First Kiss (Heavy Influence) (27 page)

One more night, then what?

27

Alyssa

Kyle was such a girl. He could never get out of the house like any normal guy. Sitting there for what seemed like fifteen minutes I got fed up and went back into the house shouting his name.

“Are you ready?” I shouted more
.

“Yeah, you
talk to mom?”

“Yep, she’s cool.”

              On my way back out my sister appeared at the top of the stairs.

             
“Where you guys going?” Allison asked, with a dry attitude.

             
“Shopping,
like it’s any of your business
.” I snapped, mocking her with her own words.

             
“I would watch it with the smart ass remarks,” she warned.

             
“Oh, really, what, what are you gonna do? Tell mom and dad about Jake? Well, go ahead, then I’ll just have to share how you’ve been having Owen stay the night right under their nose!” I shouted at her as Kyle stood next to me, listening in horror.

Her eyes flashed with concern, for a brief second. “Oh please, Aly, like they’d believe that desperate attempt.” She laughed nervously, looking down at Kyle. “You have no proof, you’re just making it up.”

“Yeah, well,” I paused, I didn’t want to blurt it out, but it came out anyway. “Well, they’d believe Kyle, he knows too!”

             
“Damnit, Aly, don’t drag me into this,” Kyle begged, backing away from my contaminated dialog.

             
“Don’t be such a puss, Kyle. She’s always pushing you around, like she’s knows everything. She’s just jealous because Jake’s hanging out with me, and she’s stuck with some second rate wanna be musician who only wishes he was Jake!” I spat, cruelly.

             
Allison came flying down the stairs with fire in her eyes and I ducked behind Kyle.

             
“You little bitch!” she shouted, reaching out to strangle me. They stumbled around as Kyle tried to hold her off.

             
“Allison calm down!” he said shoving her away. I ran into the kitchen.

             
“You think your all that? You’ll be broken all over the floor when he uses you, or better yet, when you don’t cave into him and he dumps you!” she yelled and her words scalded me.

That was it, the dam broke and the tears were flowing down my face. Allison turned, making her way into the kitchen with Kyle right on her tail and I followed slowly.

              There was a long silence.

             
“Oh, come on, you talk like you’re all big shit and now this?” said Allison and she laughed in my face. “You’re such a baby, Alyssa.”

             
“Shut up! Just shut the fuck up already! I hate you and all the bullshit you stand for!” I shrieked. “Do what you want Allison. I don’t care. Come on Kyle, let’s go.”

Kyle and I didn’t say a word all the way to the mall and all I could do was sit there sniveling, doing that hiccup-air-snort thing from crying too hard.

Our shopping spree was fast and resolute. Kyle didn’t argue with my suggestions and demands, ending up with a pair of black Levi’s and a black, subtly printed short sleeve button up. We arrive at the hair salon an hour later and I gave Kyle’s name for the wait list and waited patiently for one the hairdressers. The girls in this salon were the edgy, tattooed kind, like the girls who worked at the MAC makeup counter at the department store.

A petite ghost white girl with tattoos up and down both of her arms walked behind the counter. She had porcelain white skin. The colorful images on her arms were a work of art on a living canvas. The intricate detail I would have thought impossible on skin, but there it was. She opened her mouth and called out Kyle’s name and a glint of shiny silver metal caught my eye. She had her tongue pierced. Kyle looked at me to make a move, nudging me. I think he was scared of her.

“Hi,” I said standing. “My brother, Kyle, he needs something a little bit…not so nerdy.”

Kyle shot me a cross look and punker girl laughed sweetly.

“Hmm, I can see that,” she said smiling and winked at him. “I think I can help. Follow me. I’m Tracy, by the way.”

“Thanks, Tracy!” I chirped. Hopeful Kyle would come back looking cool.

Kyle leered at me and reluctantly walked away with her and an hour later he was back with a stylish choppy cut, a bit like Jake’s, but shorter.

Spending the afternoon with my brother was a rarity. Fig
hting with my sister wasn’t. We arrived back home and I stood at our front door hoping I could make it to my bedroom without seeing her. I wasn’t that lucky. Allison stood at the top of the stairs. She didn’t look mad. She looked sad.

What now? I wondered.

“What’s wrong with you? Did you tell on me to mom or something? Where’s your happy smile?”

“You’re so lame, Aly. Yeah, I want to tell mom, so she can try and save you from yourself and yeah, I admit, at first I was a little jealous about Jake. But that’s not the reason why I’m concerned.”

              She was uncommonly
calm
.

             
“Why are you such a bitch about everything? Ever since you found out, you’ve been ten times worse,” I pointed out. “You and everyone else thinks he someone he’s not. I’ve spent a lot of time with him, Allison, like late nights and he’s never once tried to get in my pants.”

             
She stared at me with an amazed look. “Well, I’m glad to hear that. I don’t know what to think about it.” She shook her head slowly. “Owen, he’s a great guy and he really cares about me. So don’t be lame saying those shitty things, calling him a wannabe. You don’t know him,” she said bitterly and scolded me.

I
knew I deserved it. The remorse filled me like floodwater.

             
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to call him a wannabe,” I said regretfully.

             
“Aly, just watch your back. Don’t be naïve. I don’t want you to get hurt or pregnant or anything else.”

             
“I know. I get it, I promise.” I huffed. Irritated that at every turn I was hearing similar warnings. “And for your information, he’s even said it himself, that I’m not ready.”

             
“You talked about it?” she asked surprised.

“Yea
h, we talk about a lot, Allison.” I paused taking in her sincere disposition, which was taking me completely off guard. “It’s been easy with Jake, never lame or awkward for either of us. I feel comfortable with him. I’m just me, like I am with you and it’s no big deal.”

