Finding Ashlynn (5 page)

She eased her tongue inside Ash’s mouth—licking at the roof, licking over Ash’s teeth, licking everywhere and anywhere she could. Ash tasted like cotton candy and her lips felt like a little slice of heaven. It had to have been the most perfect, most sensual kiss Jenna had ever experienced, and when Ash slipped her fingers under the hem of Jenna’s shirt, Jenna thought she might die right there.

The warm palm against the side of her waist made Jenna gasp, which broke the kiss much sooner than she wanted to. She laid her hand over the ridge of fingers hiding under her shirt, slowly opened her eyes, and met Ash’s confused stare. In a breathy voice, Jenna said, “I don’t know if I’m ready for the beneath-the-clothes stuff just yet.”

Ash’s cheeks turned light pink, and she immediately removed her hands from Jenna’s body. She rolled her bottom lip beneath the top one, no doubt removing the evidence of their sweet kiss, then said a soft, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed.”

“Your assumption was justified, Ash. I mean, I do want you to touch me like that… eventually. I just want to be in love with you when we take this to the next level. I’ve always believed in that, ya know?”

“Are you a, um… a….”

“A virgin?”

Ash nodded.

“In every sense,” Jenna said. “I haven’t had sex with a girl or a guy. I’ve… never done
anything
.” Jenna put major emphasis on that last word just to make sure Ash really understood the depths of her virtue. She wanted Ash to realize when she finally took a relationship to
that
level, it would be something huge and meaningful. “I want to be madly in love with the first person I do it with, because I want it to matter, and I want to remember it forever.”

“I understand,” Ash said. She turned back around, legs dangling from the side of the bed.

She looked disappointed, and Jenna hated that, though it begged the question of Ash’s intentions. Did she just want to hang out with Jenna because she wanted to get some… whatever? Was Ash a virgin too, or did she have a little experience? Had she been with a guy or another girl? She’d said at the meeting she was questioning her sexuality. What did that mean? Was she just experimenting with girls, or…?

“Hey, Ash?” Jenna said, and Ash raised her head. “What about you? Are you a virgin?”

At first, Ash didn’t answer, and honestly, her hesitation gave her truth away on its own. She wondered if Ash planned to answer the question or if it would hang in the air, unapproached and unresolved. Would Jenna regret asking after she heard the answer?

The quiet lasted long enough for Jenna to start assuming the worst. She didn’t want to think of Ash as one of those slutty girls who slept with anyone and everyone. She didn’t want to think Ash might be using her and the group Jenna loved so much as an experiment. And just before Jenna’s imagination ran away with her, Ash said a hushed, “No.”

As stupid as it was, Jenna felt a slight thrust of disappointment. She sort of knew in the back of her mind she wouldn’t be Ash’s first—if they ever got to
that
point—but having Ash confirm the fact sucked, frankly. For the briefest moment, she’d imagined sharing that one important first with Ash. She wanted to be the first person to ever touch Ash in such an intimate way. Maybe, if nothing else, she could be the first girl. Or was the person Ash lost her virginity to a female?

And stupidly enough, now she wanted the details.

“Was it a guy or a girl?” Jenna asked as quietly as Ash had confessed.

“A guy.”

Ash shook her head a little, pinched her lips, and crooked them to the side as if she were chewing on the inside of her cheek. Without turning to face Jenna, she gave a sideways glance, sort of looking in Jenna’s general direction without looking her right in the eyes.

“It was like… seven or eight months ago, I guess. The band played this girl’s eighteenth birthday party, and it went over really well. Everyone loved us. Robbie, the singer, had her cousin there, and everyone in the band thought he was sooo hot.”

Ash paused long enough to roll her eyes.

“I didn’t. I just wanted to get out of there. I really hate high school parties. Well, Robbie was my ride home, and she was screwing with some cheerleader. They disappeared and the rest of the band had taken off already. That left me and the cousin, and we’d both been drinking whiskey—”

“You drink?” Jenna blurted, shock filling her voice.

“Not since that night.”

“Oh.”
God, that was good to know.

“Yeah, drinking made me have sex with some dude I didn’t know.” Ash sighed, let her head hang a little farther, and in a quieter voice, she said, “I’m not proud of that.”

