Feel My Love (3 page)

Chapter 3

Brynn

Damn it, I’m late!
I think to myself as a park my bike on the side of the building. I am only a few minutes late coming through the door of the pub, and no one seems to notice, but I still loathe that feeling of being late.  It throws off my whole attitude.  

I bl
ow a kiss to Kara, one of the bartenders for the night and also one of my sorority sisters from SDSU, and make my way to the stage.  The bar has an indoor/outdoor layout.  The indoor bar is a bit smaller and has televisions that line one wall with different sports playing on each one.  There are small round tables everywhere, but a small, clear cut path through the tables leads to a door in the back corner that takes you to the outdoor bar. 

The outdoor bar i
s twice the size of the indoor, with long bars on either side of the layout, small tables for patrons around the back edge near the entrance to sit at and a big stage in the back with a large dance floor taking up the majority of the area. 

The stage ha
s small Christmas lights decorating it, a drum set in the back left corner and my small piano in the front right corner with a vase full of fresh pink daises, my favorite flowers, sitting on top of it.

I am
still a bit out of it when I take the steps up to the stage.  All I can think of is actually running into the one person I hoped to never have to talk to again, but I still wish he was a part of my life at the same time. 

He was my best friend for the majority of my li
fe.  We took care of each other.  But he dismissed me from his life because his pregnant wife didn’t like him talking to other women after they got married. 

The part that hurt the most was not that he didn’t tell
her no and defend what we had; it was that he ended over a decade of friendship through a text message.  But after seeing him on the pier, even after eight years without him in my life, he still has my stomach tied in knots and looks just as good as he did in high school, probably even better.  I have a feeling that I still love him, even if I don’t want to admit it. 

“What’s up, rock star?” my guita
r player, Drew, asks, breaking me from my reverie. 

I
walk up to him for a hug and he bends down to place a kiss on my cheek, and then goes back to tuning his guitar for the night.  “Hey guitar hero, how’s it hangin’?”  I say, letting go of Drew and grabbing a sheet of blank paper off the floor behind my piano to write down some songs to play for the night when we run out of requests. 

Drew i
s suddenly behind me, his guitar is twisted around and hanging from his back and he’s wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me to him. He leans in and whispers in my ear, “When we gonna get together again?  It’s been a few weeks since I’ve had a rock star fix and I’m craving it.”  I could hear the smile in his voice and I turn, smiling back.  

Drew looks
like the typical guitar player.  He is tall with a built upper body and full sleeve tattoos on both arms he likes to show off with skin tight t-shirts and shirts with the arms ripped off.  He has deep brown eyes and long dark brown hair that he is constantly brushing out of his eyes.  His bottom lip is pierced in the corner which always draws attention to the straight, white teeth he’s always flashing. 

Drew and I have
an easy going relationship.  We sleep together every once in a while but aren’t actually together.  I haven’t had an actual relationship since I broke up with Jake and moved to San Diego, but I still date and hook up with guys every once in a while. 

“Whenever you want to get together, just come to my hous
e.  I’ll be home during the day all this week designing a new website for some clothing company” I reply, then shrug and smile.

I love what I do
for a living.  I graduated at SDSU with a Bachelors degree in Chemistry and a double minor in Criminal Justice and Art, wanting to work in a CSI crime lab, but after graduation and three months in an actual lab, I realized I didn’t want to spend all my time stuck in a chemistry lab.

Right after I quit,
one of my sorority sisters, Amy, got me a job with her father’s company designing websites for different businesses, and I found out I was really good at it.  About four years ago Kara told me that the new bar she was working at was looking for a singer for the house band and I auditioned and got the job. 

The singing job isn’t necessary, since I make enough money with my day job, but I have alwa
ys loved singing and do it for fun.

“How about tomorrow afternoon, the
n?  Sound good?” He says, smiling.  I just nod and turn to write down more song titles, still struggling to keep Ryan off my mind.  Half an hour later, the outdoor bar starts to fill up and I know that we are going to need to start playing some music soon. 

