Finding London (Flawed Heart #1) (29 page)

“Oh, me, too.” I kiss the top of her head. Stepping back, I grab her hand in mine. “Come on.”

I lead her to my bedroom. We both kick off our shoes and climb into my bed without discussion.

The rituals of our teenage selves come back full force, not missing a beat. I held Sarah in my arms every night for two and a half years. We weren’t always in a bed. In fact, a high percentage of those nights, we weren’t. But, no matter where we were—city benches, alleyways, shelters, under an overpass, or atop the grass of a park—we were together, and she slept in my arms. I never wanted her to feel alone.

We lie, facing each other.

“They told me you were dead.” I pause. “Well, I guess the hospital receptionist actually told me you were gone, and I assumed.” The last two words come out with so much regret. “I couldn’t feel a pulse before the ambulance came. I guess I thought you were already gone before you even got to the hospital. But, regardless, I waited in that lobby for two days, begging anyone to tell me something. They wouldn’t. They wouldn’t let me see you, wouldn’t tell me anything. I felt so helpless. Finally, the receptionist came out on the second day and told me to go home because you were gone.”

“I’m so sorry,” she says, her eyes filling with tears. “I’m sorry I did that to you. I’m sorry I couldn’t find you sooner.”

“Tell me what happened.”

“Well, I think I was in the hospital for two days before I was transferred to a treatment facility. I had asked for you, but I was in and out…” She hesitates. “I don’t remember a lot about it. I just know, when I got to the rehab place, I wasn’t allowed to call anyone for what seemed like forever. When I finally was able to make a call, I called the motel, but they said that you had left, and I had no idea how to find you.”

“So, what happened to you?”

She laughs dryly. “Well, I wish I could tell you that I got better after that, but I didn’t. I was in and out of a couple of group homes that housed mainly teenagers.”

My body goes stiff.

She notices and rubs my arm. “No one hurt me…again. No one touched me—well, at least no one who I hadn’t asked to.” She frowns. “You know how I was. I was really messed up for a long time, Loïc. I’m sorry. I wish I could have been stronger. But I’m finally okay. I’ve been to more therapy sessions than I can count, and I go to meetings every week. I’ve been clean for two years.”

“How’d you find me? Why didn’t you look sooner?” I question.

“I did. I’ve looked for you on and off the entire time. You do realize that you have zero social media accounts. You’re, like, impossible to find. I didn’t look all the time because it would drive me mad, but every month or so, I would do an Internet search with your name. I just did one, and I found a military article that mentioned you and David Cooper. So, I looked up David and stalked his Facebook. He’d posted a picture with you. In his post, it showed the city, so I came here. When I got here this morning, I messaged him and told him who I was and that I needed to see you. When he told me that you thought I was dead, I figured it would be best to meet you here versus having him tell you over the phone. I didn’t want you freaking out and driving.”

I take in her words. “This is just so insane.”

“I know,” she agrees.

“I thought I’d lost you,” I say sadly.

“I know. I’m so sorry. You look so good though, Loïc. You look happy, and your girlfriend seems nice.”

“She is. She’s amazing.” I huff out a humorless chuckle. “London’s actually my first girlfriend…ever. She’s kind of a recent development. I wasn’t good for a long time. After I lost you, I shut down completely. I couldn’t imagine losing anyone else. So, I never got close to anyone again—besides Cooper because he’s persistent like that.” I smile.

“He seems great.” She smiles.

“He is.”

“So, what happened to you after you left the hospital?” she asks.

“I went back to the motel room and packed up my stuff. Then, I left. I couldn’t stand to be there without you. I aimlessly traveled around for a couple of months before turning myself into the system, so I could get an ID. At that point, I was just shy of eighteen, so I didn’t have to go to a home or anything. I got my GED, joined the Army, and met Cooper. That’s about all. I lived a pretty emotionally closed-off life until this summer when I met London.”

“What’s up with the name? You think it’s a sign?”

I know what she means. Some days, I think it might be—well, at least I would if I believed in that sort of thing.

During the time I spent with Sarah, I turned my dad’s stories of London into a fantasy for the both of us. I told her story after story until, eventually, we both dreamed of making it to London where we could be happy and free.

“I don’t know. Her name definitely caught my attention, that’s for sure.”

“Have you been to England? Did you check on your grandparents, let them know how you were?” she asks eagerly.

I shake my head. “I couldn’t.”

Her face drops, sadness lining her features. “Why?”

“They left me. They didn’t deserve to know that I was okay.” I use the last word in the loosest term of the word.

“But they’re family, your only family.”

“Family doesn’t abandon a child who’s lost everything, Sarah. They’re not my family anymore. I have Cooper and Maggie, and now, I have you again. And maybe, if I don’t scare London away, I’ll get to keep her in that category, too.”

She laughs. “Why do you say that?”

“Because, since I lost you, I’ve kind of turned into somewhat of a jackass. I’m not what you would call a relationship kind of guy.”

“Well, judging by the way she looks at you, I’d say you have her fooled. I’m sure you’re doing just fine.”

“I’m trying. It’s been a bit of a train wreck, but she continues to like me. So, I guess we’ll see.” I shrug.

She runs her hand along my cheek. “You still don’t get it, do you?”

“What?”

“You’re impossible not to love, Loïc.” Her expression is so sincere, and her words make me uncomfortable.

I shake my head. “That’s not true.” My voice cracks.

“It’s very true. I told you when we were kids, and I’ll tell you again…you are special. You have the kindest heart. You are brave. In this world of ugliness, you are a beacon of gleaming light. You are impossible not to love.”

“You don’t know me at all, Sarah.”

“Wrong. I know you better than anyone. Your experiences might have left you jaded, but they haven’t dulled your shine. Something about you makes you this enigma, Loïc Berkeley. Something about you makes you great.”

