Feels Like Home (29 page)

‘But I let her get hurt. I didn't mean to, honestly. I watched her on the bike to start with and it seemed like she was a pro. I only left her for a couple of minutes, I promise. I took a phone call from my agent. I can't tell you how much I regret that. I just didn't realise…I'm…you know, I'm not great with kids.' She was talking a mile a minute and her face had blushed a deep red.

Ryan got up from the armchair and went to her. He put his hand on her arm to reassure her. ‘Shh. You did nothing wrong. I let Ella ride her bike in the yard all the time. Exactly the same thing would have happened if I'd been watching her.'

Jo shook her head. ‘I doubt that.'

Ryan looked deep into her eyes. ‘Honestly, Jo, it would have. The fall didn't cause Ella's symptoms yesterday. There's a bit of a story behind this…' he glanced towards the bathroom, ‘…but I can't risk telling you all of it right now. Basically Ella's been diagnosed with epilepsy. The doctors think she had a seizure yesterday and that's what caused her to fall, not the other way around.'

Jo gasped. ‘Oh, Ryan, that's awful. She'll be okay though?'

He nodded. ‘I think so. She has to go to Melbourne to see a specialist, but the paediatrician here seems to think she will be fine. It's just a matter of getting her on the right medication.'

‘That sounds promising, but still it must be an awful shock for you.'

‘Yes and no. As I said there's a bit of a story behind all this, but I can't risk Ella overhearing. Can I please make dinner for you to apologise for my behaviour yesterday? I'd like to explain why I reacted the way I did.'

Jo smiled at him with her eyes. ‘I would love that. Tonight?'

He shook his head. ‘Can we make it tomorrow night? Ella isn't being discharged until the morning, so I'll be staying here tonight, but I'd love you to be there for her welcome-home dinner. If it suits you we can eat early and then you and I can talk once Ella's in bed.'

‘Sounds great, I'm pretty sure there are no essential bridesmaid duties tomorrow night. Oh… do you think Ella will still be able to be in the wedding? She's looking forward to it so much.'

‘I can't see why not. I'll double check with the doctor before I make any promises to her, but I'm pretty sure she'll be able to walk down the aisle with the rest of you on Saturday.'

‘That's a relief. I'd hate to see her miss out.'

Ella came skipping out of the bathroom and made a beeline for Jo. She threw her little arms around Jo's waist. ‘I love my hair, Jo. I really, really wish you could live near my house forever so you could come and do it all the time.'

Ryan watched Jo's eyes moisten at Ella's words.

She bent down to return Ella's embrace. ‘That's a lovely thing to say. Thank you, Ella.'

‘It's true,' Ella replied. ‘I like doing hair and make-up and stuff with you. And if you stayed living next door we could go riding together.'

‘I would love that, but after Steph and Nate's wedding I really do need to go home. I have an apartment in New York and all my things are there.'

‘But you could go and get your stuff and come back right?'

Jo struggled to come up with another compelling reason for going back to America. The kid had a point. Other than some clothes and a few knick-knacks there was nothing waiting for her in Manhattan. She'd been home for less than three weeks but it felt like a lifetime.

Home.

She smiled at the word. Three weeks ago she'd thought of Linden Gully as anything but home. Somewhere along the line that had changed. Every day she'd spent here had chipped away a little of her New York shell and for the first time ever she was beginning to feel like she belonged. Nevertheless she couldn't stay. She couldn't bear to live in the town, seeing Ryan on a regular basis and knowing they could never be together.

He'd made it quite clear he wasn't up for anything more than a fling, or
closure
as he was calling it. And despite his assurances that Ella's fall was not her fault, yesterday's events had only served to reinforce her belief that parenting was not for her. The threat of losing Ella had been way too real. She couldn't imagine how parents lived with that type of risk on a daily basis.

‘As much as I love it here, Ella, I really can't stay. But you know what? We can still be friends and we can still talk to each other all the time.'

‘On the phone?'

‘Maybe, but I have an idea that might be even more fun.'

Ella looked sceptical. ‘Really?'

‘Do you have an iPad at home?'

‘Yeah. Dad has one but I'm not allowed to use it.'

