Fashionably Dead Down Under (15 page)

“But I thought there was the Basement, the
Sub-Basement, the Rehab Room, Purgatory and the main floor,” I
said, wondering if Dixie had kept information from me.

“So Dante had it all wrong,” Ethan
muttered.

“He’ll be here on Thursday night. He plays
poker with Satan.”

“What?” Ethan asked.

“I’ll explain later,” I told him with a wave
of my hand. “So General and Bambi, this isn’t an actual level?”

“It’s Hell’s waiting room. Of course there
are cells to hold prisoners here too,” Bambi explained.

I glanced around at the destroyed room and
panicked. “We need to get Ethan out of here before someone comes in
to check on him . . . Wait! Where in the hell are my monsters?” My
stomach roiled and I ran around the room looking beneath the
rubble. “Damndamndamn.”

“Astrid, stop. They’re here.” Ethan’s voice
snapped me out of my frenzied search.

“Where?”

“They’re hanging onto the back of my pants I
believe . . . are they about three inches tall with a breast
obsession?”

“Just Abe and Ross,” I sighed, relieved that
they were okay. “You can see them?”

“Apparently.” He laughed and shrugged.
“They’re quite amusing.”

“Tell me about it. Come out, you little
shits.”

They crawled to Ethan’s broad shoulders,
careful to avoid his wounds.

“Mommmmmeeeeeeyyyyy,” Abe gushed. “We so
happy to see you.”

“Me like Mommy’s mate. He pretty,” Beyonce
cooed, giving Ethan little wet kisses.

“We’ll discuss your disappearing act later.
Get in my pockets. We’re getting out of here.”

“Doggies,” Ross shrieked and waved wildly at
General George and Bambi. The Hell Hounds woofed and wagged their
enormous puffy tails. They had tails? How had I not seen those?
They were huge. As soon as they were done greeting my babies the
tails disappeared. Question answered.

“How you get the chains off the pretty man?”
Rachel asked, pointing to the luminous metal while blowing gleeful
raspberries at the Hounds.

“I’m not sure, but I’ll figure it out,” I
mumbled, staring at the intricate knotting on the chains.

“You will do no such thing,” Ethan snapped,
going all alpha Vampyre on me.

“Listen, sweetie,” I shot back. “I would die
for you, so a couple of shocks won’t hurt me.”

“And our child?” he asked, staring at me with
an expression of wonder mixed with anger.

“I was going to tell you,” I said quickly,
“but then a bunch of stuff happened, you know—I killed my mom, then
my dad and then the icky Demons showed up and . . . ”

“And?”

And . . . I had no excuse. I should have told
him the minute I found out. “I’m so sorry.” Tears flooded my eyes
and I leaned into his body, avoiding the chains. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not sorry,” he said gruffly and kissed
the top of my head. “I am beyond words. I am more in love with you
than I thought possible. I will not let you harm yourself or our
child.”

“There’s got to be a way,” I insisted.
“General, Bambi, can you undo the magic on the chains?”

“No, child, but you can,” George informed
me.

“You gonna tell me how?”

“Now where would the fun in that be?”

“You’re a dick, George. I suppose I have to
use some Demon voodoo?” I moaned.

“Yep.” He gave me a Hell Hound grin that
would have scared the Cousin Bejesus out of me if I didn’t know
him.

“Will my black gloves help?” I asked, already
knowing the answer.

“Go for it,” Bambi cheered me on.

Mad. I needed to get mad. Well now, that
wouldn’t be too hard . . .

“So you did my cousin?” I asked Ethan.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“You played hide the salami with Lust?”

“She’s your cousin?” He was surprised.

“Do. Not. Answer. My. Question. With. A.
Question.” I yelled. “Did you hit that?”

“Dear God.” Ethan rolled his eyes. “It was
over three hundred years ago and I truly don’t remember it.”

“Beside the point,” I said, picturing it.
Ewwwww.

“Astrid, you didn’t exist three hundred years
ago. Surely you realize I have a past,” he said in that obnoxious
Vampyre way that normally turned me on, but not this time.

“But my cousin?”

“Would you mind explaining that?”

