Falling for Fitz (17 page)

“
Tomorrow night, Daisy
Edwards,” he said, touching his lips with his fingertips as she
pulled back the curtain.

“
Tomorrow night, Fitz
English,” she answered, licking her lips again before ducking out
of the alcove, leaving him euphoric and frustrated and
alone.

Lying to her Uncle Felix and Aunt
Susannah made Daisy feel bad, but it was better for them to believe
that she was crashing at Emily’s place, not having hot sex all
night long with Fitz English.

Not that she had decided to have sex,
hot or otherwise, with Fitz… yet.

Their kiss in the shadows last night
had not taken the edge off of Daisy’s hunger, rather it increased
her appetite level from peckish to voracious, but she was still
trying to be sensible about their whirlwind reunion.

She sat on the bench under the old oak
tree in the twilight, waiting for him to pick her up, her oversized
purse holding a toothbrush and change of underwear just in case.
She picked a leaf off of her short, plaid, wool skirt and ran her
fingers over her tan, V-neck, cashmere sweater. She heard an engine
turn onto Blueberry Lane but watched as a silver SUV zipped by the
gatehouse, leaving her to her own thoughts for a few more
minutes.

Fitz had changed quite a
lot over the past nine years. He was much more expressive and open
with her than he’d been before, his hot words of want sending
shivers of pleasure down her spine just as much as his sweet
words—
I’m crazy about
you
—made her heart leap with hope and
happiness. And yet his actions still dictated his feelings far more
than his words. The way he’d done everything possible to secure a
business for her, the way he’d been relentless about connecting
with her since Saturday night.

Still, questions remained. Why hadn’t
he contacted her during all of those painful years apart? Was it
truly as simple as her telling him not to? That was a terrifying
responsibility in Daisy’s eyes. Had he taken her that seriously and
literally because he was only twenty years old, bereft over the
loss of their baby, and guilt-ridden over Daisy’s pregnancy and
miscarriage? Or could he truly not discern between her emotionality
and her true desires?

She said she wanted a bakery, and he
bought her one.

When she asked if he’d find her a
condo at her request, he assured her he would.

If—in a fit of pique—she told him she
never wanted to see him again, would he suddenly move to
Timbuktu?

It was too much power over one
powerful person. She needed some sort of reassurance that adult
Fitz knew the difference between her whims and wants, her true
feelings versus brash words said in anger or sadness. She needed to
know he’d push back if he didn’t agree with her. She didn’t want so
much control over their relationship; she wanted a
partner.

The deep growl of an engine pulling
into the driveway and making a quick left into the small car-park
behind the gatehouse made a beaming smile spread out on Daisy’s
face. She leapt from her seat before he had a chance to cut the
engine and sprinted to his window. He lowered it, looking up at her
like the sun had just come out after a month of rain.

“
Too beautiful,” he said,
by way of greeting.

She dipped her head and caught his top
lip between hers, inhaling his surprised chuckle into her mouth and
closing her heart around it. It was the sound of happiness, and she
wanted to hear it every day for the rest of her life.

“
Hello, handsome,” she
said, leaning back.

“
You stole my chivalrous
moment of opening your door for you. What if Felix and Susannah are
watching? Want them to think your boyfriend’s a cad?”

She stepped away from the car, her
mouth dropping at the word “boyfriend.” He’d never even called
himself her boyfriend that summer.

He exited the car smoothly, snaking an
arm around her waist and pulling her up against him.

“
Yeah, I said that,” he
said softly, searching her eyes before pressing his lips against
hers again. “Any complaints?”

“
Nope.” Daisy leaned into
him, savoring the hard warmth of his chest, letting the soft, firm
pressure of his lips carry her away to a place where she and Fitz
were the only people in the world. She wound her arms around his
neck, playing with the waves that covered his nape.

“
Don’t cut this,” she said,
nuzzling his nose with her as she pulled away. “I love running my
fingers through it.”

“
Done,” he whispered
against her cheek.

That uncomfortable feeling returned,
uncoiling in her gut when he answered her so quickly, feeding into
her worries from before. She loved that he wanted to please her,
but something about it didn’t feel genuine.

Oblivious to her inner struggle, he
took one of her hands from his neck, kissed it, and led her around
to the passenger side of the car, opening it with a flourish. She
sat down, pushing her worries to the side as he sat down beside
her, grinning like she was magic, like she was the best thing the
world had to offer, and the world had offered her to
him.

Just enjoy him tonight.
Don’t ruin this time together with worries.

He turned out of the driveway and
headed back to Philadelphia.

“
I don’t even know where
you live,” she said.

“
Well, you should,” he
answered, fiddling with the radio. “Everyone should know where they
live.”
Her eyes widened. “What does
that
mean?”

“
It means I’m
not
asking you to move
in with me right this second… but I
will
ask you someday soon, and it
will be important at that point for you to know our
address.”

“
Fitz, you’re like a
freight train.”

“
I swear to God, Daisy,
with every other part of my life I’m methodical and careful. I look
at every business deal from every conceivable angle, considering
every risk and pitfall and problem. It drives my father and Barrett
crazy because I hold up deals making sure I’ve looked over every
word of every contract for future problems. I make very few rash
decisions for
English & Sons
and even fewer in my personal life.”

“
All evidence to the
contrary, counselor.”

