“About what?” She didn’t have a chance to respond because the door opened.

“Angelica I was just thinking…” Angel stopped when she saw Luke, Angelica saw her eyes travel from her face to Luke’s hand.

“Oh… oh my.” She said then spun on her heel and left the room.

“Oh dear.” Angelica sighed and started to sit up.

“No stay, I’ll go talk to her.” Luke got up and followed her out softly closing the door behind him.

Luke walked through the darkened house looking for where Angel had gone he finally found her in the kitchen.

“I think maybe you got the wrong idea.” Luke smiled hoping to lighten the mood.

“What you weren’t just molesting my daughter?”

“I was changing her bandage
.” Luke said surprised by her harsh tone.

“Looked like there was a lot more going on than that.” She said crossing her arms.

“Well there wasn’t.” Luke said calmly.

“Let’s get one thing straight Mr. Harrison, my daughter is meant for great things, she is so much more than a rancher’s wife.” He thought he saw her wrinkle her nose slightly when she said the words rancher’s wife. “I know you think you can woo her
with this hero bit, I am confident she will see through that, but don’t think that you can compromise her just to force her to stay I won’t stand for that.  I will not let her be forced into this life that is beneath her because of a stupid mistake.” Luke was stunned.

“I would never force your daughter to do anything,” he said softly, “she makes her own decisions.”

“As long as we understand each other.” She said haughtily and brushed past him as she left the room.

“Well, was she awful to you, I am really sorry Luke.” Angelica said in a rush as soon as he opened the door.

“She was fine don’t worry.” He said forcing a smile, but she looked as if she didn’t believe him. He sat down beside her on the bed and she leaned against him. He put his arm around her and squeezed lightly. He didn’t care what Angel said, she could say whatever she wanted to him but he didn’t want Angie to be upset. Still as he lay there in the darkness after Angie fell asleep her words had haunted him. He didn’t think he had been wooing her with anything but now that he thought about it it did kind of seem like he was continually trying to save her. Even when she didn’t need it, he was hovering over her trying to keep her from overdoing it and constantly worrying after her. Was she really in love with him or was she just infatuated with his need to protect her? She was more than just a rancher’s wife. He couldn’t argue with that. He looked down at her sleeping face, she looked so peaceful he had made the choice for her once, he wouldn’t do it again. He had told her how he felt, the rest was up to her, if she wanted something more he wasn’t going to stand in her way.

“Can we talk?” Angelica looked up, she was trying to braid her hair but it was hard to get her arm to perform properly without hurting. Her mother was in the doorway wringing her hands.

“Sure.” She sighed giving up the effort. Angel stepped in and shut the door Angelica sat down on the end of the bed.

“I have to tell you something that I had hoped never to have to tell you.” Angel drew a deep breath she was pacing. “You’re father seduced me into marrying him.” Angelica’s eye brows rose but she wasn’t really sure how to respond. “I was actually pregnant with you when we were married.”

“Alright.” She said quietly.

“Angelica I don’t want to see you make the mistakes I made.”  Angelica sighed and rubbed her eyes.

“Mother, he was only changing my bandage.”

“I just don’t want to see you get forced into a life you don’t deserve because of a stupid mistake.”  Angelica looked into her mother’s eyes she meant well, she wanted what was best for her she just didn’t understand.

“Mama what did he do to you?” She whispered. Angel’s back stiffened then she began unbuttoning her blouse. She opened it enough to reveal a huge scar that crossed her chest. “You
r father had gotten it into his head that I had been with other men. That you weren’t his child. It was nonsense of course but it made him mean. It went on for years, all behind closed doors of course but one night he was so drunk and he came at me with a knife.” Angel sniffed and wiped her eyes. “Well the housekeeper patched me up she saved my life really. Your father had passed out after he attacked me he didn’t remember anything or so he said. She told him that he had killed me that the staff covered it up for him. By the time I recovered I realized that I was much safer if he thought I was dead, I planned to steal you away in the night but then he just disappeared with you.” She dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief and then tucked it back up her sleeve.

“And now?”

“Oh I met Henry and he was so much different. I am very fond of him he treats me very well.”

“I’m so glad.” She put her arms around her mother and hugged her.  “Come one let’s go see if Ella has any cobbler left.”

They found Ella in the kitchen peeling apples.

“Oh are you making a pie? Ella makes the best apple pie you’ve ever tasted.”

“Oh I don’t know about that.” Ella laughed. Angelica leaned easily against the counter and Angel sat down at the table.

“Well I know it’s the best apple pie I’ve ever tasted, and I can say that now that I remember all the pies I’ve tasted.” She grinned and Ella laughed.

“You know Angelica, Hank has race horses, they are the most beautiful thoroughbreds you’ve ever seen, a champion line. I know how you’ve always loved horses.”

