Feel My Love (2 page)

Ch
apter 1

Eight Years Later

Brynn

“Oh shit!”  That’
s the only thing I can sputter out of my mouth when I see a flash of blue in my peripheral vision and pull my handlebars quickly to the left trying to avoid whatever it was that darted in front of my bike. Right after this, I stupidly hit the brakes and go ass over tea kettle above the handle bars of my bicycle. 

I knew I wasn’t paying attention while I ro
de my bike down the pier.  I was looking at all of the giant naval ships that sit in the bay. Even after moving to San Diego eight years ago, they are still magnificent and I can’t help but marvel at them, wondering what my four year old nephew would say if he could see them. 

After a second of
lying on the ground, making sure I can still move my limbs, I stand up; throwing my long dark brown hair back over my shoulder and turning my attention to the person I just about killed with my pink bicycle. 

“I’m so sorry.  I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.  Are you alright?
I didn’t hurt you, did I?”  All I can see is a man, perhaps around my age, in a light blue v-neck t-shirt, khaki cargo shorts and brown flip flops sitting on the pier.

He
has his knees drawn up, toned and muscled arms resting over his knees, and his head with buzzed medium blonde hair looking down in between his legs.  Even balled up on the ground, I can see that this man is anything but wimpy. 

“Did I hurt you?  I’m so, so sorry!”
  I say, waiting to hear a reply from him. He is quiet for so long I think he must really be hurt, but then he shakes his head a few times.

“Brynn?
  Brynn Harris?” his muffled voice finally says.  I crook my head to the side and lift a brow, trying to think of different people I know with that haircut and body build.  Maybe I met him at a frat party in college, or at the bar? 

S
omehow this man I almost killed with a frilly pink bicycle knows my name.  How is that possible?  I can’t think of who this person is, until he decides to look up and I am pinned with a bright set of blue eyes. 

It’s
Ryan. 

I ta
ke a step back and put my hand to my mouth to try to hide my gasp, but am unsuccessful. 

“Ryan? Is that you?”
I am rooted to the spot.  What is he doing in San Diego?  I haven’t seen or heard from him since the day he sent me that shitty text that thankfully changed my life, so to run into him, literally, makes my heart flutter and hurt at the same time. 

This boy wasn’t just my best friend for a huge chunk of my life, but I also had a major crush on him from the second w
e met, and the feelings came rushing back to me in an instant.  Ryan is still as gorgeous now as he was when we were younger, but he now looks very much like a man who just walked out of a magazine. 

His surfer boy hairstyle is now gone, but his shorter hair still looks good on him.  With the lack of hair,
attention is now instantly drawn to his familiar bright baby blues.  His eyes are such a different shade of blue that it always made most women, and even some men, catch their breath to look into them.

H
e finally stands up and that’s when I notice that he still has that deep tan but his body is much more toned than it was when we were in high school and he played on the football team.  He shakes his head again, as if trying to clear it, and then squints at me like he isn’t sure it’s me at all. 

I look
down to do a quick check of myself and see if my simple light pink sundress is still in place and pull my white cardigan closed. I look down to my white Toms shoes and shuffle my feet a few times, but notice that everything looks okay, so I reluctantly shift my gaze back up to him. 

Finally, after what seems
like an eternity, he speaks.  “Holy shit! Brynn?  Is that really you? I haven’t seen you in years!”  Ryan stands up and quickly takes the three large steps over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

With me only standing at five and a half feet, his six
foot three inches easily allows him to drop his chin on my head like he always did when we were younger.  I remember how much I loved that he was so much taller than me; it always made me feel safer somehow and that feeling comes back instantly. 

“Wow, you’re still as thin as you were in high school!  Put some meat
on those bones, girl”, he jokes.  Feeling a slight zing through my body from his touch, I drop my arms from his shoulders and step out of his hold, shrug and say with a tight smile, “Well, I must still have a high metabolism.  I still eat like I did in high school.”

It was true, too.  In high school, I ate everything in sight.  I must have had the best metabolism in the world, because with the way I ate, I should
have weighed a lot more than I did.

