Feels Like Home (24 page)

Ryan woke to the familiar sound of a kookaburra laughing. He rolled over and was momentarily startled to find a warm body in the bed beside him.

Joey.

His mouth stretched itself into a smile at the memory of what had taken place in this bed the previous night. Their bodies had not forgotten how to be with each other and had easily melded together as if they were two parts of the one whole. And yet, it was different from before. The last time they'd made love they were not much more than two kids. Their lovemaking had been sweet and tender, almost shy. Now Joey was a woman. She knew what she wanted and wasn't afraid to ask for it.

His desire for her was so great he'd hardly been able to contain himself when she'd peeled her clothes off slowly, seductively, performing a mini striptease for him. The old Joey used to hide herself under the covers, but she'd clearly grown into a woman who was comfortable in her own skin.

Once he'd shrugged off his own clothes, he drew her close. He couldn't get enough of her, his hands gliding over her soft flesh, his mouth trailing kisses down her neck as he inhaled her vanilla and honey scent. He was on a mission, but she had evidently decided she was the one who would direct the action in this scene.

‘Not so fast,' she said. She slipped out of his embrace and pushed him back onto the bed. ‘I want this to last.'

He didn't argue as she teased him with her lips and tongue, bring him almost to the point of ecstasy, but stopping just short of the crucial moment. As he groaned with pleasure, she took his hand and placed it on her breast. He felt her nipple harden against his palm as she whispered, ‘My turn now.'

He grinned. This new, take-charge Joey was turning him on in ways he could never have imagined. ‘Yes, ma'am.'

He took a breast into his mouth and flicked her nipple with his tongue, earning himself a moan of pleasure for his effort. His hand slid down over her belly and in between her legs and he discovered that her desire was as great as his own. She writhed against him as his fingers found the sweet spot.

‘Oh god, Ryan, I want you,' she panted. ‘Now!'

He smiled. It was his turn to do the teasing. His lips followed the path his hand had taken. Soon she had her hands in his hair and was pushing against him, moaning and calling his name.

‘Ryan, stop or I'll…oh god!' She shuddered against him, her orgasm unstoppable. After a moment she opened her eyes and grinned sheepishly. ‘Sorry about that. I couldn't help myself.'

He returned her smile. ‘Don't worry. We've got all night.'

Now a new day had dawned and Ryan wished they could have last night over and over again. He'd told her it would be a beautiful ending to their relationship. A memory that they could go to.

And that's all it could be.

But being with Jo last night hadn't satisfied him at all. Rather than quenching his thirst for her, making love had awakened a deeper longing. She'd always be the one for him. His soul mate, if you believed in that kind of thing. But their moment had passed.

The kookaburra's cackling grew louder and Jo stirred beside him. ‘Is it morning already?' she asked, her voice husky from sleep.

‘Afraid so.'

She sat up in bed and looked down at him through her tangled bed hair. ‘Do you have to go?'

‘Soon.'

She nodded and turned away from him.

He reached for her. ‘But not just yet. It's still early. Ella won't be up for a while.'

She covered her mouth with her hand as he drew her close. ‘I need to brush my teeth.'

He nuzzled into her neck and slid his hand over her deliciously bare skin. ‘Now?'

‘You won't want to kiss me with morning breath.'

‘Don't be stupid. I lo— want you, just the way you are.' He covered her mouth with his own before she could protest further. He'd very nearly let the L-word out. If they were going to make this snatched time work for them it didn't pay to complicate matters with talk of love.

He turned his attention to the matter at hand — the soft, warm body beneath him.

CHAPTER

24

Ryan was in the shower when Jo's phone began to ping. She frowned, assuming it was her agent, or maybe even Zach. Who else would be texting at this early hour?

Steph, that's who.

Ryan appeared in the doorway, a towel wrapped around his waist. Despite their recent — very satisfying, thank you very much — bedroom antics, Jo felt a flicker of desire flutter low in her stomach at the sight of his naked torso. She smiled at the memory of that perfect male body on top of her own and then shook her head. He was going home. To his child. Their little tryst was over, at least for the time being.

