Falling Stars (34 page)

"What
did he say Christopher?"

"That
I was a mistake, that he could never want a bastard son." Mia whimpered
from behind me.

Reaching
around, I grabbed her arm and pulled her to my right. Pressing my side into her
chest, her legs still on either side of me, my head lay against her chest. Her
fingers moved through my hair. Sighing, I closed my eyes at the feeling.

"My
mother stood up and shoved him away from me. She told me to go to my room and
lock the door. So I did. I sat on my bed listening to him berate her over and
over about being a worthless whore, how she killed his child but protected the
bastard son, and then I heard a thud and a scream. I couldn't just sit there,
so I ran to her side. He grabbed me by my hair and threw me into the closest,
locking me inside. I tried not to listen. I tried not to hear her screams and
moans while I wasn't able to help her." Wiping the tears from my face with
the back of my hand, Mia ran both hands over me. Her heartbeat increased in my
ear.

"Then
she was there, opening the door and reaching for me. I grasped onto her, happy
she was there, but I saw the blood and the bruising. He had hit her with
something other than his hands this time. She limped on the way to my room."

"
Get
on the bed
she ordered, and shoved my dresser in front of the locked door.
We curled up together where she held me and kissed me over and over.
I love
you Christopher. Always
she repeated the words so many times before his
screaming and the pounding started. She tried to protect me."

"Then
there was the roar and the ringing in my ears. She clasped the sides of my
head, covering my ears. When I looked up at her, I saw the mixture of fear and
love in her eyes. 'I'm so sorry' she said." I snorted. "She fucking
apologized before that bastard pushed the door in and shoved the dresser away."
I buried my face in Mia's chest.

"It's
okay," she whispered against my ear. It took a moment, but I found my
voice again.

"She
shoved me off the bed to the floor and got up, standing over me. After a couple
of minutes, she told me to run and I did. I was almost to the front door when I
realized she wasn't with me. Then I she screamed."

Clenching
my eyes shut, I fisted the cushion beneath us. A ripping sound filled the
silence.

"Christopher,
we can stop." I barely heard the doc speak while I relived the haunting
night in my head.

"'No,
please don't', that's what she screamed." I sobbed. "I had to go back
for her. I couldn't leave her with him. I just couldn't."

"It's
okay Christopher. Of course you couldn't, no one expected you to." Mia's
hushed tone sent a rush of emotion through my chest. "It's okay."

Sucking
in a ragged breath, I tried to take calming breaths.

"I
got back through my bedroom door and saw the gun pointed at me. I heard the
click, but before I saw or heard, anything else, my mother's body was in front
of me. Then I just saw red." I chocked on the last words.

"Her
blood had splattered onto me. The ringing, oh god the ringing in my ears…it was
so loud I didn't hear him screaming at me. I wiped my face and looked down at
my mother, lifeless on the floor in front of me."

"He
blamed me, told me it was supposed to be me and that I'd caused her death."

My
body rocked back and forth slightly. Mia held on tightly. When I almost brought
us off the couch onto the floor, Doctor J twitched to catch us. But before it
could happen, Mia put both hands on my head and spoke softly into my ear trying
to relax me. It worked.

"He
grabbed my arm and threw me against the wall, away from my mother. Then he
leaned down," the rage fought against the pulsing touch of Mia, "he
pulled her into his arms and cradled her." My disgust was prevalent.

"What
did you do Christopher?" Doctor J's voice was like a shock to my system.

"I
screamed at him for touching her and then attacked him. I tried to fight him. He
grabbed my wrists and threw me into the wall again. He started screaming at me
and when he got the gun back into his hand, he pointed it at me, again. I heard
the click, but moved as he pulled the trigger and caught his legs."
Swallowing hard, my stomach gurgled and bile rose up.

"Christopher,
what happened then? It's okay. You only did what was necessary at the time."

"The
gun slid across the floor. I got to it first." Oddly, numbness crawled
over me. "He tried to stand but there was so much blood on the floor he
slid. He fucking slid on her blood!"

"It's
okay, let's stop." Doctor J sounded concerned and tense. Mia only held on
to me and continued to whisper into my ear.

"With
the gun, I walked over to him." A sneer tugged at my lips. "He
pleaded with me."

I
snorted.

"He
had the fucking nerve to beg for his life, while my mother's blood was soaking
into his clothes."

Mia's
chest jerked, a soft cry escaped her lips.

"I
held the gun to his head and pulled the trigger." All emotion had left me.
My hardened eyes focused in on Doctor J. "I killed him and I'd do it
again, and again."

It
was quiet for a long time. The doctor didn't say a word. Mia's light cries were
all I heard. She held me tighter than I could ever remember being held.

"You
defended yourself Christopher. You were just a boy, who watched a man that you
trusted and loved take away your mother." He sighed heavily. "You
didn't do anything wrong."

"I
killed him." I growled. "And I'm glad that he's dead! I'm happy I did
it!"

"It's
time to let go Christopher," he paused. "I think that's enough now."

Sagging
against her body, I closed my eyes and cried. It was silent for a moment,
before the sound of a door echoed in the room. Opening my eyes, the chair where
Doctor J sat was now empty. I buried my face once more into Mia, who was wiping
tears from her face.

"Are
you alright?" she whispered

"I
don't know," the numbness was still there, but receding. "Thank you,"
I whispered.

"Just
remember me in your next Grammy speech," she shot back.

I
couldn't help but chuckle. It wasn't wholehearted laughter, but I was more than
thankful to her for making the situation lighter.

