FanGirl Squeal (RockStars of Romance Book 1) (38 page)

What are
your thoughts, readers?

Is becoming
romantically involved with the celebrities we’re paid to write about crossing
the lines of responsible journalism? Do you think Savannah Ford purposely broke
up Cash and Victoria? Let me know your thoughts by leaving a comment or sending
me a tweet.

I tossed my iPad onto the table, narrowly missing my wine
glass. Amy and Ashley’s drinks weren’t so lucky. Troy grabbed up my iPad and
his drink so they wouldn’t be casualties in the latest war on my credibility
and love life.

First, Cash does an interview and tells a complete stranger
how he’s completely in love with me and flat out denies that there’s ever any
chance that he and Victoria are getting back together. He might as well have
proposed. I’ve never been more humiliated in my life...until now. The incessant
phone calls and emails asking me to confirm my mutual feelings for Cash and
invading my privacy weren’t enough obviously. Now I have to deal with this
bitch.

“I can sue her, right?” The question was directed towards my
sister, but at this point, I’d take legal advice from anyone.

After the Radar interview went live, Ashley and Amy flew out
here to make sure that I was okay. All I wanted was to do a little shopping at
The Grove with my best friends and my sister and have a nice dinner. Instead, I’m
in the middle of the damn Cheesecake Factory trying not to cry.

“Hell yeah, we’re gonna sue the hell out of that bitch!”
Troy shouted angrily. “That’s slander, right counselor?”

Ashley looked disgusted, like someone had spit in her face.
She’s been trying to stay neutral in the Savannah/Cash situation although I
know she wants us to be together. Seems like everyone at the table has recently
joined Team Cash since the Radar interview came out, everyone except me and my
parents.

“It’s considered libel if I can prove that what she’s saying
isn’t just detrimental to Banana’s career but are flat out lies too. She’s
making assumptions. Unfortunately, in the eyes of the law, assumptions aren’t
lies.”

I wrinkled my nose and downed the rest of my Merlot. “Fuck
it. I’m just gonna hop my home wrecking ass on a plane to New York and kick her
ass.”

“Girrllll,” Troy drawled out, “you are too cute to be
fighting in the streets. You know I have plenty of queens who will snatch that
wig for you. Just say the word.”

“I’m saying the word. I mean, I know her little blog doesn’t
have the readership that I do, but people are going to pick up on what she
wrote. And if any of the big sites get wind of it, I’m done. My career is over.
Then what am I going to do?”

My phone began to vibrate as my friends looked on with
pained expressions. I ignored the phone when I saw the caller’s name.

“Give me that,” Amy said as she picked up my phone. “Hey
Cash. Yeah, she’s right here. No, we’re at The Cheesecake Factory at The Grove.
Okay, see you soon.”

“Why?” I asked. “Why would you do that?”

“Savannah, he’s worried about you. He’s been calling you all
day.”

“Worried?” I scoffed. “He’s the reason this happened. If he
had just kept his mouth shut and let me deal with his situation the way I
needed to, people wouldn’t be calling me a home wrecker!” I slid out of our
booth. “I’ll be back.”

Before they could talk me into sitting back down and “just
talk to us” I was out the front entrance. I found an unoccupied bench and sat
down. I am on the verge of losing it completely. How could he do this to me?
How could he tell a complete stranger about us without even discussing it with
me?

Damn it, Cash!

I just want a sinkhole to swallow me up. Or at least, lay at
home in bed with my iPod, Kindle, and my kittens. I definitely don’t want to deal
with the potential fallout from the Aubrey James post and I certainly don’t
want to see Cash Myers.

But, in my peripheral, I could see him walking towards me, a
trail of eager fans behind him. Great. I stood up and started walking as fast
as I could away from him. Cash’s long strides kept me from getting too far
ahead. I froze in the middle of the promenade for a split second and
frantically looked around for a way out. Thinking quickly, I ducked into
Nordstrom.