I ru
n my hand down the microphone stand to adjust the height and introduce myself and my band mates to the audience.  “Hey, everybody.  How we all doing tonight?”  A few hoots and hollers came through the crowd. 

“Glad you’re all here with us
.  Tonight on bass, we have our ladies man, Tommy” I turn and point to a tall, skinny man with shoulder length dark red hair and piercing green eyes, but the sweetest smile you’ve ever seen.  He waves shyly when girls start cat calling at him and starts picking at his bass.  “On drums, we have the always sexy, Happy.”  I point to the twenty something man with a bald head and a bandanna on, whose real name was Jim, but we call him Happy because he was always wearing a smile, as he starts pounding on his drum set while, of course, smiling. 

I grin and turn
to Drew.  Before I can even say his name, the girls in the crowd are going crazy.  “This heartbreaker here is Drew.”  He winks at me and starts strumming his guitar in random chords. 

I turn
back to the audience, which was getting bigger by the minute and say “I’m Brynn, and we are the Pour House Band.”  People start clapping and whistling.  I can hear a few of the people in the audience yelling my name and could pick out a few of the voices I knew as regulars that come to hear us play.

“So, we have a big bowl down here at the corner of the bar by my piano.  If you have any requests, please feel free to write them down on a piece of paper and throw it in the bowl and hopefully we’ll be able to play it for you. 
You guys ready to get this night started?”  I ask the crowd, which, in turn, starts screaming and clapping.  I smile and say “Okay, then the first song we will play for you tonight will be “Girls” by the Beastie Boys.” 

I smile
as I sit down at the piano to start tapping out the melody while people start cheering and singing along.  Before I can even start the chorus of the first song, people were lining up to make their requests, which always makes it more fun if we can get people involved in what we were playing for the night.  It takes my mind off the fact that Ryan might show and want to actually talk after I’m done.  I am terrified that might actually happen.

Chapter 4

Ryan

After a short dinner, w
e all start walking in the direction of the Pour House Pub. When we get to the front of the bar, I can hear a band that is playing behind the building and a lot of people whistling and cheering for them when the song finishes. 

I have
to smile at the fact that Brynn is a singer in a band.  She was so shy while we were growing up, and even though she was in choir all through high school, she would never sing in public.  I couldn’t even get her to sing in the car when we were going anywhere and we were alone. 

My friends and I walk
into the building and see a room with a few people sitting belly up to the bar and even fewer at the tables watching sports, but most people are walking to the back of the room.  There is a big neon sign above a door that says Live Music, so I walk toward that door. 

“Hey man, where are you going? There’s an empty seat right here and we can
watch some football.”  Kyle says, tilting his head to the open bar stool on his left.  “I’m going outside to see if there are any available women.  Later, losers!”  I say waggling my eyebrows at the guys that just sat down.

Yeah right
. I just want to see if one woman is available for me.

Right after Amber and I found out that we were having twins, her attitude started to change.  She became withdrawn from me and my family, and didn’t care about her health while she was pregnant
; never taking her prenatal vitamins and even drinking when I wasn’t home.  As soon as she gave birth to the girls, who were luckily both born healthy, she told me that she wasn’t ready to be a mom and didn’t want to see them. 

She told me that she thought she was too young and immature to be a mother and a wife and
said that she wanted a divorce.  Amber checked herself out of the hospital while I was in the cafeteria getting her something to eat. 

She left the hospital without even seeing the girls and I haven’
t heard from her since, leaving only signed divorce papers sitting on the bed she should have been in. 

I walk
through the door to the outdoor bar and immediately see Brynn on the stage.  She looks, and sounds, amazing.  She is glowing with the biggest smile I have ever seen while she’s dancing around the stage singing “Ho Hey” by The Lumineers, at the top of her lungs and getting the crowd to clap with her. 

