Falling Stars (35 page)

After
that he didn't say anything else, we just lay there in silence.

He
smelled so good and familiar. I lay against his back letting his scent absorb
into every pore. The spark in my stomach lit just from his smell. Feeling him
against my body made the spark ignite into a flame. My inner hooker stretched
and began slipping on fishnets. I forced her into a cold shower.

*
* * * *

The
images and memories had flooded me throughout the rest of the day and evening. Doctor
J talked to me one-on-one after Mia left. He’d given me some anxiety
medication. He warned me of the aftermath of my session, but he would be
following us on tour a little longer for my sake.

I
got back to my room where Jackson was on
psycho watch
. Lying in bed,
alone and sobbing, like a little girl. Doctor J came in to talk with me and
give me some other medication to calm me. We couldn't even do our rehearsal
because of the state of my pathetic ass.

Sleeping
for about three hours, the rest spent tossing and turning, pacing my room, and
taking shower after shower. When I emerged from my room, Jackson appraised my
state. He half-heartedly smiled when he realized I was still a wreck. I headed
for her room hoping she was there. If I could just feel her next to me, I knew
I would be better.

The
door opened slowly. Once I saw her, my raw emotions drew me to her. I wrapped
myself around her. After her stumbled attempts toward the bedroom, I finally
allowed her to move us. I knew there was the possibility of freaking her out with
the way I was acting, but like I've said, I'm an addict and she is the drug.

While
she showered, there was nothing to do, except think. My mind was lost in that
night and the session, until her hand was on me.

The
moment she was on the bed, I buried into her scent and the feel of her skin.
She allowed me to take control of her as we fell asleep.

In
the morning, all I could think was she had to be terrified and even hate me by
this point. There’s no way she cared the way Doctor J seemed to believe. So,
when she got back into bed, I wrapped her around me. No matter how much I
feared the answers, I needed to know.

She
seemed to be completely honest, calling me an asshole as well as answering my
questions. Thanking her was the very least I could do.

There
was so much more I wanted from her at this point. She just didn't know it and I
was too much of a coward to say it aloud. The risk of rejection was far too
great.

My
cuddle session interrupted by Una and Xander‘s arrival. It was almost time to
leave for the arena. The concert was tonight.

It
was odd how no one looked twice at Mia and me lying in bed anymore. They moved
around us as if it was nothing at all. However, in all honesty, it had become
so much more than nothing. At least for me it had.

Finally,
I relinquished my hold on her to leave and get ready for the night, but I’d
done it reluctantly. She was walking out of her room behind me when I stopped
and turned to her. I only looked into her eyes for a moment and ran my fingers
along her cheek. She looked confused as I turned and went on my way. The
tingling in my fingertips remained throughout the morning.

Sitting
backstage, waiting for our turn on stage, I noticed the room was uncommonly
silent. It was obviously because of me, but I couldn't handle the sneak peeks
they were giving when they thought I couldn't see them.

"Okay
just fucking say it already," I spat.

"Say
what?" Jackson shrugged.

"Whatever
the fuck it is that you guys are so quiet about, it's driving me insane."
Taking turns eyeing each of them one at a time waiting for someone to answer
me.

"Dude..."
Elliott started.

"Elliott,"
Jimmy hissed.

"Someone
better fucking tell me!"

Jackson
leaned forward.

"Look,
Dayton was cancelled."

I
shrugged.

"That
means we have a week off, actually ten days." Shrugging again, he
continued. "We're flying back to Seattle tomorrow morning."

"Okay,
so what's the big fucking deal?"

"The
girls are going back home, in Whidbey Island" Elliott said quietly. That's
when it sunk in. Mia would be hours away.

Nicholas's
words taunted me, 'she won't be on tour with you forever'. Jackson saw my
expression go blank.

"Christopher,
stay focused brother, we have to go on stage soon."

"I
fucking know that," I scowled at him. "I survived before Mia if you
remember." Growling, I turned my attention to the dirty white wall across
from me.

Before
anyone could say anything else, we were called to the stage.

The
next morning brought us to the airport. I'd to talk to Doctor J on the phone
before we left and he thought it would be a good opportunity for me to try some
nights alone.

Slowly
I climbed on the private jet. Mia was in her normal sleeping position with her
oversized sweatshirt and iPod. After liftoff, I got up and sat next to her. She
was asleep, like on most of our flights, so I sat next to her undetected, until
we landed and departed the plane.

Two
separate cars awaited us. The larger van would take the girls to Whidbey Island
and our car would take us to our Seattle home. A twinge in my stomach turned
into a knot when Mia gave me a small wave as she climbed into the van. Sighing,
I ran my hand through my hair, and forced myself into the car.

Our
first night home they tried to keep me. Going out to dinner, playing pool at
our favorite bar, and they even considered a strip club. I couldn't believe the
extent they were going. The fact was I didn't know what was going to happen
tonight, and truthfully, I just wanted her.

I
took the pills and showered. Hoping the combination would help me sleep, it
didn't help my nerves when getting into bed alone. It took me awhile to settle
my thoughts. Eventually the pills took over and I fell into unconsciousness.

Waking
six hours later, the dreams weren't gone completely; however, the rage and pain
wasn't as severe. I was better at handling it and felt better about that. Now a
new feeling surrounded me with more intensity than it had ever before.

Loneliness.
The bed was empty and cold. I was alone no matter how well I handled sleeping
now.

We
spent a days at the studio working on some tracks, other days doing some
appearances on local news and radio shows, along with a satellite broadcast.
Paparazzi followed us everywhere we went and this particular evening had them
staking out the bar we were in.

