Falling Under (18 page)
“Why didn’t I burn the first time I came here?”
“You’re not really here. You know that.”
I shook my head. “The roses … my stained nightgown … if I’m not here …”
“You’re going to have to suspend your disbelief enough to accept that your body is not here, but
you
are. It doesn’t fit the parameters of the science you know and understand from your world—it barely fits the parameters of what I understand from mine. We’re not supposed to be able to be here together, but we are. Sometimes the lines that separate our realms must bleed a little to allow for it. I guess that’s why you can keep the roses.”
you
are. It doesn’t fit the parameters of the science you know and understand from your world—it barely fits the parameters of what I understand from mine. We’re not supposed to be able to be here together, but we are. Sometimes the lines that separate our realms must bleed a little to allow for it. I guess that’s why you can keep the roses.”
I sighed. “All right. I’ll try to understand that I’ll never fully understand that. But why … Why do you … Why are you so … whenever we get close … ?”
He interrupted me. “I thought if I pushed you far enough, perhaps you’d be safe.”
Pushed me far enough. Is that what he did when he kissed that girl’s neck so that I felt the sensation of his lips without the reward of his affection? “Haden, you pushed me away only after you drew me to you—time and again.”
“I never claimed to be very good at staying away,” he agreed. “I need to get better at it, though.”
“Why?”
“My original purpose, the errand that brought me into your universe, is of very dark origins. The closer we become, the more embroiled in my future I fear you are. I won’t have that.”
The sound of the rolling river filled the silence while I gathered courage to ask what he seemed unwilling to divulge, knowing that at the heart of it he’d just told me he didn’t want me in his future. On a shaky exhale, I asked, “What is your errand?”
He squeezed his eyes and his face tightened. “I’m to fetch a bride. A human bride.”
My heart clutched. A bride. That’s how all gothic fairy tales end, with a girl in white. And of course he didn’t want me.
“You should take greater care with your thoughts. One can read them easily just by watching your face. I have already told you that I want you, lamb. Not abducting you to the underworld as my kidnapped bride is not a rejection, though I can see you take it as one.”
My mind stopped trying to process and just halted all thought. “This is the underworld?”
“Part of it, yes.”
“And you are going to abduct a human … bride?”
“Again, yes.”
“What does that make you, then, Haden?”
“Why, I suppose that makes me a monster, Theia.” He paused. “I came to your realm to take you.”
It should have been no surprise. Either he was from a world I didn’t understand or my mental health was in jeopardy. In either case, no good would come of the night I watched the burning man fall from the sky.
He wished he could show her the memory of the very first time he’d laid eyes upon her. A random moment, his window to her world, and yet it had pierced his excuse for a soul as if it were destiny. As if she were his destiny. A thousand times he’d looked through the realms, but one glimpse had forever changed their paths.
And now, she reclined on the grass before him, pure and heavenly. Like a treat, a present to open, an offering, while his blood hummed with unspeakable urges.
But beneath his appetite, a yearning for more than just slaking his thirst thrived despite all reason. He would give his life for her. To ensure her safety, her happiness, her soul.
God only knew which compulsion would be stronger in the end.
His eyes darkened and his gaze intensified, causing an answering flutter deep in my belly. My thoughts scattered just when I needed to be most vigilant. Closing my eyes against the onslaught of his stare, I hoped to regain the balance I would need to get some answers, tangible ones.
With my eyes still closed, Haden told me, “My father was human, but my mother is … not.” He took a breath. “She’s a demon.”
My eyes opened like a snapped shade. “Demon?”
He looked away sheepishly, embarrassed by his heritage.
“What does that mean?”
“It means I’m half demon. And I live in the underworld. And you’re smack-dab in the middle of it. How does waking up sound now?”
I shook my head numbly. “No, tell me what it really
means
.”
means
.”