“This chick
has an awesome voice!” I hear Kyle shout from behind me.  I turn to see his brown eyes narrow at the stage, and then they widen and his mouth drops open. 

“Is that Brynn Harr
is singing up there?” Kyle asks me.  I just nod.  “Holy shit!  I haven’t seen her since high school graduation.  I wondered what happened to her.  Why didn’t you tell me she was out here?” 

I shrug
and say “I didn’t know she was out here.  I haven’t talked to her since before my girls were born.”  Kyle looks at me questioningly. “Why the hell not? You two were inseparable when we were younger.  Jesus, you hit me because I tried to kiss her goodnight after prom!  How have you two not talked in that long?”  I shake my head slowly and shrug as I turn around and look at the angel singing on the stage.

I ca
n’t tell Kyle what a pussy I was.  I was so mad when Amber told me to quit talking to my best friend in the entire world, but I did it in fear of upsetting her and her leaving me; then I wouldn’t have any access to my girls. 

“Guess we just grew apart after I got married to the devil.”
I had to swallow past the lump in my throat.  I still feel so guilty sending that text message.  I knew that having to tell her goodbye was going to hurt her feelings; she had talked about being Auntie Brynn to my unborn baby and living down the street from us so that our kids could grow up together and be best friends like we were. 

Brynn disappeared before I got a chance to tell her that I was having twins.
She had every right in the world to hate me; I just wished that she didn’t because, looking at her on stage, I know that I am still in love with her. 

“
Brynn fucking Harris.  Ya know, she was hot in high school, but now she looks downright fuckable.” Kyle says, running a hand through his hair behind me.  I turn in my chair and give him the look of death.  “Aren’t you getting married in two days, asshat?” I growl. 

“Well yeah, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still look.  Just don’t tell Lola I was looking.  She’d kill me!” Kyle smile
s.  I chuckle and turn back toward Brynn because I don’t want to miss a second of her singing.

Everyone st
arts clapping as she finishes singing some Taylor Swift song and the guitar player walks up and kisses her on the cheek.  I feel a pang of jealousy and ball my hands into fists. I noticed she wasn’t wearing a wedding ring when I saw her earlier, so is she dating him?

I can’t believe how upset I’m getting;
I know she isn’t mine.  Hell, I haven’t seen her in almost a decade, so why does it hurt so much to see other men with her now?  She smiles and walks over to what looks like a fish bowl at the corner of the stage.  She bends down, pulls out a piece of paper, and then smiles over a grimace when she reads what is written on it. 

“
Oh, man. Really, people?  We’re going to have to find whoever put this request in the bowl and give them a swift kick to the shin.” She giggles, and with a shake of her head, says “Okay, here’s a request for a song people pretend they hate, but know every word to, so I want you guys to help me sing it. Alright?”  Brynn smiles and people start clapping and agreeing.

After turning to the band to let them know what song they are playing, she turns and says
“It’s “Call me maybe” by Carly Rae Jepson.”  People boo and groan which just makes Brynn laugh before she starts singing. But just as she asked, people are singing along with her and dancing on the dance floor.

An hour later, t
he other boys from the wedding party join us after watching a little football and we find a table in the back so we could sit out and listen to Brynn sing.  She has a genuine smile plastered to her face while she sings and people are coming in hoards to listen to her beautiful voice.

The dance floor i
s packed and the bars are busy, which seems really odd to me, since it is a Thursday night.  I thought no one went to bars on weekdays, but that must just be our little hometown.  I walk up to one of the bars next to the dance floor and order a round of tequila shots and some beers for all the boys. 

When the bartender co
mes back to place all of the drinks in front of me, she notices I can’t stop staring at Brynn.  “She’s amazing, isn’t she?” the bartender says.  I turn to look at her and glance at her nametag. Kara. 

