Finding Ever After (3 page)

           
“Look, I’m sorry I don’t mean to lecture you and reprimand you, but you just
don’t know what it was like to watch him miss you every day. The last three
years were huge for him and he was expecting you to be here for all the things
you missed. I think that’s even the reason he’s still putting off proposing to
his girlfriend, he wanted to make sure you were here for that.”

           
“What? Proposing? ”

           
Bas was getting engaged?

           
He had just broken up with that wench Amy when I left. Wow. I had tried to keep
up with his college life, stalking the school networking sites and online
newspapers, but I really had missed a lot.

           
“Yeah, she’s a real sweet girl, they’ve been together for about two years,
he’s
got the ring and everything.”

           
“Well I’m here now.” I wasn’t sure what my future held or where I would end up,
but being back here and realizing how much had happened in my absence, I knew I
wouldn’t be able to leave it behind so hastily again, no matter what.

           
“Yeah, you are and you should probably talk to him soon before he hears it from
someone else.”

           
“I will. Do you know where I can find him?”

           
“Yeah, I do. He’ll be at Great Scott tonight. Christian found himself a band
and they play there pretty regularly. I know they’re playing there tonight.”

           
I couldn’t say I was surprised that Bas’ older brother joined a
band,
he was always driving us nuts, beating on his drum
kit. Part of the reason he spent so much more time over at their mom’s house
when we were kids was because it was big enough that no one there had to be
bothered by the noise.

           
“Thanks, I’ll head over there.” I let out a deep
breathe
.
“I’m just afraid he won’t want anything to do with me now.”

           
“He will. He might be mad as hell at you, but he still loves you too much not
to get over it. That’s why he‘s so angry
darlin
. It
may just take some time.”

           
“I hope so.”

           
“I’ll get out of your hair so you can do what you need to do, but eventually I
would like to hear about where you’ve been girl. For now I’ll just be glad
you’re back, but I’m here when you’re ready to give some of those answers.”

           
“I will; I promise I’ll tell you everything.” Satisfied with my promise, he
turned to leave.
“Oh, and Mr. Cross.”

           
“Yeah?”

           
“I missed you guys, so much, and I’m glad I’m home too.” He flashed me a smile
of fatherly affection and walked out the door. Hopefully Bas would be equally
forgiving.

           
The door closed behind him and I turned to face the rest of the house. Looking
at the familiar rooms and objects that were a part of shaping my childhood, I
knew I could let the memories wrap around me, but at this point I would only
drown in them. I had struggled in the last three years to work through my grief
and get to a place where I could think about her without shutting down or
falling apart.

           
I wasn’t a scared, confused twelve year old anymore and I knew there really was
so much of her left here and that, without a doubt, I would see and feel her in
every inch of this place we made a home together. That was more that I was
ready to deal with all at once. For now I would take it one step at a time, and
the first step was to get out of my travel clothes, take a shower, and go see
if I still had a best friend. If I could convince Sebastian not to hate me,
then I should be able to handle anything.

           
The drive from Needham into the part of Boston where the bar is, took me just
over half an hour, and by the time I found a place to park it was almost nine.
Once again I found myself sitting in my car looking for some courage. My fear
of Bas’ reaction was ultimately outweighed by my need to see him, even if he
yelled at me or refused to speak to me or did one of the million other awful
things I had imagined him doing on the drive over.

           
I took one last look at myself in the mirror. I’m not usually so concerned with
how I look, but I was uncommonly nervous tonight. I have my insecurities at times,
with my appearance, but generally I feel pretty okay about myself. I know I’m
not
ugly,
I look too much like my mom to ever be that.
She looked like an angel, and my dad might be a world class scumbag but he’s an
attractive scumbag. I don’t fit the model figure or have an athletic build, I’m
too soft, even though I played soccer most of my life, but my frame is still
slender. Thankfully I have my mom’s delicate nose and her smile. My hair fell
in the same soft waves
her’s
had to the small of my
back. No matter how much I wanted to reinvent myself after I took off, I could
never bring myself to cut it. It did look like a
Crayola
bomb went off in it though, dyed different shades of blue, green and turquoise,
with pink and purple streaked through it.

           
My hair is a tad out there on the crazy scale but the rest of my look is less
extreme. I was rocking grey skinny pants that hugged my legs and accentuated
the barely there curves I have, with a pair of black Chuck Taylor’s, a fitted
black Johnny Cash tee and my well loved leather jacket.

           
Great Scott was always known for drawing a crowd, especially on nights like
tonight, when they boasted live music. That much hadn’t changed. I squeezed
past the group of smokers loitering around the entrance and after paying the
cover charge, I was immediately surrounded by a sea of bodies, most of them
college age, which is pretty typical of bars in the Allston area.

