Feels Like Home (16 page)

Ryan shifted uncomfortably in his seat. ‘I see. Well…as long as we're okay. I don't want things to be awkward between us.'

‘We're fine,' Jo said, as they crossed the cattle grid at the entry to Ryan's property. ‘Hunky dory. Promise.'

CHAPTER

15

After another night of broken sleep, Jo woke to the sound of rain on the roof.
Great.
She wasn't looking forward to driving to the nursing home to collect her mother as it was. Now she would have to contend with slippery roads as she negotiated the trip. At least she had a handle on the Jeep's gearbox now.

Despite the tricky driving conditions, almost every moment of the trip to Bellington was filled with thoughts of Ryan…and Zach. Last night she had been humiliated twice, by two different men in two different hemispheres. Surely that had to be some kind of record?

Of the two, the Zach problem was the least troubling, even though it had the potential to cause the more negative consequences. It was out of her control for the moment, although her agent had confirmed the worst. The story was all over the media back home and appeared to be true.

‘Why didn't you let me know what was going on?' Jo had asked, when she finally got hold of Lydia.

‘I didn't want to worry you until I had all the facts. I didn't think you'd hear about it all the way down there.' Frustratingly, Lydia was one of those New Yorkers who thought that anywhere outside of Manhattan was a backwater. Australia might as well be another planet as far as she was concerned. As agents went, though, she was the best. She went above and beyond the call of duty when it came to Jo's career. It seemed she'd had already found a PR firm to manage the situation on Jo's behalf.

After thanking Lydia profusely for all her efforts, Jo ended the call and made the one she'd been dreading. As she expected, Zach was not answering his phone. In a way that wasn't such a bad thing. What could she say to him? You broke our agreement to keep our break-up private? It sounded trivial even to her own ears, even though she knew his choice to go public was far more strategic — and important —than it might seem to the casual observer. In any case, the situation was as much in hand as it could be.

The Ryan problem was making her stomach clench and her head throb. It wasn't really a problem, was it? So they'd kissed. So she'd made it clear — very clear — that she was more than happy for that kissing to end with them rolling around naked on her four-poster bed. He'd said ‘No thanks.' So what?

She'd propositioned him and, oh god, he'd said no. She felt her face flush. How could she have been so…so presumptuous as to think that if she offered herself he'd be unable to refuse?

It was embarrassing, but that was all. They'd go back to being cautiously friendly, as they'd agreed.

No harm done.

If that was the case, why did his rejection sting so much? Why did she feel like there was a gaping hole in her heart?

The sight of the nursing home pushed all thoughts of Ryan to the back of her mind. Earlier in the week she'd been adamant that a home visit would do her mother the world of good. She'd convinced a reluctant medical team that her mum would enjoy being among her things for the day. At the time she was full of guilt, and had the possibly misplaced idea that this would be an opportunity to spend some quality time with her mum. Who knew when she would be home again? Judging by the deterioration in her mother's physical condition, these few weeks might be the last chance she would have to see her mother alive.

The doctor warned her that it wouldn't be easy having her mother at home and she would have to watch her carefully. On the phone Jo had no qualms about convincing the doctor she was up to the task, but now, at the nursing-home entrance, slivers of doubt were creeping in.

‘Look who's here, Katie,' Carol's singsong voice trilled as Jo entered the foyer. ‘It's Johanna, here to take you out for the day.'

Katherine's face was expressionless. No spark of recognition lit her eyes as Jo leaned in to kiss her cheek.

‘Are you ready? The car's just outside.'

Nothing. Jo's pulse began to accelerate. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea after all.

‘I'll help you to the car, Katie. Lead the way, Johanna.'

No backing out now.

Once Katherine was safely buckled in, Carol handed Jo a bag of her mother's daily requirements. Jo opened the brown paper bag to see a pill bottle and —
oh dear god
— several pairs of incontinence underwear. The shock was clearly visible on her face as Carol said, ‘Lately, she's had a few accidents. This is better…more dignified.'

A hard lump formed in Jo's throat as she nodded.

