First Bitten (17 page)

Curiosity gets the better of me and I turn around, moving forward quickly, trying to catch a glimpse of him changing form, but all I see is what I think is a glimpse of brown fur moving at high speed.

With a sigh, I turn back, pick Nathan’s boots up off the floor and gather his clothes off the bonnet. I throw them all onto the driver’s seat, climb onto the passenger seat and lock myself in the car.

I might be stronger than I used to be but I’m still a girl and I need to feel safe, and currently I’m sitting in the middle of the woods all alone with Nathan off God knows where. I lean over, put the keys in the ignition, and turn the music on. The Killers CD has come to an end and the changer moves onto the Kings of Leon. I recline my seat back, rest my feet up on the dashboard and let the dulcet tones of Caleb Followill wash over me.

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know I can hear a tapping on my window. I open my eyes to see Nathan’s bright green ones staring down at me. Sleep driven, I fumble to sit up and wind the window down.

“
Can you pass me my clothes?” he asks impatiently.

I lean over, grab his clothes and hand them over, desperately trying to ignore the fact he’s still completely naked out there, not that I can see anything waist down anyway.

That actually sounded like disappointment in my head. Just when exactly did I turn into a sex fiend?

Nathan quickly pulls his clothes on and makes his way around to the driver’s side. He picks his boots up off the seat, jumps into the car and slips his feet into them.

He looks fresher. His cheeks are flushed and he seems, I don’t know, I guess I’d say lighter, not as tense as he normally does.

“
Was your hunt okay? I ask as I put my seat back up to vertical.

“
Yeah, it was good.” He turns the engine, shifts the car into reverse, and starts to manoeuvre it around. It takes him a good few attempts as the track is quite narrow.

“
And you ... fed?” I ask tentatively.

He casts a glance my way. “Mmm.”

“
But you don’t need to feed like I do.”

“
No.”

“
So why?”

“
Natural thing for me to do. Are you warm?” he asks, changing the subject.

“
I’m okay.”

“
I’m hot. You mind if I put the air con on?”

“
No.” I shake my head.

As he leans over to turn it on, his bare arm brushes against mine and I get that electric shock sensation again. This time I do jump away from him. I feel like I’ve just been scalded. My arm is sizzling where he touched it and my heart is thumping in my chest.

He gives me an inquisitive look. My face flushes. I turn away and stare out of the window, confusion plaguing me. Why do I get that sensation when he touches me? Maybe it’s something to do with me being a Vârcolac. Yeah, that’s probably it.

Nathan turns on the air con and I now welcome it. I feel him press down on the accelerator, picking up speed and I watch as the trees and bushes whizz by. When I start to feel calmer and cooler, thanks to the air con, I say to him, “Your tattoo’s nice.”

He glances at me intermittently. “You noticed that, huh?”

“
Hard not to,” I reply, raising an eyebrow. He laughs. I smile back. “What does the lettering mean?” I ask.

He takes a deep breath, pressing his lips together into a tight line, and I wonder if I’m asking too many questions again. “It’s the names of the people I saved in Iraq,” he says in a low voice.

“
It’s in Arabic?” I inquire.

He gives me a long curious look. “Yeah, you speak Arabic?”

“
No.” I shake my head. “I just recognised it. My ex, he had some tattoos. He liked script. Guess I don’t need to ask why you went for Arabic?” I add, looking to move the subject away from Eddie.

He chuckles to himself. “Actually that had nothing to do with it.” He slides me a look. “I got it ‘cause it looked the nicest.” His face breaks out into a grin and I find myself laughing.

“
Wasn’t one of them your friend?”

“
Yeah, Craig. His name’s first on the list. He’s the reason I have the tattoo. He got me drunk, talked me into it. It sounded like a good idea at the time.” He grins again.

“
Well I bet you’re his best friend nowadays. I know if someone saved my life I’d … ” I stop abruptly, never finishing the sentence which has just sucked all the air right of the car.

I stare back out of the window and Nathan says nothing.

Then it hits me. I’ve laughed and smiled with Nathan and I haven’t felt guilty once. For some reason, being with him keeps it at bay.

I sly a glance at him. He’s staring straight ahead. His jaw is set, his whole body tense. He’s feeling uncomfortable because of what I've just said. Emotion ripples through me for him.

And right now I can’t decide if that’s a good thing or not.

Chapter 13

Over and Over

You know the old saying 'You get what wish for', well I’m getting it, and more.

I asked Nathan to talk to me more. I asked him to be nicer to me, to act like I exist and, true to his word, he’s followed through. But somehow in all of this, we’ve also ended up spending more time together, quite a lot in fact. I think I’ve seen more of Nathan in this last week than I did in the first four weeks of my being here.

Sounds great, doesn’t it? Well it’s not because I’ve discovered I do actually like being around him. He makes me laugh without the guilt. He makes me forget all the bad stuff. When I’m with him, I forget what I now am. Oh God, I’m starting to sound like a slushy Mills and Boon. Okay, basically the problem is … I like him. More than I should.

I didn’t even realise it was happening until it was too late and now I can’t seem to switch it off. I’ve tried, believe me, and the worst thing about it is that this is my own doing. I’ve got no one to blame but myself.

All I want right now is for him to turn back into the bastard he was before so I can stop feeling this way.

My emotions are all over the place. My head is a complete and utter mess, worse than it was before.

All Nathan has to do is look at me and my insides fall to pieces. So much so that I have to remind myself just to breathe most days.

I wish there was some way I could turn these feelings off, turn the part of me off that’s turned onto him.

I realised four days ago.

