Finding My Pack (7 page)

  "I'd wear a jacket."

  "And what if you fell off it?" I can hear the smile in his voice now.

  I turn and look him in the eyes with a smile of my own on my face, "That's why they made helmets."

He laughs under his breath. "This is mine too. I built it from scratch." He wraps a large arm around my shoulder. "Yeah, we're gonna get along just fine Kitten, just fine."

   I beam up at him. "If you teach me to drive this then I think you might be my favorite giant ever."

……..

  Later that night, I'm in the kitchen trying to stay out of Tristan's way. "Why are you always the one that cooks?" I ask while stealing a piece of cucumber he just sliced for the salad.

  Tristan swats my hand before replying, “Because I like cooking. If I don't want to someone else will and trust me, you do not want that to happen. Or we just eat out." He laughs.

  "I can make grilled cheese." I smile up at him. He smiles back.

  "God you are adorable, go set the table before I kiss that little heart shaped face off."

  I nearly choke on the cherry tomato I just stole. Did he....just say that? I shake off my shock at his words. He's just in a good mood. And playful. I grab the plates and silverware and go set the table like he asked. He probably just wanted me out of the kitchen so I didn't devour half the salad before it was brought out.

  Once everyone is seated the food dishes get passed around. Tonight Tristan made a three meat lasagna with garlic bread and a house salad. It still amazes me that they get to eat like this every single night. With great food, surrounded by friends. Ash pokes the side of my face before handing me a plate of bread. I take two and pass it to Reed.

Looking down the table, I see a bright blue streak of hair. "Hey, Logan?"

He looks up, "Yeah Kitten?" He takes a bite and I swear he growls in satisfaction. These guys love food as much as I do.

  "I was wondering if you could help me out. I did a bunch of laundry, but I don't know where to take it once it's done. Can you help me with that?"

  He smiles and bounces in his chair a bit. "Sure thing, I usually keep most of the clothes down there and only bring up what I want the guys wearing for the next couple of weeks. Most of that stuff can be thrown out. Winter season is around the corner and I'll be buying new stuff."

  I nearly choke for the second time today. Thrown out? They really do throw away once worn clothing? Ash pats me hard on the back to stop my choking.

  "How about, once I get everything washed up, you come down a pick out what to keep and I'll donate the rest? There's no need to be so wasteful, there are plenty of people out there that would love to have your guys' stuff." I barely manage to hold the anger and disbelief out of my voice. I thought they were like me once upon a time? Either it was a really long time ago or someone was lying. If even one of them was ever homeless they'd remember what it was like to be cold. To be a have-not in a world full of haves. I'm sure that will stay with me forever.

  Remy clears his throat. I didn't realize I was glaring at Logan. I look down at the table. I shouldn't be like this. They've been so nice to me and here I am lecturing them. I feel like such a horrible person. Remy clears his throat again so I look up at him, trying to hold back the tears.

  "I think that's an excellent idea, Kitten." He must see the tears in my eyes because his commanding voice softens, "I think we forget sometimes how far we've come. Don't feel bad, we deserved that."

  They didn't, but I don't contradict him. Something tells me he's not used to being talked back to. Besides, he was trying to make me feel better.

  "Tomorrow I want you up bright and early. Logan and I are taking you shopping for something to wear, and then we're heading to the ice rink to talk to the manager." He continues to eat after that statement like its set in stone.

"I haven't done enough laundry yet to afford clothes, Remy," I say quietly. Embarrassed.

  His eyes snap to mine. "Did I say that you were paying for it, Kitten?" His powerful voice washes over me and I gulp.

  "No, but..." He cuts me off.

  "Then don't worry about it. We discussed this earlier. You'll need something to wear tomorrow and I said I'd take care of you didn't I?" I nod.

His eyes bore into me even more intensely. "Didn't I Kitten?"

  "Yes, Remy." He nods once, returning his attention to his dinner. I look down at my plate, my appetite disappearing. A large hand rubs my back and I look to Ash. He gives me a small smile and gestures at me to eat. I pick up my fork and push my dinner back and forth until everyone else is finished.

Finn and Reed start to clear the table and I go help. Logan snags my hand and pulls me to walk behind him. "Oh, no. It's my time with you Babygirl. I didn't get to dress you or play with your hair today, the least you could do is look at clothes with me." He smirks, making my spirits lift a little. I don't know how anyone could stay mad at Logan for long.

……..

   An hour or so later Logan is humming, separating the clothes I put on hangers the day before. We have several full bags of things to be donated. I explained to him that we should drop off certain things to certain places. The coats, hats, gloves and thick sweaters from last year or several years before, we could personally give away at the soup kitchen. The unwanted t-shirts and jeans could be left in a Salvation Army drop box. While the nicer stuff could be given to an organization that specializes in giving clothes to those who are rejoining the workforce. I'll have to look that last one up. I've only heard of it, not dealt with it personally.

  I mentioned the idea of buying the same kind of socks for everyone and Logan just laughed at that. He did, however, say he'd donate all the ones down here so it would be easier to match them up in smaller increments. He also took the time to point out each guys’ style to me. After that, it was much easier to see what belonged to who. Logan made it fun and turned it into a game. He'd hold up a piece of clothing and have me guess the owner. It may have been stupid, but it made the time fly.

