Feel Like Makin' Love (Rock and Roll Trilogy #3) (31 page)

“
Yeah.”

“
I remember, sometimes, how things were when Mama passed away. I think it’s a gift she gives me, but I remember how tired she was in the end. I’m so glad she kept all those journals and tapes to tell me, in her words, how she was really feeling.”

She started to cry
, and Matthew held her close. “Do you know what next Sunday is?” he whispered in her ear.

“The day before your holiday from University,” she teased.

“It is that, but it’s also our anniversary. You feelin’ up to a celebration?”

“It’s only been a year?” She sighed and said, “It seems a lifetime, the best, happiest, lifetime I’ve ever lived. Thank you for sharing it with me, especially these past few months. Yes, Matthew, let’s celebrate,” she said.

“Good, because since you’ve been feeling so good, I’ve made plans, with Tamara’s approval,” he said, lightly caressing her back as he held her close.

~ ~ ~

Thomas met Geni at the airport as she’d requested. When he hugged her, he told her, “You look like crap, Mom. What in the hell happened?”

“I don’t know, maybe nothing, maybe everything…”

She didn’t talk on the way home, mostly because she wasn’t sure where to begin, so she thought. As he pulled into the driveway to help her with her bag he told her, “Get some rest, I’ll call you later.”

It was a
fter nine when she got settled. She’d turned the ringer off in the terminal at Heathrow and hadn’t wanted to turn it back on. She knew there’d be messages. She fixed a cup of coffee and braced herself. It would be three in the afternoon in the U.K. She sat quietly with the phone in her lap. She had no idea what she would find when she played the messages, and she dreaded it. She heard the frantic and the angry messages wondering where she was, and then the message from Matthew. She sat quietly a minute, deciding to dial Andy’s number, when her phone rang.

~ ~ ~

Andy waited for his flight in a private lounge. He was in Fort Lauderdale, waiting for his flight to Eleuthera. He’d called Shirley as he waited to board in London and asked her to get things ready for his arrival. While he waited, he dialed Geni once more, and when she answered, he exploded.

“
Why in the hell did you leave without talking to me?” he shouted the words.

“
I was scared,” she replied in a calm voice.

“
Scared of what, Geni?”

“I saw you with Adaleigh.
”

“
And?”

“Andy
, I’m too old for this…”

“
Too old for what, Geni?” he barked as he interrupted her and rose to pace.

“
Too old for jealousy when there is nothing to be jealous about? Too old to talk through something that’s wrong and check the fucking facts before you jump to conclusions and run away? I’m not gonna go through this again; I’m a different man than I was all those years ago! The thing is,” he corrected himself quickly, “Was, the thing was, maybe way back when with Bethy, that little bit of selfishness on my part liked that she was insecure! I’m not that man anymore! I realized too late that all she needed was a commitment from me! I made mistakes, Geni, but I am not that man anymore!” he yelled once again. He looked around the lounge, it was early, and no one else was there.

She said nothing
. It pissed him off more, so he continued. “I’ve been upfront and honest with you since day one, because I learned that with Carlee. It was like a rebirth to me. You know how I feel about you, how I feel about us. Now you know how I feel about this! When you come to terms with your goddamn insecurities, I’ll be waiting. You know how to reach me,” he said and hung up.

~ ~ ~

She spent the remainder of the day thinking, rehashing the events of the evening, and by the time she got ready for bed, she was disappointed. She’d had no calls from anyone all day - not even anyone checking in. She didn’t sleep, she couldn’t stop all the thoughts that ran through her head, and there were many. She knew that she was in love with him, but when she saw Adaleigh hug Andy, she was jealous, and he was right - insecure.

Tom had been the only man in her life who was important to her, aside from her father and her boys. She’d never had these feelings with anyone else, and it was different with Andy. Tom was an older man, quiet and reserved. Andy was neither of those things.

Around two, she sat up in the bed, feeling exhausted. It had been a long twenty-four hours. Bringing her knees to her chest, she looked around. It was dark, but she knew the place of everything in that room. It had been almost exactly the same for forty years. As she looked, she didn’t feel Tom there. All she felt was the missing man in her life now – Andy.

