Finding Ashlynn (10 page)

“So…,” Jenna said, hoping that one-syllable word would get Ash talking, but she didn’t say anything. “What happened with you and Robbie at the coffee shop?”

“Nothing,” Ash immediately said.

“You sure?”

There was no abrupt response to the question. Jenna glanced over and saw Ash fidgeting her hands. She couldn’t help it, but Jenna
really
started to worry. Everything had been fine up until that moment.
What the crap did Robbie tell her?

That’s it.
Jenna couldn’t just ride in silence and worry about what thoughts churned and whirled in Ash’s mind. She pulled into the first parking lot she saw, drove around to the back and stopped. She turned in her seat and when she faced Ash. Her girlfriend had a confused look on her face.

“Something’s on your mind,” Jenna said. “Please talk to me.”

“Nothing’s wrong, Jenna.” Ash unfastened her seatbelt and turned toward Jenna. She reached down and pulled Jenna’s hand to her lap, then looked at Jenna with the kind of intensity that had the ability to make Jenna’s pulse race.

Ash said, “Everything’s… right.”

“Then why do you look upset?”

“I’m not upset, I’m….” Ash exhaled sharply. She swallowed so hard Jenna could see the waving of her throat. Her fingers tightened around Jenna’s hand. “I told Robbie I was falling for you.”

If fireworks could’ve erupted in Jenna’s car, they would have.

Everything in the world slammed to a halt. Jenna couldn’t speak. She didn’t want to blink for fear of finding herself in a dream. She’d prayed Ash felt the same way, but she didn’t dare ask or utter a word of her feelings first. She’d made that mistake with her last girlfriend and totally wouldn’t do it again.

“I, um… I’ve been falling for you too,” Jenna admitted.

“That’s so awesome to hear. I was so afraid of telling you. I mean, it just seemed like we were moving too fast, and I didn’t want this to turn into some dumb crush. Ya know?”

“Completely.”

Ash lifted up from the seat, leaned against the center console, and Jenna met her halfway. Their lips touched, and Jenna’s heart soared. With the mounting feelings and knowing they were absolutely requited, kissing Ash reached a whole new level of magical. Kissing her took Jenna to a special place where everything was and always would be perfect.

When the kiss broke, they stared each other in the eye, as if their voices had been stolen by the touch of their lips and the passion they both so obviously felt for each other.

The first sound was the deep breath Jenna struggled to take.

The second was Ash’s voice saying, “I’m ready to come out to my daddy.”

I
NSTEAD
of going to the club with Robbie and Stella, the girls ended up back at Jenna’s house, but not without a call to let their friends know what had happened. Robbie didn’t mind. It’d sounded like they were more than happy to keep each other company, anyway. With a promise to call Robbie on Sunday, Ash had hung up the phone and settled back in the seat of Jenna’s sporty little car and hadn’t moved until they’d pulled into the driveway of Jenna’s suburban palace.

It took a whole lot of silent considering before Ash finally owned up to how everything scared the hell out of her—the way she felt about Jenna and the fact she felt like she had a reason to come out to her daddy now. It’d been a long time coming, anyway. Jenna just gave Ash a reason to finally tell her daddy the truth, gave her that last little push she needed to truly embrace her sexuality and come clean about it to the only other person who mattered in her life.

“Would talking to my parents help?” Jenna softly asked.

Ash hadn’t moved from the edge of the bed since they’d gotten home. She kept her hands clamped beneath her chin and her stare trained on the fibers of cream-colored carpet beneath her feet. Jenna sat on a decorative chair across from her.

“You could practice on them or something,” Jenna offered.

“But I know how your parents will react, and I’m sorry, babe, but your parents are
nothing
like my daddy.”

“What are you most afraid of, Ash?”

“Disappointing him,” Ash said, her voice quiet and a bit shaky.

“Do you honestly believe he’ll be disappointed with you?”

“I don’t know.”

“How is your relationship with him?”

Ash shrugged, then ran one hand through her hair. Jenna took the other hand in hers and brushed her thumb back and forth over Ash’s knuckles. Without taking her eyes off Ash, she lost herself in the rise and fall of her girlfriend’s chest as Ash took slow, calming breaths.

