Fashionably Dead Down Under (21 page)

The Demons stood with their hands clasped in
front of them and a sense of peace about them.

“My Queen, we have waited thousands of years
for this day. What you are doing is merciful. I can never go back
to those I love. I am ruined . . . tainted by so much horror and
death, I am no longer worthy of love. Mind you, I do still love.
Deeply. That is why I have never tried to escape. The threat of
harm to my wife and children is something that even someone as lost
as I’ve become cannot fathom.”

“But my father is gone. Why can’t you go back
to your loved ones?” I asked, hoping I’d discovered the magic
ticket. Maybe they could all work hard and grow skin and then go to
the waiting room and get jobs and then be reunited with their
families. And maybe Leprechauns could fly out of my ass . . .

“Oh, young Queen, it was too late for that
hundreds of years ago. I stand here begging your mercy, but I am by
no means free of sin. Heinous sin.”

“Open your mind, oh Queen,” a Demon begged.
“Come inside and see.”

“Proof?” I asked.

“Indisputable,” Lance answered.

I closed my eyes and let my mind roam free.
Dipping in and out of the Demons thoughts, it was all I could do
not to fall to the floor and break. Memories of children and wives
and parents intermingled with the horror they’d been forced to
perform leading to horrors they’d chosen and willingly performed.
Horrific beatings from my father that shamed me and then the names
. . . names flew at me. Names of loved ones, names of those they’d
killed, names of the victims’ families that they wished to beg
forgiveness from, and then came their names . . . David, Michael,
Josiah, Peter, Noah, Paul, and on and on. I didn’t want them to
become more than what they were. That would make what I knew I had
to do harder, but they had become inhuman faceless nothingness.
They needed to be seen for who they were—for who they wished to be.
James, Adam, Leonardo . . .

“Stop,” I commanded harshly. “Stop.”

I wanted to forgive them their sins. I felt
how truly remorseful they were, but I also knew if they lived on
they would continue to commit sin after sin and I had no
jurisdiction over mass forgiveness for that. I only had compassion
and the unhealthy need to right my father’s wrong.

“Tell me where a portal is,” I said. “I’ll
need to leave when I’m . . . done here.”

Lance shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“You have got to be kidding me.” I sighed
heavily and pinched the bridge of my nose. They wanted me to commit
mass murder and then hang out with the dead bodies? They were going
to have to think again. It would be hard enough without having to
look at what I’d done for God knows how long.

“We will give you our power before the deed
is done. It should be enough to help you find your way,” Lance
said.

“Whoa, Nelly.” I stopped him before they all
started magically sending their fucked up evil Demon mojo my way. I
might empathize with them, but I didn’t want to become them.

“Our power is pure,” Lance assured me. “Our
memories and our physical bodies are not.”

“Are you all very sure this is what you
want?” I asked. My hands trembled at my sides and my knees were
unsteady. This was so much different than what I had been trained
for. I still wasn’t positive I could do it.

“You would put a suffering dog down, wouldn’t
you?” Lance asked quietly.

“Yes, I would.”

“We are nothing more than animals at this
point. We haven’t been humanely treated in over a thousand years.
Please . . . just please.”

“Make the circle tighter,” I shouted. I
looked up at the jagged rock ceiling and prayed for a moment, but
who or what was I praying to anymore? All my ideas of the afterlife
had been altered. I didn’t know what I believed. What the hell did
good and evil really mean and how closely were they related? Were
they actually the same thing?

A muttered chorus of ‘thank you’ wafted
around me, but I could barely compute. My heart beat so loudly in
my chest it was all I could hear. I closed my eyes and realized I
had no anger, just sadness and fear. I realized I no longer needed
anger. I only needed to know what I owned, how to use it didn’t
matter—I only needed to think of the outcome desired and the means
to get there would become obvious.