‘She needs to take the pill with her evening meal. No later than six. And please have her back no later than eight p.m. I'm sure you understand that we run a skeleton staff on Sundays. I need her settled before the night shift comes in.'

Jo nodded her agreement. ‘Of course.'

Carol pressed a business card into her hand. There was a handwritten phone number on the back. ‘That's my personal number. Please don't hesitate to call me if any problems arise. I'm not officially on duty today, so I'll be off home in a minute, but I am more than happy to help out if any issues arise.'

Jo shook the older woman's hand and forced one of her Hollywood smiles. ‘Thank you so much, Carol. Your personal attention is greatly appreciated.'

Katherine spoke her first words as they passed the
Linden Gully Population 390
sign. ‘Where are we? What is this town?'

‘Linden Gully, Mum. I'm taking you home to Yarrapinga.'

‘Hole of a town,' Katherine muttered softly.

Jo wasn't sure if the comment was meant for her ears so she chose to ignore it. ‘I have scones and jam for morning tea.'

Katherine perked up a little at the mention of scones. ‘Homemade?'

Jo laughed. ‘Yes, homemade.' Unable to sleep after the incident with Ryan, she had made several batches in the middle of the night.

‘I do like a nice homemade scone.'

Luckily some things never changed.

To Jo's disappointment, their arrival at Yarrapinga didn't elicit any response from Katherine. She'd left the central heating on so the house was warm when they walked in through the back door to the kitchen. Jo plonked her handbag on the kitchen bench and put the paper bag Carol had given her on a high shelf in the pantry. ‘Shall we have our cup of tea in here?'

‘I'll take tea in the dining room. Thanks, dear.' The endearment was new but the insistence on every meal — even morning tea — being formal was not.

Jo nodded. ‘I'll take you through.'

‘No need for that. I'm sure I can find my way in my own house.'

She recognised it! Jo found herself grinning. This was a good idea after all. Maybe they'd get to have a proper conversation. She could tell Katherine about her life in New York…

‘Why are you standing there grinning like a Cheshire cat, girl? I'm sure I don't pay you to stand around idly. You can make yourself useful and bring me my tea.'

Jo's heart sank at this abrupt change in mood. She had got her hopes up too soon. This day wasn't going to be easy. Then again, Katherine had never been easy.

At the sight of the china teapot and plate laden with scones Katherine's smile returned. Jo carefully placed the tray on the highly polished mahogany table. The dining-room table was her mother's pride and joy. As a child Jo knew that a single fingerprint left on the ‘good mahogany' led to a stern lecture. She could only imagine what sort of punishment a scratch, no matter how accidental, might bring about.

Jo set the table with side plates and napkins, poured the tea and then placed a buttered scone on a plate and offered it to her mother. ‘Jam?'

‘Yes please. Aren't you kind?'

There was silence for a moment while Katherine tucked into her scone. ‘Mmm, delicious,' she said as she delicately wiped the corners of her mouth with a linen napkin. ‘You're a good cook. Are you married? Children?'

Jo shook her head. ‘Neither.'

‘Ah, very wise, very wise indeed. Marriage is overrated.'

Jo felt a pinprick of alarm. The last thing she wanted was her father's memory sullied. She offered Katherine another scone as a diversion, but Katherine shook her head.

‘Oh no thanks. I've had plenty. One mustn't let oneself go. Standards are important, you know, even in this backwater town. It's very important for me to set a good example for my daughter.' She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. ‘It's not as if she'll find any other decent role models in Linden Gully.'

Jo swallowed in an attempt to rid herself of the lump that was forming in her throat. ‘What's she like, your daughter?'

Katherine smiled. ‘Very clever, my Johanna, which is just as well, because she's too pretty for her own good.'

Too pretty?
Not once had Katherine ever said she looked attractive, let alone pretty. Even when Jo was dressed in a custom-made Collette Dinnigan gown, her hair twisted into an elegant chignon and her make-up professionally applied for her school formal, the best Katherine could say was that she looked presentable.

‘Being pretty is a terrible curse,' Katherine continued.

‘Why is that?'

