Falling Up (23 page)
Authors: Melody Carlson
Diary—
That Was Then…
Monday, September 2
School starts tomorrow. My senior year. And I'm glad. I look forward to my classes and to seeing teachers again. Fm sure an even bigger reason I want school to start has to do with Natalie. I'm so sick of hearing about how happy she and Ben and the baby are going to be…how beautiful their weddings going to be…how God has truly blessed them in an unexpected way. And I can't let on to her how I still think it's a great, big, fat mistake for two seventeen-year-olds to get married. Or how it's really hard playing the role of her best friend these days. No, I just have to smile and act like everything's peachy. Yeah, right.
The only thing that keeps me from totally losing it is my relationship with God. Seriously, I feel like Fm starting to depend on Him for everything these days. There's a Bible verse (2 Corinthians 12:9) that says God gets glorified by our weaknesses because we have to lean on Him, and as a result, He gets to really shine in us. I think that's been my personal theme verse this past summer.
And I really have to kick this verse into gear on days like today. Here I was thinking how I was just going to hang around and enjoy the last day before school. Maybe get a few things done at home, practice my violin, answer some letters in my column—but then Nat calls up and insists we go shopping. And she doesn't mean back-to-school shopping. No, that would be too obvious. Nat wants me to go with her to look for her wedding dress and my maid of honor dress. What an honor!
And never mind that all the last-minute back-to-school shoppers are out in hordes, or that the parking lots are packed full, or that its nearly a hundred degrees out. We still have to go shopping.
“We can't keep putting this off,” she tells me when she calls late this morning.
“Just for week?”
“Fine,” she says in an aggravated tone. “But just so you know, I already invited Caitlin to join us today. If you don't want to come, well, I'll just tell her you're too busy and she and I will do it on our own.”
I let out a long sigh. “I'll come.”
“Great! It'll be fun, Kim. Just the three of us.”
So it's agreed. And although I try to be a good sport and I keep my smiley face on throughout most of the day, I am so ready for this to be over. After wearing out the traditional mall where all the wedding gowns are out of Nat's price range, we head on over to an outlet mall. And this final stop seems to show the most promise. At least when it comes to price tags. Caitlin learned about this little discount shop when she was looking for her own wedding gown. Of course, as it turned out, her good friend Beanie Jacobs, who goes to this big New York design school, created a gown that was a perfect dream. Caitlin looked like a princess in it.
“What about this?” Nat says as she finally emerges from the dressing room with the saleswoman just behind her. It's about the hundredth dress she's tried on today. And I have to say that her stamina (especially in light of being pregnant) is rather Impressive.
Caitlin and I both stand back and study the cream-colored satiny dress as Natalie moves in front of the big three-way mirror.
“The sweetheart neckline looks very nice on her,” the saleswoman points out.
“Not bad.” The good news is that I actually mean it this
time. “It's simple but elegant, and that style really seems to suit you, Nat.”
She pats the small rounded belly that's become a bit more obvious lately. “And the way the waistline is cut high like this sort of disguises the baby. Don't you think?”
“Is there room to get bigger?” Caitlin asks. “Steph warned me that the baby will really start to grow after the fifth month. She said to make sure you get a dress with a little room, just in case.”
Nat checks the dress around her waistline. “I think it'll be okay. I mean, it's only three more weeks to the wedding. You wouldn't think I could get too big in that amount of time.”
Caitlin shakes her head as she looks at the dress more closely. “I don't know, Nat. Just to be safe, you might want the next size up. Why don't you just try it and see.”
“Shall I get you the next size up?” the saleswoman asks with a hopeful expression, like she thinks we might be getting out of her hair soon.
Natalie seems to consider this as she looks at herself in the mirror again. I can tell she's not totally sold on this particular wedding gown, that it's not really her dream dress. But this isn't exactly a dream wedding either. And it's quite possible that the marriage will turn into a real nightmare. But, selfishly, I want to end the shopping now. I do not want to go looking for wedding dresses again.
“It looks so great on you,” I tell Nat. “It's the best one you've tried on all day. Imagine it with your hair up…you'll look so elegant, so grown up.”
Her eyes light up at this. “Grown up?”
I nod eagerly. “Yes, don't you think so, Caitlin?”
“It does make you look older… “
Nat holds her blond hair up with one hand and gives the dress one longer look. “Okay, I'll go ahead and try the next size up.”
The saleswoman smiles. “I'll get it for you.”
As it turns out, the larger size isn't all that much bigger than the other one, but enough that we all think it'll be the best choice.
“And the price is really reasonable,” I point out. “Even less than what your mom budgeted.”
Natalie turns around again, checking out her dress from every possible angle.
“Since Ben is tall,” Caitlin says, “you two will look very regal together.”
Nat looks at me. “Cesar's not that tall. With your height, Kim, you guys will be just right together.”
“Is that who Ben finally decided on for best man?” I ask.
“Yeah. Since Josh finally agreed to perform the ceremony. Ben and Cesar have really been getting close lately.”
“This will be Josh's first wedding.” Caitlin smiles. “Pastor Tony really had to twist his arm to get him to do it.”
I suppress the urge to point out that it makes perfect sense for the youth pastor to perform the wedding ceremony for two seventeen-year-old youths. How appropriate.
