Fantasy Attraction (Hidden Secrets) (10 page)

Angel
:  I’m reading.

Me
:  From the first moment I called you, something inside me clicked.  You changed me, calmed me.  I have been wound so tight lately that everything sets me off and my way to deal with it is beating the shit out of something.  Since talking to you, I don’t have to resort to such extremes as I have.  I’m a kick boxer by profession and having a hot temper can be both a blessing and a curse…well lately mine pushed to curse, that is until you.

Me
: Last night at the bar… God you were a vision.  A sight I will never forget and pray I can see again.  I am not with anyone.  That chick that walked in… I have no clue who she is.  You are all I want to know.  Please give us a chance to find out what is going on between us.  Please.  I will leave you be now.  Don’t take long. I’m not very patient when it comes to you.  So I sit here in front of the bar where I first saw you… Missing you…

CHAPTER NINE

~COLLEEN~

Time seemed to stand still.  Nothing around me registered.  Nothing, but the words on the text in front of me.  My hands started to shake and my heart started to race.  I knew what I needed to do.  I didn’t even bother to change or check myself in the mirror, I just ran out
of the door, and where I knew I would find him.  Where, as much as it scared me, I truly wanted to be.

The run there, which normally never took me very long, seemed to take forever now.  My head was racing with thoughts about him seeing me, thoughts about what would happen, but most of all
… I was excited.  From as far back as I care to remember, I haven’t had anyone close to me.  Kayla and I were headed down a path of friendship, but what wasn’t there to like about Kayla.  I feel that our nasty backgrounds are really what ignited this friendship, but none the less I was happy to have it.  It kind of felt like I was building my own family.

Family.

It is such a small word for something so big.  The last time I had a family, he died in my arms.  My mother was never nice to me.  Obviously, I don’t remember my baby time, but from as early as I do remember she has never wanted me.  Even told me when I was three that if she could kill me she would have, but she needed my dad’s money.  In the end, she never got it.  Though she blew through a good chunk of it in the four years I had to live with her, I got it all.  I put it away in a bank account and have never touched it.  Kerry Tierny, my dad’s best friend, runs the bars because frankly, I just have not a single clue on what to do.  He says it is his way of remembering my dad.  I’m going to sign the chain over to him.  The papers have been drawn up and ready.  It just feels like saying goodbye to my dad all over again when I do give them to him, but I know my dad would have wanted nothing less.

I slowed down as I arrived closer to the bar.  There was a truck and two cars in the otherwise empty parking lot to my right.  I looked left to see if I could catch a glimpse of him.  It wasn’t until I turned to my right again that I saw him exiting the truck.  Immediately my feet stopped moving and my breath caught in my throat.  He was just as gorgeous now as he was last night.  He was almost to me when it finally registered what was happening and I turned to run.

“Please, don’t,” he said, grabbing my hand.  “Don’t run away.  Talk to me.”

Immediately
warmth flowed through me, by just the touch of his hand.  My body began to shake as he turned my head to face him.  I looked into his eyes and was lost.  How could a guy I’ve only talked to on the phone and doesn’t know about my past, affect me so intensely?

“Hey,
Angel.  I know you don’t know what to say to me, but please hear me out okay.”

I nodded
, it was all I could do.  Those amazing green eyes holding me, calming me, making me forget everything before looking at them.  The feel of his hands on me…a shudder moved through me.

“I already told you that I’m with no one else.  But I need you to believe me when I say that.  So I’m telling you again.  I have no idea who that woman was.  In my life, I’m not proud of everything I have done and all the decisions I have made, but I can say that I have
never
and will never cheat on anyone.  I was raised better than that.”

“Then how did she know you?  How did she know to be there?”

“A guy I work with…he had set it all up.  He’s had a beef with me for a while, only now it’s escalated apparently.”

He moved his hands from holding mine to running lightly up and down my arms.  Damn
, if my core didn’t jump with excitement.  I talk about sex all the time on the phone, but the only time I’ve had anything besides self-pleasure was about five years ago.  I just have no urge to do it…well, I
had
no urge I should say.  Carson brings things out in me that I haven’t felt in years…if ever.

