Falling Stars (23 page)

Taking
the last step off the bus, a hand grabbed my arm and spun around quickly.
Gasping in surprise, I realized who it was.

"Jesus,
Christopher! You scared the shit out of me." Pulling my arm from his hand,
I tried to slow my heart down.

"I'm
sorry," he said, not looking at me. I knew it wasn't just for scaring me
that he was apologizing. I'm not sure how, but I just did.

"Accepted,"
I said and turned back toward the restaurant. The urge to look back at him was
strong, but I fought it.

I
meant it when I accepted his apology. I just hope that he didn't think that he
could resort back to everything like before.

Once
back on the bus I noticed Christopher did not return with the rest of them. We
continued to goof off during the trip until it got late in the evening. Elliott
and Serena disappeared into the back bedroom. We could hear Elliott snoring
after they quieted down. Laney headed back to her bunk to lie down shortly
after Elliott and Serena moved. I looked at Jackson with raised eyebrows.

"What?"
He asked me, fighting a smile.

I
smirked and shook my head.

"Go
get her, lover boy," I giggled quietly.

He
smiled slyly before claiming a spot next to Laney.

Stretching
out on the couch after grabbing my IPod, I looked over and saw Kat and Jimmy
sharing an iPod and going through a Rolling Stone magazine. Closing my eyes I
let sleep take over.

*
* * * *

I
hadn't planned to stay on the bus with them, but between Laney and Jackson, it
had been a losing battle. It ended up being a pretty good time. They were right
when they had said the girls were fun to hang out. It was also true that Mia
was hilarious. Mia and Serena were trash talking the whole time they tried to
guess the songs Laney was playing.

She
hadn't looked at me once and I knew it was because of the argument. When we
stopped to eat, I decided I would just clear the air. Worried about sleeping
during the tour, I was being slightly selfish in hoping that apologizing would
get her to help me again.

When
I grabbed her, I unintentionally scared her and caused her to jump, but I
couldn't explain the feeling that ripped through me when she yanked away from
my touch.
Do I disgust her that much?

I
honestly meant the apology, even if I also had ulterior motives. She looked at
me for a moment and then simply accepted. Then she walked away. She just
fucking walked away and left me standing there. Again, the feeling in my chest
didn't make sense. I was angry, but I wasn't.

Damn
her!

I
was stalking toward my bus when Nicholas stopped me.

"What's
wrong?" He looked me over critically.

"Nothing,"
I quipped.

"Not
hungry?"

"Nope,"
Snapping at him, I climbed onto the bus. I attempted to calm myself down before
the bus pulled out again.

Once
calmer, I decided grab some food and take it back to the bus. Waiting on my
order, a hand slid down my side, resting on my hip. Looking down on my left
side into familiar hazel eyes, she pouted her lips and batted her eyes.

"Can
I help you?"

"You
look so unhappy." Jess, one of the backup singers, leaned into my chest
seductively. "I thought maybe I could help cheer you up." She smiled
slyly to me and ran her hands over my chest.

"Here
you go, honey." Turning around to the woman with the bright orange hair,
she held my bag of take out. Before heading out the door I reached back,
grabbing Jess's hand and pulling her along with me to the bus.

Climbing
up the stairs, I saw the bus was empty. They were all still on the girls bus,
so I had it all to myself. I smiled at that convenience.

"Do
you want a drink?" I asked Jess without looking back at her.

"Sure."

She
had made herself comfortable on the couch. Knowing how easy this was going to
be, my thoughts of Mia dissolved into nothing. I don't need her help.

She
took the drink I sat on the table in front of her. She drank, while I ate. She
also talked. She talked excessively much. I prayed that the beers I kept giving
her would just make her to pass out. Finally pushing my take out containers
away, I pulled her to the back bedroom with me.

She
giggled and climbed onto the bed. She started removing her clothes. I pulled
her up onto her knees, facing her away from me. Pushing her hair away, I kissed
where her neck met her shoulder. She moaned. Turning her back to face me, her
lips attacked mine. She was a little sloppy, but it would do. She removed my
shirt slowly and worked down to my pants. After they were unbuckled and pushed
down to the floor she wrapped her mouth around me. Using both of my hands to
regulate her movements, I had to keep myself aroused.

After
I'd enough of her mouth, I pushed her back on the bed. Reaching for a condom
from the side table, she giggled.

"Do
you like it rough Chrissie?"

Ignoring
the fact that she called me Chrissie, I shoved her legs apart.

She
called out as I pushed forward. Her hands gripped shoulders and I buried my
head into the pillow beside her head. Rhythmically moving, I tried to get off
as quickly as possible. I felt the familiar knot building in me. My release was
close. Bringing my thumb down to her, within a minute, she screamed out and
dragged her nails down my back. I clenched my eyes shut and released. It was
quick and easy, just the way I liked it.

Then
why did something feel different, feel wrong?

Rolling
off her and on to my side, I looked away from her bleached blond hair and
overly made up face. Reached for the pill bottle next to the bed, I took two
pills without water.

She
curled up to my back and her breathing start to slow. She was about to fall
asleep. It wasn't right. I could feel it already, the wrongness, but I wouldn't
allow myself to admit it. Typically, I didn't let them stay, but maybe…just
maybe….and then the pills slowly took me under.

"Stop!"
Drops of sweat streaked over my forehead.

She
was screaming at my outburst. With her back against the wall of the bus, she
was panting with wide terrified eyes.

"C-Chri-Christopher,
are you okay?" She stuttered while trying to even out her breathing.

