Finding Divine (30 page)

“That sounds lovely. I haven’t seen the children since your father died and I miss them so much. I’ve just been so busy trying to get your father’s things in order. As I told you at the funeral, he named me as executor of his will, but I’m letting our attorney handle most of it. I just haven’t had the heart for all this stuff. Harold would have had everything in order by now, but I’m just a mess.” Ann looked as if she would cry.

Seeing his mother like this only intensified his guilt. He should have been here helping her get the estate in order; at the very least Simon should have offered her comfort in this trying time.  “I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you like I should have. With Jen in another country, I should have stepped up to the plate, but I’ve let you down.”

Ann patted his hand in a comforting gesture. “It’s okay, dear. I know you’ve had a lot on your mind lately. I’m glad you’re here now.”

“I thought you’d be mad at me,” he confessed.

“Whatever for?”

“For…well, I didn’t really give Dad a chance. He tried to make amends but I pushed him away. In the end, I had the power to change things between us, but I blew it.”

“Well, to be honest, I’m a little disappointed the two of you couldn’t come to some kind of meeting of the minds, but I understand. No one knows better than me what your father was like. I can’t say he was perfect.”

“Dad and I had our differences, but I should have been mature enough to accept the olive branch he’d extended. It’s not like my life has been completely spotless. The last years of Dad’s life, I didn’t exactly make things easy for either one of you.”

Again, she patted his hand as if to say she understood. “I know, but you were in a lot of pain. I still feel badly for how things were handled after Jason was killed. It was my idea to put you in that program and keep you away from the trial. Not your father’s.”

“Why?”

Unshed tears lingered in his mother’s eyes. “I didn’t want to see you go away. I was scared for you. When you told us about it, I felt it was our responsibility to protect you. There’s something else I wanted to shed a little light on.”

“What?”

“You already know your father had a hard time bonding with you because he didn’t believe you were his at first.”

“Yes?”

“Well, I’m the one who put it in his head. I threw it in his face several times how you weren’t his. I was angry about all his affairs, but I didn’t realize he’d direct his anger toward you until it was too late. I think deep down he knew you were his but he was too obstinate to have a paternity test done. And when Jennifer came along, you and her looked so much alike, there was no doubt of who your father is. ”

Simon couldn’t bring himself to be angry about it. If he’d learned anything from his father’s death, it was holding grudges ultimately only hurt the one who held the grudge. “Its okay, Mom. I understand your reasoning. Being a father myself, I know I’d probably do the same for my children if I had the means.”

“You’re not angry with me?” she asked.

“No. It’s in the past and I want to live in the present. Speaking of the present, there’s something I need to say to you that I should have said a long time ago.”

Apprehension entered his mother’s eyes. “What?” she asked warily.

Simon took a deep breath. “I love you.”

She gasped, her eyes widening in surprise and disbelief. “What did you say?”

Simon walked over to the sofa and took a seat next to her. “I think you heard me just fine, but since you want me to repeat it, I’ll say it again: I love you.”

A tear slid from his mother’s eye.

He reached out and wiped it away. “Why are you crying?”

“I…I didn’t expect this.”

“Mom, I don’t want to make the mistake with you I made with Dad. I also feel I owe you an apology for all the times I rejected you when you tried to reach out to me. I’m sorry I hurt you.”

She smiled behind the tears. “Thank you, Simon.”

“I think Dad would be pleased to know you and I can finally have that relationship we never had.”

Ann leaned her head on Simon’s shoulder. “I miss him so much, Simon.”

Wrapping his arms around his mother, he held her close, rocking her in his arms while she sobbed softly. “Shh, it’s okay.” He smoothed her hair away and offered her the solace she needed. Simon realized that in her own misguided way, his mother had been trying to help him when she’d made that  fateful decision.

And as for taunting his father about Simon’s paternity, he figured she had to have been in a lot of pain to say something so hurtful. He didn’t condone it, but he understood. By his own admission, Harold Lange had not always been the most faithful of husbands, so it stood to reason his mother had said the things she did to cover her own pain.

Simon never knew how freeing it was to forgive, and truly let go of the anguish.

“Just before your father died, he wanted me to relay a message to you,” his mother sniffed.

“What did he say?”

“He said he loved you, and he’s very proud of you.”

Those words were bittersweet. They were what he’d wanted to hear from his father since he was a child. Now Simon would never actually hear the words spoken. A lump formed in his throat. “I loved him too.”

“He knew.”

“Even after the way I treated him?”

“Yes. Remember the night he’d had his first heart attack? You came to the hospital that night. There was fear in your eyes, fear for his condition. Oh, you pretended you didn’t care, but it was obvious you did. He saw it then, and it gave him hope and made him strong. It was probably that hope that had actually given him that extra time with us.”

“I feel responsible for his death.”

“Sweetheart, you can’t blame yourself for that. He had a weak heart. If the truth be known, the doctors didn’t expect him to survive the first attack. It was miraculous to them how he’d held on so long. I think he wanted to see the twins, and when he finally did…well…”

“So the two of you knew he was on borrowed time?”

“Yes, but…Harold didn’t want me to say anything. He didn’t want you to come to him out of obligation. He was prideful until the end. That’s why I set up that meeting with him and Jessica in the park.”

Simon felt like a grade-A asshole. In this game of life he realized no one was completely without blame. Goodness knows he’d certainly contributed to the mess. “I’m glad he got to see them before he passed.”

