Falling for Rain (14 page)

Everyone laughed while Emily felt the blood rise to her face. She was just about to make a sarcastic comment when Rain smiled and winked at her. She felt her anger instantly diffuse, enjoying instead the warmth of sharing a private joke. She was blushing now for a different reason, so she turned away quickly, fumbling with her menu.

"What do you recommend?" she asked Sandra.

"The pheasant's delicious," she said helpfully. "But then I'm probably not the best person to ask, because it's the only thing I've eaten here."

“Well, it sounds good to me," Emily said, though the idea of eating at that moment was almost nauseating. Her stomach was tied in knots. She closed the menu and took another sip of champagne.

"Has Ray told you his plans for the farm?" Sandra asked.

"No," she said as she wondered at Rain’s confidence at making plans for the farm. Then again, half of it was his. Actually, all of it was his now, almost. But he didn’t know that yet. "I'm afraid we've been out of touch," she said without any hint of irony.

"A writer's retreat,” Sandra said excitedly. “He's going to build more cabins along the lake and lend them out to writers. It's a fabulous idea, isn't it?" It was obvious Sandra thought so.

"I don't know. I thought it might make a nice golf course,” Emily said, immediately regretting her words. She had only done it out of malevolence. Suddenly she resented that these people knew Rain better than she did.

 Sandra laughed and called down the table to Rain. "Emily thinks you should convert the farm into a golf course."

Rain looked at Emily. It was his turn to be surprised. He knew she wanted to sell the farm, but this was the first he’d heard of the golf course. His look seemed to say
So
, that’s what you've been up to
. Out loud he said: "Well, don't believe everything Emily says. It's the Alexander family's idea of humour."

"Ray," Sandra said in exasperation. "I know a joke when I hear one. I doubt Emily's about to turn her family farm into a golf course."

Rain laughed and said, “Nothing would surprise me.” Emily was sure she was the only one who caught the irony in his voice. She bristled, wanting to retort that if the family farm was going to be converted into something other than a farm, then why not a golf course. Fortunately, Sandra saved the moment by going back to the idea of a writers’ retreat.

"Ray has it all thought out," Sandra continued. "The retreat would have a guest writer-in-residence who would lead workshops. So more than just a retreat, it would be a school as well."

"Wouldn’t that take a lot of money?” Emily asked. 

"Yes, I guess it would," Sandra said as if she had never thought of this practicality before.

Emily took another sip of her drink. One published book could hardly make Rain wealthy, she thought. She listened to Sandra and Ivan discussing the details of the writers’ retreat until the food arrived.

Sandra's recommendation proved to be a good one, and Emily found she could eat after all. Ivan offered her a glass of red wine. Emily declined his offer politely; she had eaten very little in the past couple of days, and the champagne had been enough to make her feel lightheaded.

"Come on, it's a special occasion," he insisted cheerfully. "How often do you have a book written about your family? It's quite an honour."

"I don't know – is it?" Emily said, feeling irritable. Ivan's boyish good-looking face crumpled into confused embarrassment. "I'm sorry," she apologized quickly, realizing she had been unreasonable. It wasn't Ivan who had put her in this uncomfortable position. "It's a shock, that's all. Anyway, I'll take that glass of wine after all."

Ivan immediately recovered his spirits and filled Emily's glass. "Cheers," he said, raising his glass.

"Cheers," Emily replied, trying to match his enthusiasm. She put her glass down and caught Rain looking at her with interest. He seemed to be enjoying this little game he’d set up. Well, she could enjoy herself too.
What would Rain do
, she wondered
,
if I flirted with Ivan?
She knew she wouldn’t, but it was still fun to think of Rain’s reaction.

"What are you studying?" she asked Ivan. It was all the encouragement he needed. Between bites he told Emily about his field of study. "We're in related fields, actually. I study public housing in Toronto."

"I haven't had much to do with public housing," Emily said.
"Offices and condos mostly.
And I don't study them – I design them."

"Well, they're still buildings." Emily laughed in genuine amusement at Ivan's enthusiasm. She took a sip of wine, using the opportunity to steal a glance at Rain, but he was engrossed in a conversation with Jennifer, their heads close together, their voices lowered intimately. She put down her glass and took another bite of her dinner. Ivan, undisturbed by her wandering attention, talked enthusiastically about his research. Emily smiled and nodded
occasionally,
letting him do most of the talking while she tried to come to grips with this new image of Rain.

Rain was clearly in his element with these people, in these surroundings. This was not the Rain that Emily had despised these past ten years. Far from the ignorant farmhand, Rain had surpassed her – a PhD of all things!

But there was something else. Rain was happy. Whereas she had become cold and bitter, using that bitterness to get ahead, Rain had enjoyed the attainment of success. He had friends who clearly admired him
and
a beautiful girlfriend.

Emily's sense of superiority was fragile.  It was based not on what she was – an accomplished architect and businesswoman – but on what she wasn't: a farmer or his wife.  Whenever she felt her confidence wavering, she could always say
I got away from the farm. Against all odds, I escaped the farm. I did not marry a farmhand. My mother didn't get away, but I did. I can do anything.

Now here was Rain, blowing the illusion apart on all fronts. She felt like a fool in front of the one man she had tried all these years to prove herself better than. And even worse, she knew she was in love with him – had never stopped being in love with him. Even when she thought he was only a farmhand she had been in love with him.

