Finding My Pack (3 page)

  I stand up, holding my hand out to Tristan to shake. "It was really nice meeting all of you. Thank you so much...for everything. I'll try to return the clothes when I get a chance." Tristan doesn't take my hand, he just stares at me. Alright then. I turn and head for the door.

  Long fingers gently encircle my wrist and keep me in place. I look over my shoulder at Tristan. "Where are you going, Kitten?" He questions.

  I open my mouth to respond then stop. I don't have an answer. I can't go back home to the warehouse. If the man that attacked me lived then he could be waiting for me. If he didn't live...well then I guess that would make me a murderer. Oh my God! I'm probably a murderer!

I pull my arm away from Tristan who now looks very concerned. My breath is coming in short spurts and my heart rate has accelerated. I don't have a place to go. All my stuff is in the warehouse. It's not much, but it's all I had. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm a killer. These boys are being nice to a killer. They invited a murderer into their home and they don't even know it!

  I turn and run, making my way down the hall as fast as I can. My focus is on the double doors straight ahead of me. I have to get out of here. The gray-eyed man steps into the hallway from a room on the right. Before I can even think the word stop, I crash into him. Hard. The result is the same as a fly against a windshield. He doesn't move an inch as I go splat. I bounce off of his brick-like chest and land sprawled on the floor at his feet.

  Now I don't know if I can't breathe because I'm having a panic attack, because of the pain from my collision and fall, or because I was running. Either way, my lungs feel like someone’s squeezing them and I can't get enough oxygen. As I'm staring at the ceiling, gasping for air, a face looms in front of me. It's Kellan. Or maybe Finn? No, grass green eyes look down at me. It's Kellan. His pouty lips are moving, but I can't hear him over the sound of blood rushing in my ears. My eyes flick back and forth from his mouth to his eyes. He wants me to do something. But what?

  I suck in as much air as I can, holding my breath. Kellan shakes his head no. I let the air out of my lungs and start hyperventilating again, the edges of my vision start to go black. I focus on his face, trying to understand what he wants. He looks so calm and collected. I want to be calm and collected too. His nose if flaring out like he is trying to smell something in the air, then his sweet breath blows in my face from his open lips. He repeats that a few times, I try to mimic him, thinking he is showing me what to do. I inhale through my nose and exhale through my mouth. Kellan smiles and nods his head yes. It takes a few times before I feel like I can get a decent amount of air. Kellan stays with me, and I'm grateful. I focus on him, soaking up his calm.

  I don't know how long we stay that way. Looking into each other’s eyes, breathing in together, exhaling at the same time, our breath mixing. Eventually, I feel as though I can breathe normally. Kellan runs his fingers through my hair, tucking the long strands behind my ear. I watch as he stands, noticing that all seven of them are standing around us. I put both hands over my face and groan. How many times can a girl embarrass herself in one morning?

  Strong hands wrap around my wrists and start to pull me up. Once I'm standing I feel a bit dizzy and start to sway. A large hand cups my head as an arm snakes around my waist and I'm pulled into a hard chest. After the dizzy spell passes, I realize how awkward a position I'm in. My eyes travel up the body that I'm pressed into and a shocked gasp escapes my lips. It's that man. Remy. He sees my reaction and slowly releases me. I take a step back and look at the floor.

  Remy's booming voice instructs everyone into the living room. I contemplate telling him I was just leaving, but one look at his face makes me change my mind. He clearly meant me as well. I see no point in arguing...for now. I follow everyone else since I don't know where I'm supposed to go, feeling the burn of Remy's eyes on my back the whole way there.

O
nce they all found seats on the over-stuffed, red u-shaped couch and the chairs on either side of it, Remy stood before us. With his arms crossed over his chest and his feet set apart in a defensive stance, he looked...mad. Scary too.

   I walked in last, not knowing where to sit, or even if I wanted to, I chose to stand. I'm not sure why we got called in here or what happens now. Tristan waves his hand to get my attention. I look at him, he smiles, patting the couch between him and Reed. I shake my head and he rolls his eyes at me.

Standing, he walks over to me and grips my fingers with his, pulling me back to the couch with him. I sigh heavily, but Tristan just laughs and pokes me in the ribs. I inhale sharply, feeling slightly sick to my stomach from the pain. I have not been taking it easy on my body today.

  Tristan opens his mouth to say something as a hand materializes and pops him on the back of his neck...hard.

  "She's hurt, you idiot."

  "Ow! Shit...I forgot. I was going to say sorry. Violence is never the answer Kellan." Tristan says, rubbing the sting out of his neck.

  Kellan leans forward to look at me and I beam at him. I think Kellan's growing on me. He smiles back just as widely. Dear God... here I thought the boy was attractive before... I gulp and avert my eyes, finding Remy. He's just standing there, watching us. The other boys are talking quietly among themselves. I get the sense that we're waiting, but I don't know what for.

  Since I'm still sort of mad at Tristan for poking me, I turn away and watch Reed. He has a notebook and a pencil, drawing some type of intricate flower. There are other drawings on the page too. He's good. Really good, I note.

  "What kind of flower is that?" I ask.

Before he has a chance to answer I hear the door slam again. Are they always this loud? We all watch the doorway. A few moments later another good-looking guy comes in and takes a seat on the arm of the couch, tipping his chin to Remy. I roll my eyes. Don't they have any ugly friends? Or at least an average looking one? I'm not typically one to notice such things buy these guys make it hard not to.

  "Right...now that we're all here we can get started. First things first, Kellan switch places with Tristan in case Kitten has another episode." Remy orders.

  Episode? I have one panic attack in my whole life and he makes me sound like a nut, ugh! I don't say anything, though, I'm just ready for this to be over. The sooner the better. Tristan pats my knee before standing and Kellan scoots next to me.