She scoots her body closer to mine until our faces are mere inches away. I can see the dark blue ring that circles her brilliant eyes.

“Once upon a time, you saved my life. The hope that I would find you and see you once more saved me again and again every day that we’ve been apart. You are my angel,” she says.

“And you are mine.” I wrap my arms around her, relishing in her living, breathing warm existence.

“I’m never leaving you again.”

“Promise?” I say against her soft hair.

“I promise you.” She nuzzles her face against my chest.

I sigh as my current life comes to the surface.

“What is it?” she asks.

“I’m leaving in two months on deployment. I’ll be gone for a year.”

I used to love being in the military. I lived to go on deployments. While overseas, I volunteered for numerous missions that didn’t need me. I’d be lying if I said that I had done it because of the love of my country. I know that’s the right answer, but it’s not my answer. I put myself into dangerous situations because I felt disposable. And to be honest, if I were going to go out, why not go out with some excitement, fighting for some cause? It felt good to fight for something when there was nothing good left in my life to fight for. I wanted to die as a man with convictions even if they weren’t mine. I’m not sure if that makes any sense, but it’s the truth. The other glaring truth is that I had no one on this earth who needed me or would miss me. Yes, I’m sure Cooper would have missed me some. But he’s in the military, so he would have understood.

But, now that I’ve fallen in love with London and gotten Sarah back, I’m leaving. And though a year isn’t forever, it sure seems like an eternity in this moment. The timing of all this just blows.

Sarah’s voice is calm and measured, as if she senses my inner turmoil, which she probably does. “It’s okay. We’ll be in contact while you’re gone, and I’ll be here when you get back.”

Her statement makes me realize that I have no idea where she lives.

“Where have you been living?”

“All over. That part hasn’t changed much. I’m currently in Orlando, Florida.”

“Oh, yeah? What do you do there?”

She giggles. The sound does something to my insides, bringing me back to when it was Sarah and me against the world.

“I work for Disney. I’m Princess Aurora. You know, Sleeping Beauty?”

“You’re a Disney princess?” I ask in amusement.

“Yeah, I dated Aladdin for a while. He got me the job,” she says casually.

I can’t help but laugh. The vision of her out with a guy in poufy silk pants and a barely there vest is a priceless sight.

“That’s bloody brilliant, Sarah.”

“Oh, I love when you use your British words!”

I chuckle. “It happens a lot less than it used to. Being around you makes me think of the past and my parents. I guess that’s why some of my dad’s phrases slip out. So, who would have guessed you would grow up to be a princess?”

“Yeah, not what I thought I’d be doing with my life, but it pays the bills.”

“I think it’s great. You deserve to be a princess.”

She lets out a disapproving sound. “It’s not really all it’s cracked up to be. Ninety percent of the days in Florida are scorching and humid as hell. The princess dress is heavy, hot, and stinky. The makeup that I have to cake on my face makes me sweat more than I already do, and to top it off, I get to have thousands of grimy kids’ hands pawing me all day. I’d gladly leave that job to move up here.”

“Well, maybe you should wait until I get back. The winters up here are no joke, and if you thought that the winter months in Texas were cold, just wait until you live through one up here. There’s no point in being here and suffering, like I know you would be, if I’m not here anyway.”

She groans. “Why did you choose to be stationed here?”

I chuckle. “Cooper wanted to live with Maggie, and he’s really all I had, so I agreed to follow him up here. Actually, you get used to the winters. I kinda dig ’em. I love snowboarding and skiing.”

“If you say so,” she says with definite speculation lining her voice. “Maybe I will wait until you get back.”

“How long can you stay?”

“I have a week’s vacation.”

“All right. Then, we have a week to figure out what you want to do.”

“Sounds good,” she agrees.

The two of us talk for hours, both eager to know every detail of the other’s life that we missed in the past eight years. When I think about it, it seems like we’ve been apart for a lifetime. The person I was back then and the person I am now are so vastly different. But, at the same time, lying here with Sarah in my arms feels like no time has passed at all.

I’m not sure how late we stay up, talking, but at some point, we start to drift off. Right before sleep takes me, I am overcome with complete and utter contentment, and for the first time since I was a little boy, a powerful emotion is present in my chest. It feels a little like hope.

Hope is the building block for miracles, but it is also the catalyst for disappointment, depending on which way the coin falls. But, maybe for once, the coin will land in my favor.

London

“Love makes me weak—it’s true—but it’s in that fragility where I will find my true strength.”

—London Wright

“How do I look?” I ask Paige.

“You’re a hot babe, as always,” she responds.

“I don’t need you to blow smoke up my ass, Paige. I need the truth,” I say, irritated.

“Rawr,” Paige growls like an angry cat. “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.”

“You rarely cook.” I roll my eyes. “Sorry. I know my earlier comment was a tad bitchy, but I need honesty.”

Paige lets out an exhausted sigh. “I was being honest.”

I exhale loudly, pouting out my lips. “Okay. Just checking.”

“You’re so annoying sometimes.”

“Thanks,” I say as I spray myself with more body spray. “I’m sorry. This is serious. I need to be hotter than everyone else today.”

“Loïc doesn’t love you only because you’re pretty. I’m quite sure he likes you as a person as well. You should focus on that aspect a little more.” She gives me a pointed stare. “You have no reason to worry. Seriously, stop getting your chickens in a twist.”

“Isn’t it panties?”

“What’s panties?”

“Ugh, never mind.” I let out an exhausted groan. “I’m sorry. I don’t like feeling like this. This is new territory for me, and I don’t like it. I’m telling you, when you meet her tonight, you’ll see. She’s a freaking model.”

“So what? There will always be tons of gorgeous women in this world. You can’t freak out every time Loïc talks to one.”