"Bad
dream," was all I could manage to get out. Standing, I left the back room.
The bus stopped.

"W-where
are you going?" she reached toward me. "Come back to bed with –"

"No
thanks." I spit out and headed to the bathroom.

Climbing
in the shower, I used the hot water to try to relax. It wasn't working. My mind
wouldn't stop racing.

Why
did I even think that girl would help? So…I need her. Why?! Why her? What is it
that makes her so different, so calming, so…

The
door opened and I groaned when Jess entered the shower. Getting out quickly, I
left her there by herself, and got dressed.

Stepping
off the bus in Memphis I looked around. It was extremely early, but it was
already warm. The ground was damp from recent rain. Trying to clear my head, I
started walking. Then I saw her.

Mia
had on workout clothes and looked like she was stretching out. I kept distance
between us so she wouldn't notice me. A guy joined her and their laughter
carried across the damp lot.

Who
is that?
Instinctively I took a step in her direction. The
sudden desire to know who he was and what he wanted with her swept through me.
They took off running, together, before my approach got their attention.

What
the hell was wrong with me?
I pulled my cell phone out and called
Dr. J.

"Christopher?"
he answered groggily.
Shit, the time difference.

"I
forgot the time. I can call back –"

"No,
no, what's up?" He tried to hide his yawn.

"Can
we try to do some of this over the phone?" I felt like a pathetic ass, but
my mind was racing with anger angry I felt like this.

"Of
course. Want to tell me what happened?" I'm not sure how he knew, but he
called me on it.

I
told him about last night and this morning, Jess and the nightmare, all of it.

"So
you tried another girl to replace the one I told you not to sleep next to and
you also figured that casual sex would help?" The faint sound amusement
was in his voice.

"Sort
of," I mumbled.

"I
see. Oh Christopher…"

"I
can't take not sleeping, especially when I know it's possible. I just have to
have…"

"Christopher,
you just have to help yourself. What are you going to do when she isn't around?
You won't be with her forever, now will you?"

"Huh?"

"The
tour is only for a period of time and then she'll most likely be out of your
everyday life, then what will you do? You need to help yourself and not depend
on someone else…" Doc kept going on about self-help, but I became lost in
the one comment, "she will be out of your everyday life".

"Christopher,
Hello?"

"I'm
here."

He
sighed. "Look how about I meet you in Minneapolis and we can talk together
then, in person. It's only a few days away, and in the meantime if you need to
talk, call me. Any time, you understand?"

"Yeah,
sure," Hanging up with the doctor, I went toward the arena we were playing
in tonight. As I rounded a corner, something slammed into my chest and I had to
catch myself against the wall.

"I
am so sor-ry."

Chapter
Thirteen

I
woke up extremely early, especially for me. Everyone was still asleep so I got
up and grabbed some workout clothes, figuring I could go for a walk. Quietly
changing in the bathroom, I tried not to wake anyone. Grabbing my iPod, I was
out the door. I got over near the parking lot fence and started to stretch out
a little. That's when Rob surprised me.

"Holy
crap you scared me!" I laughed and smacked his arm.

"Sorry,
I didn't mean to. No one else is typically up this early." He smiled and
rubbed where I smacked him.

I
shrugged. "I couldn't sleep any longer I guess. What are you doing up?"

"I
try to get out for some exercise when I can. Sitting at a sound and light table
all the time isn't exactly a physical challenge." He chuckled and patted
his stomach. "Want to run together?"

"I
don't know about running." I twisted up my face.

"What
if we race?" He eyed me. "Ready. Set. Go!" he took off.

"Hey!
That's cheating!" I ran after him.

We
raced one way and then raced back to the arena. Yeah, I got my ass handed to
me.

"Holy
crap you're fast," I gasped for oxygen. He chuckled. Noticing we were on
the opposite side of the arena, I would have to walk through the building and
cut across to the other side.

After
saying goodbye to Rob and thanking him for the company, I headed to the bus. I
hoped that everyone was awake and the guys were gone so I could shower. I
rounded the corner with my head down until came face to chest with someone.

"I
am so sor-ry." Stumbling on the last word, I looked up at Christopher.

One
of his hands on the wall and the other was on my shoulder to catch his balance.
I'd fisted his shirt to help hold him up. Heat pulsed on my shoulder from his
hand. Quickly, I let go of his shirt and took a step back, his hand falling
from me. His face looked upset and then his brow furrowed as usual. He looked
tired. Chewing on my lip, I waited for his anger, but it never came. So, I broke
the uncomfortable silence.

"Yeah,
um…sorry," Smiling, I knew it wasn't convincing. I walked around him.

"Accepted,"
He said quietly after I pass him. Looking back, he was walking in the opposite
direction.

When
I got to the bus, Jackson and Jimmy were gone, Laney and Kat were dressed, and
I grabbed some clothes.

"Where
did you disappear to?" Laney raised her eyebrow.

"I
went to walk, but ran into Rob and we kind of ran together." Kat looked at
me with a sly smirk on her face. "We just ran into each other. I couldn't
sleep any longer and your lazy asses were still passed out, so I decided to get
out." I shrugged and got into the shower.

Coming
out of the bathroom, my eyes landed on Una sitting on the couch with Kat,
Laney, and Serena. They all looked up when they heard my footsteps.

"Mia,
come here! Look at this!" Laney motioned for me to hurry.

She
shoved a paper into my hand and then I realized it was the Top 100 music
listing. I read over it. There in bold black print was "#1
Hushed Mentality
".

"Oh
my god!" I screamed and started to bounce with excitement. "Is this
for real?"