Jimmy
and Jackson were playing pool. Elliott had disappeared twenty minutes ago. I
had to wonder if he'd resorted back to his previous tendencies and taken off
with the pink haired girl I saw approach him earlier.

"Oh
my God, you're him aren't you?"

The
squealed question caused me to choke on my beer. Looking over my shoulders, a
tall strawberry blonde stood with a star struck look and barely anything else.

"I
can't believe it's you!" Her dress could have possibly been a shirt with a
belt wrapped around the waist.

"You
are
the
Christopher Mason, right?" She invited herself to the seat
next to me.

Her
dress rode up and her boobs were one small squeeze from popping out of the low
neckline. I nodded to her cleavage.

"Oh,
My, God," she tossed her head back. "This is amazing! I so love you!"
Her hand came down on my thigh. If I wanted her, I could have her.

"You're
so amazing." Her voice dropped down seductively and her hand started
creeping toward my crotch.

Jimmy
caught my attention for a moment. He was behind her with a large smile and
giving me his thumbs up approval.

My
first thought was to agree, but then she moved closer. Her floral perfume hit
me and her hand slid inside the crease of my groin. I must've lost my mind,
because the next thing I knew I grabbed her hand and pulled it from my leg. She
looked as surprised as I was, but then something else took hold of me. It felt
wrong. She wasn't right. The fake hair, make-up, lack of clothing, and her
smell, it was all wrong. Standing, I marched off to the men's room.

Once
I was safely inside, I leaned back against the door and took a deep breath. I'd
lost my fucking mind. That girl was completely my type. She was throwing
herself at me. I was sure I could’ve brought her into the stall and screwed her
every which way.
What the hell was going on with me?

"So,
nothing else is going on?"

Elliott's
voice caught my attention. Slowly, I climbed onto the toilette looking down
into the stall where I heard his voice.

"Elliott?"

"Uh,
hey, let me call you back, okay?" There was a moment of silence. "Okay,
yeah. Later." He stood and walked out of the stall.

"What
the hell are you doing?" Stepping down from the toilet seat, I emerged
from my stall as well.

"I
needed some place quiet to make a call." He shrugged.

"To
who?" Still curious about his behavior.

"Serena."

"You
couldn't talk to her at the table?"

"Not
with that pink haired girl trying to get me to leave with her." He
snorted. "I don't want Serena to think I'm fucking around." He walked
by me and out the door.

Stunned
by his admission, I fell silent.
Elliott was being…faithful? Wait, Elliott
was really with Serena? I mean was he in a relationship?

Night
seemed to come quicker than I ever noticed before. After repeating the previous
night's routine of pills and showering, I tossed and turned. It was all I could
do.

My
body was restless and she flooded my mind and senses. It wasn't that I couldn't
get through the night because of the dreams. Or that I couldn't get through the
night without her. I didn't want to. I longed for her to be next to me. I
finally fell asleep only to wake up around four thirty in the morning,
immediately knowing what I was going to do. These weeks apart had been too
much. I needed her.

Throwing
things into some bags, I slammed doors and drawers.

"Dude,
what the fuck are you doing?" Elliott growled, stumbling into my room and
falling onto my bed.

"I'm
taking a trip," I answered quickly.

"At
four thirty in the morning?" he laughed. "Where the hell do you think
you're going?"

"Whidbey
Island," was all I said. Elliott's attention was peaked.

"I'm
so fucking going with you!" Elliott bounded out of my room and across the
hall digging through his things.

Then
Elliott's voice bellowed from further down the hall.

"Who
is up for a road trip bitches?"

"Shut
the fuck up!" Jimmy yelled.

"Elliott!
Jesus!" Jackson groaned. "Shut up!"

"Okay,
well we'll see you pussy's when we get back from Whidbey Island." Elliott
laughed loudly.

"What?"
Jackson called out. I chuckled.

"You
heard me fucker! Get your shit together!" Elliott now yelled from his
room.

We
packed, and had a car waiting before five thirty in the morning. Jackson called
Nicholas, Elliott called Serena, and I arranged for the car.

It
would take a few hours to get there, but I didn't care. I sat back and relaxed
for the duration of the trip with my notebook in hand. When we arrived to their
house, it was about ten in the morning.

Elliott
was the first one out the car and to the front door. As I climbed out Serena
answered the door with a full smile. Elliott grabbed her into his arms. Her
little boy smacked him in the leg for making his mom scream.

After
Serena and Laney greeted and helped us find a place for our bags, we entered
further into the house. The smell bacon and syrup wafted around the living
room. Thoughts about my mom making breakfast surfaced.

"Have
a seat, breakfast isn't ready just yet" Laney smiled slyly, knowingly.

Jimmy
slouched into a chair and Jackson took the love seat. Elliott sat on the floor
next to Ryan with his back leaned against the couch. They watched cartoons
together. Instead of sitting, I looked around at photos hanging on their walls.

They
had plenty of Ryan's pictures as he grew and celebrated different holidays and
events. Then there was a picture of four small girls standing with their arms
around each other. There was a tall one with curly red hair in the middle –
obviously Serena. A tiny little girl with a large sequined bow on her head and
though the hair was very long it was unmistakably Laney. Next was a tall all
American blonde – undoubtedly Kat. And finally, on the far left side was the
dark brown haired, brown eyed girl next door, Mia. A smile tugged at my lips
and my finger outlined her body.

"That
was in second grade."