Finding Solace (7 page)

 
I think Colt
could feel the change in my mood and instantly shed his boxer briefs and ripped
my thong off of me. I don't know where it came from. I can only assume he
grabbed it from his pants when he shed them, but all the sudden I could hear
the foil rip and he was plunging inside of me. That feeling is like nothing I
can describe. The best I can do is say it is like riding a wave of ecstasy. We
stayed leaning against the wall in the foyer for a brief while but soon he was
carrying me to the kitchen table. When that got old, we went to the couch only
to roll on the floor a while later. I switched with him so I could feel him
deeper. The hard wood floors were digging into my knees, but there was no way I
was stopping. Nothing has ever felt like this for me. In all the relationships
or hook ups that I've had, never have I felt this kind of connection. It wasn't
love but true sexual compatibility. Every move I made, he countered. When I
tired, he sensed it. He rolled me over, grabbed me by my ass and carried me to
the bathroom. He continued to rock into me as he turned on the shower. We
stepped inside only to find that it was ice cold. It didn't even register to me
as a bad thing. I was so hot that it felt amazing as we continued to feel every
part of each other. After I don't even know how long, Colt turned off the water
and we stepped out dripping water everywhere. He carried me to his bed and lay
on top of me, still moving like no man I've ever experienced. When I just
couldn't take another orgasm, it was just too much for my body to endure, he
plunged into me causing me to scream out his name. As ripples and ripples of
muscular waves took havoc on my tired body, he let out a roar and pushed so
deep, one last time.

 
We laid
there trying to catch our breath for what seemed like only seconds, but when I
looked at the clock next to his bed, I sat straight up. It was four thirty in
the morning. That is impossible. We left the alley before it closed down and
that happens at one thirty. There is no way we did what we did for almost 3
hours, right?

 
Colt sat up,
also looking at me and then the clock. Then he just busted out laughing. He
laughed so hard it was contagious. We sat there until it hurt to laugh anymore.

 
"Can't say I've done that before."

 
"Well,
I can say I've done it now." He smiled huge and grabbed me to pull me back
down on him. I laid there in the blissful aftermath knowing that we probably
should not be doing this. If distance from feelings is what he needs, cuddling
was not the best idea. I rolled over a little and that gave him the room to get
up and out of bed. I heard him walk into the bathroom. Water started running.
All of a sudden he peeked in the doorway and said, "You want to brush your
teeth?" As he was scrubbing his own.

 
Hallelujah!
I can't think of anything I want more at this moment. I jump out of bed and
follow him back to the bathroom. As I step around him I was looking for an
extra toothbrush. There was not one anywhere.

 
"You
can use mine?"

 
Eww
! He can't be serious.

 
"That's
disgusting, Colt"

 
"We
just shared every bodily fluid there is, but you won't share a toothbrush with
me?"

 
"Is
there another option here?"

 
"Oh,
quit being a baby. Use this or nothing." As he held out my only option for
a clean mouth, I took it. It grossed me out but I used it anyway. Apparently I
was making faces while I was trying to hurry through my brushing because he
just kept laughing at me. Was there really a need to stand there and watch me?
Thank God, I finished quickly. I rinsed the brush out and handed it back to
him.

 
"Was
that really all that bad?" he said still chuckling.

 
"Not,
at all. I enjoyed every minute of you standing over me." As I said it, I
elbowed him in the chest and walked past him leaving him in the bathroom. I
walked back to his bedroom thinking this time he was going to follow me. Wrong.

 
I waited,
sure that whatever he was doing he would be in in just a minute. I waited
longer. Eventually, I got up to search for my unpredictable man. Was he mine? Ah,
not going there!

 
I walked
through the kitchen first, then the family room. I followed the smell that was
all too familiar. I found him sitting on the couch smoking a joint. He patted
the seat next to him for me to sit. I walked over and sat down as he offered it
to me. I thought about it, but then declined. He must have thought I was
judging him by my refusal.

 
"It
helps me fall asleep"

 
"Colt,
you don't have to explain anything to me."

 
He accepted
that. We just sat there rubbing on each other. Ironically, I was still naked
because I had no clothes to wear other than my dress. Colt was still naked, I
guess because he wanted to be. I rubbed his arm while he rubbed his hand up and
down my leg. It wasn't sexual. It was sweet. I started to fall asleep when he
scooped me up and carried me back to his bed. He laid me down so gently and
then climbed in behind me. He pulled me close to him, spooning me. His chin
rested in the crook of my neck.

 
His
breathing started to labor growing slower and more even. As he fell asleep, he
grabbed me just a little tighter. As if I was his comfort for the moment.
The moment, being the key words.
But there was no doubt, in
that moment; I felt that he was mine.

CHAPTER
9

 
I
woke up and glanced at the clock. Wow, thank the Lord I do hair for a living
and my day does not have to start today until two o’clock. I rolled over and
saw Colt was still
sound
asleep. I laid there thinking
about if things could be different. If it could only be possible, I would stay
in this moment. But neither of those things can happen.

 
All of a
sudden I heard, "There you go over thinking again"

 
"Why is
it you say that all the time?"

 
"Why is
it you over think all the time? This is supposed to be fun, remember?
 
Are you not having fun? Huh?"

 
 
He grabbed me and started tickling me. I swear,
I almost peed on myself I was laughing so hard.