Closing my eyes, I asked a God I wasn’t sure
existed in the way I wanted him to anymore for
forgiveness—forgiveness for what I was about to do. My
grandfather’s chant that had eluded me was now at the forefront of
my mind and I marveled at of the complexity and the simplicity of
it. I felt the release of power from the Demons and I let it in.
Unsure if it was safe, I did it anyway. It felt right. A whisper of
movement in my stomach startled and frightened me. My child, my son
. . . I felt his love and strength and approval. Holy Hell, the
moment was surreal. It was a very old soul inside me and his
knowledge was far superior to mine, but he loved me and knew I was
there to take care of him. He was sure I would do what was right.
Would I always pay for the sins of my father? I hoped the score
would be even and I could move forward without his taint touching
my child’s world, but only time would tell.

Was this the balance between good and evil .
. . Was I doing evil for good? Or good for evil?

It only took an instant. I saw the outcome
and the deed was done. Sparks flew wildly around me and the popping
noises made me grind my teeth and scream in despair. I fell to my
knees and beat the ground. I’d just killed fifty people. Did it
matter that no one loved or wanted them anymore? That should have
made it easier, but it didn’t. Had I become the Grim Reaper, meting
out justice as I saw fit? Who in the hell did I think I was? I
slowly opened my eyes and they were gone. No trace of the ones who
had begged for death. The floor was covered in icy white crystals
and black glitter. The soul lights were momentarily quiet.

It was either shock or regret that consumed
me and I gave in to my basest need. I lay down on the dank filthy
floor and I cried . . . for the Demons, for my father and for
myself.

Little wet lips kissed my face and head. The
soft feather touches tickled. I had no clue how much time had
passed since I’d committed one of the worst sins possible, but it
felt like years.

“Me see your boobers, Mommy,” Abe said with
great satisfaction. “Me want to touch.”

“No,” Ross shouted and kneed Abe in his
little Demon nuts. “Me massage Mommy’s love melons.”

“Ohhhhh, squishy,” Rachel said as she poked
at my chest.

“Mommy has nice balloons,” Beyonce told
everyone.

“No touching the boobs,” I said as I pushed
myself from prone and pathetic to seated and slightly pathetic. I
smiled and picked my Baby Demons off of my chest. “How did you find
me?”

“Easy peasy,” Ross said. “My doggies felt
your sad.”

“The General and Bambi are here?” I asked,
scanning the room in alarm. How would they feel about what I had
done? I struggled to my feet and prepared to defend myself and my
child.

“Sit, little one.” George’s soothing voice
calmed me. “We are not here to judge. We have come to take you
back.”

“You know what I’ve done?” I whispered. My
stomach was knotted with sadness and shame.

“I’m glad to see they didn’t harm you. It was
unwise of you to come here,” he scolded.

While his sentiments were nice, his facts
were fucked.

I took a slow breath in and gathered my
thoughts. General George had protected me and helped me save Ethan,
but he worked for Satan. His opinion of the Demons was as warped as
his master’s.

“I didn’t come here on purpose and I was
never in danger.” I stood and put some distance between us.
“Pockets,” I instructed my little monsters.

“Mommy don’t have no pockets,” Abe informed
me logically.

I glanced down at my shredded eveningwear and
grimaced. He was correct. I had no pockets. I barely had a dress.
Closing my eyes, I reimagined my beautiful dress. A faint heat
surged through my body and a small burst of glitter burst from my
fingertips.

“Very good,” Bambi gasped with delight. “I
like the one shoulder look far better than the halter.”

“Mommy so pretty in pink,” Rachel gushed.

They were spot on. Somehow my red halter had
morphed into a hot pink one shouldered masterpiece. I had the
magic—I was just missing the finer points of detail.

“Whoops.” I shrugged and attempted a smile.
Letting my head fall back on my shoulders I contemplated what I had
done. Was it truly mercy? I had to believe it was . . . but why did
I feel so awful?

“Self-defense is a necessary reason to kill.
Your life was far more valuable than theirs,” George said
quietly.

Again his misinterpretation bothered me. I
could nod my head and be done. Who would be the wiser? The
screaming souls? Doubtful.

“It wasn’t self-defense. They asked me to end
them and I did.”

The silence was loud.

“What?” Bambi asked. “You just killed them
for no reason?”

I felt ill. She was only voicing what I
already thought, but she was wrong. I was wrong.

“I corrected the sins of my father. These
people . . . ”

“They were hardly people,” the General
sniffed dismissively.