She walked down the hall to the room they had shared
, and crawled into the bed. Still, sleep eluded her, but now it wasn’t the insecurities that kept her awake; it was the longing for that man to be beside her. And now she wondered how to mend what was broken.

~ ~ ~

Shirley was there when Andy stepped off the plane; the two old friends hugged and started to the car. She knew there’d been turmoil. This is where he ran whenever there was. He hadn’t been there in a long time, but she saw his face, pained, dark, and drawn from lack of sleep.

“Old friend, tell me what troubles you,” she said once they were in the car.

“Thanks, Shirley; right now, all I want to think about is sleep. I’d love to share dinner with you later.”

“Pigeon peas and rice, and I’ve already sent word that I need a fresh grouper.”

He walked into the cottage and felt a flood of memories and sadness wash over him.

He called Carlee
, and she started crying. “Where are you?”

“The cottage.”

“You can’t fix this there, Papa.”

“I need to clean some closets first. I’ll call you later. I just wanted you to know where I was. I love you.”

Beyond tired, he fell into bed and slept.

~ ~ ~

Shirley had dinner ready when he knocked on the door. “You look much better; the rest was good for you.”

She poured them both a glass of wine and joined him at the table.

“She’s not here.”

“You are wrong,” he replied. “She’s everywhere here
, everywhere, Shirley. I’m trying to figure out how to move past her.”

“You don’t want to ‘move past her.’ You want to learn how to move on with her
, or you wouldn’t be tore up over this woman you been a’sharin’ your time with. You run when you don’t know what to do.”

“
I know all that shit, Shirley. I know what I need to do. I need to find closure.”

“Seventeen years isn’t long enough, my friend?” She put her fork down and pushed the meal aside. “She was the love of your life, I know that, but she’s gone,
and she’s not coming back. And you’re gonna die a lonely old man.”

“I know that!
Dammit Shirley, no one knows that better than me!” he said in a loud angry voice, banging his hand on the table to make the point.

She watched as anguish and pain spread across his face – saw the agony as his hand rubbed from his forehead into his hair. She felt her own body hurt with the torment she knew he felt.

“I thought I
was moving forward. I AM! I am!” Finally, in a softer voice he said it once more, “I am…”

“You’re as wrong as she is,” she said.

“What?” he barked.

“Runnin’ off to this place when you sh
ould run off to wherever she is. Instead you’re sittin’ here at my table worrying everyone.”

“Carlee called you?”

“She’s worried.”

Quiet
for a moment, he told her, “I came here to clear my head. I’ve gotta take care of some things here. I gotta clean some cobwebs and closets.”

“You leave your cleanin’ to me,” she said and reached out to pat his hand.

“This time I can’t.”

“So what you g
on’ do?”

“I don’t know just yet, but I know I’ll end up in Jacksonville.”

~ ~ ~

They talked a while longer
, and she told him about the developer who had been in contact with her.

“I know;
his agent has called me several times. I pushed the thought aside each time he’s called. I couldn’t think about it with everything that was going on with Carlee. He told me about a large resort that was in the thought process, but they couldn’t proceed without the point. I’m not ready to sell. There’s more involved than just me. There’s Carlee, and you, the people here that I love. ‘My buyer has a great deal of money to offer...’ he keeps telling me. I don’t need the money.”

He looked up and she was watching him. “Do you want me to sell so they can buy you out too? I know they can’t do what they want without both of us selling.”

“This is my home, and my mother’s before me. If you sell, I will, but I won’t leave the island. I’ll just move down the road a bit. I have that as part of my negotiations to sell. They have to buy me out and buy a house close by. It has to be part of my package. If you don’t sell, I’ll stay put. If you go, I’ll be sad; there are so many memories - forty years here with you. The locals are excited about it; it’s jobs to them, that’s all they see. They don’t care about this place like we older folks do.”

“I won’t do anything until Carlee can come back. You’ll like her husband,” he said with the first smi
le she’d seen since he arrived.

Finally she said, “Why you still sittin’ here? Your belly is full
; go do your cleanin’, my friend.”

He rose from his seat and wrapped
her in a loving hug. “Thank you,” he whispered in her ear. “I love you, old friend.”