“Sure,” I snapped, furious that I couldn’t
control my jealousy. “Satan is my uncle and the scarier than hell
Seven Deadly Sins are my cousins, along with Beelzebub’s other
daughter Dixie who I actually like. Of course, I’d hate to leave
out Uncle God and Cousin Jesus, but I haven’t exactly met them yet.
And apparently my grandma, Mother Nature, is a ginormous bitch . .
. Did I forget anything? Oh yeah, my grandpa, Satan’s dad—not
God’s, likes to pretend he’s a wall and screw with my head. Happy?”
I shouted.

For the first time since laying eyes on my
beloved Vampyre, he was speechless—utterly speechless.

“Enough about my delightful family tree,” I
added, boiling with anger. “Let’s get to work.”

I closed my eyes and felt the dark magic mold
itself to my body. It was warm and whispered seductive promises to
me I knew it wouldn’t keep. As long as I used it but kept my soul
hidden, I would be okay. I hoped.

My Baby Demons gasped in awe as the black
sparkles appeared on my arms and chest. Opening my eyes, I saw
Ethan’s look of dismay. I had no time to deal with that now. I was
what I was and if we were going to have that problem again, I would
kill him myself . . . Tearing my eyes from his, I focused on the
chains.

The magic was complicated and woven in a
deadly way. Do I just blast the fucker? Will that harm Ethan? Will
it harm me? I glanced over at George.

“Go with your gut,” he said simply.

My gut told me to blast the fucker, but my
gut had also told me to get hypnotized at a seedy strip mall to
stop smoking. That decision turned me into a Vampyre . . . But
wait, I was glad I was a Vampyre. I had Ethan, a family and a baby
on the way. Maybe my gut wasn’t so bad after all.

Taking a huge breath, which also surprised
Ethan, I closed my eyes and found a very dark place inside my mind.
It glowed red and felt wonderful. Opening my eyes so I didn’t
inadvertently blow someone’s head off, I aimed at the chains and
let her rip. A blaze of sparks flew from my fingertips, unlike the
magic I’d used on Grandpa. This was focused, evil and deadly.
Ethan’s body jerked violently as the now flaming chains dropped
from his body. He lurched forward and fell to the hard ground as
the Baby Demons went down with him. They screamed with joyous
abandon like they were riding a roller coaster. God help me.

“Again,” Abe shouted, jumping up and down and
clapping his little claws.

“Hush,” I told Abe as I ran to Ethan’s
crumpled body. Please God, let him be okay. “No, no, no,” I cried
as he refused to wake up. My fangs dropped. I ripped into my wrist
and placed it over his lips. “Drink,” I yelled. “Drink.”

Slowly his throat moved as my blood poured
into his mouth and ran over the sides. The relief was massive. My
body sagged, but I kept my wrist firmly clamped to his lips.

“He’ll be okay,” I whispered. “He’ll be
fine.”

“We need to leave,” Bambi murmured.

“He needs to get his strength back,” I told
her.

“No time,” she said. “It’s far better for him
if he doesn’t see anything else down here. Can you cloak yourself,
Ethan and your babies?”

“Yes.”

With Bambi’s help, I loaded Ethan’s massive
frame over George’s back. I popped my monsters in my pocket and I
made our sextet invisible. I felt shaky, having expended so much
magic, but there was no time to rejuvenate. I briefly considered
drinking from Ethan, but he was so weak I decided against it.

“Are we ready?” George asked.

“As we’re ever gonna be,” I answered, hoping
we’d make it out of here but having no clue what to do after
that.

“Then let’s go,” he grunted.

And we did.

Now I knew why they knocked me out the first
time through. It was not pretty. If this was the waiting area, I
knew I never wanted to see the rest. The thought of my mother in
the basement sat heavy on my heart. I was sure if I was cast down
there she wouldn’t have given me a second thought, but I was not my
mother. She got what she deserved, but I couldn’t shake the
constricted feeling in my chest when I thought about her.

Dark and smoky hallways filled with Demons
and soul lights were all I could see for what seemed like miles. No
one was actually doing anything wrong, but the smell of sex and
blood was everywhere. It was depressing and quietly terrifying.
Unable to put my finger on exactly why, I attributed it to the
muted moaning and crying. I missed the overplayed Journey
soundtracks from the main level. The Hounds walked the corridors as
if they owned them and were given a wide berth by everything and
everyone we passed. The fear they instilled was palpable. Clearly
no one knew them the way I did.

“
Is your reputation earned
?” I
asked.