“Carson…” I said i
n a whisper.

“God, do you know how sexy my name sounds when you say it?”

“We need…to talk…” I tried to say as Carson slowly leaned down, licking his lips and staring right into my eyes.

“We will, but first…”

He cupped my face, caressing my cheeks with his gentle touch, while leaning down further.  My breath stuck in my throat and suddenly my lungs were both empty and full at the same time.  I wanted him to kiss me, but then a bigger part knew it would only hurt more if he did, but I didn’t stop him.  Truth be told, I wanted to know what it felt like, what his lips tasted like… I wanted that memory.

Softly he pressed his lips against mine.  There was no tongue, no war of emotions.  No, the only emotion I felt was
complete…

My eyes flew open and I pulled my head back some. I looked up into his face as he smiled down at me.  Suddenly I forgot why I had pulled back.

“Angel…” He whispered as he leaned down again to kiss me.

It was then that movement over his shoulder caught my attention.  I
lost my breath and for a completely different reason. How could he be standing here right now saying and doing this?  Backing away slowly, I kept my eyes over his shoulder.

“What’s wrong?”  He asked
, completely confused. 

Carson turned to see what I was staring at just as big red from last night exited his truck and moved to the front of his truck with her hands on her hips tapping her foot.

“What the fuck?” He whispered before flipping his head back toward me.  “No, Angel… I swear to you…”

Backing away further from him, I shook my head and held my hands over my chest. Why hadn’t I seen this coming?  Why couldn’t I just see him for what he was?  Why did I have to feel anything at all around him?

“Oh God… what was I thinking?” I said just above a whisper.

Turning, I started to run away.  A few beeps sounded and then the unmistakable sounds of feet hitting the pavement.  Carson was calling my name, but I didn’t want to stop.  He reached out and grabbed my hand spinning me around.  I struggled to get free, but he held tighter.

“Angel, listen to me please.”

“No! I can’t believe I was so stupid…” My voice cracked.

“Angel, no…” he said as he pulled me into his chest and held me.

I punched him in the chest hard enough to cause him to groan.  Stepping back
, the look he gave me almost broke me and had me going back into his arms.  I could feel my tears building.  There was no way I was letting him see how much he hurt me.  Shaking my head, I began to back away.

“Please don’t run again.  Stay, listen to me, believe me…” He pleaded.

“How can I believe you?  She just climbed out of your damn truck!” I yelled before turning and running like hell away from him.

As I ran, I tried to focus on anything other than the pain I was feeling.  It was a pain I shouldn’t be feeling.  We had only talked on the phone for a few weeks and
… There was no way I was going to let him get to me.  I couldn’t let him get to me.  If I did, I’m just not sure I would survive it.

Knowing I couldn’t go home just in case he was following me, I ran past my house and continued running down to the park.  This time of year was great to run around the lake.  It was about six miles around and offered some
of the best views in the city.  There was one spot that was my favorite to stop and just stare out thinking.  Many days when things start getting too heavy around me, I will come here and things will become easier to handle.  It was kind of like my rejuvenation spot.

About four miles later, I rounded the bend that opened to a section of the lake that always drew me in from the moment I saw it.  I walked
over to the area I always sat and thought.  It was the only section that had an almost sand like beach and was semi hidden from the path and the sun set behind the trees across the way, just as it was doing now.

Sitting in the soft sand, I stared out over the water.  The sunlight’s fading colors danced across the water as the wind blew ripples
across the surface.  It made the colors reflecting in the water almost look like they were dancing.  Being around the water was calming for me.  It allowed me to find peace in my otherwise tainted and miserable world.

Taking a deep breath, the dam broke.  I pulled my knees up to my chest and cried as my head rested on my knees.  I cried for my father, who I miss more and more every day.  I cried for the life I never had but still stupidly wished for unti
l my father died.  The straw that broke the camel’s back, I cried for Carson and what could have been but never will be.

