Finding Ashlynn (3 page)

No, you did what was right,
she told herself.

The sad truth of the matter was they were from two very, very different worlds. Jenna lived in a bright, clean palace in the ’burbs, while Ash lived in a dark, dank hell on the forgotten side of town. Jenna had a perfect family. Ash came from a broken home. It just wasn’t meant to be.

That was
supposed
to make her feel better about bolting out of there before things had a chance to get too deep, but for some stupid reason, it really didn’t.

Her car squeaked and squealed as she pulled into the parking lot. One flickering light hung over the space. It wasn’t safe, and Ash refused to get out of the car without a can of mace in her hand. Her daddy made sure he kept her well stocked. Even he knew the rat-hole apartment they lived in wasn’t the best place for a teenage girl, but he worked his ass off to give her what he could. She respected the crap out of him for everything he did.

Since her mother had bailed about ten years ago, things had gotten really hard for them. They went from a two-income family to a half-income family. Her daddy didn’t have any education and no real skills to speak of, but he was strong and didn’t mind working hard. He loved her and wore himself down to care for her. And while Ash appreciated it, she secretly wished things could be different. She wished she could have a life more like Jenna had, but she would never,
ever
say such a thing in front of her daddy.

Climbing the stairs, she kept an eye on her surroundings, looking out for the “bad guys” her daddy liked to warn her about. She slipped the key into the lock, wiggled the knob, then bumped her hip against the door a few times until it finally cracked open.

Inside, the air was warmer than usual, warmer than it was outside, which meant the AC had probably broken again. Ash groaned as she dropped her backpack on the couch. She went straight to the fridge to look for something to eat, but only found two-day old pizza and a carton of God only knew what. She ended up grabbing a bottle of water instead.

Kicking her shoes off on the way, she trudged into the dark confines of her tiny bedroom, turned on the stereo loud enough to drown out the building noise, then flung herself onto her bed. The next hour was spent staring at the ceiling and becoming lost in the music… well, lost in thoughts of Jenna. She honestly regretted not staying there and getting to know the girl from the meeting better.

Friday. She would do it Friday. Somehow, she would get over herself, get over where she came from, and try to accept the fact Jenna didn’t seem to be getting off her mind anytime soon.

“Winning Days” by the Vines started to play. The lyrics brought a smile to her face. Underneath, there
was
gold, and yeah, she would totally stop hiding because now, she could truly see what she wanted. She wanted to be a part of Jenna’s world, not because it was so much better than her own, but because Jenna was the light Ash finally realized she wanted to see.

F
RIDAY
evening came, and Ash couldn’t have been more stoked about going out. Her dad had left for work early, so they’d missed their normal dinner date together, but that also gave her a little extra time to get ready to leave.

The purple in her hair had started to fade and left lilac highlights in her natural blonde. Instead of dyeing it again, she left it as it was, thinking she’d just go back to blonde anyway. Jenna probably liked natural colors better than she liked something a rainbow puked on, and why not do something to impress someone else for a change?

Ash took out her septum ring and left it on the vanity, then put on a little light makeup. Nothing obnoxiously loud like she normally wore, just light shades that complemented her pale skin and golden hair. Ironically, she liked the look. It made her less… scary, she supposed.

Her combat boots were traded for a pair of black dress flats. A slim-fit, black, girly tee replaced her normal ratty tank top. She still went with the skinny jeans, but this pair didn’t have rips all along the legs. Last but not least, she sprayed on some of the perfume her mother had left behind. Ash treasured the bottle and used it very sparingly—really, only for special occasions—and tonight would be special. Hopefully.

When Ash pulled into the parking lot, she immediately spotted Stella’s car, and her heart started to beat a little faster. She knew Jenna had ridden with Stella last week and just knew Jenna would be in there waiting, looking completely adorable like she had last Friday night. Ash still had it in her mind that she was going to right the wrong from last weekend. She wasn’t going to pull the sad, emo, poor-girl card this time. This time, she would totally talk to Jenna and maybe, just maybe, they could actually hang out and
really
get to know each other.