“
Yes
,” George said.

“
Nice
.”

“
Thank you
.”

After a long while we entered the area with
the desks, Demons and soul lights. I breathed a sigh of relief only
to be followed by a sharp intake of breath.

“
What’s wrong, Little Astrid
?” Bambi
asked, concerned.

“
Where will I take Ethan? Can you take us
to a portal
?”

“
Your mate is not strong enough to make it
home through a portal and I do believe you have
offered your
services to help find the Sword of Death. I would have thought you
were a woman of your word,
” the General huffed indignantly.

“
I am
,” I hissed. “
My intention was
to send him home and stay till I finished whatever was expected of
me here
.”

“
Do you really think the most powerful
Vampyre in the world would go for that plan
?” George chuckled
at my lack of foresight.

“
I hadn’t thought that far
,” I
muttered, hating that yet again the General was correct. “
Okay,
Smartypants, where will he be safe
?”

“
There is a guest house on Dixie’s
property. We will go there
.”

“
Fine. Go fast. I don’t want to run into
anyone I’d have to kill. I’m not in the mood right now
,” I
said, hoping Ethan would stay knocked out till we arrived.

“
As you wish
.”

***

The guesthouse was charming—one bedroom, a
living area, kitchen, dining area and a huge bathroom with a sunken
tub. God, I wanted to get in the tub and wash the stench of Hell’s
waiting area off of my body, but there was no time for that at the
moment.

The Hounds helped me get Ethan to the bed and
I wrapped him in blankets after I cleaned his now healing wounds. I
tried to feed him more blood, but in his exhausted and unconscious
state he refused to cooperate.

“You will need to cloak the house,” Bambi
told me through her eyebrows as she peed on the front porch wrought
iron furniture.

“Um, is that necessary?” I asked as she
continued to mark the flowerbeds, the bird feeder and the small
garden shed.

“The cloaking? Yes. The peeing? No, but it’s
fun.” She giggled and finished up by urinating on the welcome mat.
It smelled like brownies, but it was still gross.

“Once you’ve cloaked the house we shall
leave. All you have to do is call us in your mind if you need us.
We will come,” George said, admiring Bambi’s work.

“Why?”

“What do you mean?” he asked, lifting his leg
and hitting a few spots Bambi had apparently missed.

“Why are you helping me?” Everyone had an
ulterior motive here. What was theirs?

“Because you’re special,” his eyebrows
bounced, answering logically.

“What does that mean?” I blew out an
exasperated sigh and wondered why everyone was so fucking
cryptic.

“It’s for me to know and you to find out,” he
grunted and then laughed uproariously at his own joke.

“What are you? Five?” I snapped.

“I am far beyond five, but your lack of
maturity seems to be rubbing off on me.” He grinned and bowed.
“Thank you for an eventful day, Little Astrid. Good luck to you,
you will need it.”

“Me want to play with doggies,” Abe screeched
from my pocket. Hell’s Bells, I’d forgotten they were in there.

“Me tooooo. Me ride the doggie and jump on
him and tickle him,” Rachel added enthusiastically.

“My doggy. Me have the doggy,” Beyonce
yelled, flying out of my pocket and landing on the General’s
snout.

“Me kick your asssssssssssss,” Ross grunted,
dive bombing Beyonce and starting a slap fight of epic proportions
on George’s head.

“Enough,” George roared. The Demons froze and
looked curiously at him. “If you promise to behave and Astrid okays
it you may come for a play date at the Dark Palace.”

A chorus of, “Pleeeeeze Mommmmy,” made my
head ache.

“Will they be safe?”

Bambi and the General rolled their beady eyes
at me and shook their bulbous heads.

“Fine.” I gave in. The Hounds would probably
be able to keep a better eye on them than I could. “You little
turds behave,” I said, kissing them. “Will you bring them home
tonight?”

“Absolutely.” The Hell Hounds were excited to
have little guests and the little guests were screaming with joy so
loudly I had to slap my hands over my ears.

In the most beautiful blast of magic and
glitter I’d seen yet, the Hell Hounds disappeared with my monsters.
Good luck . . . you’ll need it
? That did not sound good. At
all. For now I felt relatively safe with the guesthouse cloaked.
Dixie would think I’d gone for a walk and I had at least an hour or
so to wake Ethan up and get him up to speed.