There was a point in my life that I thought I would be the trophy wife.  The woman held up high on a pedestal by the man of my dreams, even pictured having kids.  Now, after living my life the way I did
… I know that it would never be possible.  What if I turned into my mother?  What if it was genetic and the minute I have a child I became her?  It was something I never wanted to risk.

My thoughts ran back to Carson.  He was the kind of guy that at first impressions is what every girl wants.  Then this red haired chick keeps showing up and he keeps insisting he doesn’t know her.  She got out of his damn truck!  How could he not know her?  I raised my head, tears still streaming down my face, and looked at the water; searching for any type of peace, but nothing came this time.

“I’m trying so hard. I really am.  I’m trying to be and live the way you wanted for me, but I can’t.  After all the years of keeping people away, I’m hurt again and he hasn’t even been around long.  My heart hurts and my head is spinning.  I’m so lost without you. You were all I had and you left me.  You left me with her!  Daddy… please help me.”  I cried, dropping my head back to my knees.

Thoughts from my past came back to haunt me again, like they always do.

“Hey Colleen.  How have you been?”

“I’m good.” I said embarrassed.

“Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah
, sorry.” I couldn’t meet his eyes.

Humiliation was obvious if the heat in my face was any indication.  It all happened so fast.  One minute, I’m trying to roller blade and the next minute I’m crashing into Brice Palmer.  Brice was the hottest guy in school.  Every girl wanted him and here I am lying underneath him.

“It’s okay.  It’s not every day I get knocked over by a beautiful woman.  I’m Brice.”

“C-Colleen.”

“Would you like to go get some lunch, Colleen?”

“S-sure.”

He moved off me and helped me sit up.  I took off the roller blades and put my shoes on that were in my backpack I had on.  We walked down to a little shop on the corner of the campus.  Brice was the first guy I have even talked to since the Jayson fiasco.  Maybe it was time to get back on the horse.  I’d just have to be more careful this time around.

We sat at a table by the door.  I liked this spot.  The windows overlooked the park not far from the shop.  After asking what I wanted he walked to the counter to order and I stared out the window.  When he returned, he smiled a bright smile at me.

“You know you are really beautiful.  It wasn’t a line to get you to come out with me.”

I looked down at my hands in my lap and mumbled a thank you.

The lunch went great.  We talked about everything.  I loosened up and ended up enjoying myself.  He walked me back to my dorm and kissed me goodbye.  We saw each other a lot after that, just hanging out and enjoying ourselves.  Brice really began to mean a lot to me.  He was a couple of years older than me, but he didn’t seem to care and neither did I.

One night he told me that he loved me and that he has never loved a girl in his life.  We made love that night.  Honestly, I didn’t know what love really felt like, but what I felt for Brice was more than just a friend. I told him that I
thought I loved him too.  Things were going great.  We were together for about a year. 

I was walking through the school library when I heard a group of girls talking about Brice.

“Yeah, he’s banging someone else and the girl is too stupid to even see it.”

“I know. I like totally seen the girl leaving his place only half hour before she showed up.”

“If she wasn’t so creepy, I might warn her.”

Turning and leaving, I left the library.  I ran the two blocks to his apartment.  This time I didn’t phone him that I was on my way.  If he was with someone else, I wanted to catch him.  I opened the door with the key he gave me and was immediately greeted with clothes thrown all over the floor and noises coming from the bedroom.  I made my way that direction.  Honestly, I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I needed to see it for it to set in that this was actually happening.
 

When I opened the door, he was lying on his back with her straddling him both were naked.  He was moaning and so was she.  She lifted up and her hair fell back and he grabbed her hips.

“Fuck, baby!  Yeah, just like that.  You know what I like.” He moaned.

“Yeah Bricy baby…” I froze.

“Oh my God!” I screamed.

I shook my head
, wiped my tears and stood up.  I walked back to my house with the heaviness that I have felt all my life.  Settling deep within me, I wasn’t sure I could push it away this time.  This may finally be all I can handle.