“I beg to differ,” I shot back defensively.
Time to come clean. If they didn’t understand, they could do
whatever they chose. As each minute passed I grew stronger. What I
had done, while horridly distasteful, was the merciful thing to do.
I could only hope that someday if I needed the same favor, I could
find someone that cared enough to end me. “While they were by no
means innocent, they had been at one time until my father took that
away. With blackmail, murder and threats he destroyed their lives.
They had no free will where this was concerned. None.”

“They didn’t attack you?” George asked.

“No, not in any real way.”

“And you believe this fantasy they wove?” he
demanded.

I paced the cave. My anger rose and I was
very aware the glittering gloves had appeared and my chest tingled.
Calm down. Calm down.

“I went into their memories. Something maybe
Satan should have done if he wasn’t so fucking selfish,” I snapped.
“And to be fair, there was very little to redeem them at this
point, but they tried. Over and over they tried. I am of my
father’s blood and he destroyed their spirit and their lives. All I
did was give them the peace they were owed.”

“And who owed them this peace?” George asked.
His eyes narrowed. I was sure he took offense at my opinion of
Satan or he was considering what was to be done with me.
Whatever.

“I did,” I shouted. “I owed them peace that
no one else could give to them. I owed them the dignity in death
that my father stole from them in life . . . and everyone can just
fuck off.”

Again with the silence.

I squatted down and picked up my Baby Demons.
They were quiet and still. Amazingly, I’d wished pockets into my
beautiful dress. I gently tucked them in and turned to face the
Hell Hounds.

George was chuckling and Bambi was doing a
bizarre doggie jig. WTF? Their reaction was alarming and
incongruous and I wondered if this was the pre-Eat Astrid dance . .
. I also realized the souls had been silent since I’d destroyed the
Demons.

“She is so far ahead of where she should be,”
Bambi sang as she shimmied,
if you could call it that,
around George.

“You are not what we expected,” he told
me.

“Yep, I get that all the time. You gonna eat
me?”

“I’m sorry, what?” George choked out.

“If you’re going to eat me, I’m going to
fight back, but I’d like to know so I can put my little monsters
somewhere safe.”

The third silence was a charm . . .

“Um, no. We have no intention of eating you.
We’re vegetarians.”

“That’s not a well known fact,” Bambi chimed
in. “So don’t let that get around.”

“You are such a funny one,” the General said,
loping toward me. “We would die for you. It would be lovely if you
didn’t put us in that position, but we would gladly go there if
necessary.”

“You’re not going to eat me?”

“No. You’re too chewy.” His eyebrows slapped
open and closed as his huge body rumbled with laughter. “So very
young to find the balance so quickly, but I should have expected no
less.”

“No less from what?” I asked, hoping to catch
one of these freakin’ immortals off guard so they’d cough up their
cryptic secrets.

“Ah, I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise.
It’s like reading the end of a book after the first Chapter,” he
explained.

“How long is the book?” I asked.

He considered me for a moment then gently
rubbed his head against my leg. The comfort it brought me was
immense. “The book shall be as long or short as you make it.”

I knew better than to be snarky, but God, how
I wanted to . . .

“We should be getting back,” Bambi said.
“She’s been missed.”

George cleared his throat. At least I think
that’s what that sound was—either that or a weird burp. “Astrid, I
would suggest you cloak yourself.”

“Why?”

He rolled his eyes and I knew that’s as much
of an answer as I would get.

“Fine.” I matched his eye roll and upped it
by half. “I’ll cloak. Anything else?”

“As a matter of fact and self-preservation,
yes . . . Do not act before you listen.”

“You do realize that I’m not wired that way,”
I said with a double down eye roll.

“Yes, my child. I realize that, but I’d
suggest you start rewiring now.”

“Yes, sir.” I sarcastically saluted him and
made myself invisible with a flick of my fingers. A shimmering door
appeared behind them and cast a rosy golden glow on the depressing
gray stone of the Basement. This time it wasn’t engulfed in flame.
The Hounds waited for me as I circled the area where the Demons had
stood and died. I whispered silent goodbyes to the beings that
ceased to exist anymore. And I . . .