FanGirl Squeal (RockStars of Romance Book 1) (41 page)

“So am I,” Ashley groaned. “I swear, Mom hasn’t had this
much to say about my life since I was applying to college.”

I wiped my eyes. Despite the Arctic-like temperature in
Harlem, Ashley and I had decided to take a walk after a phone call from Troy
and Brandon then another email from Cash sent me into a fit of tears that I
couldn’t stop.

Troy and Brandon are spending the holiday skiing in the
Swiss Alps. Neither one of them has an international calling plan but Troy
called me anyway to tell me the good news. 

My two best friends, who I have loved forever, are getting
married. I’m so happy for them that as soon as Troy said, “HE SAID YES!” I
started to cry with overwhelming joy. Still, the fact that they’re getting
married and are so in love with one another reminds me that I’m not. I’m
nowhere near marriage or starting my own extension of the Ford family. Without
Cash, I’m right back to square one and this is not where I want to be.

Then, Cash emailed me letting me know that Troy had called
him too. I’d completely forgotten that Troy and Cash were becoming good friends
before our breakup. Of course, Troy would share his engagement news with all of
his friends, Cash included.

Although I think the culmination of Troy’s news and Cash’s
email definitely aided in my breakdown, the fact that Cash reached out to ask
if it was okay with me if he and Troy remained friends sent me right over the
edge. I have no right to pick and choose who Troy befriends. I just wish I had
the ability to remain friends with Cash, but I don’t.

As soon as I started crying, Ashley grabbed our coats and we
hurried outside into the freezing cold before my mom could ask, “you’re still
crying over that boy?” one more time. Now we’re back home and I’m pretty sure
that they’ve been talking about us for the full hour we were gone.

“What, Mother?” I said as we walked into the living room.

“Have a seat. We have good news.”

I sat on the floor by my father’s legs while Ashley made
herself comfortable in between our grandparents. We both could use some good
news right about now.

“What happened?”

The smile on my mother’s face as she looked at me was a sign
that this news wasn’t meant for Ashley.

“Your cousin, Diane, got the promotion. There’s an opening
at Black Enterprise and she wants you for that position.”

“What position?” I asked with just enough enthusiasm to make
my parents believe that I was just as excited as them. However, there’s no way
I’m ever taking a job at that magazine.

“Marketing and Audience Development Manager is what I think
she said. She wants to interview you next week.”

“At the L.A. office?” I asked even though I know she means
New York.

My mom is only happy about this opportunity because it would
require moving back to New York. However, if I’m going to move back home, it
definitely won’t be to take a boring job at a boring magazine. I’m an
entertainment journalist. How could I possibly fit in at a magazine like Black
Enterprise? Essence or Ebony…maybe, but Black Enterprise. The idea is
laughable.

“All you have to do is call your cousin and set up a formal
interview.”

“Great. If something doesn’t come my way soon, I’ll give her
a call.”

My mom opened her mouth to reply but Grandma Julia shook her
head. “Leave her be, Deborah. Savannah will do what’s best for her. Give her
some time to make a decision.”

I wanted to hug my grandmother. She’s the only one who hasn’t
made this visit a living hell. Aside from Ashley, she’s the only one who has
asked me how I’m doing after breaking up with Cash. The rest of them are
completely thrilled that they don’t have to explain away my behavior any
longer. I’m sure Grandma Julia has a sense of relief as well, but she’s kind
enough to care about me first.

Ashley’s situation is a whole other story. The general
consensus amongst our elders is all men slip up occasionally. Ashley rushed her
decision to leave and acted foolishly by confronting her boss at their job. I
am the only one who thinks Ashley is doing the right thing.

She’s twenty-eight years old and she’s never lived alone.
She went straight from high school to living in a college dorm to living in her
sorority house to another dorm then Kevin’s house. She’s perpetrated a perfect
life for so long that she doesn’t even know what doing what she wants feels
like. I think leaving Kevin and starting her own practice is going to be great
for her. It’s my parents’ sanity that has me concerned.

“It’s good to see you two spending so much time together,”
my father commented. “I’m happy that you’re there for each other when you need
to be.”

