Far-out Show (9781465735829) (31 page)

“We’re not the ones who messed up in this
case,” Delmus said. “Tell us what you did.”

“We dealt with defective equipment so we
wouldn’t die out here because of someone else’s paranoid
stupidity.”

“Put everything back the way it was,” Ackack
demanded.

“Didn’t we? What’s changed? And how do you
know that? This is getting more interesting by the minute,” Halsey
said.

“It’s legitimate for us to install feedback
programs to keep tabs on how the ship’s systems are working,”
Delmus said. “That’s a valuable piece of machinery you’re sitting
in.”

“And it’s all yours. Or more precisely, the
governors’.”

“You haven’t answered. What happened?” Ackack
demanded.

“We had and likely will continue to have
technical difficulties,” Halsey replied calmly. “They’re to be
expected with untested systems.”

“Not so! Every part of that ship was
thor...uh simulation tested.”

“Whoops, you almost said too much, Delmus.
Thoroughly
tested isn’t true. Anyone with a technical
background knows that simulation testing of the separate parts
doesn’t hold up, you have to test the fully assembled components
under realistic conditions. Don’t you have guys with tech skills on
your payroll to advise you two about these things?”

Ackack said as firmly as he knew how,
“
Technical difficulties
won't cut it, Hasley. We need
explanations and we need show material and we need it all
soonest.”

“I'm sure you do,” Hasley agreed
pleasantly.

“That's it?
I'm sure you do
?” Delmus
bellowed angrily

Both stared at the screen where Hasley only
smiled calmly.

“We're under pressure here,” Ackack insisted.
“The audience demands more - right now. This time they won't sit
still for the usual drag it out for days or weeks routine. They’re
changing the rules for Pacification By Distraction With
Entertainment and the governors are worried about violent
reactions.”

“That must be alarming to you.”

“Okay, Hasley, enough of this. We demand
answers,” Delmus said. “Why haven't you sent in more episodes?
What's going on with the other contestants? You signed up four of
them but we've only heard from one, this Nerber.”

Hasley made a gesture of helplessness. “We're
having technical problems with the faulty equipment you supplied
us. Faulty equipment that you're now falsely claiming that we
agreed to buy. We also have to focus on the danger of our guys
being captured or killed. You don't care about that except as stuff
to amuse an audience but we do.”

“Not good enough. We kept this mostly between
the few of us to give you more control but no more, we're talking
to the other producers onboard,” Ackack said in what he clearly
intended as a threat.

Feedle slid into view in a chair beside
Hasley as Lacrat stepped over to stand behind them where he would
be in frame. Feedle said, “Do you want to talk to us? We’re right
here.”

Lacrat added, “We're co-producers so we don't
keep business-related secrets from one another. That means we all
have the same response to your demand. Uh oh, there it goes again,
technical difficulties
.” All three smiled and waved, then
the screen went blank.

“What happened to the feed?” Delmus
demanded.

“They turned us off. For now they can get
away with that but that won't always be the case.”

Ackack stepped to the console and pushed
buttons, then watched the view-screens but those remained
blank.

“What about the secret transmissions?” Delmus
asked.

“That's what I'm checking on. The zerpies
intended to go to the planet surface were all programmed to record
constantly. They should then upload that material directly to us at
each transmission window, bypassing the ship’s systems and without
the zerpies or the contestants being aware of it, but we've only
gotten a few snatches.”

“So the producers have turned that off?”

“Or altered it so they're getting that
continuous feed from the contestants without it being sent on to
us,” Ackack said. “Or it was a contestant who found out about it
and fiddled with the zerpies to record it all but not transmit it
to anyone, giving them a bargaining item to persuade us to sweeten
their rewards. We don't know who's changed it, all we know for sure
is that we're not getting anything. Okay, here’s something else.
This stuff is just in. We're the first to see this.”