“
That’s awesome, Brynnie.  You still look great.  What’s been going on with you?” he asks, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot.  All I can do for a minute is smile and remind myself that he doesn’t know me at all anymore.

He does
n’t know that I just ran a marathon the week before, or that I am training for my third triathlon in three weeks.  The last time we actually saw each other was on my front porch the day he
temporarily
dismissed me and I told him to kiss my ass. 

I try to count
how many times I have told myself not to think about how much I miss him and wish he was with me.  I try not to think about how many men I compared to him. 

Then, I think of Amber and wonder how they a
re doing together.  How many kids do they have?  Has Amber made Ryan get rid of any other people in his life that she just doesn’t like?  Amber hated me from the second she met me because I was best friends with Ryan and did everything with him, so she tried to rub it in my face that he was her family now, not mine, when he told me that she was pregnant. 

I was heartbroken because I always thought that we would someday be together, but after that day, I knew he had his path in life which didn’t include me.  So I took off for an entirely different
trail. 

I finally remember that he is talking to me and clear my throat so it doesn’t sound like I am
ready to cry, even though I probably could at that moment.  “What are you doing here, Ryan?”

“I came down here for Kyle’s wedding.
  I’m a groomsman.  You remember Kyle Anders, don’t ya?”  He says with one side of his mouth pulling up into a smile.  Of course I remember him. 

Kyle was one of Ryan’s best friends
in high school, and therefore, one of my best friends.  Ryan and Kyle played on the football team together.  I went to my high school junior prom with Kyle.  I snicker and lower my head to look at my feet, inspecting my shoes.

Looking up, I grin
“Yeah, I remember Kyle.  How could I forget my first kiss after prom?  It was so sweet and nice, until you cold cocked him for actually kissing me goodnight.  I knew we shouldn’t have all ridden in that limo together.”  Ryan smiles and lifts his shoulders. 

“Well, I told him before the prom started that you hadn’t been kissed before and if he was your first kiss, he was going to get knocked out.  He just didn’t believe me.
”  After a small chuckle, he continues, “Are you down here for the wedding, too?  He didn’t mention that he sent you an invite.” 

I just sha
ke my head, but then remember that we haven’t talked in so long, and he has no idea that I actually live here. I clear my throat “No, I didn’t get invited to the wedding.  I live in San Diego.  Just around the corner, actually” I add, twisting my body and jerking my thumb over my shoulder. 

“
Ah, so this is where you disappeared to when you picked up and left, huh?” He replies with a sad smile and a nod of his head.  After a few moments of staring at this man that I used to know and wishing he was here for me, I decide enough is enough.  I bend down to pick up my bike and say “Well, it was good to see you again. Take ca-“ 

“What are you doing later?” he cut
s me off before I can finish my sentence and steps in front of my bike.  “It would be really cool if we could catch up; maybe over dinner in a few hours?”  He looks so hopeful, but I just can’t, for more than one reason; I have to get to work, but also looking at him right now, I realize that I hate and love him in the same moment. Not a great combination.

“Oh wow, I would love to, but I can’t.  I’m o
n my way to the bar.”  He raises an eyebrow at me and tilts his head.  I never drank when we were in high school, even when everyone else was drinking, and he knows drinking always bothered me back then. I wonder what he would say if he knew that I drank now.

“I sing with a band at the Pour House Pu
b down the street.”  I clarify with a smile, and then inwardly cringe at the fact that I just gave away the name of the bar I would be at. 

“Ah” he nods
.  “Well, would you mind if me and some of the boys from the wedding came down to that bar a little later?  Maybe we could talk a little when you are done.”  I push my brows together and look down at the ground, wondering to myself if this is really a good idea. 

I finally nod and agree
“Uh, sure.  That would be fine. But, I’d better get going before I’m late.  I hate being late.”  He chuckles and says, “Yeah, I remember how much you hate being late.  I’ll see you in a bit.”  I smile and hop on my bike, pedaling like I was in the Tour de France, going for first place.