“I don’t know what it means.” He reached to pull a blade of grass from my hair. “I belong to neither world, yet I’m pulled to both. Demons by nature don’t have a large range of emotions. We’re impulsive and egocentric. Some have stronger … issues than others. My human capacity for human emotion coupled with my demon capacity for … Let’s just say demons aren’t known for controlling their urges. It’s a bad combination. Very, very bad.”
“The school bell.”
“Aye, the school bell. I didn’t even know I was doing it at first.” He looked to the clouds for answers. “You gave Mike your number and I saw red, Theia. I didn’t consciously set the hell noise into motion; it just erupted from my fury.” Haden hung his head in shame. “So many people hurt because of me.”
Before he could stop me, I touched his arm. The feel of his skin on my fingertips was electric. He flinched, but I grabbed his forearm and held. We stared at the place where our skin met and his chest heaved.
“I wish you hadn’t done that,” he said simply, and yet the world hadn’t come crashing down around us. “My feelings for you, lamb … I swear I never want to hurt you, but I don’t know how to rein myself in. The jealousy, the joy, the lust … one second of heedlessness and I could ruin us both, destroying everything and everyone around us.”
He was obviously shaken, and I knew he wanted me to understand and to agree with him. Of course, finding out he was part demon should have sent me scurrying for the nearest exit. Whatever he was or wasn’t, underneath, at his core, he was a scared boy. A human boy. One who didn’t understand his own emotions any better than I understood mine.
“Do you have … a tail?”
He chuckled. “No.”
“Horns?” I winced, but he shook his head. “Scales?”
He pressed his fingers to my lips, the first time he’d willingly touched me. “No cloven feet, no discolored skin, or strange appendages of any sort.”
“Fangs, then?”
“No,” he said on a laugh.
“Then what makes you demon … ish?”
“Aside from the fact that I live in a realm of hell, you mean?”
“Yes, aside from that.” I rolled my eyes. He was trying my patience, and it wasn’t nice. After all, I wasn’t the one who dropped the demon bomb into the conversation; the least he could have done was give me a reasonable explanation. “I obviously knew you were different, Haden. Prior to today, the word ‘demon’ meant something else to me.”
“My demonic attributes are all on the inside, love. I employ the Lure to draw others to me.”
He didn’t need to explain what the Lure was. His intoxicating, spicy scent, the promise of sin in his chocolate eyes, the sculpted muscular shape of his frame—he was the embodiment of enticement. The way he incited a maelstrom of reckless need throughout my body. So, I was a plaything, like the other girls.
“The Lure is our weapon of choice. Humans cannot resist the temptation, you see. My kind don’t resort to violence or bloodshed. We get what we need by offering ourselves.”
“What do your kind need, Haden?” The air was so thick, like it was humid with meaning instead of moisture.
Haden stroked my cheek lightly, his gentleness contrasting with his dangerous words. “Our power is fed by your kind. Your energy … your essence … eventually, your soul.”
His magic, what he called the Lure, ribboned around me, smooth as satin yet taut and strong. I rested my cheek in his hand and breathed in the temptation he offered, my essence no longer my concern. When Haden touched me, I felt a peace I’d never known before. I suppose there were worse ways to go, yet it rankled that I was neither the first nor the last for him. That I was simply one of the masses and not special.
Soup du jour.
Though I was clearly drowning, words formed and were spoken. “How do you feed?”
He spoke softly, leaning into me and murmuring into my hair. As if we were ordinary lovers, stealing a moment along the bank of a river, and not a demon stealing the soul of an innocent on a grassy knoll in hell. “We take what’s offered through touch—intimate caresses and kissing, but mostly—” He faltered and then his hand stroked my arm. “My mother is a type of succubus. Do you know what that is?”
“No,” I whispered. Being so close to him was intoxicating.
“She’s a sex demon. She …”
“I get it.” I didn’t want to hear about sex demons. I wished he would lie down next to me and pull me into his arms. I wanted to be surrounded, with no escape. “Are you going to … ?”