           
Even with my unusual hair, my look was still pretty tame compared to some around
me. There were half naked girls and guys with spikes in their hair and more
metal in their faces than you would find in a welding shop. There were frat
boys, and sorority girls from the universities and every other group you would
find on campus from the hipsters to the jocks.

           
Some of them were moving and swaying to the beat of the music coming from the
two girls with guitars up on stage. Other groups were standing around the bar
talking, trying to be heard over the music, which definitely wasn’t bad. The
song they were playing had a good beat and catchy
lyrics,
I would have to check them out more after I took care of what I came here to
do. I moved closer to the bar so I could look out and try to spot him, but it
was packed and did I see any familiar faces. However there were posters all
over the place promoting a band called Ashes and Embers, that would
going
on stage later in the night. I wondered if that was
Chris’ band. They must be popular to bring in a crowd this size. I was forced to
break off from my search when a masculine voice sounded from right next to me.

           
“Do you like the band?” I looked over to see one of the typical frat boy types
on my right, leaning against the bar with a beer in his hand. He had been
talking with a group of guys gathered at the bar, but it appeared that he had
zeroed in on me and was now trying to make his move. He was going to be
disappointed tonight. He wasn’t bad looking, a good head taller than my 5’5 and
probably an athlete. He was actually pretty attractive with his sandy blonde
hair and baby blues and it helped that he wasn’t giving off a creeper vibe. But
he still wasn’t my type, and that’s not what I came here for.

           
“Yeah, they’re pretty good.” I replied trying to decide the best way to get out
of making small talk that wasn’t going to lead anywhere.

           
“I’ve heard them play at a couple of time around here, they’re pretty decent.
I’m Derek, what’s your name?” I turned to face him and mustered up the sweetest
smile I could so he wouldn’t be offended when I blew him off.

           
“
Jaxyn,
and it was nice to meet you Derek, but I’m
actually looking for . . .” I froze when I heard his boisterous voice coming
from a few yards behind me. Even with the loud music and noisy crowd, I would
never mistake that voice. It’s the same one that whispered to me through the
tin can telephone we strung between our bedrooms as kids so that we could talk
even after being sent to
bed,
and the same one cheered
the loudest from the bleachers at my soccer games in high school. Oh God how I
had missed hearing that voice every day. I turned, completely forgetting Derek
and his attempts at flirting, and there he was.
         

           
During my brief conversation with Derek, the crowd had shifted, and now a table
full of guys was visible. I could see his profile, laughing at something one of
the others must have said. They were facing the stage, so I could make my way
toward them without him noticing right away.

           
The guy sitting next to him was the first to notice my approach and as he
shifted his attention toward me I was met with a dark pair of eyes that held a
mischievous twinkle, and a close shaven head. I could see the markings of a
tattoo peaking out around the collar of his long sleeved flannel. When I
continued to move toward them, now just two feet away, a cocky grin spread
across his face causing the other three to notice his attention.
had
shifted They all looked to see what, or who, had caught
his gaze.

           
“Hey sweetheart, why don’t you come over here and sit on my lap.” He offered
just as the last pair of eyes met mine, and I didn‘t even acknowledge the other
guy's pass. Recognition was immediate and he was out of his chair and standing
there right in front of me a second later.

           
“Jazz.”
His voice was a mixture of shock and
apprehension. It wasn’t the warm, enthusiastic reunion I had hoped for, but I
knew walking in here how unlikely that was. My name caused a few whispers of
recognition at the table. I guess they knew who I was.

           
“Hey Bas.”
I released a breath I hadn’t realized I’d
been holding.

           
“Hey Bas?”
He echoed. “What the fuck Jazz?” I could
see the anger building in those ochre eyes. I knew I deserved it, but it still
hurt.

           
“I know.” I whispered meekly.

           
“The fuck you do,
Jazz
. The fuck you do.” His jaw
tensed and he burned with a barely suppressed fury that I knew was going to be
unleashed on me any second. I wasn’t the only to detect it.

           
“So you’re the infamous Jazz?” Mr. cocky smirk asked trying to cut in before
things escalated. I had to force my eyes away from Bas’ searing gaze.

           
“No, I’m Jaxyn.” Nobody but Bas calls me Jazz.

           
“But he called you Jazz.”

           
“Yeah he does. You don’t.”

           
“Whatever you say sweetheart.
I’m Damien, but everyone
calls me Spade. I don’t much care what you call me, but I look forward to
hearing you scream it later.” My eyebrows shot up and my jaw dropped. I didn’t
even know what to say to that. Thankfully Bas saved me from having to say
anything,
otherwise I would have stood there with my mouth
wide open, speechless.

           
“Watch it Spade.” Bas growled.

           
“What man? Your girl’s got a body that was made for-”

           
“Shut the hell up man and leave the poor girl alone.” The guy sitting in the
seat
opposite,
cut him off. While he continued my eyes
took in his features. “Sorry about that jackass, his mama didn’t teach him any
manners.” His smile was nice, and genuine. I immediately liked him better than
Spade. He had long black hair tied back at the nape of his neck and sported
several piercings on his pretty face.