She bebopped through the door and into the community center, humming the new tune her band had worked up a few days ago. It was catchy as hell and so much fun to play, and as that perfect little testament to her musical prowess wound through her mind, so did the words she would speak to Jenna.

Ash thought she would say something funny, just to hear Jenna laugh. Then, when the laughter subsided, she would say something serious, something that would appeal to Jenna’s intellect. Finally, she would top it all off by asking Jenna out for coffee or something, because Jenna was totally the kind of girl who appreciated good coffee.

Freakin’ perfect!

Only when Ash finally made it down to the room where they held their meetings, she didn’t spot Jenna. The advisers were there. Stella and the boys were there, but no Jenna. Ash’s heart slipped down inside her chest and collided with her stomach. Her perfect plan was all of a sudden ruined.

Quietly sitting down next to Stella, Ash did her best to stifle her disappointment before she asked Jenna’s BFF why the girl of her dreams wasn’t here tonight. Ash didn’t want to come off as some freaky stalker, so she had to ask with tact.

“Why isn’t Jenna here?” she finally asked in a demanding sort of whine.

There goes that tact.

“She has SATs tomorrow morning, so she wanted to spend the night studying,” Stella said. Ash tried not to pout but apparently didn’t do as good of a job as she thought she had, because Stella immediately grinned and reached for a piece of paper. “She won’t care if I give this to you.” She wrote a number down on the paper, then put it in Ash’s hand. “Call her. I know she’ll want to hear from you.”

“Really?” Ash perked up.

“Really.” Stella’s smile widened.

The remainder of the meeting was pretty much a blur. Ash didn’t hear or take part in any discussion like she had the first night. Even their silly ’round-the-circle games were nothing but background noise. She couldn’t stop thinking about Jenna, eagerly waiting for the moment she could break free of the room and sneak in a call. If she left now, she couldn’t come back in. That was the rule, and well….

Screw it! Talking to Jenna is more important.

She popped up from the bench she’d been sitting on, grabbed her backpack, and started for the door. One of the advisers calling her name stopped her. She turned back around to find the entire group staring at her like she was a great big elephant and all the fine china just exploded all over the floor… or however that saying went. Ash was used to performing and having people watch her, but this intimate group thing—and the looks on their faces—had a way of unnerving her.

“I’m just… I’m, um… gonna go,” she said.

“That’s fine, but you can’t come back,” the adviser warned.

“I know. I’ll come back next week.”

Ash didn’t waste another second messing around with the other kids or the advisers. She took off out of the room and to the parking lot, fishing her phone from her pocket on her way.

As she punched in the digits Stella had given her, her fingers started to shake. She’d had this elaborate plan to talk to Jenna, but that plan had fallen apart. Now she didn’t know what to do or what to say, and holy crap, she was freaking out already.

“Hello?” Jenna said from the other end of the line.

Ash froze. She opened her mouth but couldn’t speak.

“Hello?” Jenna said again.

“Hi, um… I….”

“Ash?”

Resume normal heart rate in three—two—one….

“Yeah,” Ash said a little breathlessly. “Yeah, it’s Ash. Um, Stella gave me your number. I hope that’s okay. She said you wouldn’t mind.”

“I don’t. I told her it was okay. I think she would’ve given it to you anyway. She has this silly idea that we’re supposed to hook up.”

Okay, forget that normal heart rate thing. It flat-out stopped
.

“Why is that silly?” Ash asked.

“Well, I….” Silence. Jenna didn’t answer the question, and Ash couldn’t help being disappointed. It was silly because they didn’t know each other, had just met a week ago. “I didn’t think you were interested,” Jenna finally admitted. “The way you bailed Friday night, I mean—”

“That’s not why I bailed.”

“Why did you, then?”

There were a ton of great reasons why Ash left last Friday night, none of which she felt could be accurately portrayed over the phone. There were so many feelings and emotions that could be lost over the distance of air and space. No, Jenna needed to see her face when they talked about Ash’s life and why she didn’t think she was good enough for Jenna.

“Can you meet me for coffee?” Ash asked.

“I guess,” Jenna said.

“There’s a coffee shop close to the center. Will you meet me there?”