The sadness and sorrow in her tone made Jenna lay her hand over Ash’s thigh. She rubbed little circles with the tip of her thumb. Apparently, she didn’t have to say anything, because Ash leaned against her and laid her head on Jenna’s shoulder.

It was comforting, having Ash lean on her like that, like Ash felt as though she could rely on Jenna for strength. Ash wouldn’t know it yet, but Jenna would give the girl anything she needed in the way of support—a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. She would be anything and everything Ash needed or wanted, as long as Ash could be patient and wait for their new relationship to blossom into something beautiful and lasting.

“Spend the night here,” Jenna softly suggested.
God, why did I do that?
Because she wasn’t ready to be alone again. She wasn’t ready to say good-bye.

Ash raised her head. Something about the way she looked at Jenna made it appear as though her bright-blue eyes were glistening. And those lips, those shimmering, kiss-swollen lips, and the way Ash looked so damn cute when she gave one of those small half smiles, made Jenna want to kiss her again.

“You wanna see my band practice?” Ash asked.

“I have my SATs tomorrow, then family dinner and….”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to—”

“No, I want to. I just can’t tomorrow, but you can still stay tonight.”

“I will,” Ash said. “I want to.”

Jenna’s lime-green sleep pants seemed to fit Ash perfectly, despite the extra height Jenna had on her. Ash stayed in her black fitted top and pulled her fading purple hair up into a ponytail high on her head. It showed off more of her face than normal, which she really didn’t care for. Normally, Ash hid behind a curtain of straight hair hanging down around her face. That was her comfort zone, a way to stay hidden from a world she really didn’t understand.

When she returned to the bedroom, she found Jenna lying on her side, curled around one of the many giant pillows she had on her bed. She looked so delicate and beautiful, like an angel with chocolate-colored curls spread out behind her head and a soft smile on her face. Her cheeks were rosy. Her pink lips slightly puckered.

Ash climbed into the bed beside Jenna. She didn’t make any assumptions about the amount of closeness Jenna wanted, even as she snuggled into the mound of blankets and burrowed into the pillow. She lay on her back staring up at the ceiling, silently praying for Jenna to make a move, to slide closer or touch her in that subtle, special way that meant she wanted Ash to hold her or vice versa.

Silky fingertips brushed over the top of her hand, and Ash turned her head. She found Jenna staring at her. “You okay?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Jenna said. “Was sort of hoping you wouldn’t sleep all the way over there.”

“Is this what you want?” Ash asked as she rolled toward Jenna and draped an arm around her body.

They were close enough Ash could smell the coconut lotion Jenna had used on her arms and shoulders. She could smell the mint in Jenna’s toothpaste and the flowers in Jenna’s shampoo. The ambrosia of the other girl’s scent was completely intoxicating and refreshing, and Ash would’ve gladly worn that smell home with her the next day just to feel closer to the first girl she’d ever wanted to have more than an innocent sleepover with.

Jenna eased one leg between Ash’s, pressing them closer together until Ash could feel the warmth of Jenna’s thigh against her girly bits. Everything started to tingle, from her feet to her hands. Everything started to feel warm, from her stomach to her face. As soon as Jenna’s cheek rested on her breast, Ash swallowed hard.

“
This
is what I want,” Jenna whispered.

And those were the words Ash wanted to hear.

She closed her eyes and settled her mind, body, and soul, took a deep breath and eventually, she fell asleep.

The next morning—with the light of the sun piercing the thin curtains hanging over the many windows in Jenna’s bedroom—Ash woke up, but she didn’t move. Jenna’s head still lay on her chest. Jenna’s arms still wrapped around her body, and for the life of her, she wasn’t ready to let go, to lose the feeling of finally having someone who cared enough to hold her through the night. It was the first time she’d cuddled so tightly with someone, slept beside someone, since her mother had left her all those years ago. And it fulfilled a need in Ash she never knew she had.

She pressed her lips to Jenna’s soft forehead, and the angel nestled in her arms made a quiet grumbling sound. Jenna raised her head only enough to kiss the bottom of Ash’s chin.

“Did you sleep okay?” Jenna asked.

“Better than I have since I was a kid,” Ash admitted.

“That’s good.”

“Yeah, it was. A nice change.”

