Feels Like Home (21 page)

After tonight there was just the wedding day to get through and then she'd be gone. And all of their lives could go back to normal.

Beads of perspiration formed at Jo's hairline as the bus drew closer to the Galloway farm. ‘Is there any way we can turn the heat down in here, Bob?' she asked the driver.

‘Sorry love, the heating's not on. Hope you're not coming down with something.'

Jo mopped her brow with a tissue. ‘I'm fine. Must just be all the rushing around to get ready on time.' In no way was she fine. She was going have to endure hours of being with a man who turned her thoughts inside out and upside down, knowing that nothing could ever happen between them. Physically she ached for him. Ever since they'd kissed in the car she couldn't get him out of her head. Every night for the past week Ryan had starred in some decidedly erotic dreams. And the fantasies didn't end when she woke up. Even right now she was imagining his lips on hers, his strong hands gently moving over her body. She felt herself blushing. Thank god Bob couldn't read her thoughts.

The bus slowed to a stop and Ryan got on. He avoided eye contact with her, focusing all his attention on the driver. ‘G'day Bob. Thanks for driving the bus, mate.'

‘No worries, Ryan. Happy to help out the young couple any way I can. You know that.'

Ryan nodded. ‘I reckon there'll be a slab in it for you at the end of the night.'

Bob waved him away. ‘Not necessary. Take a seat and we'll be off.'

Finally he had no choice but to acknowledge her. He glanced in her direction and nodded. ‘Hi Jo.' He paused awkwardly and then added with a polite smile, ‘You look nice.'

‘Thanks.' She returned the smile but it was wasted. He'd already turned his back and taken a seat on the other side of the bus, about as far away from her as he could manage without it looking blatantly rude.

Jo got the message loud and clear. There would be no unnecessary fraternisation tonight.

Soon the bus was filled with other revellers. Lustful thoughts of Ryan were banished as Jo fielded questions about her writing and her life in New York. Thankfully all discussion of Zach and the recent magazine debacle was tactfully avoided.

By the time they arrived at Nate's the sun had set. A collective murmur of delight rippled around the bus as the shed, all lit with fairy lights, came into view. Ryan jumped up as the bus stopped and, after giving Bob a slap on the back, was the first to alight. Jo thought he'd done a runner but then realised he was standing at the door in order to assist others to disembark. He took her hand as she walked down the bus's steps. Her body responded immediately, heat pulsing through every inch of her. She withdrew her hand as if it was scorched. ‘Thanks, Ryan, but I'm fine on my own.'

He nodded but didn't respond. She made her way out into the twilight on her own.

‘Jo! I'm so glad you're here!' Steph greeted her with a hug. ‘How awesome does this place look? Everyone is amazed by what we've done. Or I should say what you've done. I would never have come up with all this without you.'

‘Nonsense. You would have been fine without me.'

Steph shook her head. ‘You know what? I wouldn't. I'm so glad you came home for my wedding. I know it hasn't been easy for you.' Her eyes darted towards Ryan, who was headed up the path towards the shed. ‘But nothing about this wedding would be as special for me if you weren't here. So thank you.'

Jo squeezed her hand. ‘You're welcome. I'm glad I could be here. Now let's go get us some bubbly and get this party started.'

In keeping with his ‘cool and courteous' plan, Ryan had decided to take it easy on the booze. The fastest way to undo his good intentions would be to let alcohol weaken his resolve. He'd been pretty intoxicated at the pub the other night, and that had almost led to disaster. If it hadn't been for Jo's offhanded remark about not wanting kids there was no doubt he would have slept with her. He wasn't going to risk that happening tonight. The sexual tension between them might be uncomfortable, but surely it was better than allowing himself a taste of the forbidden fruit. If he couldn't have her heart and soul as well as her body he'd rather abstain altogether.

‘Hey, Ryan, can I get you a Crownie?' Johnno asked in his official capacity as barman of the night.

‘Nah mate, I'll just take a softie.'

‘Jesus, that's a bit tame. What sort of a best man are ya?'

Ryan grinned. ‘Oh man, lay off would you? I've got a lot to do tonight. Best man duties and all that. Plus Nate wants the band to play a few numbers together. We're so bloody rusty; god knows what we'll sound like. I need to keep myself a bit tidy at least until that's done.'