“Mama please listen to me. I know you mean well but I am not going back with you. My mind is made up. I am going to stay here and marry Luke.” From the corner of her eye she saw Ella fumble the
apple she was holding it clattered to the counter and spun away. Angelica had never seen Ella drop anything she quickly retrieved it and began peeling it again, she didn’t look her direction but she could see she was flustered. Angelica felt as if the rest of room had gone dark as the pieces clicked into place. Her announcement had caught her of guard, because she didn’t know Luke had proposed and if Ella didn’t know then none of them knew. She thought of James’ story about his sister, if no one knew about the engagement then the engagement wasn’t real. She forced her attention back to her mother and went and sat beside her at the table. “I would love to hear about that champion line though.” She said forcing a smile. Her mother readily obliged and began telling her about Hanks horses. She had spent enough time pretending to be interested at political fundraisers that she put that skill to use. Inside her mind was racing. Why hadn’t Luke told anyone they were getting married, was he ashamed of her? Was he not really planning to get married at all? It certainly explained why he never showed any affection in front of anyone else, at this point their relationship could be his word against hers. Not a single soul had ever actually seen him kiss her. Sure he spent a lot of time with her but what did that mean, he could still say he was just being friendly. He stayed with her at night but he left well before anyone else was up.  Finally her mother was done talking.

“You know I could use some air. I think I’ll go for a walk.” She got up and quickly walked out the door before she had to try to think of anymo
re excuses.  Unfortunately, she encountered Luke in the yard.

“Hey I was just coming to see if you wanted to go for a ride.”

“No, I just need to be alone, excuse me.” She carefully side stepped him and managed to not meet his eyes at all. She kept walking half expecting him to catch up to her and ask her what was wrong but he didn’t.  She found herself once again at the alcove and had to wonder what it was about this place that she was so drawn to it when she was upset. She sat down and gazed out across the fields, she couldn’t see the herd today she saw a hawk soaring in the wind he seemed to just be sitting there floating. If he chose to he could flap his wings and go where ever he wanted but he didn’t he just floated there in the same place. Is that what she was doing? Did she accept Luke’s offer because it was the easiest thing to do? No, she knew that wasn’t why. She loved him she knew it all the way down to her soul and she loved the ranch there was nowhere else in the world she would rather be.  She had accepted his offer because it was what she wanted more than anything. That was her bliss, to marry Luke and live here forever that is what would make her happy, whole. 

What about him?
This ranch was his bliss, she was an unforeseen addition. Something he hadn’t planned for or chosen. She thought about the night that he had proposed to her. He had told her had made a bargain with God for her life. Is that what this was, him living up to his bargain? It was honorable sure but not the reason she wanted him to marry her. She sighed and rubbed her eyes this was so confusing.  She took a deep breath, “I am going to think about this objectively,” she told herself. She thought about everything that had happened in the last three months, a life time worth of events in such a short time. What was going to happen next? She was fairly certain that her father was still alive somewhere and if he knew she was alive he would come after her. Thanks to her stupid stunt in his office this would be one of the first places he looked for her.  Simply being alive put Luke in danger, to say nothing of what would happen if he married her. Even if her father never showed up how damaged was she?  Did she really want him to tie himself to her for the rest of his life with the nightmares and the scars to say nothing of the legacy she passed on to her children, their children? She buried her face in her hands and began to sob, she was spinning her wheels going over every aspect of her life and still no closer to a solution.

Luke felt like he had a knife in his chest as he watched her break down, he wanted to go to her he felt so helpless but she didn’t want him she had asked to be alone. He had only followed to make sure she was safe he didn’t want to violate her privacy.

Angelica felt somewhat resolved as she walked back toward the house. She would do the only thing she could do, wait and see. If Luke planned to marry her he would need to announce it soon.
She wasn’t going to push him and she was going to stop acting as if it was already decided. She would pull back and give him a chance to make the decision without any pressure.

Angelica tried to memorize everyone at the evening meal, the meals were always her favorite time but her uncertainty
made everything feel much more significant. Since she had been back she had been enjoying the meals because she missed them, now she felt like she needed to absorb everything just in case this was one of the last times she got to be with them. Everyone seemed the same as they always were, everyone except for Luke he seemed to be as preoccupied as she was only instead of being interested in everyone else he seemed to be completely oblivious to everyone else like he was completely lost in his own world.

“Are you okay, what is wrong?” he touched her face lightly as he spoke and she nearly lost her resolve. He had come in to her room just like he had been every night and as he gazed into her eyes and lightly stroked her cheek she nearly broke, she wanted so much to demand to know why he was keeping their love a secret but she managed to keep herself in check, she forced a smile instead.

“I am great, see.” She flexed her arm back and forth showing him she could move it without pain. “I am very much improved and getting better every day, so I think you can go, you don’t have to babysit me anymore.” He looked surprised but she didn’t think he
looked disappointed.