‘No one ever takes pretty girls seriously.'

‘Oh?'

Katherine shook her head sadly. ‘I was a pretty girl once. All that brought me was trouble.'

‘What do you mean?'

‘I wasn't just a pretty face,' Katherine said. ‘I was smart and ambitious too. I went off to university to study law. My daddy was so proud of me. “Smarter than all the boys in the street put together,” he used to say.'

‘And your mother?'

Katherine bit her lip. ‘Mother didn't approve of me studying law. She thought it was a waste seeing as I would just get married one day anyway. She thought I should go to the local secretarial college or if I insisted on a degree, it should be teaching or nursing.'

‘But you didn't agree?'

‘Pfft, teaching? Or nursing? Quite frankly I couldn't think of anything worse. I knew exactly what I wanted to do.'

Jo knew the next part of the story. Her mother had met a man at university, a fellow law student, and they were expected to marry. Then during one of the semester breaks she'd travelled to Bellington to stay with her roommate's family. There she met Andrew Morgan, her roommate's brother. It was love at first sight, and after a whirlwind romance they married. Katherine completed her degree but never got to practise law.

Even though she knew the story, Katherine's candid retelling made it seem fresh and new. ‘What happened when you went to university?' she found herself asking.

Katherine's eyes sparkled. ‘Oh, I loved university life. It was so exciting. The course was demanding, but I coped easily, so I had plenty of time for socialising. After being closeted away at a Catholic girls' school for most of my life it was very eye opening. I enjoyed mixing with the other students. My roommate, Louise, and I were the best of friends. We had quite a large circle of friends. It was the happiest time of my life,' she said wistfully.

‘And that's where you met your husband?' As a child this was Jo's favourite story. Her father would tell her how he fell in love with her mother the minute he looked into her deep brown eyes. Katherine was always less effusive, glossing over the details to explain that it was a whirlwind love affair and when Andrew proposed just three months after meeting her she was powerless to say no. Back then Jo had never suspected that her father's love was a one-sided affair. She simply thought her mother's natural inclination for understatement made her a less enthusiastic storyteller. Now, as an adult, she was well aware of her mother's lack of interest in her marriage.

Katherine frowned. ‘Andrew was Louise's brother, so yes, I met him during those years. He didn't attend the university though. He was older and already had his degree. I met him on a visit to Louise's family during a semester break.'

‘And you fell in love at first sight?'

Katherine laughed. ‘Good god, no. Whatever gave you that idea?' She paused to sip her tea. ‘It was lust I suppose. He was good-looking and keen on me. I was flattered, I guess. We went out one night to see a band at the local pub and all the girls were fawning over Andy…'

Andy?
That was a new one.

‘…but I was the one he wanted. I let my pride dictate my actions. We left the pub and went for a walk along the banks of the river. It was romantic I guess, and a bit naughty, seeing as I was all but engaged to another man.'

‘You mean —'

‘Yes,' Katherine said with a hint of defiance in her voice. ‘I did something immoral. And I didn't regret it either. Or I wouldn't have except for one thing.'

‘What was that?'

‘I got pregnant, didn't I? So then I was saddled with a man I didn't love and a child I didn't want.'

Jo bit down on her bottom lip in a vain attempt to stop the tears that immediately welled.

‘Are you alright? You look unwell.'

‘Fine,' Jo lied in the steadiest voice she could manage. ‘Just something caught in my throat. I'll get a glass of water from the kitchen. Shall I put the kettle on for another cup of tea while I'm there?'

‘That would be lovely. Thank you.'

In the kitchen, Jo filled the kettle and clicked it on before stepping into the walk-in pantry and pulling the door behind her. Only then did she let the tears fall.

Sure, it wasn't a total surprise that her mother was pregnant with her before she was married. She'd done the maths, or at least attempted to. Both her parents were cagey about the exact wedding date. They celebrated their anniversary — if a peck on the cheek and an exchange of cards could be called a celebration — on the second of January. But once Jo had caught a glimpse of their wedding certificate and she was sure it was dated the second of March. She knew better than to ask Katherine about the discrepancy.