She patted his hand, “Go, now.”

~ ~ ~

He walked the path back to the cottage, knowing that he could never bring Geni here. He felt Beth as soon as he stepped off the plane.
He’d bought the cottage to be a hiding place, a refuge of quiet and calm in a chaotic, hectic-paced life. And then Beth came into his life, and it became a haven. But now that Carlee was grown, he hadn’t been here in a very long time. He knew he could never bring Geni here, just as he couldn’t sleep with her in the bed she’d shared with Tom. They slept in another room when they were at her house. Taking her to the cottage wouldn’t be right. Beth was everywhere when he looked through the cottage in his mind. He saw ‘them;’ it was their place.

He knew he’d sell as soon as he could talk to Carlee. It was part of moving on.
He called for a plane to take him to Jacksonville the next morning, and called Shirley to let her know.

~ ~ ~

He walked into the bedroom and opened the closet. Tucked in the corner were Beth’s walking shoes. He picked them up and felt every step she’d walked on the beach at the point, and every emotion that went along with each step – sometimes happy, sometimes sad… He slid the glass doors open and sat with a glass of wine, under the covered patio. He closed his eyes and remembered so many times at this place. He looked up; the sky was cloudless, and the moon, high in the sky, shone brightly, reflecting on the water like ribbons making their way to shore. He picked up the shoes and made his way to the point. Sitting in the sand, he put the shoes beside him. He sat there for a long time; the only sound was the water lapping on the shore.

Finally, he rose and walked to the water. It was cold as it rolled over his bare feet. He sat the shoes close to the water
. He’d checked earlier, and knew the tide would carry them away in an hour or two. He said a prayer, and headed back to the cottage.

Shirley stood at
her window and watched him, crying.
Such great love, such great loss. Move on my friend.

Chapter Nineteen

He picked up a rental car
at the airport, and as he drove to Geni’s house once again he heard Bad Company sing:

Baby, If I think about you 
I think about love 
Darling, If I live without you 
I live without love
And if I had 
The sun and moon 
And they were shining 
I would give you 
Both night and day 
Love satisfying… 
 

As he listened, he knew where his heart was.

~ ~ ~

Geni
slept until nine, and while the coffee brewed, she stepped outside and wiped the porch chairs off. It had been a while since she’d been home, and they were dusty. She was finishing the last chair when she saw a car turn down the driveway. She was excited, but terrified. She stood frozen, and waited.

He got out of the car and came up the porch steps like a man on a mission
. He grabbed her, catching her off guard. He jerked her into his arms and kissed her senseless, and then whispered in her ear, “Don’t do it again.”

She felt fire on her lips;
it felt like she’d been bruised, but she pulled him back for one more kiss – a kiss that was sweet and passionate. Breathless, she stepped back and asked, “Don’t do what again?”

“Well it damn
ed sure won’t be kiss me like that – I’m sure of it,” he said and smiled. Pushing hair back to frame her face with his hands he said, “I want you to kiss me like that every friggin’ day, Geni. But don’t just walk away from me again. I was so angry that I just wanted to shake you – shake some sense into you! I should have followed you here, but I didn’t know what in the hell was going on, and I needed to get a grip. You just left.”

“You do shake me Andy
- to my very core. But seeing you with Addy scared me.”

“Did you even hear the song? Did you?”
he asked getting pissed again.

“What song?” she asked apprehensively.

“Not Because I’m Lonely.” Addy heard it when I was in the states the last time when she stopped by the studio. We’ve been talking about the way the song should be presented, and a duet was what came to mind. It was incredible. But you missed it because you ran away, and I still don’t really know why.”

He too
k a deep breath and began to pace. “Shirley cut no slack telling me her thoughts as soon as I stepped off the damned plane. She was right, I should have come here and made you talk to me, because I’ve learned how important conversation is – at the time, not after the fact. There’s too much time afterward for hurt, there’s too much time for anger, too much time to think and for things to fester. So talk to me. What the hell happened?”