Chapter 2

Ryan

Holy fuck
.  I haven’t seen Brynn in what seems like forever. She still has that long brown hair that reaches the middle of her back and the most beautiful blue eyes I have ever seen- they are a lighter color on the inside and have a darker blue ring around the outside. 

With her high cheek bone
s, flawless skin, slightly pointy chin and small nose, her face is as close to perfection as you can get.  She looks like she has lost a little weight since I last saw her, but she is definitely more toned.  Although she isn’t all that tall, her tan legs seemed to go on forever under that pink dress.

She looks like she could be an underwear model, and when all o
f the feelings I had for her come rushing back to me, I wouldn’t mind seeing her in her underwear. 
Where the fuck did that come from?  She probably still hates my guts.

All I can do is watch her ride away on her bicycle like she’s on fire
, but I wish she would have been able to stay and talk with me.  She has been the one person in my life I wish was still a part of it, but instead I was an idiot and did what Amber told me to do. 

That was the biggest mistake of my life. 

A slap to my back pulls me from that terrible memory.  “Hey man, what’cha looking at?”  I turn to see Mike Walters; an almost bald and overweight man and also another groomsman from Kyle’s wedding, and one of our friends from high school, staring in the same direction as I am.  He’s trying to find what it is I’m looking at, but Brynn is long gone. 

“Nothing Mike, just stuck in my nothing box, again.”  I tell him, but really, I’
m thinking of the girl who used to be my best friend.  She hasn’t changed much.  She was in a cute pink sundress, which seemed odd to me. 

S
he never wore a dress unless it was Sunday and she had to go to church, and even then her mother had to force her to wear them and she’d change into shorts and a baggy t-shirt the second she was home.  She seems so different from the girl I used to know, but the same in so many ways.  The one girl I actually loved, but let get away.

“So, what are we doing tonight guys?
  Anyone have any suggestions?” Kyle asks us, running a hand through his finger length brown hair, as he walks up the pier with his younger brother, Max, and his other groomsman Conner, who works with Kyle. 

“
Well, I just asked one of the locals where a good bar is around here.”  I say, smiling.  “They suggested this place down the pier called the Pour House Pub.  Have you ever heard of it, Kyle?”  I glance at Kyle who has this look on his face that says
you are an idiot
. 

“I just moved here a month ago to live with Lo.  I haven’t had a chance to really hit all the bars
in the city, yet.”  I smile and turn in the direction that I watched Brynn take off in.  “Well boys, how about we stop and get some grub somewhere, and then we’ll hit the Pour House Pub after; any objections?” 

I turn
back to see all of the guys shaking their heads side to side.  “Okay, food it is.  Let’s get a move on.”  I say and start walking at a fast pace.  I can’t wait to see her again.

We fi
nd a small seafood restaurant and as we are walking in, I decide to make a quick phone call to my babysitter.  “Hey Becca, how’s everything going?” I say, hoping everything is okay.  “Hey Ry.  Everything’s just fine.  Riley and Harper are in the backyard playing bubbles with Milo.”  This makes me smile. 

If there was one thing my tw
in girls loved more than being outside, it is Milo.  Riley and Harper were constantly arguing over which one of them was going to marry Milo, even though my girls were eight and Milo was only four. 

“Are they eating and minding their manners?  Are they giving you any grief?”  All I could hear was Becca laughing.  “Ryan, you left this morning and you are already freaking out?  The girls are perfect.
It’s not like you just dropped them off at some random person’s house and took off without giving them any instructions. I’ve been watching them since they were tiny, and they listen to me more than they do you.” 

I roll
my eyes, but know she is right. “I know, but this is my first trip without them.  It’s the first time I haven’t tucked them in and kissed them goodnight.  I’m freaking out just a little bit.”  Becca just says, “I know, Ry, but the girls are in great hands.  We’re all doing well. Do you want to talk to them?” 

I think about it, but then say
“No, just tell the girls that I love them and I’ll call to tell them goodnight.  Thanks Bec.”  I hang up the phone feeling better about the girls being with their Aunt Becca and Uncle Tyler watching them, then try to not to psych myself out of seeing Brynn again.  I need to think of something to say to her that won’t have her running in the other direction, again.