Final Score (54 page)

‘When, who, Max?’ Ryan’s eyes narrowed as he looked at his agent. ‘You just said you weren’t sure when he – who’s
he
?’

‘It doesn’t matter. You just need to concentrate on the future now.’

‘No, it
does
matter. Are you telling me it wasn’t you who came up with the idea of me signing for a club in America?’

‘No, it was, it’s just that… It was a friend of mine, okay? Another football agent.’

‘Who?’

‘Does it matter who?’

‘Yes. Who?’

‘I’m not talking to you when you’re in this mood.’ Max stood up, straightening his jacket as he made for the door. ‘You sort your head out, you hear me? Because I’m calling Amber and I’m telling her to get Freddie to drop Rico round here because she shouldn’t be anywhere near you right now.’

‘Who the hell do you think you are, Max? You’re not my fucking father. You can’t tell her to stay away from me.’

‘No, you’re right. You’re right. I can’t tell her to do anything. But what I
can
do is make sure neither of you do anything that either of you might regret. Now, you get that head of yours straight, and start thinking like an adult. A few more days and you’re out of here. And as far as I’m concerned, the sooner the better.’

*

‘You look like you’ve got the weight of the world on your shoulders,’ Ronnie said, sitting down beside Amber on the step outside the back door in Freddie’s kitchen.

‘I’m fine. Just got a lot on my mind.’

‘A big decision to make, huh?’

She looked at him. And it felt as though something had suddenly just broken inside her. ‘I don’t know what to do, Ronnie. I really don’t know what to do. And I’m so fucking scared.’

He reached for her hand, squeezing it gently. ‘Okay. I’m gonna stop telling you what I think now, because all that’s done is push us further apart and I hate that. I hate it.’

‘You were only saying those things because you cared about me.’

‘Oh, so
now
you see what I was doing.’

She smiled, giving his hand a quick squeeze back. ‘I’ve been so stupid.’

‘It hasn’t been the easiest of times, Amber.’

‘Sleeping with Ryan… I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have let him wear me down, or get to me so much. I was weak, Ronnie. I was so fucking weak.’

Ronnie sighed, his hand still holding onto hers. ‘Amber, sweetheart… Jesus, it’s so hard not to wade in here with what I really want to say to you, but I promised, didn’t I?’

She smiled again, looking down at their joined hands. ‘You wouldn’t be saying anything I don’t already know. I’ve messed up so much, and now I’m left not knowing what to do.’

‘You’re seriously thinking about
going
with Ryan?’

She shook her head, pulling her hand free of his as she resumed her habit of fiddling with her wedding ring. ‘No… I don’t know. I mean, there isn’t just me to think about any more, is there? What
I
want – well, should that really come first now? Shouldn’t I be putting Rico’s needs before mine?’

‘Rico needs a mum who’s happy, Amber.’

‘It makes me so happy when I see him and Ryan together.’

‘And what about Jim?’

‘I would have thought the most wonderful words in the world you could hear right now would be ones that told you I was leaving Jim behind.’

‘Despite everything I’ve ever said about that man, Amber, if leaving him is going to make you unhappy then don’t do it. Just
be
happy. That’s all I want for you, babe.’

She sat back against the door, stretching her legs out in front of her, clasping her hands together in her lap. ‘I love him so much I can’t really explain, because sometimes I find it hard to understand myself. But after everything we’ve been through…’ She turned her head to look at Ronnie. ‘But there’s still something there, still some feelings buried deep inside me for Ryan. And maybe they’re feelings I’ve tried to ignore or tried to deny, I don’t know. And I can’t say I love him, because I love Jim. That’s one thing I’m sure of. But Ryan, he’s… he’s Rico’s daddy, Ronnie. And that means a hell of a lot.’

‘Is it a good enough – a
big
enough reason to leave Jim, Amber? To move away from everything you know just because you think it’s the best thing to do for Rico? It doesn’t really make sense, kiddo.’

‘I know,’ she sighed, pushing both hands through her hair. ‘I know it doesn’t. But constantly making sure I avoid Ryan, I can’t do that for much longer, can I? Not when I might have to interview him tomorrow and then we have all those arrangements to make regarding Rico. Maybe if I just spoke to him face to face…’ She looked at Ronnie again. ‘If I speak to him, maybe things will seem clearer.’

‘And what about Jim?’