“Sure. I can be there in about fifteen minutes.”

“Great. See you then.”

Jenna parked her sparkly silver import next to Ash’s poor little rust bucket. The sight of it made her smile. Most of the people Jenna knew wouldn’t be caught dead in a clunker like that, but much like Ash’s style, it had character, and Jenna adored that. The car represented the breath of fresh air Jenna needed in her life.

She spotted Ash’s fading purple hair through the glass door. Ash stood in line behind a few other people, and just seeing her there made butterflies flitter around in Jenna’s tummy. She didn’t want tonight to end like last Friday night. Whatever happened, whatever reason Ash had for bolting on her, Jenna didn’t want
it
to happen again.

The door chimed, and Ash’s head whipped around. The moment her startling blue stare landed on Jenna, her heart skipped and her lips curled into a soft smile. Ash had taken the nose ring out and her dark rocker makeup had been replaced with something much softer. She looked beautiful, breathtakingly beautiful. Jenna drew the edge of her lip in between her teeth as she stepped farther into the building.

“Hey,” Ash said. She tensed, licked her lips, and tucked her hands into her pockets.

“Hey,” Jenna responded. “Have you ordered yet?”

“No.”

“Good.”

Jenna reached in her purse and whipped out her wallet as the man behind the counter called for the next person in line. “Get whatever you like,” she said. “It’s on my daddy.”

Smiling, she laid down a Discover card with her name on it, but Ash didn’t look pleased with the situation at all. Jenna didn’t get it, but didn’t ask. She just wanted to see Ash smile again, wanted to know the night wouldn’t end the way it had before.

Ash ordered a twenty-ounce mocha anyway, then Jenna ordered her drink—a twenty-ounce caramel macchiato. She paid for their drinks, then both girls moved down to the end of the line.

“Thanks for buying,” Ash said quietly.

“You’re welcome,” Jenna said as she slipped the card back into her wallet. “You okay? You don’t seem to be in a very good mood.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” But Ash didn’t act
fine
at all.

“I didn’t do anything to offend you, did I?”

“No,” Ash said a little too abruptly. It made Jenna frown, but the barista was on his way with their coffees, so Jenna let it go for now.

They carried their drinks over to a table in a far corner of the room. Ash sat down first and Jenna took the spot directly across from her. Ash still hadn’t really said anything, and that bothered Jenna. They were supposed to talk about Ash’s mad dash last weekend, but it was starting to look like the conversation wouldn’t lead where Jenna hoped it would.

“So,” Jenna said, twisting her coffee cup around on the table. She stared down at the lid instead of looking Ash in the eye. “You wanted to talk to me about last weekend?”

“Yeah, I, um… I did.”

Jenna finally raised her head. Ash’s steely blue stare cut right through her. It scared the hell out of her, and why, she didn’t really know. She wasn’t emotionally invested in the girl, just… curious.

“I don’t come from money,” Ash finally said.

“So?”

“I mean, I live in a small apartment, just me and my daddy. We don’t really have anything to call our own. He works three jobs just to get us by.”

“Is that why you left?”

Ash shrugged. “Yeah, kinda. I mean, I didn’t think someone like you would want to have anything to do with someone like me.”

That hurt. Truly hurt. Jenna wasn’t that shallow, but Ash wouldn’t have a clue how deep Jenna was. They hadn’t had a chance to get to know each other yet. She didn’t say anything, only reached across the table and laid her hand over Ash’s. She brushed the tips of her fingers over Ash’s knuckles.

“But I do, Ash,” she said. “I want to hang out with you and get to know you. I want us to be friends.”

“You do?” Ash frowned.

“Yeah, I really do. There’s something you need to know about me, though.”

“What?”

“I’m not white,” Jenna admitted. “My dad is white, but my mom is mixed. Her parents had an interracial relationship. Is that okay with you?”

“Yeah. Totally.” Ash wrapped her fingers around Jenna’s hand and gave it tender squeeze. “I’m not a racist.”

“I didn’t mean to insinuate you were. I just wanted to be honest with you.”

“Thanks.”

“So that’s all out of the way,” Jenna said with a laugh. “Now what do you want to do?”