She could definitely sympathize with Ash. Coming out to her parents had scared Jenna too. It wasn’t a decision she’d entered into lightly. In fact, it had ended up being a decision that tore Jenna and her ex-girlfriend apart. Laney had said the relationship was becoming more than she wanted, even though she’d proclaimed to love Jenna long before the coming-out. As far as Jenna could tell, the coming-out finally did them in. Laney leaving her over it sincerely broke Jenna’s heart, and had she not had her parents’ love and support, things could’ve gone very, very badly.

Did Ash have that same sort of love and support at home? She said her dad worked all the time to keep them afloat, but if he could be in her life more, would he accept her for everything she was?

A soft tapping at the door pulled Jenna away from her thoughts and from Ash. She opened the door to find her mother standing on the other side, wrapped in a fleece robe, with her haired pulled back in a ponytail. Normally, her mother wouldn’t have left her bedroom after changing into her night clothes, especially with company in the house, and it surprised Jenna see her there.

“Mom?” She frowned.

“I just wanted to check on you two. You both seemed a bit out of sorts when you came in.” Her dark-brown eyes shifted between Ash—who still sulked on the edge of the bed—and Jenna. “Is everything okay?”

“Ash wants to come out to her dad, but she’s terrified.”

Raising her head, Ash gave Jenna an astounded, wide-eyed stare.

“What?” Jenna asked. “I told you, my parents don’t care, and they know
everything
about me. Besides, maybe she can give us some advice.”

Jenna looked back at her mother, who was already making her way toward the bed. She sat down beside Ash—close enough to hug, but not smother—and knowing her mother like Jenna did, she knew her mom wanted to pull Ash into a hug and hold onto her until all her fears were gone. Oh, if only it were that simple.

“Sweetie,” her mom said softly, “what you’ve decided isn’t easy, and it probably won’t be easy for your father either. It wasn’t easy for us when Jenna came out.”

That was the first time her mother had ever mentioned the way she felt after Jenna had blasted them with the news of her sexuality. She’d never asked her mom and dad about how they felt after things calmed down. Maybe part of her feared the truth. But it looked as if she would get the whole story tonight.

“We put on happy faces for Jenna’s sake,” her mother continued. “We knew she had a hard road ahead, even in this day and age when people are supposed to be more liberal in their views on sexuality. We only wanted the best for her, and the best thing for her was our acceptance. Sure, I cried a few times, but I didn’t let Jenna see it. I didn’t shut down and refuse to accept the truth. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. Her father and I did the best we could for her, and we thought if we kept an open mind and an open-door policy, we could keep her safe from the hatred. And that brings us to where we are now. That’s why Jenna can have you over to spend the night and we don’t balk at the idea.”

“Are you glad she told you?” Ash quietly asked.

“Yes. I’m happy that she was comfortable enough in our relationship to be honest.”

No one said anything immediately. Ash kept her eyes on Jenna. Jenna kept her eyes on her mom. And her mom’s stare bounced back and forth between the two girls. Jenna couldn’t tell if her mother’s little talk had done Ash any good. She still had that distant, almost stoic expression on her face.

“I think I’ll turn in for the night,” Jenna’s mom said as she pushed up from the bed. She leaned over and gave Jenna a kiss on the forehead, then turned to Ash and did the same. “I want you to keep in mind,” she said to Ash, “if you ever need a place to go, our door is always open.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Ash said. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. You girls sleep tight.”

B
REAKFAST
Sunday morning was a little uncomfortable for Ash, not because of Jenna and her parents, but because Ash knew in a few hours, she would be heading home to tell her daddy the most difficult thing she might ever have to say to him.

In the middle of collecting her trusty backpack from Jenna’s bedroom, she felt a tender hand on her shoulder, and she knew Jenna would be standing behind her, offering her yet another token of strength and support. Jenna was pretty amazing that way.

“Do you want me to go with you?” Jenna asked. When Ash didn’t immediately respond, she added, “I don’t care where you live or any of that. I just want to be there for you.”