“I’m Andrew, but everyone calls me Ace and this is my
cousin Danny.” He said, indicating the third guy at the table, with just as
much metal in his face and several wicked looking tattoos extending up his neck
and covering his shaved head. He gave a terse nod but didn’t have the chance to
speak.

           
“I prefer wiseass, and my mother did teach me manners," Spade
contradicted, "I just didn’t listen.” He winked at me as if I would find
him charming. I glanced back at Bas who was still standing beside me glowering
at Spade.

           
“It’s great to meet you
Jaxyn,
our boy has told us a
lot about you. Of course we all thought he was just making you up. He talked
about you so much we actually joked about you being a rare mythical creature,
like a unicorn. It’s nice to know you really do exist. He would never show us
any pictures, but now I see why.” Ace grinned but it wasn’t the same as Spade’s
lecherous one.

           
“Yeah, because she’s a fucking hot, rainbow unicorn.
Tell me, do you taste like skittles?” Spade winked at me again, this guy
clearly had no shame.

           
“Okay, that’s enough.” Sebastian interjected. “You and
me
need to talk, outside.
Now.”
I gave a dejected wave as
he dragged me toward the exit and the verbal smack down I knew was coming. Once
we made it through the crowd and out the doors he prodded me past the smokers
around the side of the building.

           
“Three years Jazz. Three years of nothing, not a letter or a phone call or even
a damn text message to let me know you were alright, and then you walk in here
with your puppy dog eyes and your
‘Hey Bas.’
like I’m just supposed to
accept that and go on like this hasn’t been the most awful three years of my
life.”

           
“Don’t you think you’re being just a little dramatic Bas?”

           
“Are you serious right now?”

           
“Yeah.
I know you worried, and I’m sorry for that, but
you’re life couldn’t have been that awful while I was gone. You’re doing so
well in school, I saw you made the Dean’s list every semester and you’ve been
tearing it up on the Lacrosse team, I’m so proud of you Bas. I heard you‘ve
even got a serious girlfriend.”

           
“Oh so you got to check up on me, but you didn’t think I deserved to even know
where you were. Well you don’t know shit Jazz. I had to throw myself into
school and Lacrosse to stop myself from spending every damn minute worrying
about my best friend. You know how many times Chris or my Dad had to talk me
down from just saying screw it all and taking off to look for you? I didn’t
have a damn clue where to even start. They can tell you what a grade a jackass and
moody bastard I was for the entire first year you were gone.

“So much happened Jazz, and you were supposed to be
here for it. You were supposed to be there on move in day at the dorms, and you
should have been there when I failed my first exam and thought I was going to
have to change my major because there was no way I was cut out for it, and you
should have been in those fucking stands screaming your head off every time I
scored on the field. But you weren’t. You weren’t here. You were God knows where.”
He wasn’t holding anything back, and I could finally see the depth of betrayal
he felt.

           
“Oregon.” I muttered.

           
“What?”

           
“I was in Oregon. Well I was in a lot of places at first but I ended up in
Portland and that’s where I was for most of the time.” I knew it didn’t count
for much now. It was a little late, but I just needed him to stop so I could
figure out where to start my apology and how to explain the choices I made; why
I had to do it the way I did.

           
My feeble proclamation seemed to have the desired effect. Residual indignation
burned in his eyes, but he was attempting to reign in his temper. More than
anything his expression was
on
of exasperation.

           
“Please just tell me. Make me understand how you could do that to me, to all of
us who care about you. You know I wasn’t the only you left
behind,
Vi was pretty torn up too. So how could you leave us waiting for you to show up
at that party while you snuck out town like you were fleeing hell?”

           
“I was.” He frowned.

           
“What do you mean?”

           
“I was fleeing hell, Bas. My life had been hell for a long time.”

           
“I know sperm donor’s place was bad,” He had always refused to refer to Jack as
my dad, and he was right, he wasn’t much of a father at all. “But you were
practically living with us after . . .” Yeah we both knew all about the
‘after’.

           
“You say you know, but Bas, really you don’t. It wasn’t just my dad or Connor.
It was everything, I
couldn’t hardly
breathe. I think
it had been that way since the day my mom died and it just got worse until I
was suffocating. I never grieved her. After her funeral I was so scared, I
didn’t know what was going to happen to me. I just buried everything down to
deal with later
.
Only later never came. I was
twelve years old and had to process going from a loving home with my mother to
that group housing. For two months I was just a case number while they tried to
figure out who my father was. Then going to live with him; the man I had
despised my entire life, who had nothing but disdain for me. I was shattered
Bas, and I stayed that way. You saw how I changed. I know you did. I wasn't
living, I
was barely just existing
.”