 
"There
you go. Now can you just stay just like this forever? Because that laugh of
yours is one of my favorite sounds in the world."

 
When he
stopped tickling me, he turned me to face him.

 
"I’m
serious, Sadie. I never want to see you sad. You deserve the world, beautiful.
You deserve the best a man can offer. I never want you to settle for anything
less."

 
What he was
saying was so sweet, but so wrong. I did not deserve that.

 
"If only that were true."

 
"Why
can't you see it already is?"

 
"Because, I know my past.
I know things you would never
want to know about me. You certainly wouldn't still feel that way if you
did."

 
'"Try
me"

 
"And
take the chance of losing the only person in the world who has ever made me
feel like I was special’s opinion of me, no way."

 
"To
think that there is anything you could say to me that could change what I already
know is true about you. That deserves a no way."

 
“Colt, don't
do this, please."

 
I was
starting to get scared. I was not ready to have this taken from me yet. I
needed someone to see me the way he saw me, because being honest with myself,
meant admitting I didn’t.

 
"Sadie.
What could be so bad? What is the worst thing about yourself you wish you could
change? And by the way, stop. Remember a couple of minutes ago when I told you
I never wanted to see you sad. I'm not asking you this to upset you. I'm trying
to get you to see what I see, what's already there. I'm not trying to change
you. I just want you to open your beautiful eyes and see what the rest of the
world sees."

 
"Colt,
I really don't want to talk about this. I'm getting the impression you think I
have an inferiority complex. I like who I am. I'm good at what I do. At the
risk of sounding conceited, I'm not ugly and I make a damn good friend. What I
don't want to talk about, I feel, is normal. Everyone has something they don't
like about themselves. Or they wish they could take back some bad decisions
they made. I'm okay, I promise. You don't have to fix me."

 
"Oh
Sadie, this isn't pity. I'm sorry if I made you feel like it was. I can just
feel something inside of you, which I know you’re scared to tell me. But I
don't think it’s me. I think there probably isn't a person in the world that
knows this information you’re protecting so dearly. Please tell me. Or at least
give me a hint so I can guess it. You need to let this go."

 
"You
know what? Fine, you tell me and then I will tell you."

 
"Now
you've really got my attention. What could be so bad? Alright girl, give me
your
worst "

 
"How
many people have you had sex with?"

 
"Really,
this is your hang up?” He paused, staring at me in disbelief. When my
expression didn’t falter, he went on to say, “The truth is, I don't know. I’ve
never counted.
Your turn."

 
"I have
been with..."

 
"Stop
right there! Before you answer, I want you to know that I don't care what that
answers going to be. Do you hear me? I mean really hear what I'm saying to you.
Because from this point forward, the only reason you’re going to give me a
number is because you want to tell me. Not because you feel I have a right to
know. I don't. Nobody does. That's your business. Not mine or anyone else's. If
you’re thinking I didn't give you the number you were looking for because I
don't want you to know it, that's not true either. I didn't tell you because I
really don't know. Sadie, however many people you have given your body to isn't
important. How you feel about each encounter is. But again, that's no one’s
business but your own. As for the actual number, each experience you've had in
your life has made you what you are right now. It’s molded you to be what I
have in front of me. For that, I'm grateful for each and every one. There is no
right number. It’s either you’re inexperienced or too experienced. No one is
ever happy with the number they hear from the other. So now do you understand
what I'm saying? You are amazing, kind, beautiful, and the sexiest woman I have
ever met. Don't try to change a thing. Just be who you already are."

 
How do you
respond to that? Seriously, what can you follow that up with? Words would not
do justice to what he has just done for me. And he was right. With happy tears
threatening to fall from my eyes, I looked at him, leaned in and just kissed
him. Not an, I want to have sex or I am sorry please forgive me kind of kiss.
Just a plain old simple thank you for being you kiss. I pulled back and he
smiled that 100 watt smile of his. I stood up, walked into the bathroom, used
that nasty toothbrush again (although it was not so nasty to use today) and
grabbed my dress to put back on. Colt and I needed to call a cab so we could
get back to our cars. Work was a must, but a shower was a definite.

 
The cab got
there shortly after Colt put in the call. We hopped in and looked out separate
windows. It was like a light switch went off from the time we approached the
cab until the time we got inside. Outside of the comfort of his bed, I don’t
know where we belong anymore. I surely was not going to ask. With all that
going through my mind, the drive to the alley seemed a lot shorter. Colt paid
the driver and we both got out and headed separate ways to our cars. I was
almost inside mine when I heard, "Sadie!"

 
I stood back
up and looked in his direction.

 
"Thanks
for last night." Then he ducked into his car and drove away.

 
What a
strange, complex man Colton Jennings is. But I agree
,
last night was a lot of fun.

CHAPTER
10

 
Work
had been crazy lately. It was like the apocalypse was coming. Clients want to
be squeezed in anywhere they could, which meant I was coming in early and
staying late. The money is great, but I felt like I was falling flat on my face
when it came to my roommate and best friend. We would talk on the phone and
shoot texts back and forth, but I didn’t feel that was even close to enough. I
had only seen Heather a hand full of times over the last week. Each time, she
was with Jason. I would say that was fantastic but there was still tension
between them. And if I could see it, I know Jason could.