‘Maybe if you asked Dad nicely he'd let you FaceTime with me every now and then. I could show you my apartment and all the shops I was telling you about. Would you like that?'

Ella looked over at Ryan. ‘Can I, Dad?'

Ryan scratched his head and pretended to consider the request.

‘Pleeease Dad? Pretty please?'

‘Well, I can hardly refuse when you put it like that.'

Ella grinned. ‘Awesome. I can't wait to see that shop you told me about.'

Jo smiled. ‘I know you'll love it. And don't worry, I won't forget to send the lip gloss.'

‘Knock, knock. Can I come in?'

The three of them turned as one to see Taylah standing in the doorway.

‘Hey Taylah. Come on in,' Ryan said.

‘Special delivery of one DVD player.'

Ella's eyes lit up. ‘Did you bring any DVDs?'

‘Sure did,' Taylah said.

As Ella's attention turned to the bag of goodies Taylah had brought in, Jo took it as her cue to leave. ‘I really should be going,' she said.

Ella stopped rifling through her DVDs. ‘Do you have to?'

‘Afraid so, kiddo, but I promise I'll see you soon.'

‘Jo has agreed to come over for dinner when you come home from hospital, so you'll see her then, okay?' Ryan said. He looked at Jo. ‘I'll walk out with you. You don't mind sitting with Ella for a minute, do you Tay?'

Taylah shook her head. ‘Of course not.'

Jo gave Ella a quick hug. ‘See you tomorrow, kiddo.'

Ella returned the hug and planted a kiss on Jo's cheek. ‘Bye, Jo.'

Once they were out of Ella's earshot Ryan began to speak. ‘Thanks for agreeing to come today. Not just for my sake but for Ella's. She's really taken a shine to you.'

Jo felt a bubble of happiness welling inside her. She'd never expected Carly's daughter to win her heart, but somehow Ella had managed to do just that. ‘She's such a sweetheart. It's impossible not to be taken by her. I'm really glad she likes me too.'

As they rounded the corner and headed towards the elevators Ryan reached for Jo's hand. Startled, she stopped and turned towards him, her eyebrows raised.

‘Sorry,' he said, withdrawing his hand. ‘I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable.'

‘I'm not uncomfortable, you just surprised me that's all. I came in here thinking you were never going to speak to me again, let alone be…affectionate.'

‘Yeah. I am truly sorry about that. I really lost it yesterday. I was just so afraid.'

‘It's okay. I understand. Well, as much as someone without any kids can. I guess most parents would feel the same way.'

Ryan shook his head. ‘As I said before there's a bit more to it than just being worried about the accident. It's a really long story and one I would like to tell you over dinner tomorrow.'

‘Of course. There's really no need to explain further but I'm happy to listen if there's something you want to get off your chest.' There was actually something she needed to get off
her
chest.

Now was probably the time to tell him about the photo. She should tell him — his image was out there and he had a right to know — but she just couldn't bring herself to sully the moment. Another day probably wouldn't make that much difference. He was holed up here at the hospital for the moment and had little contact with the outside world. Besides, it had been almost twenty-four hours since Lydia broke the news and so far the story didn't seem to have much traction. Maybe Zach's people had decided to bury it for some reason, or maybe no one gave a toss who Johanna Morgan was kissing. In any case, there was probably no pressing need to worry Ryan with the details right this minute. It could wait until tomorrow.

She checked to see no one was looking and then leaned in and kissed Ryan on the cheek, her skin brushing against his unshaven chin. She grinned and ran a finger along his jawline. ‘You can keep that.'

‘The stubble?' He ran a hand over his chin. ‘Really?'

‘Very sexy,' she said as she headed off to catch the lift. ‘See you tomorrow.'

CHAPTER

30

Ryan wheeled the cart aimlessly up and down the aisles of Glasson's supermarket. Why the hell had he offered to cook? He wasn't totally hopeless in the kitchen — he had meat and three veg down pat — but this dinner needed to be special, and fancy wasn't part of his repertoire.

His gut clenched at the thought of sharing the truth about Ella with Jo, but he had to do it. There was no way forward for them if she didn't know the whole story. And he'd come to realise developing a proper relationship with Jo was something he wanted more than anything.