Sighing, Ash turned around and stood face to face with the girl she’d been falling in love with for a few weeks now. There was nothing but truth and sincerity in the way Jenna looked at her—truth because Jenna would always be honest with her, sincerity because Jenna wouldn’t judge her and would do anything she could to be there for Ash no matter what.

“I want you to go with me,” Ash finally said, nodding a few times. “I want Daddy to know who I’m seeing. He’ll approve of you. I know he will.”

Jenna gave her a soft smile. “Then I’ll put some clothes on and we can go.”

“Thanks.”

Ash sat down on the edge of the bed and waited as Jenna changed clothes. Her girlfriend wore a pair of plain jeans and a plain orange top, nothing compared to the normal high-end fashions she always chose before going out. Ash wondered for a moment if Jenna did that for her benefit, or if she’d grabbed the first thing she found.

“Are you ready?” Jenna asked as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Okay, let’s go then, I guess. I’ll drive.”

“You don’t have to.”

“You have a lot on your mind. No offense, but I think we would be safer.”

“True,” Ash said with a sigh as she pushed up from Jenna’s bed.

They headed downstairs, past the living room where Jenna’s parents were both reading the Sunday paper. They must’ve heard the footsteps because as soon as the girls crossed the arched opening, her parents raised their heads.

“We’re going to Ash’s house,” Jenna said.

Her mother stood up and crossed the room, joining the girls in the arched entryway. She reached out and hugged Jenna first, then pulled Ash into her arms. Monica pressed her cheek to Ash’s and said a soft “Good luck, and remember, we’re here for you.”

For the first time in ten years, Ash knew what motherly love really felt like, and she seemed to be getting it in spades from her girlfriend’s mom. She’d always missed her mom, but never as much as she did right now. It almost brought a tear to her eye.

“Thank you,” Ash said. “I won’t forget.” And she truly meant that.

“Good luck, kids,” Jenna’s dad said from the couch before going back to his paper.

They headed out to Jenna’s car. Ash climbed into the passenger side, and Jenna joined her behind the wheel. No words were spoken and they left the music off. Unfortunately, the silence didn’t give Ash’s mind a break, and she only had the feel of Jenna’s warm hand to comfort her.

The drive over to her side of town lasted about twenty minutes but felt like an eternity. Ash only spoke up long enough to give Jenna directions, and she kept her stare trained on the grimy façade of the life she really lived.

Buildings were vacant and graffitied. Vagabonds occupied street corners and overpasses. Litter lined the sidewalks and streets. In that neighborhood, people didn’t have shiny new cars or suburban palaces. In that neighborhood, most people were lucky to afford a hot meal.

Ash glanced over to gauge Jenna’s expression, half-fearing she would find the flared nostrils and curled lips of disgust. Much to her surprise, nothing about Jenna had changed, not the look on her face, not the way she held herself as she drove. She didn’t look frightened or put-off, didn’t look disgusted in the least, and now that Ash had seen her reaction—or lack thereof—she wished she’d let Jenna come over all those nights ago when she had needed someone to be there with her. She wished she hadn’t been too embarrassed to let the girl who just wanted to care for her in.

“It’s right there,” Ash said softly, pointing to a single row of dilapidated apartments. Ironically, it was probably the nicest of all the buildings in the neighborhood, and yet it was still falling apart. “My dad’s truck is the blue Toyota. Park next to it.”

Jenna did as she was told, and once the car came to a complete stop, she killed the engine and sat back in the seat. She looked over at Ash and asked, “Are you ready?”

“Not really,” Ash said. “But I need to get it over with.”

“You don’t have to tell him right now. Just wait things out and see what happens?”

“No, I want to do this now. I want to come clean to him. We’ve always based our relationship on honesty, especially after Mom left. So, um… yeah… I have to tell him.”

“Okay,” Jenna said. “Do you want me to come up with you?”

“Please. But we can’t hold hands. Not yet, ’kay?”

“That’s fine with me.”

They climbed out of the car at exactly the same time, walked around, and met at the hood. Instinctively, Ash reached for Jenna’s hand. It felt like the right thing to do, like the world would only be right if their fingers were intertwined and their palms were pressed together, but the moment Ash realized what she’d done, she pulled her hand away.

And she regretted it the moment she did.

She was supposed to be holding her girlfriend’s hand.