Falling Stars (25 page)

"This
is your fault you bastard! You should’ve never happened! You shouldn’t be
here.  You ruined all of it and now…and now…The gun was back in his hand and I
was staring straight into the cold steel. I heard the click but moved before I
heard the roar past my head. I launched at his legs and he slipped on the
blood….her blood. Rage

Jerked
awake, I screamed. Trying to push everything from my mind, I pressed the palms
of my hands into my eyes. Elliott was next to me before anyone else with a wide-eyed
look.

"I'm
fine," Groaning, I threw myself back onto my bed.

"Do
you need anything?" Jackson sat on my bed and yawned.

"Nothing
works." Rolling over, I buried my head under a pillow to hide the tears
escaping.

"There
is one thing." he stood. I heard the door close.

Sitting
up I grabbed the TV remote and tried to preoccupy myself for the rest of the
night.

I
drug my ass to the shower as soon as I heard the rest of them moving around,
hoping the cold water would wake me. After getting dressed, I got off the bus
and went straight to the first coffee pot I could find.

We
were in Topeka now with a show tonight. Then we would be on our way to
Minneapolis where we would stay for a few of days.

Heading
into the arena to rehearse, I passed Mia who was watching me for some reason.
After all the rehearsals, we waited backstage once again.

"So
I think we should definitely go out while we are in Minneapolis. Let's hit a
local bar, we haven't done that for a while." Elliott was speaking aloud
to whoever would answer.

"Sounds
like a plan" Jimmy voiced.

"I
don't know, I think I'm gonna wait till we get there to see what's going on."
Jackson added. "What about you Christopher?"

"What?"
I grumbled.

"Jesus,
dude, grumpy much? Shit!" Elliott shot out.

"Whatever,"
I shrugged.

I
tried sleeping again on the bus on the way to Minneapolis. Sleeping was not an
option and the pills were barely enough to make me fall asleep anymore. Calling
Doctor J, he offered to get a different prescription sent. I asked for a script
that could keep me awake; however, he refused to provide them.

My
last attempt was to take one more pill, on top of the other two, just to get to
sleep a couple more hours. Finally, I fell asleep only to wake a couple of
hours later sweating and panting. Grabbing the pill bottle, I tossed it into
the garbage can on the other side of the bus. My guitar and my notebook became
my only form of distraction for the remainder of the trip.

*
* * * *

It
had been over two weeks now, almost June, since our argument. Christopher's
movements were sluggish. It was easy to see he hadn't slept and probably wasn't
even trying to anymore. At least the constant caffeinated beverage he carried
around made me assume so.

Maybe
he just woke up. I mean, we are arriving ridiculously early in the morning. I'm
even ready to go back to bed.

When
we met Una at the front desk in the lobby, I leaned in to her ear.

"Una?"

"Hmm?"
She was signing the papers for check-in.

"Is
he alright?"

She
looked up. I nodded toward Christopher who was leaning against a wall with his
hand in his hair waiting for the elevator.

"He
doesn't look well. Perhaps he’s sick?" Una tried to ease my curiosity.

Pursing
my lips at her, she saw I wasn't buying it.

"Okay,
he's probably having some 'issues' again." She didn't look at me and that
was fine. I couldn't stop watching him.

Why
do I feel so responsible? It's not my fault he can't sleep. It's not my
responsibility to take care of him. So why do I feel like the asshole? Yeah, he
sleeps when he is with me, but he needs professional help. Sure, I could help
him out – sometimes. Maybe I should….No. I'm not going to start that all over
again.

Laney
snapped me back to reality when she grabbed my arm and pulled me to the
elevator.

The
doors opened when we got there and we climbed on as one large group. Standing
opposite of him, I could see the dark purple under his eyes and the furrowed
brow. He was exhausted.

Laney
rambled on with Jackson, but I wasn't really listening to what they were saying
until we came to our floor and headed toward our rooms.

"So
breakfast in our room, okay?"

I
returned to the conversation going on around me just as Laney was shouting to
Jackson. He nodded and smiled at her.

"What
was that about?" I asked.

"Weren't
you listening?"

I
shook my head. She eyed me skeptically.

"They're
coming over to our suite for breakfast in a few hours." She smiled and
pulled us quickly to the room. "That means I need to get everyone dressed."

"Whoa
there Laney, I'm climbing into my large king sized bed and getting some shut
eye. Count me out of dress up time." She pouted, but I wouldn’t sway. "We
don't have to do a damn thing until the show tonight, so I'm going to get some
sleep and then get out for a while."

Kat
led the way into the suite and we disappeared into our separate bedrooms.
Stripping off as much clothing as possible along the way, I climbed into bed.
My mind, so wrapped up in guilt, I couldn't fall asleep.

Why
should I feel guilty? It's not my fault. I just…I mean…Shit!
I
can't even think straight enough to argue with myself!
Frick'em frack'em,
rick'em…ack!
After exhausting my brain with my nonsense, it shut down and I
fell asleep.

About
two hours later, Laney was being so loud playing breakfast host. I had no
choice but to drag my ass into the shower. Once showered, I threw on some baggy
jeans and a white tank top. Laney gave me the 'outfit disapproval look' when I
entered the living room.

Everyone
had already arrived and most were eating, except Christopher. He was sitting in
a chair with coffee in his lap and his head back on the chair. His eyes closed,
but even from across the room I could still see the darkness had reached his
lids as well as some puffy redness.

Cue
my feeling of being responsible.
It's not my fault. It's not my fault. Not
my responsibility. He is not my responsibility
.