“First after an unknown number of technicians
who'll deny they looked at it but did. When we started out as techs
we always checked the stuff out before we let our bosses see it. In
the interest of making sure it was as viewable as we could make it,
of course, never to spy on the content,” Delmus said with a
snicker.

“Of course not since that would have violated
the oath we took to get the job. In this case we're paying a
certain tech on their staff to make sure we see the stuff that
might affect the company even if the
Bang-Boom
guys don't
want us to see it.”

“Especially if they don't intend that,”
Delmus said.

Nerber appeared on the screen facing the
camera as he crouched among the trees at the corner property. His
expression said this was a serious report. “It may be awkward for
those in charge to learn but we Ormelexians have a seriously flawed
idea of what the inhabitants of the planet I'm visiting are like.
Especially we don't know
pipsid smigmollians
about how they
talk and therefore about how to understand them. Our technical guys
did their best making educated guesses to interpret the
transmissions from here but it's obvious to me now that those
signals were so badly degraded that we ended up with simplistic
expectations about this place.”

Ackack freeze-framed Nerber’s image. “To say
publicly that the leaders are wrong is a no-no. Saying that
we're
wrong is even more no-no. No matter how right he is,
we can't let this get out.”

Both shuddered at the thought of what could
happen, their feet flopping like flags in a gale wind.

“We'll need to have a strong talk-talk with
him when he gets back,” Ackack said. “
Before
he's allowed to
talk-talk to anyone except in carefully edited recorded
interviews.”

“I agree. Too bad because he looks so serious
and concerned that it's a good show. If he's this way in the rest
of his stint there he'll make us super rich - and that's okay.”

Ackack tapped a button and Nerber continued
on the screen. “Of course I cannot see the final edited results but
I expect you can when you compare old signals from here with those
you are getting now that the new zerpy is orbiting this
planet.”

The screen image changed to a vague grainy
mishmash with few hints of shapes.
Archived Transmission
appeared at the bottom. The audio contained a great deal of
distorting static.

Lucy Ricardo seemed to say, “
Oh decimal,
Rinky dushn't snow howtaw cerbrake halyweenker but I teesh him ta
lightning yup
.”

The screen image changed to a clear view of
an urban street where two ladies, one a redhead, stood in Halloween
costumes and masks.
Current Reception of Repeat of Same
Transmission, Unedited
, appeared at the bottom. The audio this
time was static free. Lucy said clearly but in a flat tone, “Oh
Ethel, Ricky doesn't know how to celebrate Halloween but I'll teach
him to lighten up.”

The screen image repeated that second video
clip.
Edited, Altered, and Augmented by A.D.U.
now appeared
at the bottom. The audio was clear and crisp. “Mirthful friend,
don't be so picky. Stop resisting making whoopee with the sacred
weenies. Educate yourself about how to make your rickety one burst
into flames.”

Ackack tapped a button and the screen
blanked. “Our version's definitely the best, but if it's going to
be questioned we have a problem.”

“We did shape our world’s ideas of what that
planet and its guys are like,” Delmus conceded.

“Which is what we were expected to do but
we'll still get all the blame if the masses decide they feel
misled.”

“The masses won't care that we used the best
technology that was available back then or that we didn't correct
their notions as we got better information because we didn't want
to upset them. Bottom line, can we suppress this?”

“No chance. It had to pass through the hands
of the
Bang-Boom
guys and through our own techs’ hands so
there surely for true will be copies. Sooner or later we won't be
able to pay someone enough to keep them all quiet.”

“Of course if an accident smithereened the
whole production crew and contestants...”

“We don't know who all they've already sent
copies to or who can monitor all the signals we send to them on
Whizybeam
so don't even give yourself the satisfaction of
thinking that,” Ackack warned.

“But we do tell the producers that since they
generated the idea for the show and many of the claims about the
planet they get the blame when the masses or the government decide
it’s time to hold someone accountable for what turns out to be bad
information.”