Picking up my hand, he kissed my knuckles, his features full of mischief. “No, lamb. No, I’m not going feed from you.”
So, I wasn’t the same as all the other girls after all. I was found lacking.
“Your eyes are burning holes into my flesh, Theia. You would rather I let loose the demon and devour you?” His words were menacing, yet his tone was teasing and playful.
No.
Yes.
His face changed. A mask of Haden briefly took its place and I shrank away. Uncomfortable static buzzed between us, a precursor to imminent high voltage. Like yesterday, when he looked at Amelia, and the other day in the courtyard with Noelle and Brittany. Not like the electrical charge I usually felt around him. Instead, it grated on my nerves, making me nauseated. I edged away from him. Then just as quickly, it was gone. Haden smiled brightly, himself again.
He collapsed suddenly onto his back, laughing like a madman. He stretched his arms to the side and drew in deep breaths. “You are glorious, Theia.” He popped back up, imitating my pose on one elbow. “You’ve no idea how wonderful you are.”
“What are you talking about?” Jekyll or Hyde? Who was this boy next to me?
“Don’t you see?” He stroked my face again. “You are immune to the Lure. You’re repulsed by it,” he added emphatically and with a joy I didn’t understand.
“What are you talking about?” I asked again. Clearly, according to every single hormone in my body, I was not immune to Haden’s allure.
“I can’t put you in a thrall.” He ignored my incredulous expression and smiled as bright as sunshine, pleased with himself. “You don’t like it.”
“Haden, I’m not experienced in a lot of … ways, so maybe I don’t react like other girls you are used to. But, honestly, I’m not repulsed by you. I’m not sure what I’m doing to make you think that I am. I mean, I do everything but drool on you.”
The heat of my cheeks reminded me how foolish I sounded and I looked away quickly, only to have him cup my chin tenderly and bring my focus back to him.
“You are the most precious of gifts. I would burn a thousand times to see you if my presence in your world weren’t dangerous to you and those around you.” He lay all the way down onto his back again and stared at the clouds. I followed his gaze, and as he watched them, the shapes changed, morphing into fluffy hearts of varying sizes. “The Lure is something I produce. No, that’s not it. I wear it, like an aura. When I use it in your presence, you freeze up. In fact you make this cute little face, like you just smelled an onion in your rose garden.”
“When
your
face changes, you mean? That’s when you’re using the Lure?”
your
face changes, you mean? That’s when you’re using the Lure?”
“Aye. Though most don’t see a physical change. Most women feel compelled to be near me, but you recoil.”
“Compelled. Like Brittany and Noelle?” My eyes narrowed. “And Amelia?”
He laughed at my jealous tone. “And the secretaries, and the teachers, and the girls in band, and the—”
“That’s enough, Romeo. I get the picture.”
Surprising us both, I scooted closer to him and rested my head on his chest. The steady beats of his heart were the best kind of music, and I considered myself a pretty good ear. Haden held my hand to his lips, and the rhythm of our hearts slowed until the measure could be matched. In that aching moment of clarity, awareness crept across my soul like a shadow. I was in love with a demon, and it would end badly.
His arms tightened around me. “So you understand what I’m saying, don’t you, Theia? Your feelings for me are not manufactured by evil. What you see when you look at me is what you really see, what you really
feel
. I never dared to wish for such a freedom. You can’t know what that has meant to me, what it’s been worth.”
feel
. I never dared to wish for such a freedom. You can’t know what that has meant to me, what it’s been worth.”
A moment passed while I absorbed his words, while I luxuriated in the perfect feeling of being in his arms. He felt hopeless for our future. The doubt radiated from him in waves, even while he held me.
He held my hand to the center of his chest, his other rubbed circles into my back. The intimacy, the immediacy of his heart and his hands, shocked my senses, as I had no memory of ever being cuddled. My father’s hugs were functional but awkward. The only other people who touched me were Donny and Amelia, and while they were free with affection, it was quite different being held by another person as if I were precious.
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