‘What are you shaking your head at?' Ryan asked.

‘What? Oh, nothing. Something Steph said. She just sent me a text. Apparently they're having a recovery barbecue.'

‘Yeah?'

She nodded as Ryan dressed himself in last night's crumpled clothes. ‘I'm going to go.' She averted her gaze, not wanting him to sense how eager she was to hear the answer to her next question. ‘What about you?'

He shrugged. ‘I guess I should. I'll need to go home and check on the animals in the clinic. I've got a few other jobs to do too, but I reckon I should be able to organise Ella and be back at Nate's by lunch time.'

‘You're bringing Ella?'

Ryan's brow creased. She sensed the question bothered him. ‘Of course I'll be bringing her. Jo, you know we can't be playing the happy couple in front of other people, right? Especially not Ella.'

Jo bit her lip. Of course she realised that.

Ryan, now fully dressed, bent down and kissed the top of her head. ‘I'm sorry. I wish there was another way, but I don't want Ella to be confused by any of this.'

Jo fought hard to keep her disappointment from showing. It wasn't as if she expected last night to miraculously change things between them, but having Ryan spell out their relationship — or rather their
non-relationship
— so bluntly burst the bubble of happiness she'd been floating in for the past eight hours or so. ‘Sure, I understand.'

Ryan's lips sought hers for one last tender kiss and then he stood. ‘I'd really better go. See you at Nate's?'

Jo nodded. ‘Yep. See you there.'

*

The winter sun warmed Jo's back as she sat on a hay bale licking the last of the sauce from her fingers. Charred sausage encased in white bread slathered with tomato sauce was a staple of the Aussie barbecue and a delicacy she hadn't had the opportunity to consume in quite some time.

‘Is there room on there for me?' Steph asked.

Jo wriggled over and patted the space beside her. ‘For that tiny behind? I reckon so.'

Steph squished down beside her, momentarily silent as she devoured her own barbecue snag. As soon as the last bite was swallowed down she poked Jo playfully in the ribs. ‘Okay, spill. I want all the details.'

‘Shh! Someone will hear you.'

‘Settle down. Nobody's listening.'

Jo glanced over at the handful of blokes gathered around the barbecue. It was only just midday and many of last night's revellers were yet to appear. Some were no doubt nursing hangovers and others couldn't spare the time away from their farms, so for now at least the gathering was quite small. And Steph was right. So far they were the only two women present and the blokes were far too interested in talking about the footy to be taking the least bit of notice of their conversation. Ryan and Ella were nowhere to be seen. Maybe he'd changed his mind about coming, afraid she would fawn all over him in public.

‘Okay,' she said, ‘but keep an eye out for Ryan. He's paranoid about other people finding out.'

Steph's brow creased in obvious confusion. ‘Why?'

Jo shrugged. ‘He doesn't want to confuse Ella, which is fair enough I guess. It's not like I'm about to become a permanent fixture in his life. Besides, as far as everyone else is concerned Zach and I are still engaged.'

‘Yeah, good luck selling that story around here. I'm pretty sure most people have already written him off.'

‘Maybe, but I can't risk being seen in public with Ryan. I gave Zach my word I'd keep up the façade until after the New York premiere.'

‘What exactly is going on between you and Ryan? I know you both and neither of you is the type to go in for a fling.'

Jo raised her eyebrows and Steph's eyes widened.

‘Really? Hot and heavy, huh? So last night…I take it you did more than talk?'

‘Oh yeah. Much, much more.'

‘What do you mean, “much, much more”? Oh. My. God. More than once?'

Jo felt heat rushing into her cheeks. ‘A lady never tells.'

Steph giggled, obviously enjoying Jo's embarrassment. ‘So it was good then?'

‘Steph! I'm not going there, okay?'

‘I don't think you need to. I think an encore performance speaks for itself.'

Jo grinned. ‘Not to mention the matinee.'