She remembered the words of her lawyer.
Why not just cut your losses and get on with it?
At that time, she’d thought the only thing at stake was the farm. Now she realized it was her heart too.

"I’m sorry, am I boring you?" Ivan said, bringing her back to the present with a thud.

Emily, realizing she hadn't heard a word of what he’d said, apologized. "I'm a bit tired. Homecomings are exhausting."

"I know what you mean," Ivan said sympathetically before charging off on a new topic of conversation.

* * *

Rain looked down the table where he could see Emily was doing her best to respond to Ivan’s conversation. Ivan was a great guy, but his enthusiasm could be tiring. He smiled to himself as he felt Jennifer nudge him gently with her elbow. “Earth to Ray, earth to Ray,” she said gently.

“I was just wondering if someone should rescue Emily from Ivan,” he said.

“She’s fine,” Jennifer said. “All she has to do is nod occasionally, and Ivan is happy. And I’d say her thoughts are definitely elsewhere. Are you sure she hates you as much as you think?
Because she can hardly keep her eyes off you.”

“I don’t know. Just when I think she’s softening toward me, something happens and she’s as cold as ever. She’s so hung up on the past,” he said with sudden irritation.

“Well, she’s not the only one. You’re both hanging on to it in your own stubborn ways. Why else set her up like you did tonight?” Jennifer asked, answering her own question. “I know I agreed to go along with this, but I’m having second thoughts now. It’s mean.”

“You don’t understand…” Rain started defensively in a low whisper.

“I think I do,” Jennifer said, interrupting him. “You love her, but after being rejected for so long, you’re just as scared as she is.”

“You’d think I was the one who ran away every time we get close to a kiss,” he said bitterly.

“Well, you’re sending pretty mixed messages. One minute you’re trying to kiss her, and the next minute you’re telling her you have a girlfriend.”

Rain sighed. Jennifer was right. All the time he had been telling Emily to get over, forget the past, when he too, in his own way, had been obsessed with it.  It was time to say that everything that had happened between them, like the events of his book, was history. It was time to move on. Of course, that also meant telling her the whole story, and he was afraid that was more history than she could ever accept. He stole a look at Emily’s profile, watching her brush a wisp of dark hair from her eyes. His heart was about to explode from his chest.
God, I love her….

At the other end of the table, Emily glanced up, her eyes meeting Rain’s. She felt a split-second jolt of electricity pass between them, but before she could dwell on what it meant, the waitress was asking her if she wanted coffee.

* * *

Over dessert, the conversation returned to Rain's book: the glowing reviews, the upcoming book tour. There was even a contract with the publisher for a second book. He had already received a huge advance on it, which explained the source of money for his writers’ colony.
Sergi
observed that the publisher knew a brilliant new author when they saw one, while Robert observed that Rain was on his way to being the Steven King of history books.

"Have you seen the finished book yet?" Sandra asked Rain.

"It's still at the printers. I'll see it the night of the book launch."

"Are you going to stay around for the launch?" Ivan asked Emily eagerly.

"No, I have to get back to Toronto,” she said, depressed by the idea of returning to the city.

"Oh, that's too bad," he said dejectedly. Emily suspected his disappointment had little to do with the book. She couldn't imagine why he would want to see her again when she had barely paid any attention to him.

"You know," Ivan said, brightening once again, "I'm in Toronto at least once a month. We should get together sometime."

"That sounds nice," Emily said without enthusiasm. She was saved from giving Ivan her phone number by the arrival of the bill.

"I put everyone on the same bill,” the waitress explained. “But it's all itemized, so you shouldn't have too much trouble figuring it out."

"I don't know," said Jennifer with playful laugh. "I never was any good at math. That's why I chose history."

Emily picked up the black leather folder that contained the bill from the table and, without even looking at it, slipped her credit card inside and handed it back to the waitress. "I'll take care of it," she said to the waitress. It was showing off in front of Rain’s girlfriend, pure and simple, and Emily knew it.

There was a flurry of protest from the others at the table. "It's my pleasure," Emily said, giving Rain what she hoped was her most winning smile. "It's not every day someone you know publishes a book about your family." There were extravagant
thank
yous
from everyone at the table except Rain, who knew this wasn't just a generous gesture on her part. The waitress soon returned with Emily's card and receipt, signalling the end of the party.

They lingered over their goodbyes in the lobby as if to delay heading out into the weather. The wind was driving the rain against the windows of the restaurant and pulling the front door out of patrons’ hands. "A high wind warning has been issued," the hostess said. "There have been several power outages already, a few streets are flooded, and they're predicting thunderstorms as well. Not a nice night to be out."

Everyone murmured their agreement before resuming cheerful goodbyes while rummaging through the coat rack for their coats and umbrellas. Emily felt a light touch on her shoulder and turned around to see Jennifer. She started aback but accepted Jennifer’s hand when she held it out to her. “It was nice to meet you,” Jennifer said. Emily murmured a response, thinking that under different circumstances she perhaps could come to like this woman.

“I know Ray led you to believe I’m his girlfriend,” Jennifer continued. Emily felt her heart lurch inside her chest as she looked at Jennifer speechlessly. “But we’re just friends.
Always have been.”
She released Emily’s hand.
“Just thought you should know.”

“So if you’re not his girlfriend, who is?” she asked confusedly.

“There isn’t one,” Jennifer said.