             
She stood staring at me, looking intently at my face. I got the impression she wanted to say something, so I waited.

             
“I can see why he likes you, you’re probably the only normal thing in his life right now,” she said trailing off.

I could tell she had some sort of an issue with it.

“Aly, I want to tell you something, because I think it’s time,” she said and walked to the sofa sitting down. “Come here.” She pointed to the chair our father always sat in. “I never thought I’d ever say anything to anyone. You know, until you started seeing Jake that is. Now it’s something that keeps popping in my head, like I see the same thing happening to you, or, not that it would happen to you, but I don’t want it to happen to you. You know, like history repeating itself.”

I was riveted. I had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. My imagination went wild while she was contemplating her next words. My heart sank when I thought she was about to tell me Jake and her hooked up
and he dumped her. I bet that’s what it was! They hooked up and they promised never to say anything to anyone. That’s why she was acting like a super bitch about Jake.

My stomach went sick.

“There’s only one other person who knows about this, and it’s mom.” Huh? What?
“You can ask her if you want, but if you ask her, you’ll have to tell her why I told you. You have to be the one to tell her about Jake.” she whispered. “Dad has no idea.”

As soon as Allison and I became old enough to have our own friends we barely ever spoke. I never knew her to be so serious with me. She never seemed to care much for me, other than bitching out Rachel, and that was a first.

“Do you remember Justin?”

“Yeah and you cried all the time.”

“Do you realize when that was going on I was the age you are now? And that he was older than me, he was 19.”

“I didn’t realize the age thing. I just
recall he had a car.”

“Aly, I got pregnant by Justin
when I was fifteen and I had an abortion,” she spoke softly, her words barely audible.

My heart sank. This was not what I expected hearing, and I couldn’t believe my mother of all people would keep something like this from my father. Allison looked at me waiting for my reply, but I was speechless.

She continued. “It was a really fucked up time for me, Aly. I was really in love with him and when I told him I was pregnant he started being a jerk and he said he didn’t believe me. When I took one of those pee stick tests at his house proving it, he immediately talked abortion. He left it on me to figure out. He blamed me because I wasn’t on the pill. He said that once I took care of it we could see each other again.”

“Allison
, I’m sorry. I can’t believe it,” I choked out, subdued.

Tears began to form as I watched my sister fight her own from falling down her cheeks. Sh
e buried her face in her hands. “Yeah, it was really messed up. The worst part is I tried to take care of it myself, going to one of those free clinics, and they didn’t get it all, and I got really sick and passed out in the kitchen, right in front of Mom. When I came to I was in the ambulance. I had to tell them and her, what happened, obviously.” She looked back up at me, mortified by her confession. “Dude, they didn’t get it all out.” She repeated herself, making sure I understood, and my shock lurched.

“What?” I asked, horrified. “What’s that suppose to mean?”

“They didn’t get all of the fetus out, parts of it were still left inside me,” she explained. “I felt so dirty and so, like, damaged. I still do, I haven’t had sex with anyone since. Owen’s a great guy. He’s the first one in a long time not to pressure me.”

We sat in silence for a long moment. I felt sorry for my sister. I took her hand in mine rubbing the top and
then hugged her tight. When I pulled back she was tear streaked and that made me start crying too.

“Stop it. We don’t need to get all emo about this. I didn’t tell you to gross you out, or make a statement or anything like that. I just don’t want you to have to go through anything remotely like what I had to go through, not even having to make the choice of hav
ing an abortion or not. I mean you can catch diseases and shit, Aly.”

“What did mom say?” I asked, timidly.

“By the time I realized what was really going on because I was so out of it, I was out of surgery. They had to go back in and clean everything out they should have gotten the first time. Mom was pretty scared. She cried a lot, beating herself up pretty bad, wondering what she’d done wrong for me to feel that I couldn’t go to her. That’s when our relationship changed, for the better. I could have died, Aly. The doctor said it was like getting poisoned. If I would have passed out in my room, alone, who knows what would have happened.”

“Wow. This is insane news.” I grappled with its hardcore meaning.

“And that bastard had the balls to try and go out with me again, can you believe that?”

“What did you say to him?”

“I told him off, what do you think I said?” She laughed, scornfully. “If a guy ever treats you badly you better get the hell out of there and fast, it won’t ever get better. An asshole will always be an asshole.”

“Th
anks for telling me. I love you,” I said, giving her another hug.

I couldn’t remember the last time I told my sister I loved her.

28

Jake

I don’t think I ever recalled being bummed about leaving to go on tour, but I was. I was already missing Aly and
it wasn’t even the beginning. Sitting in my truck I thought about what we’d do the next time we were together. I wanted it to be memorable since I’d be gone for so long. The hot tub popped in my head, maybe Malibu or The Getty Museum.

I was seriously tired
of everyone, but Aly. Mike was turning into a total tool, and every day that went by I regretted choosing him to be in the band. Not only was he not agreeing with the creative direction I wanted to go in, he was constantly asking about or referring to Aly, but in ways that I couldn’t accuse him of coveting. He had the nerve to give me shit about how I was letting her influence me, as well as the bands direction.

I thought Mike would fit in. He had me sold in the beginning.
In fact, I had to convince Bobby and Dump to let Mike in, now Dump was in the “
I told you so
” mode. Dump warned me that Mike was a total liability with his drug and alcohol use, but who was I to judge? I liked to drink and smoke weed now and then. I chalked up Dump’s doubts to his recovery, not wanting to have those things near him. Now looking back I had blinders on, only seeing Mike’s ability to play the guitar.