“Dad,” Ashley replied. “We’re sisters and we realize, like
you and Mom have been saying, that we’re happier together than always at each
other’s throats.”

Ashley gave me a quick smile. I smiled back. They say people
come into your life for a reason and a season. Makes me wonder if fostering a
reconciliation between me and Ashley was the reason Cash came into my life.

Something tells me that it wasn’t just that.

Dude, this the grossest shit I’ve ever seen

Where are you

At birthing class with V. We’re watching videos of chicks
giving birth

Hahahahahahaha! Sucks to be you

Doesn’t it

Cash felt a sharp nudge in his ribs and turned towards
Victoria. There was only one other father in the room who looked slightly less
bored than Cash. The other six were equally bored and equally grossed out.

“Put your phone away!” Victoria literally hissed like a
snake. “This is important.”

“For you,” Cash whispered. “Why do I need to see any of
this? She’s not coming out of me.”

“Damn it, Cash. We talked about this. You need to know because
you need to know. Put the phone away.”

Cash knew that Victoria wasn’t necessarily mad at him. Eight
months into her pregnancy and her hormones were the worst thing that had ever
happened to the father of her child. Pregnancy hormones and first time mommy fear
had turned the normally easygoing actress into a rage monster. There were times
when Cash expected her to turn green and run through the streets of Beverly
Hills naked.

After what seemed like forever, the birthing instructor
turned off the videos. Eight utterly horrified pregnant women were helped to
their feet by their partners and slowly left the room, moving slowly like shell-shocked
zombies. Cash worked hard to stifle his laughter. Even Victoria’s hand was
shaking as she and Cash exited the recreation center.

“I hoped you parked somewhere people can’t see me?” Victoria
griped as they stepped outside. “I’m too fat to have my picture taken.”

“Then you should have agreed for the instructor to come to
your house,” Cash argued. “But you’re the one who thought being in a group
setting would be better.”

“It is better. Just get the car!”

“I am. Oh yeah, there’s a picture of you and your mom
leaving Bristol Farms yesterday on E!. You looked fine,” Cash teased and quickly
jogged away, leaving Victoria stewing in her angry pregnancy juices.

He jogged to his car in the rec center parking lot and
activated the car’s Bluetooth.

“So what’s it going to take for you to be my manager and not
just my publicist?” Cash said as soon as Tracy said ‘hello.’

“I’d retire and take up shuffleboard first,” Tracy laughed. “What
can I do for you today, Cash?”

“I’m serious, Tracy. I don’t want to do this myself.”

“Stop whining and you shouldn’t fire Olivia and Bryan if you
don’t already have someone else lined up. You are booked solid for the next
three months. Despite all the BS, Olivia keeps you working.”

“Have you heard from Savannah?” Cash asked, getting to the
real reason for his call.

“She’s not my BFF, Cash. We don’t talk anymore. You do know
that she deactivated her website, don’t you? She’s been off the radar since
that Front Page piece. You haven’t talked to her either, I gather.”

Cash immediately felt deep-seeded regret in the pit of his
stomach. When he did the Radar interview, his plan was to win back Savannah,
not ruin her career. He had expected some backlash. There were always going to
people who wanted him with Victoria. He hadn’t planned on anyone accusing
Savannah of being a home wrecker. Nevertheless, people were pissed that he had
declared his love for Savannah while admitting that he didn’t love Victoria
anymore…in the same interview.

Even Victoria hadn’t been as pissed as Aubrey James had
been.

Her retraction and apology had Ashley Ford-Houston written
all over it. Cash was glad that Savannah had somebody she could turn to who
looked out for her best interests. It had been a month since he’d seen or
talked to her and he wanted nothing more than for her to accept his apology and
come back.

“Savannah isn’t returning any of my emails,” he reluctantly
informed his publicist. “That’s why I asked if you had heard from her.”

“You and Savannah knew exactly what you were getting into. Unlike
your managers, I refuse to be involved in your personal life and I’m not
offering up my opinion on this situation. You didn’t listen to me when I told
you not to talk about Savannah so why should I believe that you’d listen to me
now. You have plenty of friends who get off telling you how wrong you are. Talk
to them. Do not forget that we’re in Seattle next week for Aiden Tyler’s
charity event. I’ll talk to you later.”

