Finding Home (10 page)

I sat there for a moment and I knew I probably looked like an idiot with my mouth hanging open.  My heart was pounding as his words echoed in my ears.  A slow smile spread on his face as he reached up, stroking my cheek with his thumb as his fingers curled into my hair, pulling me towards him.  I didn’t fight him. I went willingly and when our lips met, the feeling traveled through my entire body, warming me from head to toe and I felt tears stinging the backs of my eyes.  I think it’s different when you’ve known someone practically your whole life.  Feelings like this usually have to grow.  They take time, but in our case, they’d been there all along, hidden amongst years of friendship and missed chances.  I think something had always been there between us, even if we hadn’t been aware of it and I was almost certain I was in love with Brandon too.

“I think I might be in love with you too, Brandon Seaver,” I said softly when he’d pulled back.  He looked happy and content and then he laughed quietly, resting his forehead against mine.

“Then it’s settled.  No more questions.  We’re gonna try this thing,” he said, his voice low and soft and it made me tingle.  He needed me and I needed him and we’d just have to see where it all would lead.

Nine

We leaned back in our chairs, a calm between us that hadn’t been there before.  Since the day in my kitchen when we’d first kissed, there’d been confusion between us.  We weren’t quite sure what we were, but now we knew.  We were an us, and I, for one, was having a hard time wrapping my head around that fact. 

He held my hand, stroking the back of it with his thumb, before turning to me.

“Want another s’more?”

“I can’t turn that down,” I said, knowing I was making a pig of myself, but I didn’t care.

Brandon stood up, walking over to get another marshmallow.  He skewered it onto the stick and then turned to walk back to me. 

“Here you g…” he began, but the words never finished coming out because a loud popping sound erupted and it didn’t stop.  It just started coming like bullets firing over and over as sparks of light flashed in the distance.  My heart was pounding and I didn’t know what was going on.  I looked around frantically, but then I felt a crushing weight on top of me and I was falling to the ground in my chair.  My face hit the dirt with such a thud I felt my teeth shake and I could hardly breathe as the weight remained on top of me, blocking out all the light so I was laying in darkness.

“Get down!” Brandon’s voice yelled through the popping that was still going.  His voice was deep and so loud that it echoed in my ears and I’d never heard a tone like that from him before.  It was ordered and determined.  I froze for a moment, trying to figure out what the hell was going on, but then I started moving beneath him, trying to get him off of me.

“Brandon!” I yelled out, but it was obvious he didn’t hear me when his weight only got heavier.

“Stay the fuck down!” he ordered me and my body went limp, knowing there was nothing I could do.  Brandon was over six feet tall and practically solid muscle.  There was no way I could fight him off and I’d never felt so helpless.  I wasn’t scared for myself, but for him as I realized he was in the middle of a flashback or something.  His mind wasn’t here with me, but on the other side of the world where he’d nearly lost his life.  I felt the tears forming in my eyes and then the popping started to fade off.

“What is going on?” The loud voice belonged to Mr. Seaver and I could hear feet trampling down the wooden steps of the cabin and then the sound of them scraping against the ground, making their way towards us. 

“Get down!” Brandon continued to yell, but he remained on top of me.

“Brandon!” Mrs. Seaver cried out and I could hear the fear in her voice. “Brandon!  You’re hurting Mandy!”

There was a scuffle then and I could feel the weight lifting off me.  It wasn’t going easily though.  He was fighting it and when there was enough space between his body and mine, I used the opportunity to scurry out from under him. 

I stopped a few feet away, still on my hands and knees, looking up at Brandon.  His dad and uncle were on either side of him, holding him up by the arms while he continued to thrash against them.

“Brandon, honey.  Calm down.” Mrs. Seaver was in front of him now, stroking his cheek as tears fell down her face. “It’s okay, baby.” Her voice was quiet and calm, but quivering at the same time and I just sat there, trying to catch my breath and watching as his mom worked to calm him down.  He looked terrified and angry; his face contorted in a way that scared the hell out of me. 

“What the fuck are you guys doing?” he continued to yell, his chest heaving as he continued to struggle against his dad and uncle. 

“Shhh,” Mrs. Seaver continued, doing all she could to calm him and I held my breath as I watched, praying he would calm down and realize he was safe.  Eventually, he stopped fighting and his body relaxed and I started to breathe again. 