‘What? Johanna Morgan, I'm shocked!' Steph nudged her with an elbow. ‘No wonder he hasn't fronted yet. You broke him.'

‘I highly doubt that.'

Steph chuckled. ‘So you think there's plenty more where that came from?'

Jo shrugged. ‘I have no idea. We didn't really discuss future liaisons.'

‘So no plans for a meet-up after the barbie? A little afternoon delight?'

‘No. Not that I'd say no to that, it's just I'm not sure whether Ryan saw last night as a one-off or if…'

‘Let me get this right. You do the wild thing — more than once — with the love of your life but you don't know if it will happen again? And you have no idea where the relationship is going?'

‘Oh, I know where it's going, alright. It's going nowhere.'

‘What makes you so sure of that?'

‘How can it go anywhere, Steph? We live on different continents. Anyway, neither of us wants to take it any further. It ends when I go back to New York. That much I know for sure.'

‘I don't believe you. I know you, Jo. And I know how long it took you to get over Ryan. I can't believe you'd sleep with him again unless you thought there was a chance of the two of you getting back together.'

Jo folded her arms across her chest. As much as she didn't want to argue with Steph, she didn't like the way this conversation was headed. ‘I didn't think you'd be so judgemental, Steph. Since when did it become a crime for two consenting people to have a little adult fun together?'

‘Oh, sweetie, I'm not judging you. I'm worried about you, that's all. If you and Ryan are okay with a bit of “adult fun” as you call it, that's fine. I'm just surprised, I guess, and I don't want to see either of you get hurt. Are you sure you know what you're doing?'

Jo sighed. ‘It was supposed to be goodbye.'

‘What do you mean?'

‘We decided to give our relationship a happy ending, a proper farewell if you will.'

Steph was quiet for a moment. ‘I guess I can understand that. I mean I understand the two of you wanting to have something positive to look back on.' She placed her hand gently on Jo's forearm. ‘But, geez, Jo, isn't it a bit dangerous? Aren't you scared that being together again like this will make it harder on you both once you go back home?'

‘I don't know. It's hard anyway, you know? I mean seeing Ryan again like this has made me realise just how shallow my relationship with Zach really was. You just said Ryan is the love of my life and you're right about that. I've never loved anyone else the way I loved him, and if I'm totally honest with myself I'm not sure that I ever will. It doesn't matter whether I'm sleeping with him or not. That fact doesn't change.'

‘So do something about it. What's stopping you from being with him?'

‘Well, for starters, there's the small fact that he lives here and I live in New York.'

‘Big deal. You can change that if you want. I mean, what's keeping you there now you and Zach have split up? You can write your books anywhere.'

‘I have other commitments too.'

‘You mean the blog?'

‘Yes. Well, that's one of them. I can hardly blog about being an Australian in New York from here, can I?'

‘So you'd put a weekly column ahead of a lifetime of happiness?'

‘It's income, Steph. I have to make a living. God only knows how the new book will sell. And I don't have another contract in the pipeline.'

‘You're a star, Jo. Everyone loves your books. I'm sure you'll have no problem selling your next book.'

‘Don't be so sure. Being Zach Carlton's girlfriend didn't hurt me at all as far as signing contracts went. Now that we're no longer an item I'm not sure I'll have publishers knocking on my door. The blog brings in a regular income, and right now I need it.'

‘That's bullshit, Jo.'

‘Excuse me?'

‘That's not a reason to stay in New York. You could easily get work here. Yarrapinga's essentially yours now so you'd have somewhere to live. Money isn't a reason to stay in New York. And New York isn't the reason you can't be with Ryan. So tell me the truth. What
is
keeping you apart?'

Jo exhaled, letting out some of the pent-up tension she'd been hanging onto. Steph could always see through her. There was no point in holding anything back. ‘Ella,' she said.

‘That sweet little girl? Are you kidding me? I know you said you weren't sure about having kids but really, who is? It's a gamble for everyone but you don't see many people regretting that decision, do you?'