Cash scolded himself as he pulled out of the parking lot and
around to the front of the building so Victoria could slip into the car practically
undetected. He should have known that Tracy wasn’t going to offer up any good
advice. So far, none of the women in his life were on his side, especially
Brittany. He hadn’t realized that she and Savannah were growing so close even
though it was happening right under his nose.

Since their breakup, Brittany barely had two words to say to
Cash. She filled her days with school, cheerleading, and avoiding him at all
costs. Whenever she had free time, she hung around Troy’s salon, hoping that
Savannah would make an appearance.

“Yep, you made a wicked good mess of this shit,” Cash said
out loud.

“Ugh!” Victoria groaned as she struggled to hoist her eight-month
pregnant body into the car. “Don’t go all New England on me now, Cash. I don’t
think my gag reflex is that strong. What did you mess up now?”

Cash relayed what Tracy said about Savannah while driving
towards Victoria’s new house in Beverly Hills.

“I don’t blame you for that,” Victoria stated. “If it helps,
I blame both of you. It’s not really your fault, but you should have never
gotten involved with a regular girl. Why did you even think that would work?
You’re Cash Myers, for God’s sake. If you’re not going to be with me then you
need to upgrade at least. You need to be with someone who is comfortable in the
spotlight because that’s where you live. Date a regular girl after you retire.”

“You dated Paul Fisher!” Cash howled. “You think he’s an
upgrade from me? Be serious!”

“He’s an actor. I’m an actress. We’re the stars of network
television’s most popular show. He has awards just like you,” Victoria argued. “He
might not be an upgrade in the looks department or make as much money as you,
but at least he’s famous. And he wants me back.”

“Great! Then he can take you to these stupid ass classes.
And don’t ever put me and the Wal-Mart version of Ian Somerhalder in the same
category. I have Grammys,” Cash replied. “Paul has People’s Choice Awards.
There’s a distinct difference.”

“Why do you even care about Paul?” Victoria snapped. “This
isn’t about me. It’s about you agonizing for the last three months over the
fact that your gossip blogger dumped your ass in the middle of Nordstrom’s. You
shouldn’t spend so much time worrying about someone whose entire net worth
couldn’t pay the property taxes on your house. Snap out of it, Cash. We’re
about to have a child. Focus on that, please.”

Cash pulled into Victoria’s driveway and cut the engine.
When he released the steering, his hands tingled as the blood rushed to his
fingers. He hadn’t noticed how hard he was gripping the steering wheel. He knew
he was mad, but not that mad.

“It’s all about money and status and fame with you people,”
he said; his jaw clenched so tightly that it was difficult to talk.

“Newsflash, Vic. I have enough money that our daughter’s
grandchildren won’t even be able to spend it all. What I don’t have
anymore...what I never had before I met Savannah is a woman who genuinely loves
me for me. Someone who did not give a shit about getting on magazine covers or
being seen with me. A woman I could talk to about this bullshit industry whose
only goal is to milk every dime they can make out of you until you can’t take it
anymore. I had a woman who I knew didn’t give a shit about how much I was
making in concert revenue or if standing to my right was her good side. That’s
what I care about. Not that superficial crap that you and your friends think is
real life.”

For a minute, Victoria was silent and Cash hoped she wasn’t
about to cry. He’s thrown a couple jabs though. He hadn’t meant to but he was
putting his foot in his mouth a lot these days.

He glanced over at Victoria. She was staring straight ahead
and rubbing her belly. Her mouth was set in a deep scowl, her forehead wrinkled
angrily.

“I find your contempt for the industry that made you quite
laughable,” she responded coldly. “In case you forgot, I was with you for three
years. I know your real bio, not the one your publicist wrote. If you didn’t
want the fame, if you didn’t want to be a star, then you would have never
signed a record deal. You’d still be in Boston, working a regular job, and
playing in shitty clubs with your shitty band on the weekends. But that’s not
what you wanted, is it, Cash? No,” she shook her head. “You wanted six figure
checks and million dollar homes. You wanted the screaming girls and your name
in lights. Now that you’ve got it and are surrounded by others who worked for
the same thing, you’re better than us?”