“Agreed. I'll contact them right away.
They're on the spot so they shouldn't make it worse for themselves
by saying anything of substance without checking with us.”

Delmus spun in circles in his swivel chair
deep in thought.

“What’s going on in your head, Delmus?”

“If there's a big fuss there might be calls
for public executions. Those producers and everyone else in the
Bang-Boom Shows Certificated
front office here at home are
the most convenient scape candidates. I'll make some inquiries.
Since we air their programs we should have first bid on an
exclusive to show their executions.”

“Dead or alive they probably won't be making
programs we can use so we have to find other stuff to fill the time
slots. Exciting stuff to keep the audience interested.
The
Far-Out Show
had great potential but we knew there could be
problems with so many unknown factors.”

“Maybe we can make the old seem new again,”
Delmus said. “Oh, I like the way my mind works some days. We have a
whole pile of intercepts from this planet called Earth. We've aired
a lot of it while the novelty of it being alien goings-on made it
hot. Now we know what we aired were screwy misinterpretations of
the stuff - so we reinterpret it all based on what we know now and
air it as new, a fresh understanding of what the aliens were doing
all that time. If it catches on we have exclusive control of many
months of stuff. Twice as much if we make each episode a show of
the old and new interpretations.”

“
Zinkers be-dee
, Delmus, if it really
catches on with the nearly mindless masses we can do several
progressively "improved" versions of the same intercept and keep
them sedated for a long time. It's a win-win-win. The audience is
happily distracted; the government is happy because they're
distracted; and we're happy because keeping them distracted will
make us rich and influential.”

“We know Hasley and his group think that
since they're paying off a few little guys here they have the
insider information on what we're planning and doing but we're
paying off their guys to tell us that so we're the ones who have
the insider dope on them. We need to make some things clear to them
right away.”

At the point the annoying shrill
beep
interrupted.

Delmus and Ackack sat back in their chairs
before Ackack brought up Hasley, Feedle, and Lacrat on the
view-screen.

Hasley said, “Good, you're both there so we
don't have to repeat this warning.”

“Warning about what?” Delmus demanded.

“The contestants and the whole production are
definitely in big danger.
Whizybeam
has continuing engine
problems which may mean there's no way home.” Hasley said it
simply, in a tone suggesting that really bad news needed to be laid
out without a lot of nonsense.

“That ship was certified as space worthy when
your guys took command of it,” Ackack said. “If there's
damage...”

“When was the last time a ship from Ormelex
passed through a snaggiewarp, Ackack?” Feedle asked.

“Uh, never,” Ackack admitted. “A selling
point of this show was that it would test the theory that such
travel is possible using the new design from P.D.Q.”

“So of course you have the ship fully
insured. Let's not waste time on that,” Hasley insisted. “We know
A.D.U. doesn't take uninsured risks. But you've interrupted me. The
greater danger is of more concern to the governors. The inhabitants
seem likely to capture our contestants or zerpies.”

Delmus immediately and excitedly asked, “Do
you have good coverage of that? You're under contract to send the
feed as long as it's physically possible no matter what happens to
the contestants or your other employees.”

Feedle said, “
Choss choss
. I'm
shocked. Surely the safety of our guys is paramount, Delmus.”

“Be as shocked as you want, Feedle, but a
contract is a contract,” Delmus said with a shrug.

“Never fear, we'll honor our contract to the
letter no matter the price,” Lacrat said. “But we're also required
to alert the governors that Ormelexians and their equipment are at
risk of falling into the hands of the inhabitants, something they
were adamant mustn’t be allowed to happen.”

“We'll take care of alerting them,” Delmus
said. “You deal with the imminent dangers and trust us to handle
the politics.”

“You're joking right,” Feedle guffawed. “With
things not working as planned you'll be looking for someone to hide
behind and we're the obvious suckers to blame behind our backs.
You’ll probably even suggest we be publicly executed as a
distraction to amuse the masses.”