   "Let's run through the facts. On Tuesday night, at approximately eleven o'clock pm, Tristan and Ash saw Kitten running to the Angel fountain on West Mound Street. After approaching, Kitten stated, in no uncertain terms, that she did not want to be taken to a hospital. After which, she passed out. Tristan made the decision to bring her here. Ash called Kellan on the way. Upon arriving here, Kitten was placed in Tristan's room at his insistence. Kellan, after leaving work early, arrived and took a look at Kitten. What was your initial assessment Kellan?" Remy asks.

  Kellan makes eye contact with Tristan and shifts his weight a bit. "Since Kitten was unresponsive and she had multiple contusions on her torso, my recommendation was for her to be taken to a medical facility," Kellan responds just as formally as Remy. I don't have a clue why they're talking like this and talking about ME like this.

  "Then why was Kitten not taken right then?" Remy's gray eyes bore into Kellan like a drill.

  "Tristan was adamant that I do everything for her that I could. He stressed how panicked she was at the mere thought of a hospital." This time, Kellan is less formal and more defensive. "It was clear to me, Remy, that the girl had been through an ordeal and I didn't want to force her into something she clearly didn't want. I saw no immediate, life-threatening injury. I was mostly worried about internal bleeding, and that's something I could keep an eye out for and make the call if she got to that point. Which she didn't." He finishes and reaches for my hand. I let him hold it. I'll always be grateful to this green eyed boy for respecting my wishes.

  Remy watches our clasped hands for a moment before he continues, "Kellan then stayed with Kitten for approximately four days, keeping us updated on her condition and progress. We won't go over all that, but we know she was showing great improvement. That brings us to today." He states, those blazing eyes falling on me. "Miss Kitten awoke, having a brief conversation with Kellan. Would you like to tell the rest of what was said Kitten, or would you rather Kellan do so?"

  My cheeks are flaming red now, I'm sure. I can feel several pairs of eyes on me, but I just stare down at my lap. What the hell is this? What does any of this matter? Kellan squeezes my hand and I squeeze back. It's nice. A bright spot in what is quickly becoming a torturous situation. Thankfully, Kellan speaks up so I don't have to.

  "I'm fairly certain that she was having a flashback when I approached her this morning. I offered her a phone to use, but she said..." Kellan looks at me, I nod my head once, telling him it's okay. "She said that she has no one. I assume she meant she was homeless with no parental units." He finishes, squeezing my hand again.

  "Is that true? Are you homeless and parentless?" Remy says as if that isn't the most painful truth to admit to. I nod again, narrowing my eyes at him. Why is he doing this? Why do they all need to know? It's not their business.

  "Kitten was then given clearance to bathe, brought down for breakfast, in which immediately after, Miss Kitten attempted run from the house." At this point, Remy looks uncomfortable.

   The newest guy, I assume Jace, speaks up, “What do you mean tried? If she wanted to leave then why didn't she? Are we holding her hostage now?" That last one is a good question. I didn't even think of it.

  Remy stiffens and glares at Jace, "Of course not. I happened to step out of my office just as she came barreling down the hallway. She uh...bounced off me and landed on the floor, where she proceeded to have an anxiety attack of some sort. Following that episode, we came in here, waiting on you." He says, giving Jace a pointed look.

  I can't stand his formal tone and how he keeps talking about me like I'm not in the room. This whole thing is stupid. I raise my hand and clear my throat, "If we're stating facts, Sir, I'd like to point out that I was having a PANIC attack BEFORE I ran into a concrete wall."

  He smirks at me. Actually SMIRKS! I guess I didn't really prove anything. At least I got to talk back. No, it doesn't change anything, I feel a little better, though.

  "Right, I'm glad you spoke up Kitten. Now it's time for you to explain not only what happened to you Tuesday night but also why you chose to flee today." The smirk is gone from Remy's face now and replaced by a blank expression.

  Kellan is trying to tug his hand from mine. I wasn't aware I had a death grip on him until now. I let go of him and he shakes his hand out. I don't want to answer. It's not their business. I don't know why they care. They won't care at all when they learn I may have killed someone. Maybe I owe them an explanation for the hospitality they've shown me. No, I never asked any of them for anything. Saying I didn't want to go to a hospital isn't the same as begging to be taken to someone's house. They could have just left me there. I do owe Kellan at least. He did take care of me for four days. Which is more than anyone else has ever done. Maybe I could just tell them about the attack. But then I'd have to tell them about leaving the guy's body. They might also ask what I was doing there, and that's a longer and more painful story than I'm willing to share.

  I open my eyes and see warm chocolate. Tristan is in front of me now. "I promised you'd be okay Kitten, I mean it. We're just trying to help. There are a lot of us and meetings like these keep us all up to date. I know that was hard for you. You can get up and leave right now if that's what you really want. No one will stop you. I hope you don't though, I hope you stay. Let us help you, we can and we will....if you just let us. But for us to help you we have to know what's going on." He's looking at me with those mesmerizing, pleading eyes. That soft voice, telling me everything is going to be okay.

  Truth is, I don't have anywhere to go when I leave here. I don't even have shoes since I ran without mine that night. There's something about him that makes me want to trust him. I want to believe him. I want to tell him, I want to tell him everything. I want him to know me. But I don't know if I could stand it when I tell him I'm a killer. Tristan is making it sound like I have options, but I don't. Not really. If I get up and walk out of here right now I won't make it a week on the street. Not with my injuries, without shoes, and none of my supplies. I suppose the worst that could happen would be that I tell them and they call the cops. I would eventually get out of prison since that man attacked me first, right? I would at least get to keep my life.

  I'm still looking into Tristan's eyes, wanting to remember them like they are now. I take a deep breath and whisper, "I killed a man."