I was in the kitchen with Nathan. I was sitting at the table reading a magazine, just like I’m doing now, but instead of watching Jack cook, I was watching Nathan. He was frying bacon. The kitchen stank but in a really good, unhealthy greasy way that only bacon can do. He was talking about the new Arctic Monkeys’ album. I was half-listening while reading the magazine. It was one of those Sunday newspaper supplement magazines and there was a piece on relationships, you know the ‘How to Keep Your Man Happy in Ten Easy Steps’, and my mind flickered. I started to think about how I’m never going to have that problem, how I’m never going to be in a relationship again. I felt sad. Then I thought about Eddie. And as those thoughts filtered through my mind, Nathan turned toward me. He knew I hadn’t been listening to him, I could tell from the look on his face. He smiled and his green eyes sparkled under the lighting. He was still speaking but I couldn’t hear him anymore. My world tilted on its side, then realigned, but everything was different. It was a like a light switch went on inside of me, and I had no way of turning it off.

And now I have no idea how to act around him. I feel like I’m back at school, and he’s the cool mysterious popular guy and I’m the awkward gawky teenager with a red hot crush. I constantly feel uncomfortable around him, which is hard going considering I’m pretty much always with him. I’m trying my best to pretend that nothing has changed, trying to pretend I don’t feel this way. It takes every ounce of strength I have just to get me through the day.

I don’t think Nathan’s noticed the difference in me. Well I hope he hasn’t. God, could you imagine how he would react if he ever discovered I was feeling this way about him? He’d probably laugh, say something hurtful, or run screaming in the opposite direction. Or all three combined.

So, basically, he can never know.

I just need to get these feelings under control and work on getting rid of them, fast.

I’ve thought a lot about why I’m feeling this way about Nathan and I’m putting it down to the fact it’s because he’s being nice to me now. Add in the fact he did after all save my life, and you’ve got yourself a good set of ingredients for one hell of a serious crush.

And I guess in a way I feel connected to him. He’s the only other living person who was there when my old life was ripped away from me.

I have, however, come to the definite conclusion that my crush on Nathan has nothing to do with the fact that I’ve seen him pretty much naked, that he has a great body, that he can in fact be quite sweet when he lets his guard down, that he is all mysterious and deep, and that he runs around saving people’s lives like some kind of bloody superhero.

Well, okay, maybe they do add to it just a little bit, the illusion of him.

But any psychologist would tell you that grief can make people do and think things they normally wouldn’t. Not that I know any psychologists, but I’m sure I’m right. I think I read it in Cosmo or somewhere that grief can make people act out of character, do things they wouldn’t normally do, like have feelings for someone they wouldn’t normally have.

Don’t get me wrong, I do think Nathan is good looking, and yes, if I saw him in a bar I’d look twice, well maybe three times, but he’s not someone I’d ever consider to be boyfriend material. He can be arrogant and callous, he has messy hair, and his clothes look like they’ve never seen a washing machine, let alone an iron. He visits a razor once every blue moon - okay, I’ll admit I do like the stubble, but he just looks unkempt all the time - and he has this no care, no-nonsense attitude about everything, whereas I care about everything, right down to the minute detail.

But now it seems all the things I saw to be a problem in Nathan are the things pulling me in. I’ve gone from intensely disliking the guy, to wanting to rip off his clothes in a matter of days.

And yes, I know just how very screwed up that is.

I know nothing will ever come of this crush. I don’t want anything to come of it, so it’s pointless to think about the necessaries. But really someone needs to tell this to my raging hormones. Seriously. Or at the very least sedate me until it passes.

I know exactly how Nathan views me. He sees me as your average, run of the mill, freak of nature. And yes, he’s being nice to me but that’s only to keep the peace, nothing more. He will never see me otherwise because it’s the truth, I am a freak, and like Sol said, they stick with their own kind anyway...

“
You want another coffee?”

“
Hmm?”

“
I asked if you wanted another coffee, love.”

I look up from the magazine I’ve been pretending to read for the last five minutes, and over at my current half-full cold cup of coffee. “Oh, erm, yes please, Jack.”

Jack comes over and I hand him my cup. He glances down at the contents and smiles. Taking it over to the sink, he rinses it out.

Jack’s cooking dinner. I offered him my help but he wouldn’t hear of it, so I decided to keep him company instead. Great company I turned out to be. All I’ve done is analyse my feelings for Nathan and sit here on nerves' edge wondering when he’ll be home. He’s been out all day at some animal auction. I really want to see him, and I really don’t. It’s insane. Four days ago I wouldn’t have cared less where Nathan was - to be honest, the further away from me he was the better - but now I literally have to mentally prepare myself to see him.

This is an absurd situation that I’ve created in my own mind and it’s the only place it currently resides. I intend to keep it that way.

Yes, I know I’m ridiculous and seriously messed up.

“
You okay?” Jack enquires, mild concern lacquering his voice as he pours us both a coffee. “You seem miles away.”

“
Oh, yeah, I’m fine,” I say with way too much enthusiasm as he walks over and puts my cup down in front of me. He takes a seat opposite.

I can feel my face starting to heat. I’m so crap at this covering up business. How Nathan doesn’t know I fancy him is beyond me. I may as well walk around with a sandwich board, saying ‘I heart Nathan’, ringing a bell.

“
Anywhere good?” Jack asks. He takes a sip of his coffee. I can see he’s eyeing me closely. Jack should be a detective. Really. The man can sense bullshit at fifty paces.

“
What?” I evade.

“
Where you were?”

Oh well, I was just off daydreaming about your middle son, you know, the moody, sexy blonde one, goes by the name of Nathan ...

“
No not really.” I shake my head, pressing my lips together, desperately trying to conceal the truth.

Jack puts his coffee down and leans back in his chair. He pulls his cigars out of his shirt pocket and lights one up. I feel like I’m under a spotlight. I’m starting to sweat. My palms have gone clammy. I rub them surreptitiously on my jeans.