Falling Under (19 page)
He kissed the top of my head, maybe sensing my unease. “I used to watch your world from a looking glass, ever since I was a child. The things I’ve seen change in the last one hundred and seventy years … the things I’ve seen were wonderful and terrible. I longed to be able to live as a human, to understand the things I felt that nobody else in my realm understood. Why I felt sad or happy, why I needed things no one around me seemed to need in order to feel good about myself.”
“I thought you said you were seventeen.”
“I am, mostly. Time moves differently in this realm. Ten years or so to every human year. I’m not immortal, but my life span is quite long.”
I tried to fathom aging so slowly. I couldn’t imagine being in high school for forty years. Surely that was a curse.
“What of your father?” I asked. I didn’t add “the human,” but we both knew that’s what I meant.
Haden sighed. “My father tried, but he was even more lost in Under, my realm, than I was. He was never happy there; death seemed to finally put him at ease. I think my mother tried, in her capacity, to make him comfortable. But he was her prisoner—he was spiritless for most of his captivity.”
His words came back to haunt me.
I’m to fetch a bride. A human bride
. Like his father had been fetched?
I’m to fetch a bride. A human bride
. Like his father had been fetched?
I shoved the thought away to deal with later. The moment I had in his arms was the one I wanted to cherish. I knew this perfect twilight would be gone soon enough, and that I’d have plenty of time to think the unthinkable thoughts when I lost the light.
“So I watched your world like it was my cinema,” he continued. “I watched weddings and wars with equal fascination. And one day, I watched you.” He kissed my head again, lingering there as I stiffened in confusion. “You were lost in your music, playing for no one but for the joy of playing. You set your soul free into your music. Most people don’t have that talent. Or maybe don’t want it. But you captured my heart that day.”
“I’m not sure how I feel about you watching me when I wasn’t aware I was being watched.”
“I never claimed I was good for you, love. I do find it humorous where you finally choose to draw the line. You barely batted an eye when I told you I was a demon.”
“Every girl dreams about having her very own demon, but a stalker is another story.”
“Oh, she makes a joke.” He laughed. “I hardly stalked you. I may have peeked in on you from time to time.” He sounded indignant. “I tried not to intrude on any private moments anyway.”
Private moments? I cringed. “You tried? Does that mean you weren’t always successful?”
“I never intruded on you when you were completely alone. I swear it.”
“Can you see me blushing right now?”
“No.”
I exhaled the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. “Then tell me more about the looking glass.”
Haden chuckled. “Very well. My window, as it were, showed me humans laughing and fighting … falling in love, holding each other. I longed to reach into that window, to have contact with someone who had feelings. Who could love and be loved without deception. It showed me all the things I wanted but could never have. And then it showed me you.”
He lifted our hands and we splayed them together, palm to palm, mine so much smaller than his. An ache spread across my chest.
“Then what happened, Haden?”
“And then I became a miserable excuse for a human or demon. I moped and sulked and was surly to anyone unfortunate enough to pass by me.”
“Aren’t most demons, um, surly?”
“Many, yes. Most sex demons don’t have much to complain about, truthfully. Though we’re not safe by any means, we tend to be a fairly congenial lot so long as we’re getting our way.”
“But you were unhappy.”
“Do you know what it’s like to only be half of yourself all of the time? To never express what seems dying to get out?”
I thought of my constant battle to live up to Father’s impossible standards. To be his daughter and forget that my mother’s blood also runs through my veins. To tamp down my spirit when it yearns to fly. Yes, I understood.
I sat up, though reluctant to break the enchanting spell. The air was changing, and our time would be over soon. The temperature cooled, but my ardor did not. I rose, pulling Haden with me.
“I’d like my first kiss now.” I held my hand to his lips when he tried to argue. I moved my hand to his cheek, searching his eyes for understanding. “I know you must have dreamt what that kiss would be like—to kiss a girl who saw you as a whole, not as just what you showed.”
He shook his head. “No. I never dreamt of kissing
a girl
—I only ever dreamt of kissing you.”
a girl
—I only ever dreamt of kissing you.”
My breath caught in my throat, and I smiled, feeling the heat of my ever-returning blush. Then a prickle of cold followed the heat. “Our time is growing short, isn’t it?”
He gripped my hand on his cheek, pulling me to him even as he spoke. “I should leave you be.”
I closed my eyes and waited, pursing my lips.
A chaste touch of lips dotted my forehead. I tried to memorize everything. The way he smelled, the touch of his lips, soft and warm on my skin, the sound of the river gurgling contentedly behind us. The next brush was softer yet, but his hand pushed into my hair. His lips traced a light path to my temple. Then my cheek. Still softly, they roamed like whispers. He paused and my eyelids fluttered open. His eyes were dark promises, trained on me.
“Kiss me, Haden.”
“Aye.”
Both hands moved to cup my jaw, and he leaned down. His lips met mine, a light brush. I could taste his nervousness. I hoped he could taste my delight. For a sweeter kiss had never been bestowed upon a girl. Not in storybooks or real life.
Not in heaven or hell.
Gently, he plied from me every dream I’d ever had with light sweeps of his mouth. He retreated briefly, then dipped again, deepening the caress, parting my lips sweetly. Delight bloomed inside me, its roots strong and sure. Haden drew me tightly into an embrace, his kisses less tentative, and my answering mouth growing bolder.
He stole nothing of my essence, but instead gave to me his own.
“Good morning, Theia,” he murmured.
And I awoke to a new day.
