First Kiss (Heavy Influence) (22 page)

             
“Shares stories with you? Like what? Like Greg’s brothers?”

             
“Yeah, I guess. Stories about her sex life.”

             
“Really, I’m scared to ask.”

             
“Are you asking?”

             
“I don’t know. I feel strange talking about this with you,” he admitted.

             
“Answer the other half of my question, Mister.” I poked at his chest.

             
“Which was?” he smirked.

             
“Don’t play stupid,” I giggled nudging him. My hand remained on his chest and I could feel his heart beating with every breath he took. I wanted to move closer, just those few more inches to feel his lips on mine.

             
“It was just last year, and it was with someone older than me,” he admitted, and my heart stopped. This meant it wasn’t something awkward like he said. How could having sex with an older girl be lame? She would know what she was dong, right?

             
“How much older,” I asked under my breath. I couldn’t look at him.

             
“Aly, look,” He lifted my chin and our eyes met. “This is why I didn’t want to answer your questions. What I’ve been through doesn’t affect how I feel about you.”

             
“Tell me about it, Jake, I wanna know.”

             
With a deep sigh he proceeded. “Boy, you’re relentless aren’t you,” he paused. “She was like 19 or 20 and we were playing in New York, and that’s the first time I had actual sex.”

             
“Ok, so you were 16.”

             
“Yes, last year, I was a junior.”

             
“And before that nothing with anyone else?”

             
“I wouldn’t say nothing with anyone else, we’re talking about sex, Aly, intercourse.”

             
“Ok, ok. Tell me about it.”

             
“Is this what you do to Stacey?” A nervous smile peaked out. “I feel cornered.”

             
“Actually, yes, we beg her to tell us stuff, and you wanna know why? It all started in sixth grade when we found dirty magazines in her parent’s room. We brought them to her and asked her what the hell.”

I laughed nervously at my admission.

“Shit, you’re kidding.” He laughed, too. “Aly, there’s so much to sex than I can’t explain, and to be honest with you, I don’t’ really want to, because I don’t know all that much either.”

             
“Then why is it, from what I’m told, it’s all guys think about. I mean, I hear my dad talking to my brother, and Nicole’s brothers talking about this and that…”

             
Jake interrupted. “Thinking about it and knowing the nuances about sex are two totally different things.” He hesitated and his eyes roamed the ceiling. “Okay look, think about how you felt when we were kissing, it’s so much more intense than that.”

             
I nodded in agreement. It did feel good and it’s all I could think about. “Um, I’m gonna bring up a sore subject. Rachel. You said you did it with Rachel…” He interrupted me again.

             
“Aly, I’m not gonna rehash hat with you. It’s done. It’s over. It was a mistake. I don’t wanna talk about her any more. As for you and I, I like how I feel when I’m with you, you make me feel...” he hedged, “You make me feel new, awake. I don’t feel the urge to get fucked up anymore. I feel high just knowing you’re there.”

             
I gulped. The more he professed his affection for me, the more I was drawn in. We lay there for a long moment, silent, staring at each other. Every inch of me was wired. He reached up and touched my face, kissing me again, gentle and soft. I melted like wet sugar.

             
“You really have no idea what you do to me.” He declared rolling onto his back.

The fact was I did and I wasn’t going to make any more of it. We fell asleep at some point watching Animal House. Morning came too quickly and I was awakened by a knock at Jake’s bedroom door and his mother calling his name. I dashed into the bathroom and hid behind the door.

              “Yeah,” he shouted out.

             
I could hear Kate’s muffled voice. “Love, I’m sorry for waking you, but there’s a gal at the door for you, she says it’s important.”

             
I knew it was about me. If I went home wearing boy’s clothes I would never see the light of day or Jake ever again. My heart was pounding out of my chest. Shit, this is what I get for sneaking around. I was busted.

             
Jake jumped up opening the door and vanished. I leaned against the wall sinking on to the cool tiled floor. Next thing I heard was Nadine’s voice. She was in his room. As soon as he shut the door I walked out of the bathroom.

             
“You effing dogs, you,” Nadine said giving me a sly smile.

             
“Shut up,” I whispered. “Jake, where’s your mom.”

             
“She’s in her room. She went back in before I got to the door. I think you woke her up too,” He said looking at Nadine.

             
“I’m sorry.” Nadine offered, looking over to me. “Aly, we called over to your house this morning when you weren’t answering our texts and your cell went straight to voice mail. Dude, your sister answered the phone, she said you weren’t there, and we were like oh shit, and then she said she thought you were sleeping at Nicole’s house.” Nadine took a deep breath continuing. “So then, of course Nicole was sitting right next to me and we’re like, oh shit, she must be with Jake – and damn – here you are. Your sister said you’d better be home soon.”

             
“Oh my God, what the hell, you totally just gave me a heart attack. Oh, gahh!! My phone is ruined because of the pool water. Shit, I didn’t even think about that, it’s in the shorts pocket I was wearing last night.” I paced back and forth. “My clothes, my bag it’s at Nicole’s still. I’m going to have to tell my mom the phone fell in the pool, she’s gonna be pissed!”

             
“What do you want to do?” Nadine said gesturing at me.

             
“Nadine, will you please go get my bag, I’m begging you.” I held my hands in prayer under my chin.

             
Her face drooped. She was about to speak and Jake chimed in. “Nadine that would be sweet if you could do that.”