Finally, it's decided that Nat will get the creamy satin after all. As we're leaving the store and Natalie is gushing to Caitlin about how perfect everything is going to be and how great it will be to have Caitlin as her sister-in-law, I notice what I think is a shadow of doubt cross Caitlin's countenance. And I'm guessing that, despite her sweet nature and positive attitude, she's still struggling with this marriage. Probably just as much as I am. After all, Ben is her little brother. And although he has as much to do with Nat's pregnancy as she does, Caitlin must be feeling somewhat protective of him.
And as I sit in the backseat, I can't understand why one of the “adults” in either Ben's or Natalie's lives hasn't put the brakes on this whole crazy thing. I mean, what are these people thinking? Even my dad is appalled by the craziness of this. And it's not like it's his daughter getting married either. I
seriously doubt that he'd ever allow me to do something like this. Even if I were pregnant.
“Have you guys found a place to live yet?” I ask absently. Okay, maybe I do want to stir the pot just a little. Make Nat think a little further than just the big wedding day. And I absolutely refuse to discuss the honeymoon with her, although she's already informed me that they'll probably stay at a cabin in the mountains that's owned by friends of Ben's family. She thinks it'll be so romantic.
But I'm imagining this rustic animal-infested shack with a smelly outhouse and no running water. Okay, I'm a terrible excuse for a friend. But it's only because I love Nat, because I care about her future. And possibly because I'm a realist.
“Oh, yeah, I meant to tell you. Josh's mom knows an older couple who need house sitters until next spring,” Caitlin says as she turns down the street where Nat and I live.
“Really?” Nat sounds hopeful.
“I think Josh gave Ben the number, and he's going to talk to them.”
“That sounds good.” Then Nat gets quiet. “But that would mean we couldn't really get settled…couldn't have our own things.”
Okay, I'm wondering, what things? But at least I don't say this. I mean, I know that Nat and Ben have registered at a couple of stores. But from what I've heard from Nat's mom, the wedding's going to be pretty small. Which reminds me, I wonder if being maid of honor means I'm supposed to plan a wedding shower or something to that effect. I lean back into the seat and let out a little groan. When will the madness end?
“You okay?” asks Nat.
“Just a little carsick,” I say, which isn't entirely untrue. I'm in a car and I feel sick.
“Almost there,” says Caitlin.
Caitlin drops us off, and we both thank her. I make a mental note to call her later for some wedding shower advice.
Sheesh, I'm only seventeen. I shouldn't have to be doing all this. Of course, as I walk into the house, I realize that Nat shouldn't either. But then it seems as if she's enjoying it.
In the family room, I tell Dad all about our afternoon of shopping “fun” and set my purse down on our new leather couch. Dad and I replaced a few things—in an effort to move on in our grieving process over mom. “Everything about this wedding feels all wrong to me too, Dad.”
“It seems a hard way to start a life together…getting married because of a baby. I just don't know.
And suddenly I remember my grandma, Dad's mom, and the surprising story she told me down in Florida last summer. I look at Dad and wonder if it's the right time to tell him about this. But he's replaced his reading glasses and is already opening his book again. Maybe some other time.
After I head up to my room, I do a double check on the things that I've already laid out for school, because I'm tired of thinking about how my best friend is ruining her life. Everything seems to be in good order. And so I decide to check my e-mail and maybe answer a letter for my column.
Dear Jamie,
My mum has been married six times so far. My dad was number two in the lineup, and they got divorced when I was a baby. Her marriages last two to three years, although they seem to be getting shorter. And every time she gets engaged, she says, This one is going to be the one.” Anyway, she's about to get married again. She calls this dude her “lucky number seven,” but I can tell he's a loser like the rest. I'm seventeen, and this will be my senior year, but I'm sick of this game. I'd like to move out, but I'm not sure I can handle it. I have a part-time job, but I don't know if it's enough to support myself with. What should I do?
Tired of Stepdads
Dear Tired
,
I can understand your frustration. But f also understand your hesitancy to move out. Here are my questions for you: 1) is there another relative who you might live with during your last year of high school? 2) Or do you have a good friend with understanding parents who might let you stay there? 3) if you really want to move out, do you have enough money for a rental deposit? 4) Have you estimated what it will cost each month, making a budget that includes things like rent, food, utilities, clothing, travel costs, etc.? 5) Have you asked a school or church counselor for advice? 6) Last but not least, have you told your mother how you feel and asked for her help in making this adjustment?
I know that being on your own could look tempting right now, but it could end up being like jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Maybe you should do what you can to get yourself ready to move out (like saving and planning a budget) while you give yourself time to see whether or not your mom's made another mistake.
Just Jamie
This is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, and dialogues are products of the authors imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
FALLING UP
published by Multnomah Publishers, Inc.
and in association with the literary agency of Sara A. Fortenberry
© 2006 by Carlson Management Co., Inc.
Multnomah
is a trademark of Multnomah Publishers, Inc.,
and is registered in the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.
The colophon is a trademark of Multnomah Publishers, Inc.
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Carlson, Melody.
Falling up: a novel / Melody Carlson.
p. cm. — (Diary of a teenage girl. Kim)
eISBN: 978-0-307-56299-9
Summary: Dealing with her grief over her mother's recent death and major problems her family and friends are facing cause Kim so much stress she even finds it hard to pray, but things improve when she really starts to “let go and let God.” [1. Grief-Fiction. 2. Christian life-Fiction. 3. Pregnancy-Fiction. 4. Korean Americans—Fiction. 5. Diaries—Fiction.] I. Tide.
II. Series: Carlson, Melody. Diary of a teenage girl. Kim. PZ7.C216637Fal 2006
[Fic]—dc22
2005025584
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