CHAPTER TWELVE
S
pring whispered to the streets of Serendipity Falls as I walked to school Monday morning. The air seemed richer and sweeter to me, the sun brighter. I wore a pink blouse I used to hate, just last week in fact, but it mirrored exactly how I perceived the world that day—girlish and darling, like the blossoming cherry trees. I declined Donny’s offer of a ride to school so I could enjoy a little more time to myself.
pring whispered to the streets of Serendipity Falls as I walked to school Monday morning. The air seemed richer and sweeter to me, the sun brighter. I wore a pink blouse I used to hate, just last week in fact, but it mirrored exactly how I perceived the world that day—girlish and darling, like the blossoming cherry trees. I declined Donny’s offer of a ride to school so I could enjoy a little more time to myself.
There was a heady promise on the breeze, but it was also razor-edged with potential for catastrophe. While Haden’s kisses engaged my heart and soul, he still threatened to break me open. He was a demon, and he was here to take a bride. Danger lurked in the one place I longed to bestow my trust.
When I reached our bench in front of the Main, I realized that I was the only one lost in the clouds. Students passed on their way to class, talking as usual, but their tones weren’t light and casual. Though everyone was trying to act normal, they each betrayed the ruse with a hesitant glance at the bell above the doors leading into the school. It was covered in a brown bag to hide the bullet holes. A sharpshooter on Friday had finally taken each bell out with a high-caliber rifle because that was the only way to stop the noise. Some bells had required more than two or three shots. Or so said the hushed rumors.
Amelia came out of those doors instead of from the direction of the parking lot where Donny and I had been watching for her. She hurried to our spot. “Wow, it is
really
weird in there.”
really
weird in there.”
Plopping on the bench next to me, Ame grabbed Donny’s mocha for a quick drink before she started talking. “They called my mom in. We’ve been here for about an hour already.”
“They called your mom in? Why?” Donny asked.
Ame handed Donny back the drink. “They called
every
counselor and psychologist in the area to come in. And audiologists from all over the state are setting up in the gym to retest our hearing. I think the school is tweaked about liability issues.”
every
counselor and psychologist in the area to come in. And audiologists from all over the state are setting up in the gym to retest our hearing. I think the school is tweaked about liability issues.”
“Great.” Donny slumped in her seat. “That means a dorky assembly and touchy-feely emotion lectures all day. Why don’t they just fix their stupid equipment and leave us alone?”
I hated talking about emotions as much as Donny did, but judging from the wary expressions of our fellow students every time they walked under a school bell, I could see why the administration might need to do some damage control on our psyches. I was just glad my father was a barrister and not a psychologist like Amelia’s mom. I couldn’t imagine him dealing with my instability, much less an entire school of it.
“How is Mike?” Donny asked Amelia.
Ame shrugged. “Fine, I guess. I passed him in the hall and he said hey.” Amelia turned her eyes to me. “How’s Haden? You two seemed pretty cozy yesterday.”
I thought of our perfect kiss last night and looked at my shoe, trying to come up with an answer that wouldn’t embarrass me completely or begin with
By the way, he’s a demon
. “He’s … he’s …”
By the way, he’s a demon
. “He’s … he’s …”
“He’s getting out of Noelle’s car,” Donny finished for me.
Of course he was.
Humiliation felt like a pebble in my throat that wouldn’t go down. I didn’t look up. I didn’t need to. I had been an interesting diversion, but that was all. What made me think he was going to be any different today? I couldn’t believe I had let a demon kiss me. What was I thinking? That I had some sort of magic to tame the forces of evil? I let him use me… . I let him …
play with his food
.
play with his food
.
Since expressing emotion was undervalued in my upbringing, it had been a long time since I let myself feel much of anything. Well, no, that was a lie. I felt things, but I let them pass through me without attention whenever possible. At that very moment, though, I was angry. And disappointed. And jealous.
As the tempest of emotion gathered inside of me, I thought of my mother. She was reckless and wild, the way I felt. She was everything my father taught me not to be. Her unchecked enthusiasm was the reason she was dead. How many times had I been warned?
And then her necklace warmed the skin near my heart.
My life had been lived driving away her influence, pushing down what came naturally, and turning away from excess of emotion. She’d been quick to laugh and found everything and everyone interesting.
But she was also stubborn. By all accounts, my father, though he never spoke of it to me, had been caught up in her enthusiasm from the very minute he laid eyes on her. She steamrolled over all his rules and expectations and forced him to love her despite his better judgment.
What did she possess that allowed her to stay spirited in the gloom of my father’s temperance? Fingering my wild curls, I had only an inkling of her fortitude.
It would have to do.
I tried to imagine what my mother would do if faced with a boy who ran so hot and cold. It was difficult to know, since I’d never met her—but I thought of all the times in my life I’d held back my first impulse and instead behaved the way I knew Father expected. I never saw a banister that didn’t trigger a wish to slide down it—though I had never allowed myself the fun. The things I’d refrained from saying, the dreams I’d tried to keep from forming—it was exhausting sometimes to be the opposite of what felt so natural.
A vision of the world whirling around me as I danced with Haden spun through my mind. Sometimes, when I was with him, I felt like I was finally allowing myself to be
me
. It suddenly didn’t matter so much what my mother would do or what my father would expect.
me
. It suddenly didn’t matter so much what my mother would do or what my father would expect.
I pushed off the bench and stalked down the sidewalk towards Haden and Noelle, determined to find out once and for all where my worlds, my dream one and my waking one, met up.
No more tamping down my impulses. I could be a steamroller too.
Haden stopped walking, watching me warily. I, however, didn’t stop. I didn’t even slow. Like that first day in the hall, it seemed that the world stood still. When I reached him, I pulled him into the grass and cupped his surprised face in my hands. “I missed you,” I said, and before he could respond, I kissed him with all the unpracticed ardor I possessed.
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