Walking briskly through the Juniors’ clothing section, I
grabbed three shirts off a rack and headed straight for the dressing rooms. I
looked over my shoulder and didn’t see the brown haired bandit anywhere. A
saleswoman politely let me into a fitting room. I closed the door and sat down
trying to catch my breath.

I took a few deep breaths and cursed the fact that I left my
purse and phone on the table at The Cheesecake Factory. I looked at the
ridiculously ugly and not my size shirts and burst out laughing. This is
ridiculous. Seriously, I just ran from the man I love. I’ve never felt so
foolish in my life. I’m Savannah Ford, damn it. Fords do not run from our
problems. We face them head on.

I stood up and checked my appearance in the mirror. No
matter what happens, I still look like nothing’s bothering me. My rag &
bone jeans hugged every single one of my curves like they were holding on for
dear life. My draped duster and fitted tee were Sunny Rain originals. My
motorcycle boots were made for kicking ass and taking names. Like Rihanna said,
“she can beat me, but she can’ beat my outfit.”

I opened the door of the fitting room, ready to take on
Aubrey James and whatever the world threw me when I slammed right into Cash’s
broad and hard chest. Goddammit!

“Move, please,” I said politely. I was desperately trying to
hide the fact that his presence had me reeling inside.

“Hell no. You ran from me? Are you fucking with me right
now, Savannah? What the hell?”

“Lower your voice,” I hissed. “We are in public.”

“I don’t care,” Cash said just as loudly. “This is bullshit!
I came out here to see if you’re okay. I read what that girl wrote and I was
worried about you. Instead of talking to me, you ran? Why?”

I didn’t want to argue in front of a store full of nosy
customers so I pushed past my possibly soon-to-be ex-boyfriend and started out
of the store.

“Savannah!” he called.

“Look,” I stopped walking and turned around. “You may be
used to all eyes on you whenever you leave the house, but I don’t get off on
that. Don’t embarrass me in a public place. Don’t tell my business to strangers
without discussing it with me. Don’t open the door for my character to be
assassinated by everyone just because you don’t understand my decisions. I
would never do anything like that to you! If you really fucking care, leave me
alone, okay?”

Tears stung my eyes as the words left my mouth. I hated to
see the regret and hurt that washed over Cash’s blue eyes. His head hung in
shame as what I said registered. Cash stepped forward as close to me as he
could get and placed his hands gently on my hips.

“That’s what you want? You want me to leave you alone?”

I could hear the war my brain was waging on my heart. One
was saying ‘walk away and forget about him’ while the other was screaming ‘no,
you fool! Don’t do this! You love him.’ I could feel the warmth of his hands
through my jeans. His heart was pounding. I could see the vein right above his
collarbone throbbing to the beat of his heart.

I slid my hand over the rough material of his thin sweater
and tugged at the hem as my brain won the battle. This is a first for me. I’ve
never broken my own heart before while breaking someone else’s.

“I...I love you so much,” I whispered because my voice was
stuck in my throat.

“I love you too. Whatever you’re about to say, don’t say it.
Not here. Not like this.”

Suddenly, my heart jumped back into the fight. I touched the
side of Cash’s face and closed my eyes. He hadn’t shaved. His scruff tickled my
fingertips. My heart fluttered as the memory of the first time I touched his
face came rushing back to me. Has it really been just six short months? It feels
like a lifetime and it still wasn’t enough. Cash placed his hand over mine and
pulled me against his chest.

“Don’t run, Savannah. I can’t lose you. Not over this.”

“Cash,” I said his name into his sweater. “This isn’t going
to work. I thought I could be with you. I never thought Victoria would come
back into the picture. You don’t want to admit it because you love me, but you
love her too. And I can’t be the woman that stands in the way of you and your
child. I can’t be seen as a home wrecker.”

Cash’s eyes glistened. He squeezed them shut for a few
seconds. When he opened them, he stared right at me. “You know none of that is
true. You know it, Savannah. Don’t act like your decision has anything to do
with what Aubrey James wrote.”