  It turns out that Tristan will steal anything red from any of the guys so they all stopped wearing that color except Tristan. That made me laugh, he really didn't seem the type. I could've guessed when I was told that Ash tends to stick to blacks and grays, much to Logan's disappointment. He told me that he once took all black and gray from him, only leaving the colorful clothes. Ash chose to walk around the house naked until Logan gave them back. My face turned beet red at that story.

  "I'm done for the night. Want to get a shower and head to bed Kitten?" Logan asks as he staggers over heaps of clothes.

  "Sure, although I don't know where I'm supposed to sleep," I reply

  "You can sleep with me if you want. I don't have an en-suite bathroom, I took the room with the biggest closet, but there's one down the hall with a huge claw-foot tub. You want a bath?" he asks.

  "I'll stick with the shower for tonight, I'm exhausted. I could just sleep on one of the couches. Or in the library room." I suggest.

   Logan looks hurt by my words. "I don't mind, you slept in Tristan and Reed's beds, what's wrong with mine?"

  "Nothing, I just didn't want you to feel like you had to offer. That's all."

  With his smile back in place he grabs my hand, entwining our fingers, and leads me up to the upstairs bathroom. This one is all white with hints of blue everywhere. I'd say that Reed and Logan share this space. It's not as big as Tristan's, the tub taking up most of the space, but it's freakishly clean and better than good enough for me.

  "My bedroom's across the hall from Reed's when you're finished. I'll do your hair for you. Just dry it." Logan states, more than asks.

  I don't bother responding. Something tells me he'd brush and blow dry my hair in my sleep if I said no. Not that I want to, I love it when he messes with my hair. I quickly shower and wrap a towel around myself. Stepping out, I look around for the clothes I had on, but they're gone. There's a knock on the door so I open it.

  "That was quick, I thought I'd have time to leave some clean clothes before you got out," Reed says, looking down as he speaks. He holds the clothes out and I take them from him, my fingers brushing against his. His skin feels hot.

"Thanks, Reed, that was so nice of you." I lean my head out further from the doorway to kiss his cheek, but he turns his head at the last moment, my lips fall on his. I jerk my head back and cover my mouth with my hands.

  "Oh my God, I'm so sorry Reed. I didn't... I mean... I was going to..." Reed pulls my hand away from my mouth. He puts his index finger over my lips to stop my babbling. His pretty hazel eyes look into my pale green ones as he rubs his finger slowly back and forth over my lips. His eyes flick down to watch his movements. He removes his hand and leans in, kissing me back softly. I stand there, stunned.

  He tucks my hair behind my ear before leaning into me, his breath fanning my neck. "Good night Kitten," He says softly, walking to his room.

  I finally manage to move my legs and shut the door. My body feels like it's been drugged. What the hell was that! Does this mean that Reed likes me? Did he kiss me because he thought that's what I wanted? Did I want him to kiss me? I have no idea but...I liked it. Oh my God! My first kiss! Does a pity kiss count though?

  My tired brain doesn't want to process this right now so I get dressed in a pair of yellow sweats and another white, long sleeved t-shirt. Someone forgot underwear, but beggars can't be choosers and the pants have a tie in the front.

  I take one last look at myself in the mirror and shrug. On the counter is a tube of toothpaste. I grab it, thinking I'll use my finger until I can get a toothbrush. I see a bright blue one in a holder. Hmmm... I pick it up and run my finger over the bristles. I decide to use it. I'm sure it's Logan's, maybe he won't mind.

When I'm done brushing, I head to Logan's room. Reed has shut the door to his cloud room, Logan's is open. I kind of expected his room to be loud and crazy, instead, it's done in black and tan. The only blue thing in the room is the bedspread. And the pants on a boy standing outside of his closet not wearing a shirt. I can't make my eyes leave his bare chest. All that smooth skin! My eyes are drawn lower as he walks toward me. I watch the muscles in his stomach flexing and rippling with each step he makes. I feel an odd pull low in my tummy.

  I finally look away when I feel pain in my hands. I'm clenching them so tightly my nails are digging into my skin. I have no idea how long he's been standing in front of me now, no longer moving, but I can't look at him. My face is on fire and I know he sees it. I shift from one foot to the other and feel a strange, yet pleasurable, tingle on my chest. I look down and can see my nipples poking through my shirt. Oh no, Logan can probably see that too. I want to crawl into a hole and die.

  A finger comes up under my chin, forcing my eyes to meet his pools of blue. Logan's face is serious, intense. He uses his finger to tug my bottom lip from my teeth. We stare at each other for seconds or hours, I can't tell. My brain shuts down and my mouth takes over.

  "I used your toothbrush!" I practically yell at him. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that. Reed kissed me and I couldn't think, but actually that was after I kissed him. On accident. I think. I also used Tristan's razor when I showered in there the other day. I didn't know I was going to end up staying here and now I feel bad about it. And I feel bad about using your toothbrush as well I...I just…I have no idea why I did that! Then I stare at you like. Like you..." I can't breathe! I'm getting hysterical and I'm not even sure why.

  Logan looks a mixture of amused, angry, shocked, and confused all at once. It's an interesting look on him. He finally bursts out laughing and my hands fly to my face to hide the embarrassing tears that choose this moment to fall. He pulls me into a hug. Wrapping his arms around me and rocking us side to side while petting my hair.

  "It's okay Kitten. Shhh. You're okay. I don't care that you used my toothbrush or that you looked at me. Tristan won't care that you used his razor either; he probably put it in there for you. Everything is okay." I sob into his chest. It's been forever since I truly cried and now I can't stop it.