He nodded. “I know. From where you’re
sitting I probably look like the most impulsive person on the face
of the earth. But, I’m not. It’s not my nature. It’s you, Daisy.
You’re this place in my life where I can be spontaneous and a
little wild and… I don’t know. Free. Yeah. You make me feel
free.”

It might have been one of the nicest
compliments anyone had ever given to her and a lump rose in her
throat as she realized how starched and monotonous his life must
have been during the long years they spent apart.

“
But, you know?” he said
thoughtfully. “I’m still me, even with you.”

She sniffled, getting her feelings
under control. “What do you mean?”

“
Daisy’s Delights
is a solid business opportunity. It’s not rash or
crazy to go into business with you because you’re smart and
talented and your business is already a virtual success.” He flexed
his hands on the steering wheel, staring out the windshield, not at
her, as he added, “And I had nine years to sort out how I felt
about you… nine
years
. It’s not impulsive to want to be with you, Daisy. If
anything, it’s long overdue.”

“
Then why did it take so
long?” she blurted out, wanting to kick herself as soon as the
words left her mouth.

He was silent for several blocks, and
she wondered if he’d heard her, but at the next red light, he
reached for her hand and brought it to his lips.

“
Losing that time with you
is the biggest regret of my life, Daisy. The
biggest
, and you know that I’m not
short on regrets.”

“
You never called. You
never emailed. Never even friended me on Facebook.”

He dropped her hand and stepped on the
gas when the light turned green. “And you have no idea how hard
that was for me.”

“
For
you
? You never looked
back.”

“
I was
always
looking back.”

“
Maybe that’s why you never
reached forward!”

“
Am I missing something
here? You told me never,
ever
to bother you again. I honored that
request.”

“
I was seventeen! I’d just
lost my baby and broken my leg! I was scared and sad, but I
needed
you. And you said
you’d
still
marry
me like you were doing me some huge favor.” Her fingers felt
tingly, and her chest tightened with her anger and
upset.

He glanced at her quickly, then looked
back at the road, his jaw hard and clenched. “Was I supposed to
ignore your words? Railroad over them and fly out to California
demanding that you see me?”

“
Yes!” she exploded. “Yes!
That’s what you would have done if you had loved me!”

***

As soon as the words left her lips,
she gasped, then turned her entire body toward the window. Fitz
suspected she was crying, which killed him.

He fought the urge to yell back at
her, taking a deep breath through his nose and trying to calm
down.

“
No,” he said
softly.

“
Yes,” she insisted, in a
sob directed at the window.

“
Daisy, I respected your
wishes. I honored them. It would have been selfish to give into my
own. My God, how can you not know this? I had to fight against
calling you every day. Every single day.”

“
How could I not know?
Because you never said a word.” Her chest heaved with the strength
of her heartbreak. “And I don’t believe you. You didn’t even have
my number.”

“
I got it from the address
book in Emily’s purse when she left it in the vestibule on Boxing
Day.” He paused, remembering how he’d felt like a criminal for
rifling through Emily Edwards’ bag, but he couldn’t help himself.
He needed that bit of information, even though it had tortured him
for years, the numbers seared on his mind at all hours of the day.
“415-555-5234.”

She gasped, turning her tear-streaked
face to him. “What did you say?”

“
415-555-5234.” He bit his
lip, turning into the underground parking garage at his building in
Rittenhouse Square, and pulling into his space as she stared with
her mouth open. “I will never forget that number. I dialed it at
least once a day… but then I’d hear your voice in my head telling
me to leave you alone and I’d remember you didn’t want to hear from
me. It was my own selfishness that drove me toward calling you, and
I’d hang up before pressing send.”

“
Fitz,” she sobbed, her
shoulders caving forward in grief and surrender, her bottom lip
caught between her teeth.

He held her eyes as steady
as he could, while inside he trembled from what he was about to
tell her. “I loved you. I
loved
you. I loved you so much, Daisy.”

Her neck fell forward until her chin
rested on her chest, and her shoulders trembled as she cried in the
quiet of the car. The anguish she experienced as she re-sorted the
past through his eyes made his lungs compress and his fists clench
until both ached. If she was this grieved now, nine years later,
how had she managed it at the time? The loss of their baby. The
loss of her home. The loss of him.

He reached for the keys.

“
I’ll take you home,” he
murmured in a broken-hearted whisper over the lump in his throat.
He had no right to her. None. How could she ever forgive him for
how much he’d wronged her, for how much he’d hurt her, for how much
he’d let her down? It was impossible.

She reached for his hand, pulling it
to her lap, entwining her fingers through his. She took several
deep, sniffling breaths before turning to him with red, glassy
eyes.

“
Whatever it takes,
right?”

He didn’t trust himself to speak. His
eyes burned as he nodded.

“
This is what it takes,
Fitz,” she said in a shaky voice. “This is what it
takes.”

He flinched, blinking at her as her
lips quivered before tilting up a little, then a little more, until
she was smiling at him with tears still coursing down her face. She
shook her head softly, looking away from him before licking the
salt from her lips and facing him again.

“
You loved me,” she
whispered. A reconfirmation.

“
Yes.” He reached for her
cheek, swiping the tears away as fast as they fell. “More than I
had ever loved anyone in my life.”

She took a deep breath and smiled
again with her red cheeks and watery eyes, nodding as though he’d
answered an old, agonizing, important question for her. She hadn’t
known how he felt, just as Alex said. She’d never known how much he
loved her. Why had he assumed she did? Did she have any idea how
much he still loved her right this minute? Should he tell her?
Should he—