She thought a minute, pulled him back for another kiss and looked, wide
-eyed, into those golden eyes that she knew she wanted to look into forever and said, “I’m sorry, I was wrong. You are right. I should have talked to you, should have asked if what I felt was warranted, but all I felt was fear and hurt, and then I wasn’t being rational, because that big ol’ green-eyed monster had already bitten me, hard. Jealousy - you were right, Andy. When I saw Adaleigh fold herself into your arms, and yours go around her it looked familiar. It looked like she’d done it before, like she knew what it felt like to be there, and I wasn’t prepared for the way I felt when it hit me.”

Andy thought a minute before he responded. She noticed and said, “How ‘bout a cup of coffee?”

“Yeah, out here or inside?”

“It’s nice here, I’ll be right back.” She poured
the dark brew - black, just like he liked it, and wondered where his thoughts were.

When she returned, Andy was in the rocker waiting. From this spot there was no place she could sit where he wasn’t looking at her. She set the coffee down and waited.

“Addy and I had a past,” he began. His eyes locked on hers, daring her to look away. “I’m not going to hide that from you. I should have told you before, but it had no emotional meaning to me, so it didn’t cross my mind. ‘Friends with benefits’ Carlee said back then. We had sex - sometimes, not on a regular basis, and it was a long time ago. But we don’t have a future. We never did. Geni, don’t you see, don’t you know, can’t you feel that I love you?”

He rose from the rocker, still looking into her eyes
as he went to her. He saw the tears that threatened to spill from the corners, but what he noticed more was the sparkle in them. He pulled her into his arms, and with tears rolling down her cheeks, she said “Yes.”

~ ~ ~

They spent the afternoon talking. They talked about the past and she told him she’d read the book. “I should have told you that I needed to know. And after you called Sunday I realized that you were right. You aren’t that man, and I’m sorry that I didn’t remember that. I’m glad you told me about Addy. I’m a little ashamed after you told me about her and Marco, but I told you that jealousy bug bit me hard.”

He watched her as she continued. “Your life has been so different from mine. I was devoted to one man and my family for over forty years, and your past has taken you a lifetime of places I could never even dream. It’s a life that I want to learn and to be a part of, because I love you, Andy.”

“We’ll work on it, Geni, because I am ready to share my life with you. I ran to the island when you ran away, and Shirley told me I ran to the wrong place, but I had something I needed to take care of before I came to you. I had something I needed to let go of in order to move forward completely.”

“We will never move forward completely. Tom will live on through my boys
, and you will see Beth every time you look at Carlee. We just have to learn how to share our life together with our past.”

He thought about her words a moment before he spoke. “I’m willing if you are.”

“I won’t marry you, so don’t ask,” she told him, abruptly.

“What?” he asked, surprised.

“I won’t. I just need to get that out up front. I need to be Genevieve Davis. It’s who I am, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you, or that I won’t continue to be your partner in life. I don’t need marriage to feel a commitment.”

“But what if I do?” he asked.

“You don’t.”

“How do you know?”

“Because this has been perfect up until a few days ago. We’re together, and now I know where your heart is. That’s all I need.”

“What are we going to do now?” he asked.

“I have an idea,” she said and Andy laughed.

~ ~ ~

Later, they went upstairs, and as he walked by, he saw the bed she’d shared with Tom had been slept in, and he felt a jealousy of his own. But when they reached the room where he had slept with her and saw that bed unmade as well, he turned to look at her.

“I miss
ed you,” was all she said.

They lay together on the bed and he pulled her close and held her. “I love you, Geni.”

She turned to face him, and as she repeated those words to him, she cried.

~ ~ ~

With Andy gone, Carlee spent a few days with Kimmy, Jenna, and Marissa before they had to head back to the U.S. Lane and Maxx left on Sunday evening. Marissa stayed with Carlee, and Matthew and Jenna and Kimmy slept in the spare room at Andy and Geni’s flat.

On
Wednesday morning, they packed up to be ready to depart for the airport later that evening. Matthew had made arrangements for a car to drive them back and forth while they visited. They made their way to the hospital to see Kyliejo.

“I can’t
believe I haven’t seen her since Saturday.” Carlee told the others. But she’d called twice a day while she was absent. When they arrived, Kimmy smiled as Carlee crawled up in the bed with the little girl.

