First Kiss (Heavy Influence) (23 page)

             
“I’m saying that it’s hard for me to tell you how I see things. One, because I don’t want to hurt your feelings and two, I just know my words will fall on deaf ears.”

             
“Why are you being so brutal? Really, Sienna? You wanna kick me while I’m down?”

             
She huffed and slammed her fists on the steering wheel. “You see? You see what I mean? Do you hear yourself? I’m trying to be honest with you, you cry and pour your heart out and expect me to tell you exactly what you want to hear? I can’t do that. The fact is that you can’t have everything your way, you can’t make Jake feel something for you when he doesn’t.”

I sobbed. Deep down inside I knew she was right, but I wanted to prove her wrong.

              Dump answered the door and saw my face.“What the hell’s wrong with you,” he asked, unconcerned, which didn’t surprise me. I couldn’t see how he had one caring bone, let alone enough affection in his body to show love to Sienna.

             
“Babe, she’s all torn up about Jake. You know he told her it was a mistake him sleeping with her and all and that it shouldn’t have happened.” Sienna explained as we walked into the living room. Dump plopped down on a sofa that had seen better days. His place made my skin crawl. It stunk like garbage and dog. I stood there not wanting to sit down. Sienna didn’t either.

             
“Let’s go, you know I can’t stand it here Dump, get up,” Sienna begged.

             
“Shit man, let me finish watching this, like 10 more minutes,” he responded.

             
“Dude, please tell me you haven’t started staying over here,” I whispered to Sienna.

             
“Yeah right, no, I never stay here.” She frowned.

             
“How do you stand it?”

             
“Uh, hello, it’s not him. It’s his depressed alcoholic mother, who doesn’t give a shit.” All of a sudden Sienna’s eyes lit up. “Dump’s been saving his money. I didn’t tell you, he’s moving out when they get back from tour.”

             
“Thank god, because it’s beyond super nasty in here, Sienna.” I said, looking around like I was in pain.

             
“All right bitches, let’s scoot.” Dump announced and grabbed his backpack off the floor near the door.

I needed to know if he knew what was going on between Jake and this
Alyssa.
“Hey Dump, I have a question, you know that girl, Jake’s next door neighbor? What’s her story anyway?”

             
"Aw man, yeah. I noticed a little. All I know is she’s his next door neighbor and he’s known her since she was three, so your guess is as good as mine.”

             
"Dump, I hate to ask you this, but will you please find out what's up," I begged, "You know how long I've been in love with Jake..."

Dump interrupted tossing his inked up arm in the air, a gesture for me to shut up.

              "That's chick shit I don't wanna get into. It’s not my fucking job."

             
Dump definitely had a short fuse, and I already knew I shouldn’t have asked. I was hoping he’d feel a little sympathy for me, but no, the only one he cared about was Sienna. I seethed with jealously about their bond. I wiped it from my brain, and focused on the party later on. Jake would be there with the band, and she wouldn’t be. At least I had that on my side.

***

              I took my time getting ready and spoke to my reflection - “
This is where it’s at Jake Masters, you’ll see.”

             
My parent’s arrived home while I was getting ready, and I was in no mood to see them. My mother irritated me. She was way too into her party planning – even though it was her job.

             
“Wow! Don’t you look beautiful!” my mom complimented. “Where are you off to, going out with Jake?”

             
Her question stabbed at my heart. I hadn’t mentioned anything to her. My mom and dad assumed Jake and I had been an item for a long time because he was all I ever talked about.

             
Sienna sent a text that she was waiting outside and I dashed out the door. Mike and Dump were already in the car. The temperature was finally cooling off. The warm breeze drifted over my bare shoulders like a blanket out of the dryer, soothing me only slightly.

             
“Wow, you look great,” Mike complimented. “Trying to win your man back I see.”

             
My momentary bliss was stifled by Mike’s bullshit comment. “You know what Mike, fuck you.”

             
“Come on, I get it, you know.” He yammered.

             
“So is it that obvious? That he’s made his decision? Why didn’t anyone tell me what was going on? You know I would have clued any of you in if you were in my shoes.”

             
“Hey man, we had no idea, she was only over there for a little while each time and he made it sound like it was no big deal, you know –
It’s my next door neighbor, we’ve been friends our whole lives
– shit like that.”

             
“Tell me.”

             
“It’s like he’s taken on the roll of her protector or some shit. Jake told me after I’d made some comment, for me not to give her anything, like no booze, no drugs, shit like that.”

             
“You shouldn’t be doing drugs anyway, you fuck,” Sienna chimed in.

             
“Yeah, whatever, you go on with your sober self,” Mike teased.

             
“I will and you’ll end up in a ditch dead someday,” Sienna warned.

             
Mike ignored her and I sat there stewing in my gloom. “So you think that it’s nothing more? But what about how he acted with her, was I seeing things?”

             
“No, I saw it too, he wants some of that.” Mike confirmed.

My stomach hardened like a rock.

              “What can he possibly see?” I sulked, honestly perplexed.

             
“Well, she’s hot for one thing.”

             
“So I guess you like plain then,” I stated.

             
“She’s innocent in a teasing kind of way. There is definitely something there and he likes it.”

             
“Yeah, and so do you, apparently.”

“If Jake wasn’t into her I’d probably see what she’s all about.”

              “Really,” I said smartly, pulling my arms in tighter to my chest.