“Me too. It really meant a lot to him. He also told me how happy he was to see that you’d be a better father to them than he was to you.”

“I wish I had told him I cared before he died. I guess that’s why I always carried so much anger inside me, because I never stopped.”

“I know.” She gave him a hug and slowly pulled away.  “So, how are Jessica and the babies?”

“The three of them are great. The twins are growing like weeds. They both have their bottom teeth and they gnaw on anything they can get their little hands on.”

There was a brief pause, before his mother gave him an earnest look. “And how are you and Jessica doing…is there any hope of the two of you being together again?”

Simon’s heart fluttered as he thought of Jessica. “We’ve come to an understanding for now. There’re still some things we need to work out, but I’m hopeful we’ll be a couple again one day.”

“Then I wish you both happiness. Wait here a second. There’s something your father wanted me to give to you.” She left him briefly.

He wondered what it was his father had left him. Simon had already expressed to his mother there was nothing he needed from the estate as he had plenty of his own money from running a successful business. The last time he spoke to his sister, she had expressed an interest in starting a family with her husband. He’d already told his mother he’d sign away any monetary inheritance coming his way over to Jennifer.

Ann came back carrying a small velvet box, and right away Simon knew what it was. “That’s not…?”

His mother nodded. “Yes.  And it’s yours to give to Jessica when the time is right.”

“I can’t take it.” He shook his head, feeling humbled by the gift.

She pressed it into his hands. “You can and you will. Your father wanted you to have it. He’d always intended to give it to you when you found that special someone, and I can’t think of a more worthy recipient than Jessica.”

Again, he found himself nearly choked with emotion as he opened the box. Inside was the Lange diamond, a five-carat emerald cut white diamond engagement ring surrounded by canary diamond baguettes. It had been passed down to the first born son in the Lange family for the past three generation. This would be the ring he would one day give his son Jason. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Just say you’ll be happy.”

“If Jessica will have me. I’ll be very happy indeed.”

Ann held out her arms to him.

He went into her embrace, and felt the peace he’d long sought. With this special gift, he knew he’d also had his father’s love and it was fully returned.

CHAPTER TWENTY NINE

Marie pulled up into Keith’s driveway and then parked.

This was it. She’d been postponing this moment for days, and she had no valid excuse to continue doing so. It was now or never. The worst that could happen was rejection, but she’d learn to deal with it.

Stubborn pride had kept her away from him all this time, but no more. The longer the situation was left to fester, the greater the possibility of a reconciliation not happening. Taking a deep breath, she slid out of the car, hoping the outcome would turn out her way. The closer she got to the door, the harder her heart pounded. She could practically hear the blood rush within her body.

It seemed to take forever for Keith to answer the door, but when he did, He raised his brows in surprise. “Marie, what are you doing here?”

Marie smiled, hoping he’d realize it was sincere. She always felt bubbly inside whenever she was around this man. Her knees shook as her gaze raked his dark chocolate face. God, she hoped it wasn’t too late for the two of them.

“I wanted to see you.”

He frowned, still not showing any pleasure from her visit. “That much is obvious, but why?”

She gulped. This was going to be as easy as she imagined. “I was hoping you’d let me come in so we can talk.”

“Didn’t we do all our talking weeks ago?”

“I think there’s more that needs to be said.”

He released a ragged sigh. “This isn’t a really good time, Marie.”

“Why not? I didn’t see another car in your driveway.”

“No you didn’t, but it doesn’t mean I don’t have company.”

She didn’t expect him to be happy to see her but she didn’t expect his combativeness. The old Marie would have turned on her heel and gone off to lick her wounds, but the new Marie wouldn’t give up on her man without a fight.

“Please, Keith, I only ask for a few minutes of your time.”

He gave her a long accessing stare and said nothing.

She thought she’d crack beneath the intensity of that dark gaze, but Marie stood her ground. “Please,” she asked again, her voice barely above a whisper.

Keith stepped back just enough to allow her inside. “Fine, but if you don’t mind, I’d like you to keep this visit short. I have plans for later.”

She took a seat on the sofa, and waited for him to sit down before speaking. “Do your plans include another woman?” She had no business asking but she couldn’t help it.

The stormy expression on Keith’s face said it all. He didn’t appreciate being questioned. “What does it matter to you? We’re divorced. You no longer have the right to question me about who I choose to spend my time with.”

She lowered her lids and bowed her head, humbling herself before him. “You’re right. I don’t, but I am interested because…I was wondering if we could maybe start where we left off. I’ve done some soul-searching and I’m trying to change how I treat people and how I react to things. I’m trying to be a better person and I hope you’ll give me another chance.” Marie held her breath as she waited for him to reply, but when none came she raised her head to meet his gaze. “Didn’t you hear what I said?”

“Yes,” he sighed. “But haven’t you heard the expression ‘too little too late?’ What you did and said to Jessica made me realize you’re never going to change. No matter what’s going on, you’ll make the situation all about you. I don’t think I can deal with that any longer.”

His words cut her deep, but it was no less than she deserved. Marie realized that it may already be too late for her and Keith, but she still had to try. “I’ve talked to Jessica and we’re going to work things out. I was out of line with her. I knew it then but I guess I’ve become so set in my ways, I didn’t know how to apologize…until recently. You say it’s too little too late, but I don’t think it’s ever too late to say you’re sorry, and I am. I really am. I—” She broke off, choked with emotion. She struggled to keep herself from crying.