Walking
to the food lain out, I loaded up a plate before sitting at the breakfast bar.
I was two plates of food in when Jimmy decided to call me out on my eating
habits.

"Christ,
I think Mia could eat more than Elliott!" He laughed and looked from me
then to Elliott.

"Oh
trust me, she would give him a run for his money" Serena laughed. I glared
at her.

"Shut
up," I yelled back.

"Where
the fuck does it all go?" Jimmy walked over and looked me over.

I
smacked his arm.

"Leave
me alone. I can't help it if I like to eat." I stuck my tongue out at
Serena.

"Anytime
you want to have an 'eat off' you let me know" Elliott said smiling at me
widely.

"I'll
be sure to do that," I smiled back sarcastically and threw out my garbage.

"Okay,
so what does everyone have planned?" Laney looked around.

"Kat
and I are headed to the pool," Serena said. "Mia, you in for the
pool?"

I
nodded.

Laney
pouted. "I wanted to go shopping."

"Better
luck next time shop-aholic."

Kat
and Serena giggled.

"Girls
in bikinis? I am so in!" Elliott said loudly. "What do you say
Christopher, girls in bikinis?"

"Whatever,"
he grumbled.

Damn
it. It's not my responsibility.
He needs to talk to a
professional or something. Besides, he isn't showing up at my door, so maybe he
is getting better.

I
damn well knew he wasn't getting better. It was a load of crap I was trying to
feed myself to feel less responsible. All I had to do was look at him and I
could see he was suffering.

"I
have a meeting late this afternoon, but whatever. I don't care."

"You
are such a miserable prick lately," Elliott voiced.

Christopher
gave him the finger.

"Okay,
sounds like we are pool bound."

Laney
jumped up and hurried off to her room. I'm sure she had some special
waterproof, pool proof make-up and hair products to apply. The guys left to get
ready while we changed into swimsuits.

Again,
I fought an internal battle over my unwarranted guilt. I did throw him out, but
he deserved it.

"Let's
go," Kat pounded on my door and stopped myself deprivation.

We
were the first people at the pool. The water was cold and it wasn't exactly hot
outside at ten in the morning. However, if the weather reports were correct, it
would be an exceptionally warm day for late May. Elliott pushed Jackson in,
which resulted in Jackson splashing everyone.

After
swimming for an hour, my skin resembled a prune. I packed up my stuff and told
Serena I was going back up to the suite. On the way, I pass by Christopher, who
was sitting in a lounge chair with his head lolled back. He had sunglasses on
so I couldn't tell if his eyes were shut or not.

Damn
it, Mia. Just keep walking.

With
a large breath, I nudged Christopher's arm and motioned for him to follow me.
At first, he wasn't following, so I figured he wasn't coming. I tried.

He
appeared when I was getting on the elevator. It was a silent trip up to our
floor. He hesitated when I walked pass his room door, but he continued to
follow me.

After
changing into my jeans and tank top I had on earlier, I found him standing
against my doorframe. Motioning toward the bed, I sat down and grabbed for my
favorite blanket.

"You
don't have to –"

"Just
lie down."

I
curled up inside the familiar blanket. Moments later I heard his breathing even
out and when I looked over my shoulder, he was fast asleep. Sighing, I lay my
head down, looking at him.

He
really was physical perfect. A strong chin currently covered in rough looking
stubble, but it still couldn't hide his gorgeous face. Dark lashes lined the
lids that covered eyes so blue and expressive. His lips were full and his skin,
damn, his skin would make any woman jealous. All this set off by his unruly
blue-black hair.

Earlier
in the tour, his hair stuck out is sharp spikes, but now it had grown out some.
My mind drifted to how his hair felt when I had put my hand on his head, it was
thick and soft. I even remembered his scent, like a forest after a storm.
Taking advantage of the moment, I inhaled deeply and slowly fell asleep to his
familiar smell.

Voices
woke me up. Looking up at the bedside clock, I saw we had been asleep for a
little over 2 hours.

"Mia?"
Serena shouted and leaned into my room. "Oh shit!" She yelled in a
whisper. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Don't
worry about it." I whispered and got off the bed.

Walking
toward the door, I looked back. Christopher was still sleeping and was in the
same position he fell asleep in. I closed the door behind me.

"What
the hell is going on?" Serena interrogated.

Laney
and Kat came out of their rooms and looked at us curiously.

"Nothing,"
I shrugged.

"He
is nothing?" She argued, pointing toward my door.

"Ooohh…what
did we miss?" Kat asked.

"Shhh!"
Laney motioned for Kat to shut up as they huddled together like spectators. All
they needed was a bag of popcorn.

"Mia
here has decided to let
him
back in." The emphasis she put on 'him'
didn’t go unnoticed.

"Oh,"
Laney and Kat said in unison. They raised their eyebrows and both wore sly
smiles on their faces.

"Jesus
Christ! It's none of your business!" I spit out at her. "I felt bad
okay?" I sat down on the couch.

"You've
seen him. He looks like shit and he isn't sleeping. I was just helping him out
so he wouldn't be such a wreck."

Serena
sat down next to me and sighed.

"I
just don't want you to get hurt."

"He's
not going –"

"I'm
not talking about just physically Mia"

"Serena
it's not like that between us, it's just…I don't know what it is, but it's not
like that."

"Are
you sure?" She raised her eyebrow.

"Of
course." I rolled my eyes. "You've seen how he treats me. Remember he's
an asshole to me?"

"Yeah,
sure." She looked like she was going to give up, but she turned back to
me. "Mia, did you notice anything when you were on stage with him?" I
shook my head at her and gave her the 'you're crazy aren't you' look. "I
didn't think so."