Mike’s admission got my wheels turning. Maybe if Mike got Aly’s attention. That’s it, if Mike li
ked Aly enough to go after her…

My mood lightened.
I felt lighter than I did in hours.

23

Jake

I’d never been the type of person to openly and publically show affection for someone I liked, until now. Recalling everything that went down that night made my head spin. I found myself feeling something new, jealousy. Recalling how it yanked at me the first time I caught Mike staring at Aly, and how I blew it off. This time it was different, the anger more intense, rage brewing inside my gut. The more I became attached to her, the more prevalent the feelings became. I actually wanted to fight Mike as I watched him pour out sweet apologies. I’d never seen this side of him. He was trying to make some sort of impression on Aly. The way he looked at her intently like he really cared about what she had to say, smiling kindly. He kept whispering in her ear and touching her arm. What the hell was going on? Was Mike coming onto her, or was I totally outta my mind?

I looked over at Aly taking her hand. I wanted her to know not to pay any mind to what Allison had said.

              “Aly, what Allison said back there, about me being on the road? What’s seen or heard isn’t always what’s really goin’ on,” I explained.

             
“Jake, it’s ok, really, I’m not stupid. I see how these girls look at you. The guys are as into you as the girls are.” She returned my gaze, rubbing the top of my hand softly with her fingertips, sending chills up my arm. “It’s just weird to see everyone all gaga over you. You’re just Jake to me.”

             
“I don’t think it’s that way, Aly.” I tried to shrug off her sentiment. It made me feel embarrassed. “I mean, I’m stoked to have everyone into the music, that’s for sure, but I’m not sure about anything else,” I replied, trying to laugh it off.

My words didn’t match my feelings. I was very aware. Things had changed since we appeared on
local news segments and got our one and only music video aired on Fuel & Havoc TV. Getting on the Warped Tour schedule the prior summer for several dates is when it really changed. Our hard work was finally paying off, and getting on this other upcoming tour was huge.

I was living my dream and I wanted Aly to share it with me.

“I’m sure it’ll only get worse, well, not worse…you know what I mean, more in your face,” She said, grabbing me away from my thoughts.

“Right, I guess it’s the price we pay, when and if we make it. But it doesn’t have to be out of control. That type of celebrity is one
in a billion.” I laughed, but my stomach sank. “Think about how many bands there are trying to do what we’re doing. The odds of that kind of attention, success and fame,” I paused at the sobering thought. “Well, I don’t wanna get depressed thinking about the odds.”

That fact was true, but it never dissuaded me. I fully believed I would be there someday. No doubt in my mind I would be making music for a living the rest of my life, “I just want to make a living playing music.”

“It looks to me like you’re on your way,” She said encouragingly. Her little smirk and head tilt did it to me every time. I wanted to take her in my arms and protect her from all the bullshit and keep her from getting scuffed up by harsh realities.

The nervous excitemen
t gnawed at me watching Aly skip to my front door disappearing into the shadows. Everything sped by too quickly and we were in my room and Aly was cleaning up from her pool incident. Another test was about to be dumped into my lap. I sat in front of my computer trying not to think of her naked, in the shower, only a few feet away from me. I laughed at myself, rubbing my hands over my face. What the hell was I thinking? Seriously, I was gonna get in some serious trouble if I couldn’t keep it under control.

             
As much as I was sober I felt buzzed from the adrenaline.

***

I found Aly standing out on the patio and I drifted to her side. My actions weren’t what my mind was telling me to do. Before I knew it I was having my first real taste of her and a current ran through me like no other. My brain scrambled and I had to stop before I spun out of control. Her clean sweet smell mixed with the warmth of her mouth was intoxicating. I pulled away from her and sat down on the nearby lounge burying my face in my hands. She had absolutely no idea the power she had. I was so wound up I could have run to the bathroom to toss one off.

             
Aly wasn’t as naïve as I thought. Feeling her warm skin pressed against mine, the warning bells were at an all time high. I kicked myself for wanting her to stay the night again. I was in deep and sinking fast, way more quickly than I imagined possible.

I didn’t give a shit if I drowned.

24

Jake

My dreams w
ere so vivid. They had me feeling like I hadn’t fallen back to sleep and that Aly never left my side. I was inspired by all the new energy coursing through me. I decided I wanted to change things up a bit with the music. What would the guys say when I told them I wanted to write a couple of love songs? The thought made me laugh. They would think I was the gayest ever, that’s what they’d think. Fuck’em, if they didn’t like it, they could walk. It’s not like I wanted to sing an R&B ballad. Getting up I paced around. I picked up my phone, thinking about dialing Notting’s number. I really needed someone to talk to, someone that wasn’t my mother.

After four rings, Notting finally answered. “Hello, Son.”

“Hey Not, um, do you have some time to talk?” I hedged, unsure if I should involve him, now wishing I hadn’t called.

“Of course,” he said. “Shoot.”

“Are you gonna be at practice today?” I said, deciding not to say anything.

“Not unless you want me to be, why?”

“Oh, it’s nothing, never mind. It isn’t a big deal.”

“Jake, when was the last time you’ve asked if I’d be there? And you want me to believe somethi
ng important isn’t on your mind?” He responded, paternally.

I si
ghed, Notting knew me too well.

“I wanna try something new with the music. I mean
, not a huge departure, I suppose.”

“What do your mates think?”