“What’s going on?  What the hell happened?” he asked, his eyes darting around as his breathing continued long and labored.  His eyes looked possessed almost and he seemed lost, but then his eyes caught mine and locked on them.  He looked terrified. “Mandy!” he called out and I moved slowly to my feet. “Let me go.” His voice was calm now and I knew he was back in the present.  They held his arms for a few more seconds, but then they let him go.  He looked around at his family who were all staring at him, their mouths open in shock after what they’d just witnessed. 

His eyes returned to mine and then he started towards me.  He stopped after a few steps and I could tell he was afraid I didn’t want him to come near me.  He thought I was scared of him.  I wasn’t afraid of him though.  I wanted nothing more than to hold him and tell him everything would be alright.  He remained standing there, but when I started walking toward him, his feet started moving again and a second later we were together.  He didn’t say anything to me.  He just wrapped his arms around me, burying his face in my hair, squeezing me tightly.

“I’m so sorry, Mandy.  So fuckin’ sorry.” I could hear the urgency in his voice as he held onto me. 

“It’s okay,” I said softly, stroking his back with my fingers.

He didn’t say anything else.  He just continued to hold me and then I heard laughing from off in the distance.  Brandon must’ve heard it too because he loosened his grip on me and he turned around to see where it was coming from.  I could see two figures appearing from the field in front of the cabin and the laughter was flowing from them.  I felt Brandon stiffen as he glared at the guys. 

“Was that the two of you?” Mr. Seaver’s voice bellowed and the guys laughed again. 

“We were just trying to scare you guys,” the taller one said.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Jim started in on them too.

“We just thought some roman candles would be a good way to make an entrance,” the other one said and then I felt Brandon stiffen even more before he suddenly bolted from my side, charging towards the guys, plowing into the bigger one as they tumbled to the ground.

“Hey!” Mr. Seaver shouted as he and Jim ran to where the boys were tussling on the ground. 

“Brandon!  Stop it!” Mrs. Seaver cried as I watched Brandon’s hand fly into the air, poised to meet the other boy’s face, before the smaller boy pulled it back, keeping him from going through with it. 

I couldn’t move as I watched Mr. Seaver, Jim and the other boy pull Brandon off and it wasn’t an easy task, just as it hadn’t been earlier when they’d pulled him off me.

“What the fuck, Jeff?  What the fuck’s your problem?  Fucking asshole!” Brandon was yelling and I realized the two boys were his cousins.

“Chill out, Brandon!” Jeff shot back, standing up and brushing the dust off his clothes. 

“Everybody, just stop!” Mrs. Seaver’s voice cut through all the ruckus and everyone was quiet.

“Get inside,” Sherry said, pointing to the house, directing her sons where to go.  Jeff and Clint just glared at Brandon as they went into the cabin, followed by their parents, leaving just Brandon, his grandparents and Mr. and Mrs. Seaver while I hung back. 

“Get a hold of yourself, Brandon,” Mrs. Seaver said a few moments later and I could see the frustration on Brandon’s face. 

“I’m sorry, Mom.  I just…they just…”

“I know, honey,” she said, taking his face in her hands, staring into his eyes. “I know it scared you, but you’re okay.  Everything’s okay.” I felt the tears in my eyes again as I watched his face soften and I saw his lip start to tremble and then he lost it.  He practically fell into Mrs. Seaver’s arms and he started sobbing so hard I could hear him all the way from where I stood.  I could feel the pain with each gasp of his breath and then I blinked and I felt the warmth of my own tears stream down my face as I watched him falling apart. 

Brandon and his mom stayed like that, huddled together until I heard his breathing slow down and he was calm again.  His parents led him away towards the cabin and he kept his eyes down the whole time, never looking at me as he lumbered up the stairs and disappeared inside. 

I just stood there, not knowing what I should do and then my eyes focused on the displaced chair I’d been sitting in earlier.  I went over to it, deciding the least I could do was straighten up the mess that had been caused.

“Don’t worry about that, dear,” his grandmother said to me, and I felt her gently take my arm.  I looked up into her wrinkled, kind face and she was trying to give me a reassuring smile. “We’ll take care of this later.”

“No, please.  Let me clean this up,” I pleaded, wiping my eyes. 