She looked down at her clasped hands, at her nails digging into her skin, and she hadn’t even realised she’d been doing that until she felt a sharp, stabbing pain below her knuckles. ‘When we made love this morning, he cried, Ronnie. My beautiful, strong American man cried. And it broke my heart, because this time – this time none of this was his fault.
I
caused all this pain; I made this mess we’re in. And I don’t want to sound as though I’m wallowing in self-pity because I hate that. But I know I’ve been selfish. And I know that whatever happens one of those men is going to be hurt, and I caused that.’

‘They had their fair share of input, Amber, so don’t be too hard on yourself, okay? There’s blame to be laid all over the place here. Some of it even lies with me because my outbursts over my personal feelings towards Jim Allen haven’t really helped. But, and I do believe I’ve been telling you to do this for a while now, you need to make a decision, kiddo. And you really, really need to make sure it’s the right one. Because this time, there might be no going back.’

*

‘You’re here, then.’

‘Why wouldn’t I be?’ Amber frowned, closing the front door behind her. ‘I said I was bringing Rico over, didn’t I?’

‘It’s just that Max told me he was going to tell you not to come here today,’ Ryan said, taking Rico from her.

‘Well, he did say something about it probably being a better idea to get my dad to drop Rico off, but Max can’t tell me what to do, Ryan. I’m an adult.’

Ryan smiled at Rico as he carried him into the living room. Amber followed him, throwing her bag down onto the chair near the door. ‘Yeah. He kind of said that, too. But he certainly seemed adamant he was gonna try to make sure you didn’t come here.’

‘I had to come.’

Ryan looked at her. ‘You did?’

She nodded. ‘I’m not a child who’s easily led, Ryan.’ Really? She might not be now, but she had been – once. And wasn’t that how she’d got into this mess that had now spanned over two decades? Because she’d been easily led by a handsome American footballer with a beautiful smile and a way with words that had drawn her in and never let her go.

‘Do you – do you want a drink?’

She shook her head, walking over to the window, looking out at Debbie who was crouched down by the flower beds out on her front lawn. ‘Is she
gardening
?’ Amber asked, unable to stop a surprised laugh from escaping. ‘Have they cut the wages over at Red Star? Only, the Debbie I know would never do her own gardening. I can’t believe she’s pulling out weeds with those nails. I have to go and see this…’

‘Amber, hang on…’

She swung around to look at him. Was she just using Debbie as an excuse to get out of there? Before she did something she might really regret? Before she made a decision she wasn’t sure of, but one she might make anyway, because she still thought it was for the best.

‘We need to talk. Please.’

She looked briefly back out of the window. ‘I shouldn’t have come here. Max was right.’

‘Time’s running out, Amber.’

Her eyes met his, and all the memories of being with this man flooded her brain, taking over her head completely for a few, painful seconds, ending with the visit he’d made to Majorca just a couple of weeks ago. Everything he’d said, every touch of his fingers on her skin; she could hear it all as though it were happening right now. But then all that was quickly pushed aside as the memory of her husband crying in her arms just a few short hours ago replaced those images of Ryan. The pull on her heart was so strong, so forceful.

‘I don’t think I can walk away from him, Ryan. We’ve been through too much. And I married him for a reason, didn’t I? I married him because I’m in love with him.’

Ryan shook his head, gently laying Rico down in his carry-seat before he faced Amber again. ‘Just think about it, Amber, please. Think about what he’s done.’

‘And he’s sorry for everything. He’s sorry.’

‘And you believe him?’

‘He’s my husband.’

‘That doesn’t answer my question.’

‘I believe him,’ she said, her voice so quiet even she had trouble hearing herself.

‘All he’s ever wanted was to drive a wedge between us, Amber.’

‘I think you managed to do a good job of that all by yourself at times, Ryan.’

He walked over to her, stopping just in front of her. ‘And I regret every mindless, stupid second. Because I had you, Amber. Right there. You were wearing my engagement ring, I’d asked you to marry me and you’d said yes. And we were that close… we were almost there.’

‘It was you who threw all that away,’ she whispered, aware that he’d moved a step closer now.

‘I know. And for what? A cheap thrill that was over in seconds? I threw my whole life away because I was an idiot, I admit that. And I regret it. With every beat of my heart I regret it.’

‘It’s too late.’

‘Is it?’

She nodded, leaning back against the wall, her heart starting to pick up a speedy rhythm now. But she wished it would calm down, return to normal. Because she didn’t want this. ‘It’s too late. Our time? It’s passed. And it didn’t work; we just have to accept that.’