Although Ash could see a million questions swirling in Jenna’s dark stare, Jenna didn’t ask why Ash didn’t sleep well. It was almost as if Jenna simply understood and asking painful questions didn’t seem like the best way to start their day. Ash loved her for that. Sincerely.

“I’m going to go home to shower and stuff,” Ash said.

“You could stay for breakfast,” Jenna said. “Mom and Dad always cook breakfast on Saturday morning.”

“Nah, I should probably get home. I need to see my pops before he heads off to work.”

“I understand,” Jenna said, though she sounded disappointed.

“I swear I’ll call you or whatever, and we’ll hook up later or something.”

The idea sounded incredible, but they both had stuff to do. Jenna had the whole SAT thing rocking and Ash had her band stuff to deal with. It didn’t look like hanging out was in the cards for them today, which was a real bummer considering the step their relationship had taken last night.

“I guess I should get going,” Ash finally said.

Before reluctantly climbing out of bed, she stole one last kiss from Jenna’s pouty lips.

She padded across the room, over to the dresser where she’d left her folded jeans. She didn’t think twice about dropping the lime-green cotton sleep pants she’d borrowed from Jenna last night, and it wasn’t until she felt the cool air brush across her thighs that she realized she didn’t have on anything but her black boy shorts and the fitted black tee she’d been wearing the night before. Being half-naked in front of her friends had never mattered before, but with Jenna it felt so incredibly different. It felt teasing and promising—wrong and so very right.

She glanced over her shoulder and found Jenna staring, the same grin still pushing dimples into her slightly rosy cheeks. But Jenna wasn’t staring up at Ash’s face or her eyes or even her lips. Jenna’s gaze traveled low, over the length of Ash’s legs, up higher past her thighs, higher until her eyes landed on the goodies that—up until this point—had always been hidden from Jenna’s sight.

Ash stepped into her jeans, then pulled them up her legs. She snapped everything into place, then spun on her heels and headed back over to the bed, grabbing her shoes from the middle of the floor on her way. She sat down and pulled a black dress flat onto each foot, then turned on the mattress enough to face Jenna again.

“It’s crazy,” Ash said, “but I kinda don’t want to go yet.”

“I know. I don’t want you to leave either.” Jenna sat up in the bed, pulling the blanket to her chest. “You don’t have to leave. You could stay.”

“I really should see my dad before he goes to work. I never told him I wouldn’t be home and I don’t want him to worry.”

“You could call him.”

“There’s no phone at the house.”

“Doesn’t he have a cell phone?”

Ash shook her head. “He got one for me because he didn’t want me to not have a way to call someone if the car broke down or if I was in trouble or whatever. It’s one of those prepaid jobbies. It has text, but that’s really it.”

“Oh,” Jenna said.

Ash realized Jenna probably didn’t get the concept of not having a phone, but thankfully, Jenna didn’t make a big deal out of it.

“So, um… I’m gonna go. I’ll see you later,” Ash said as she leaned forward, hoping Jenna would meet her halfway for a good-bye kiss.

Apparently, Jenna knew exactly what Ash wanted her to do, because she closed her eyes and parted her lips as she bowed her back and dropped her head low enough to catch Ash’s lips. The feel of their mouths touching again made Ash close her eyes as well. Instinct made her lift her hand and lovingly caress Jenna’s warm cheek. She swept her thumb across Jenna’s soft skin as she swept her tongue across Jenna’s moist lips. That brief, sweet kiss was just as incredible as it had been last night.

“I’ll call you later,” she whispered after the kiss broke.

“I’ll be waiting,” Jenna said.

And with that, Ash stood and left Jenna’s room.

I
T
had to be the slowest week in history, and what made it suck even more were the many, many miles between Ash’s and Jenna’s schools. Normally, Jenna didn’t go out during the week. She stayed home and studied until her eyes hurt and her temples pounded, or she would watch one of the many shows she’d become a fan of, even though she really had no love for TV.

Tonight, however, she wanted to see Ash.

The texts throughout Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday were great and all, and Ash was really good at making her laugh, but none of that held a candle to the way Ash made her feel when they hugged or kissed, when they were together and Jenna could actually reach out and touch her punky friend. It was Wednesday night now, and she wanted to see Ash’s smile, those adorable dimples, and the way Ash’s blue eyes lit up.