“It does,” I whispered. “Everything I’ve worked so hard for
hangs in the balance because of one person’s perception of me. All I needed was
for you to give me a little space. I just wanted to think. You didn’t have to
air out the details of our relationship to a national magazine. You were
supposed to have my back. I know you meant well. I know you’re intentions were
good, but this isn’t one of those situations where you get to have your cake
and eat it too. You’re having a child with a woman you loved. You should try to
make that work.”

I dropped my hands and took a step backwards. I was afraid
that the pain in Cash’s eyes would be reflected in mine if I looked at him.
Only, I couldn’t not look at him. Fresh tears streamed down my face as our eyes
met for the last time. He wasn’t looking at me. Cash was looking through me,
right into my heart and soul and I knew that he knew I didn’t believe a word I
was saying. He dropped his hands from my waist and tucked them into the pocket
of his jeans.

“See you around, Savannah,” was all he said before he walked
out of the department store.

I stood there, in the middle of the walkway not moving a
muscle. I don’t think I was even breathing. The polite saleswoman who let me
into the fitting room and placed a small hand gently on my shoulder. I could
feel the stares of the customers on me wondering what they had just witnessed.

“Honey, are you okay?” she asked. “You’re shaking. Do you
need to sit down?”

I nodded my head and glanced at her nametag. Julia. The same
as my grandmother.

Julia led me back to the fitting room. I sat. My entire body
was shaking as if I had fever chills.

“Was that your boyfriend, dear?” She spoke warmly with a
comforting motherly tone that helped put me at ease.

“Yes.”

“Are you going to be okay?”

I shook my head. It was the most honest thing I said since
running into Cash. I’m not okay. I’ll probably never be okay again.

“Are you here alone?”

“No,” I said weakly. “My friends are at The Cheesecake
Factory. They have my purse and phone.”

“What’s your name and your friend’s name? I’ll call over
there and have them come get you.”

I gave Julia Troy’s name but they weren’t there anymore. I
gathered they’d come looking for me since it felt like I’d been gone forever. I
gave her my phone number. Someone answered because I heard her tell them where
I was.

A few minutes later, Troy, Ashley, and Amy were squeezing
into the small fitting room. The sight of my friends opened the floodgate.
Tears poured from my eyes as I tried to tell them what happened.

“It’s over,” I sobbed. “I just let him walk away!”

“Let’s get her home,” Ashley suggested. “She’ll be alright
once we get her home.”

I don’t remember leaving Nordstrom. I don’t remember driving
back to North Hollywood. All I remember is the look on Cash’s face as he walked
away.

“See you around, Savannah.”

How am I going to ever get over him?

FanGirlSqueal.com

I was going
to remain silent regarding what people are saying about me, but I feel I owe my
loyal readers something, an explanation of sorts. You’ve read the interview and
you’ve seen the story picked up by my fellow bloggers, columnists, and people
who know nothing about me or my relationship with Cash.

You’ve seen
the lies being spread about me. I say lies because that’s exactly what they
are. The only truth that has been said is here on this website and what Cash
said in his interview regarding our relationship.

As a
journalist, I’ve always respected the private lives of the celebrities I write
about. I’ve never been a gossip blog and I’ve been committed to writing
confirmed reports and truthful stories for eight years. It saddens me that my
reputation as an honest person, a hard working and credible journalist is in
question because of one person’s opinion and unconfirmed account of what she
thinks happened. Although I know you were expecting a confirmation or denial of
the rumors being spread, I haven’t been in this business for this long and
achieved the level of success I’m blessed to have by offering a color commentary
on the personal and private lives of the people I write about. Since anything I
say will involve Cash Myers, I prefer to keep it private.

Thank you to
those who continue to visit this website and for your continued well wishes on
here, FB, twitter, and other sites. I sincerely appreciate your support.
It saddens me to inform you
that I’ve decided to step away from this career choice for now. I never sought
out to be tabloid fodder and I do not appreciate that the website that I’ve
worked so hard to build has been overrun with naysayers and has become a
hostile environment for me and my readers. Goodbye my friends. It’s certainly
been fun! I ♥ You!

Remember,
life isn’t how many breaths you take, but it’s the moments that take your
breath away.

 ♥♫ Savannah ♥♫