‘Not to mention it's your job to sort out the strippers.' Johnno gave him a sly smile and a wink.

‘Strippers?' Steph's voice came from behind. ‘Please tell me you are not serious?'

Ryan swung around and put his arm around the bride. ‘Relax, Steph. No strippers. Johnno's only winding you up. Unless…' he paused and frowned at Johnno, ‘…there's something I don't know about? And there better bloody not be.'

Johnno shook his head. ‘Nate made me promise. Reckons it wouldn't go over too well with the ladies.'

Ryan laughed. ‘Can't think why not, mate. Tell me again why it is you don't have a girlfriend.'

‘Haven't you got official best man stuff to do?' Johnno replied.

‘Righto, I can take a hint.'

‘Actually, Ryan, I was looking for you for just that reason,' Steph said. ‘We need a hand to bring some of the food down from the kitchen. Mum's loading up baskets of hot food for the girls to hand around, but there are still a couple of heavy Eskies that need to come down.'

‘No worries. I'll go right up.'

‘By the way, have you seen Jo? I was talking to her a minute ago, but I can't see her now.'

Ryan shook his head.

‘Maybe she's in the bathroom,' Johnno said. ‘She's given the bubbly a good nudge already. I reckon I've served her at least three times.'

Steph and Ryan exchanged a glance. ‘Oh well,' Steph said. ‘I'm glad she's having a good time. If either of you see her can you send her up to the kitchen to help.' Steph headed off in the direction of the ladies toilets while Ryan went to the kitchen.

Jenny was running a tight ship in Nate's kitchen. Half a dozen women were working in perfect unison, making sandwiches, putting hot food onto plates and then expertly packing it all into large flat wicker baskets to be transported to the shed.

‘At your service ladies,' Ryan announced as he entered the room.

‘Ryan!' Jenny said, looking up from the pot she was stirring. ‘It's good to see you, love. Come here and give me a kiss.'

Ryan went to her side and gave her a peck on the cheek. ‘What can I do to help?'

‘There's an Esky in the laundry full of chilled nibblies that needs to go down to the shed. I'll give you some platters to take with you. Once you get down there, find Jo…or one of the other girls, to give you a hand putting the food onto the platters.'

‘What? Don't you think I can do it by myself? I'm insulted!'

Jenny laughed. ‘If you're anything like my husband or son your idea of placing food on a platter will be to throw it on willy-nilly.'

‘And what's wrong with that?'

‘Just get one of the girls to help.'

Steph's young cousin lurked in the doorway. ‘I can do it, Aunty Jenny.'

‘Wow, Maddy, look at you,' Ryan said. ‘You look so grown up in that dress.'

Madison smiled. ‘Try telling this lot that. They all treat me like I'm five.'

‘Okay Maddy, you can show Ryan where the Esky is and go down to the shed with him, but as soon as you're done putting the food out come straight back up here,' Jenny said. She turned to Ryan. ‘Keep an eye on her. She's only fifteen.'

Madison rolled her eyes. ‘I'll be fine.'

‘Nevertheless I don't want you down there without responsible adult supervision. Once we're done in the kitchen your mum and I will take you down there, but I don't want you swanning around amongst all that alcohol without someone to watch over you.'

Ryan hoped Jenny hadn't caught the swear word Madison uttered under her breath in response. ‘Come on Maddy. Give a guy a hand, would you? Don't worry, Jenny. She'll be right with me.'

Madison shot him a grateful look and beckoned for him to follow her. Once they were out the back door she began to thank him profusely, breathlessly gushing about how nice it was to find someone who
understood
her. She was walking so close to him they were practically tripping over each other's feet. No matter how hard he tried to put a bit of distance between them she stuck to his side like glue. When Ryan noticed Jo coming up the path towards them instead of feeling nervous he was actually relieved. Nothing untoward could happen in Maddy's presence and at least now he had an excuse to extract himself from Madison's juvenile attentions. ‘Hey Jo, if you're coming to help, we could use another pair of hands.'

‘Sure,' she said, perhaps a little too enthusiastically.