‘And what if I can’t, Amber? What if I don’t
want
to accept it? What happens then?’

‘I don’t know, Ryan. How can I possibly answer that?’

‘He doesn’t deserve you.’

‘You have no idea… He needs me. And I need him. We just don’t work without each other.’

‘And what about
me,
Amber?
I
need you, too. I need you so much…’

‘You’re going to L.A., Ryan. And you really want to take me with you?’

‘I want to take you with me and I want to make sure we have the best life, Amber. I want to be a proper dad to Rico, I want…’

‘You
are
a proper dad to Rico.’

‘How can I be, when I’m thousands of miles away?’

‘He’ll see you as much as he can, Ryan, I promise you that. I’ll make sure of that.’

‘This is all wrong, Amber. This isn’t how I wanted this to play out.’

‘We don’t always get what we want, Ryan.’

‘But we can fight as hard as we fucking can to make sure we try.’

She looked up into those deep, dark-blue eyes of his, her gaze not wavering for a good few seconds. ‘I’m tired of fighting. Aren’t you?’

He shook his head, reaching out to gently nudge her shirt open a bit more, letting his fingers run down over her collar bone, onto her cleavage. And she wasn’t pushing him away. Not yet, anyway. ‘Why did you really come here, Amber?’

Her eyes were still on his, but just as it had been over in Majorca, her arms felt like lead, and she couldn’t seem to stop him from touching her in ways he really shouldn’t have been touching her. ‘I guess I just needed to know,’ she whispered, her eyes focused on his mouth now. She’d always loved his mouth. She’d always loved that dark, heavy stubble of his and those sexy-as-hell sleeve tattoos. She’d loved all of that. But had she ever really loved
him
? Or was it just the idea that this man, eleven years younger than her, actually wanted to be with her. Had this little thing flattered her so much that she’d let herself think she’d loved him?

‘You needed to know what?’ he asked, his mouth moving closer to hers, his hand resting on her hip now.

‘I love my husband.’

‘Do you?’

‘You really aren’t being fair.’

‘The time for being fair is over, Amber. It’s every man for himself now, and I refuse to go down without a fight.’

She narrowed her eyes slightly, before she gently pushed him away. ‘This isn’t right. I’ve made my decision, Ryan. And I think, if I’m being completely honest with myself, it was a decision I’d already made a long time ago.’

‘You’re staying with him?’

She looked down at the floor briefly before raising her eyes, staring into his as she nodded. ‘I’m staying with him.’

Ryan felt his whole world come crashing down around him. ‘Baby, you can’t. You can’t stay with him. You can’t do it.’

She felt tears start to build up behind her eyes, and she wished they’d go away, because crying here, in front of him, was only giving him a reason to think she wasn’t sure of the decision she’d just made. And she was sure. Wasn’t she? She was sure.

‘I have to do this. Ryan, you are so young, so beautiful – you’re going to have your pick of women over there in L.A. and they are gonna fall at your feet so fast it’ll take your breath away…’

‘I’ve told you, Amber, I don’t want
any
woman. I want
you
.’

‘I can’t… It isn’t going to happen, Ryan.’

‘Because you won’t let it?’

She waited a couple of beats before answering. ‘Because I won’t let it.’

He watched as she pushed past him, crouching down to quickly kiss Rico’s now-sleeping face. ‘I’m leaving you with daddy for an hour or so, little man. You be a good boy, now, you hear? And look after daddy for me, you got that?’ She stood back up, turning to face Ryan.

He shook his head. ‘I don’t need looking after, Amber.’

‘I’ll get my dad or Kim to come and collect him later. And I’ll see you at Tynebridge tomorrow.’

‘Amber!’

He followed her out into the hall, quickly grabbing her hand before she had a chance to leave, swinging her back around to face him. And his mouth was on hers before she had a chance to even think about what was happening. The second his lips touched hers, she tried to push him away, but his grip stayed firm, his fingers slipping into hers and holding onto her so tightly she really couldn’t break free. And she really wanted to leave, to get out of there, before something happened that she was too weak to control, but the more he kissed her, the more she gave in. The more his grip on her relaxed, the less she struggled to leave his arms, until he had her backed up against the wall, their bodies touching, that heat once more turned up and she knew she had to find that strength again; the strength to walk away from this.