“Hey princess,” she said as she hugged her.

“Hey,” she said with a little smile, and Carlee looked to Johanna. Her smile said everything was OK.

“We decided to come see you for a bit before these beautiful ladies head back home. I have a sur
prise for you.” Jenna dug in Carlee’s bag and pulled out a large manila envelope.

Carlee pulled out pictures of her with the band, Slater
, and Zane. And she had autographed swag for her – t-shirts, baseball caps, posters, and Kyliejo was thrilled.

“Can we hang the posters?” she asked as Hatchet entered the room.

“We can do whatever you want! I’ll get someone in here straight away. Now I need you to move so I can do my work,” she said to Carlee with a laugh.

When she was done
, Carlee followed her out of the room a moment. “How’s things?”

“She’s comfortable.”

“But?”

“Not good,” Hatchet told her and wrapped her in a hug.
“The pain in her back is bad, and the headaches are increasingly painful. She’s comfortable,” she repeated.

They visited a while longer
, and a car arrived to take them back to the flat. Matthew was home by two, and Kimmy, Jenna, and Marissa were on their way to the airport.

~ ~ ~

After they were gone, Carlee and Matthew sat on the sofa talking about the past few days and her visit with her family and friends. Finally, Carlee asked, “Are you ever gonna tell me where we’re going on Sunday?”

“Not until we’re on our way,” he smiled. “It’s a gift
, and you can’t open it until it’s ready,” he smiled.

“I have a gift you can open,” she laughed
, and her phone rang. Looking at the display she picked it up and yelled, “Papa!”

“I’m in Jacksonville,” he said.

“Oh, thank God,” she said. “Is everything OK?”

“It will be, I’ll call you later. I love you.”

~ ~ ~

Andy and Geni stayed in Jacksonville for another week, talking of the future and making plans for their return to London. Carlee still had a road ahead of her, and they would return when she and Matthew returned to London from their get-away.

~ ~ ~

Matthew planned the trip that Tamara agreed to. She’d made arrangements with a colleague at the local hospital, just in case, and went over everything she thought he needed to know. She also gave him a prescription for nausea medication for their travel.

On Sunday morning
, a car arrived to take them to the train station. “Tamara said you might want to take this before we board. She said it would be easier for you if you slept while we’re traveling,” he told her as he handed her a pill.

She looked at the terminal signs as the approached. “Paris?”

“It’s where I knew I was in love with you,” he said.

“Seriously?” she laughed.

“What?”

“I coulda saved you a pile of money if you’d have just taken me to the pub by the college,
‘cuz I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you as we ate those greasy burgers and chips, and you bumped my shoulder showing me your photos,” she laughed.

“Damn,” he laughed. “There’s another reason
we’re going to Paris.”

“Not gonna tell me?”

“Nope.”

She took the pill and slept
most of the two-and-a-half-hour trip. A car was waiting and took them to The Aristocrat Hotel where she and Andy had stayed and Matthew came to see them when they’d been on their European journey.

“Rest up
; we’re going on a tour of the city later, and then out for dinner.”

“And this is the dinner I need the fancy red dress for?”

“Yep, the next one you can be naked,” and she roared at his words.

~ ~ ~

They rested a while, and she dressed for the evening. “Thank you for humoring me with the red dress. I still have that vision in my mind of you and Andy entering White’s after one of your dates in London,” Matthew told her when she turned to look in the mirror.

“It’s a little big…”

“You look perfect,” he said, as he finished adjusting his tie and slipped on the coat to his suit. He’d ordered champagne to be sent to the room, and when it arrived, he popped the cork and poured them each a glass. He tapped his glass gently to hers, “
À la vôtre - to your health.”

“To the future,” she replied.

“You are gorgeous, always,” he said, “but tonight you sparkle.”

“Scarf or no?” she asked.
He looked at her, standing before him as if she needed approval. Her hair had about half an inch of growth and lay close to her head in soft red curls. He wasn’t sure but against her porcelain skin, it looked darker than before. She wore make-up that brightened her cheeks and, though her eyebrows and lashes had yet to grown back, she’d applied make-up that made her eyes pop and dazzle.