As she made her way towards him, Ryan noticed she seemed unsteady on her feet. ‘Are you okay?'

‘I'm fine. Fantastic. Couldn't be better,' she burbled. ‘How about you?'

‘I'm fine too.' He took her by the elbow to help steady her. ‘If you're going to help, you might want to put that down.' He took the champagne flute from her hand.

‘Don't be such a wowser, Ryan. Give it back.' She reached over and grabbed the glass from his hand. ‘Here. I'll finish it so I don't have to carry it.' She downed the remainder of the glass in one gulp.

Madison looked on with…was it fascination or admiration? Ryan wasn't sure, but he did know that Jo wasn't the best company for a fifteen-year-old right now.

‘Hey, Maddy, be a sport and take Jo's empty glass up to the kitchen for me?'

‘But —'

‘I'd really appreciate it. Maybe we can have dance later on when we're finished helping out with food. Please?'

‘Alright,' Madison said begrudgingly. She took the glass and Ryan watched until he was sure she was safely at the back door.

‘So, what do you need help with?'

Ryan turned to face her. ‘We need to take this food down to the shed and put it on platters. Jenny seemed to think the platter arrangement needed a woman's touch.'

Jo stepped forward and placed her hand on his chest. She leaned forward and he could smell her lemon-scented shampoo. Her hand slid down his chest. ‘Like this?' she whispered.

‘Jo!' He grabbed her hand and pulled away.

What the bloody hell was wrong with her? It wasn't enough to humiliate herself once with Ryan by throwing herself at him — she'd just gone and repeated her mistake.

And he'd rejected her. Again.

She headed off down the path without him. This was the reason she rarely drank. Alcohol made her unbelievably stupid. No more bubbly tonight. She'd done enough damage as it was. Now she just needed to avoid Ryan for the rest of the night. If she could get to the shed and get lost among the crowd she'd be fine. Ryan would be unlikely to seek her out and even if he did, he could hardly bring up matters of intimacy — or indeed non-intimacy — in such a public forum. She just needed to get through tonight. Once the party was over there would be no need to see him again until the day of the wedding.

‘Jo? Jo! Please wait up.'

So much for that plan.

‘Ryan, just leave it alone, okay? I'm sorry. I should never have touched you. I'm a bit tipsy and being silly.'

‘You never could handle your liquor. Remember that time we got Brad Gleeson to buy us a bottle of Bacardi and we rode up to the ridge to drink it?'

Despite her discomfort, Jo couldn't help but smile. ‘Yeah, I remember. I reckon we were about sixteen.'

‘Two swigs and you were smashed.'

‘I think it was a bit more than two.'

‘No, it wasn't. I remember because the bottle was almost full and I had to leave it behind when you decided you were going to race Tam down to the river. You were like a madwoman.'

‘I made it without incident, though.'

‘And then you threw up on me when I finally caught up and persuaded you to dismount.'

‘Not one of my finer moments, I'll admit.' She sighed. ‘Nor was that, back there. Once again, Ryan, I'm sorry.'

He reached over and took her hand. She didn't resist. ‘It's okay. It's not that I didn't like it. Your touch…' He bowed his head and exhaled audibly. ‘Jo you do things to me that no one else can. But we have no future together. You know that, don't you?'

‘Of course I know that, Ryan. But the wedding has made it impossible to stay away from you and I can't help how I feel.' She hoped Ryan hadn't noticed the waver in her voice.

‘Me either,' he whispered.

Her heart soared. He felt the same way. ‘So what do you propose we do?'

He shrugged. ‘I guess we just have to try to ignore our feelings. You'll be gone soon, back to your life in New York. After the wedding we can go on with our lives like before.'

But life would not be the same. Everything had changed. Who knew what her life would be like now that she wasn't one half of the Zach Carlton show? While Ryan's life would go on as it had before the wedding, her life had been turned upside down. She was looking into an uncertain future and all she had to look back on was the knowledge that she had made a colossal mistake in giving up on the man she loved. Didn't she at least deserve to have a good time while she was here? Surely there was no harm in creating some happy memories to take back with her?

Ryan gave her hand a squeeze. ‘What are you thinking?'

‘I'm thinking that just because we don't have a future doesn't mean we can't be happy right now.'