The whole ‘closure' scenario that the two of them had bought into was a total crock. Making love to her had just strengthened the feelings he'd been trying to quash all these years. He'd tried to convince himself it was physical, pure lust, and that his desire would recede when she left. But when he saw her with Ella, the two of them chattering and giggling together, he saw the possibility for something much more.

And then he knew.

This time he would fight for her.

So an amazing dinner was in order to set the scene. And wine. Maybe sparkling wine? She was probably used to drinking some swanky French Champagne. He grimaced. Not much bloody hope of sourcing that at the pub's bottle shop.

‘Ryan, are you okay?'

He swung around to find Mrs Clemmens from the butcher's shop staring at him. ‘I'm fine thank you, Mrs C. How are you?'

‘I'm well, thanks. Is there a reason you're pulling faces at the produce? Is there something I should know about the carrots?'

‘What?' He looked down at the bag of carrots in his hands. ‘Oh. No, the carrots are fine. I was just miles away. I'm trying to work out what to cook for dinner tonight. I'm cooking for a friend and I think her tastes might be a little fancier than mine.'

Mrs Clemmens nodded sagely. ‘I'd heard you and the lovely Miss Morgan might be a bit of an item. Good on you, Ryan. You deserve some happiness. I know some around here had it in for Johanna because of her mother, but I've always liked her.'

So the Linden Gully grapevine was buzzing with speculation. Somehow the fact didn't bother him as much as he thought it would. If things went to plan maybe they'd all have something to talk about. ‘Oh, it's nothing like that Mrs C. Well, what I mean to say is it's a thank-you dinner. Jo was looking after Ella when she fell sick. The dinner is to thank her for taking such good care of Ella.'

‘How is Ella? Poor little mite.'

She's fine. In fact, she's at home now with her friend Gemma. Gem's mum is watching her while I do a quick shop so I really should —'

‘Lamb.'

‘I'm sorry?'

‘If you want to impress her you can't go past roast lamb. She's been living in America and I believe the quality of lamb over there is inferior to ours. A nice roast is sure to impress.'

‘Mrs C, you're a lifesaver!' He bent over and kissed the bemused middle-aged woman on the cheek. Ryan didn't know whether she was right about Australian lamb being superior, but he did know that a roast dinner was something he excelled at.

‘When you've grabbed some veggies pop over to the shop and tell Ed I sent you. He'll fix you up with a lovely little leg. And after that you might like to head over to the bottle-o for a nice drop of red to go with it.'

‘Way ahead of you, Mrs C. I'd better fly!'

Jo threw yet another top onto the bed. It was just a casual dinner, for heaven's sake. Why on earth was she having so much trouble deciding what to wear? It was a dinner at home so formal attire wasn't required and yet jeans and a t-shirt seemed too sloppy. She wanted to show Ryan she appreciated all the effort he was going to.

She pulled out a baby pink cashmere jumper — three weeks ago she would've called it a sweater — as she contemplated the night ahead. Ryan had things he wanted to talk about. He'd said he needed to be honest with her about something, although she couldn't imagine what.

But it wasn't Ryan's disclosure she was worried about. She had to tell him about the photo. Lydia had phoned earlier and reported some mild interest in the story. It hadn't run on the news sites or in any of the papers, but a few of the gossip blogs had picked up on it, so there was still a chance that some twit would try to get a comment from Ryan or, even worse, snap candid shots of him and Ella.

She couldn't wait any longer. She had to tell him tonight.

Maybe, if she explained it properly, he would understand. After all, it was hardly her fault. And he'd been so understanding about Ella's fall. She'd expected him to refuse to speak to her ever again, but here he was cooking her a conciliatory dinner. Maybe he'd take this latest development in his stride too. Perhaps the photo wasn't the big deal she was making it out to be.

She didn't want to leave Linden Gully with him hating her again. The rollercoaster of emotions she'd experienced these past few days had reinforced how important Ryan was to her. If they couldn't be together as a couple she could live with that. It hurt to know that after this week he would no longer be part of her everyday life, but she also knew that in time the pain would heal.