             
Her expression changed immediately when Jake asked her. What an ass kiss, I thought. I found it irritatingly humorous. Just like my sister said - “
Everyone kisses Jake’s ass
.”

Nadine was back
in no time. Jake released his warm arms from around me when she threw herself through his bedroom door. Why couldn’t she have taken just a little bit longer? She must have ran there and back. Why couldn’t my happy times drag by like I was in detention? No, only shitty times crawled by. I guess that’s part of the punishment, like the fucking universe just knows or something. With my bag slung over my shoulder, I stood unable to move. I didn’t want to leave. Staring at the rumpled sheets on the bed made me ache inside. I wanted him next to me all the time and it was getting more difficult to think of anything else but him. I pushed him from my head and got dressed, thinking about my impending volleyball practices which would keep me away from him. I wanted and needed to spend as much time with him before he left. Volleyball would just have to wait.

             
“The party’s over,” I said, somberly.

             
“Oh come on, everything’s chill. You’ll see,” he said walking up to me giving me a hug. “I would say text me later, but your phone is outta commission.”

             
"I’ll just see you later.” I wondered out loud.

             
“I have an extended band practice today. We’re going to a studio we’ve never been to later and I have no idea when I’ll be home. This week’s gonna be tough, I’m not gonna really be around.”

             
I knew this already,
thanks
for reminding me.

“
It’s a bummer and now I don’t have a phone. Hopefully my mom or Kyle will take me to get a new one.” I rambled. “All right, I’ll see you later.”

             
“I’ll see you soon.”

             
“This is kinda like ripping off a band aid,” I said laughing, trying to be light hearted.

             
“I’ll be home late, so when you see my bedroom light on, come over.”

             
A smile crept to my lips. “Ok, I’ll see you later then.” I stood on my tiptoes giving him a quick peck and breezed out. I quickly ran across the cool damp grass of our front lawns looking every which way to see if anyone was around. I took in a deep breath of relief when I arrived at my front door.

22

Rachel

              Jake’s voice echoed in my head –
“I’m sorry Rachel, I know it’s a clichéd thing to say, but I never meant to hurt you…”
- What the fuck? My mind spun outta control. This couldn’t be the end. I replayed every moment from the first time I saw Aly all the way to my epic win at the swimming pool. I wouldn’t let Jake slip away that easily. This was just a blip, a speed bump in our relationship. I couldn’t allow myself to believe after all that’s gone on these last two years and all the time spent together he would just throw it all away for some child. He would see soon enough, right? He’d have to. I wouldn’t be there helping him at the shows, cheering him on, supporting him. I wouldn’t be there to work the merchandise table, or to make sure the shows got promoted. I wouldn’t be there to get him whatever the fuck he wanted; beer, water, gum, earplugs or anything else. I started to hyperventilate and sank deeper into the passenger seat of Sienna’s car.

             
“As soon as I saw her lying on his bed that day…’

             
“Shit Rachel, I’m sorry, I really am. I don’t know what to say.” Sienna replied.

Of course, what could she say? The whole thing was just fucked.

“You could offer to take her out for me, or run her off the road, kick her ass or better yet, poison her?” I mumbled, through my tears.

             
“Rachel,
as if
…the best thing for you to do is act like it’s no big deal, right? But then again maybe you’re right, if you’re not around to help him anymore, then he’ll realize.”

             
I kept replaying in my mind the way Jake stood close to her, torturing myself. I just knew he was into her.

             
“Sienna, what am I gonna do?”

             
“Rachel, there isn’t anything you can do. One thing I’ll tell you
not
to do is be lame and vindictive, that will only piss Jake off,” she advised. “Just act like it’s no big deal. You can’t help what’s going on anyway. You of all people know how it is. He’s leaving on the road again and I hate to say it, but he’ll probably be hooking up with chicks all along the way.”

“So, you’re telling me that’s what Dump does, and you’re ok with it?” I replied dryly.
“Besides, we’re supposed to go with them this time.”

             
“Don’t be a bitch. What I do know is, whenever Dump’s on the road he’s calling me and texting me all the time, so what the fuck ever, Rachel.” She bit back, “Don’t be a bitch to me just because your shit isn’t working out. Dump and I’ve been together for a long time. Now if he was drinking and using, then I wouldn’t be surprised if that shit was goin’ down. But right now I believe he’s being faithful.”

             
“Whatever,” I hissed under my breath. I didn’t want to hear how perfect her relationship was with Dump. They made me puke with their little happy house shit. “If I didn’t tell the whole world about this party next weekend I’d not have one.”

             
“You’re so full of shit Rachel. Who cares if you’re seeing him or not.”

“Sienna, I’m in love with him,” I eeked out. The tears welled up in my eyes and ran down m
y cheeks.

             
By this time we were parked in front of Dump’s apartment. I stared at Sienna through my tears and apologized. “I’m sorry for being a bitch, but you have no idea what I’m going through right now, or what I’m feeling.”

             
Sienna reached out rubbing my arm. “Rach, look, I feel so bad for you and I know you want to hear that it’s all gonna be ok with Jake. But I don’t know. You’ve always just done what you do no matter what I say. You ask for advice and you do the opposite. You live by your own set of rules. I just feel like no matter what I say to you, nothing ever matters.”

             
“What
are
you trying to say?”