I look back
up to the bartender, who is shorter, about five feet tall, with short blonde hair that barely fits behind her ears, and big, obviously fake, breasts practically falling out of her pink tank top.  She’s pretty and most men would have a hard time not staring at her chest, but all I can think of is the angel standing on the stage.

“She sure is, Kara.  Is your bar always this busy on a weekday?” I ask, genuinely curious as to why so
many people were here.  She bobs her head from side to side, and then says “Mondays and Tuesdays are much quieter.  Those days we have open mic so that the band can have a few days off.  Wednesday through Sunday it’s always like this.  They all come out to see her.” Kara smiles and angles her head in Brynn’s direction. 

“She’s my sister.  I love her to
death.”  I look at Kara with confusion scrolled across my face.  “No offense, Kara, but I’ve known Brynn since we were kids.  I know her sister, and you look nothing like her.” 

Kara just sh
akes her head and laughs.  “She’s not my biological sister, dude.  She was my sorority sister in college.  Most of the people that come here are from SDSU and used to listen to her sing in the band she played with in college at our house parties or heard from former sisters how great she was and they bring friends.” 

Wow.  She was in a sorority?  I never would have pictured Brynn in some giddy, uppity sorority.  She used to make fun of girls like that when we were younger.

“Wait, you knew Brynn before she moved out here?” Kara snaps, pointing a finger at me.  I nod and look back at Brynn trying to figure out who she is now.  From the things Kara is saying, there isn’t a trace of the old Brynn I knew standing on that stage. 

“What did you say your name was?”
Kara asks.  “I didn’t say.  My name is Ryan.  Ryan Thompson.” I finally peal my eyes off of Brynn when Kara has been quiet for way too long. All of the sudden, Kara’s face turns bright red and she looks pissed. 

She st
ands on the other side of the bar gripping the edges, and looks like she is counting to ten before she says anything to me.  She lets out a puff of air and then says through gritted teeth “Wow. So you’re the infamous Ryan Thompson, huh.  I’ve heard a lot about you over the years.” 

“You have? From the look on your face, it doesn’t look like you heard anything that was good.”  I sa
y, wincing.  “You know, I should totally thank you, Ryan.” She answers through a reluctant smile and a head shake. 

Okay, t
hat confuses me and it must show in my expression because Kara just laughs.  “Because of you, that awesome girl on stage there” she hikes her thumb in Brynn’s direction “came out of her shell and is one of the most amazing, crazy, outgoing girls I know.”

I smile at the words Kara use
s to describe her
sister
, but- “Wait, I don’t understand.  Why are you thanking me for that?” I say, arching my brow. 

Kara turn
s up one side of her mouth.  “Because when she moved down here, she was my roommate at the dorms of SDSU.  At first, she was so quiet and reserved and just did whatever anyone asked her to do.  Then after about a month, she told me about what happened between you guys and about the stellar text message you sent her.”

I cringe.  Damn
, that text message will be the death of me.  Kara continues, “She wrote down on a giant poster board what you sent her in that text and stuck it to the wall in our dorm room.  It reminded her that she needed to be her own person and stop trying to please everyone.  She decided she needed to enjoy her life, so she talked me into joining the sorority.  She started a band when we were in college.  She has an awesome job that she loves.”

I jack my thumb toward the
stage where Brynn is singing some song from The Civil Wars I recognize, but can’t think of the name to, and say, “And obviously she’s really good at it.  These people love her.”

“This isn’t her day job.” Kara
says. “She does this for fun and brings the rest of us tons of money while she sings.”  I arch my eyebrow, “Well, what is her day job, then?”  Kara shakes her head as she stares daggers at me. 

“If you don’t know what she does for a living, she must not want you to know.  I know enough about you to know that Brynn would kick my ass if I told you things she didn’t want you to know.  Enjoy
your drinks, Ryan.” Kara smacks the bar top twice and walks away to help another customer.  Shit.  After that conversation, I am afraid Brynn is never going to talk to me again.