After
readjusting so that my back was against the couch and she was in front of my
body, I kept my head pressed to her chest. My arms wrapped around her upper and
her lower back and she kept her arms around my shoulders. We lay there for I
don't know how long. She just held me and allowed me hold her.

It
was this moment I become conscious of three things. One, my nights were going
to change, for better or for worse I wasn't sure; Two, I was scared Mia would
run away from me now that she knew I was a heartless murderer; and Three, I
didn't want to ever be without Mia.

Chapter
Eighteen

I'd
been nervous about being at Christopher's session; however, my instincts took
over when I heard him getting upset. The doctor hadn't come for me, but when
Christopher's voice raised the urge to go to him took over. He seemed to be at
the panic point. Doctor J smiled when I glanced over and wrapped my arms around
Christopher.

Listening
to everything Christopher said made my stomach turn. It sickened me that
someone could put a little boy through that, it was heartbreaking. I tried to
stay strong and not cry, but there was no avoiding it. Not when I could feel
his pain.

By
the end of the session, I was emotionally exhausted and after Christopher
adjusted our position, I fell asleep. We were woke by Doctor J's return to his
suite.

I
went back to my room, leaving Christopher and Doctor J behind to talk more.

Back
in the suite, we were doing our own thing. Kat and Serena curled up on the couch
watching a movie. Laney was browsing clothes on her laptop, and I was in my
room with my guitar and notebook. They were watching me, but no one asked and I
didn't want to talk about it.

It
took quite a few hours to get through the song I was working on and it wasn't
finished, but it was a start. Una interrupted to usher us to the arena for
stage rehearsal.

We
cross paths with
The Forgotten
. Deep down I wanted to see him, just to
make sure he was okay. I wasn't sure if I should expect my sleeping buddy or
not, but I didn't have to wonder for too long. We'd just stepped into our rooms
when there was a knock at the door.

Serena
gave me an unsure smile as I answered the door. Opening the door, he looked a
mess. He wasn't panicked or freaking, but his appearance was distraught.
Stepping back, I allowed him space to enter. Instead of walking by me, he
wrapped his arms around me. Holding me tightly to his chest, he exhaled and
relaxed the tension in his body. I pushed the door shut and stood there for a
few moments.

Reaching
behind my back, I tried to pull his hands from my waist, but he wouldn't let
go. Slowly I began coaxing him toward my bedroom. Tripping over his feet a
couple of times, he finally loosened his hold.

Taking
his hand, I pulled him into my room. Upon release of his hand, he sat onto the
bed and I started toward the bathroom.

"Where
are you going?" My heart ached at the desperation in his voice.

"Shower"
With my quick and quiet response, I grabbed some pajamas. "I'll be quick."
I hoped it was reassuring, but I don't think I succeeded.

Braiding
my damp hair, I clasped the end when I exited the bathroom. He hadn't moved.
Seated in the same spot, he stared at nothing. Slowly I walked toward his stoic
presence.

"Chris?"
He didn't respond, "Christopher?" Still nothing.

Reaching
out, I placed my hand on his shoulder.

"Hey?"
Keeping my voice low, I tilted my head in an attempt to get him to look at me.

In
one briefly startling moment, his hand came up and grasped my forearm.

"You
okay?"

Christopher
didn't respond. Instead he pulled me toward him and then onto the bed. Laying
us down, he buried his face into my neck and wrapped his arms around me. His
racing heart thudded against my chest and his tears dampened my neck. Rubbing
slow circles on his back and running my other hand through his damp hair, I
hoped I was helping.

The
clock wasn't in my line of sight when he started twitching and groaning in his
sleep. Cupping his face, I tried to whisper words of reassurance. He was still
working through the aftermath of his session and I began to think about his
disclosures.

He
purposely killed a man. But the man deserved it. My own thoughts shocked me. A
heavy jerk of his body pulled me from my deliberation. He was really struggling
tonight and I felt helpless.

"No,
don't," he mumbled against my chest. "Don't leave me," "I'm
sorry," "My fault," and "Please," were just some of
the pleas he made throughout the night. All I could do was run my hand through
his hair and hold him as tight as possible.

Waking
the next morning I was exhausted, but my bladder screamed for relief.
Stretching out, Christopher's solid body was wrapped around me. Shifting
around, he tightened up.

"Don't
leave," he mumbled into my back.

"Just
give me a minute. I'll be back, okay?" I patted his hand and hesitantly he
loosened up.

Once
in the bathroom, I got to business. Bladder came first, teeth second, and
twisting my braid to the back of my head.

Climbing
back into bed, Christopher instantly reached over, grabbing my left hand and
pulled me onto my side, against his back. Lacing his fingers into mine, he held
our entwined hand to his chest. I rested my cheek against his back.

His
heart thumped against our hands. The beat accelerated. He was still struggling,
and I felt so bad for him. Deciding I could definitely sleep more, I let myself
relax into the new position. Closing my eyes, I took one deep breath.

"Are
you afraid of me?" He said it so low. I wasn't sure if he was talking to
me or if I was hearing things in my half sleep state.

"N-no."

He
exhaled a breath he had been holding.

"Do
you hate me?"

"Why
would I?"

"Do
you?" There was a frustrated edge to his voice.

"No,"
My answer was quick and honest.

"You
did hate me," it was more fact than a question.

"I
hated how you were being toward me, toward all of us. You didn't even know us
and….and well you were being an asshole." His body shook slightly and
realized he was laughing.

"Thank
you Mia"

"Um…for
calling you an asshole?"

He
laughed silently again.

"Yeah,
for that and not running and screaming after everything."