She just nodded, knowing I wanted to help in some way.  She and I straightened everything up while Brandon’s grandfather doused the fire in the pit and soon we were done.  Looking around, you wouldn’t have any idea what had happened here just a few minutes before. 

“Let’s go in now,” his grandmother said, taking my arm and together we walked inside. 

Jeff and Clint were sitting side by side in the loveseat, looking glum and annoyed.  Their parents were sitting across from them and they didn’t look happy.  I was nervous as we entered the great room and Brandon’s cousins looked up at me as his grandmother motioned for me to sit down. 

“We didn’t mean any harm,” Jeff said.

“I don’t want to hear another word from you two,” Jim glared.

“Dad…” Clint whined.

“I mean it.  Not another word.”  Jim’s words were stern and I knew his sons would keep their mouths shut unless directed to speak.

“What would even make you think that was a good idea?” their grandfather asked.

“We thought it’d be funny,” Clint answered.

“How would that be funny?  It scared all of us.  Do you know how that must’ve felt for Brandon?” Sherry chimed in and I watched as Jeff and Clint adjusted themselves in their seats uncomfortably. 

“We weren’t thinking.  I had the fireworks sitting in my car and thought we’d make an entrance.”

“Oh, you made an entrance all right, Jeff,” their mom scoffed. “We told you Brandon might be sensitive to loud noises and startles.  He’s being treated for PTSD for God’s sake.  How could you be so insensitive?” I could hear the disgust in Sherry’s voice and then the room grew quiet and I became uncomfortable when Jeff’s eyes settled on me.

“This is Brandon’s friend, Mandy,” his grandmother said and Jeff just nodded.

“Good to meet you,” he mumbled.

“Likewise,” I said and then it was quiet again as I looked around, wondering where Brandon and his parents were.

“Would anybody like some ice cream?” I looked up and saw his grandmother was trying to put the incident from earlier behind us.

“Sure.  Let me help, Grandma,” Jeff said, standing up and I figured Jeff might not be all bad after all.

A few minutes later, they were passing out bowls to everyone and soon the metallic clanking of spoons scraping against the bowls was filling the silence.

My bowl was nearly empty when Mr. and Mrs. Seaver reappeared.  Brandon was noticeably missing though.  Mrs. Seaver looked sad and tired and as soon as she could, she took a seat, which happened to be on the cushion next to me.  Mr. Seaver stood above her, resting his hand on her shoulder. 

“How is he?” I asked quietly and she just looked at me, resting her hand on my knee.

“He’s resting.”

“We’re sorry, Aunt Melissa,” Jeff said and I saw Mrs. Seaver look up at her nephew. 

“I know you didn’t mean any harm, boys,” she sighed. “Brandon’s just…he’s a little different than before he left.”

“Is he okay?” Clint asked.

“He will be,” she answered and I waited for her to say more. “Are you okay, Jeff?”

“I’m fine.  I’ll kick his ass tomorrow,” Jeff said and I was relieved when everyone let out a little chuckle, including Mrs. Seaver.

I finished my ice cream and when I was done, I went to the kitchen, washing it and putting it in the drying rack. 

“I’m a little tired.  Would you mind if I went to bed?” I asked when I was done and I didn’t think anyone was surprised at my question. 

“Of course not,” Mrs. Seaver said, standing up as I said goodnight to everyone. 

I followed her up the stairs and then down the hall.  I looked to the loft where Brandon was supposed to be sleeping, but he wasn’t there.  I figured they’d put him in one of the bedrooms somewhere. 

“I just wanted to come and check on you, Mandy,” Mrs. Seaver said as we walked into the den. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.  Thanks,” I told her, my voice soft and overly positive.

“No, you’re not,” she said, putting her hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry you had to see that.  It was only a matter of time though.”

“Has this happened before?”

“Not like this.  Not this bad,” she said and we both sat down on the bed. “Sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night from the nightmares.  Sometimes he’s yelling or crying and sometimes he’s just full of sweat.”

“I didn’t know,” I said. “He’s seemed so…so okay since he’s been back.  I didn’t realize…” I said, my voice trailing off.

“He puts on a good show,” she said and I felt so guilty for not realizing the inner turmoil Brandon was struggling with.

“What can I do to help him?” I asked, wiping a tear from my eye.

“Just be there, the way you have been.  He just seems better after he’s been with you.”

“He looked so scared, Mrs. Seaver.”